What should I put in my "man trap" to catch a good man?
I’ve got a box, a stick, some string… And I’m all set to catch a man!
The only problem is, I’m not sure what to use for bait. I’ve used cheetos, beer and porn in the past and keep catching ones I want to set free again back into the wild. What should I put in my man trap in order to catch a good one that I want to keep around for a while?
Theater tickets, wine and good books only catch a certain kind of man too. They’re good to have around for shopping buddies, but… yeah.
Any suggestions? Any tried and true methods for man catching?
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124 Answers
Put some PBJ sandwiches under that box.
A good wine & black lingerie. Forget the porn. After you get to know him long enough, you can do your own.
Make piles. You can make a porn-cheetos-beer pile, next to a wine-books-theater tickets pile, next to a cohen bros-jud apatow pile, next to a casablanca-woman in the dunes pile. Make the piles similar, or at least analogous to your own piles. Then, be vewwy, vewwy quiet.
It really depends on what kind of man you’re going after. If you’re willing to sacrifice quality for quantity, put a kegger and a beer pong table under one and watch the magic happen.
Maybe trapping a man is not the right approach.
@avvooooooo: The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Stupid, I know, but I have no idea how to catch a man. I like nerds. All I need to catch a man is breasts.
Forget the box. Just think of yourself. Do what makes you happy, confident really feeling good about yourself. When you are not trying and are successful and happy in your own life they will come to you…and you will be surprised how many…not only quantity but quality…and if it doesn’t work for you at least you will be happy with yourself and that is better than being with a bad guy any day!
A TV remote control.
Pork rinds.
Buffalo Wings.
Depends on how stereotypical you want to get.
a platter of ethiopian food. mmm.
The box and stick method is hardly foolproof. You may have actually lured men already only to have a particularly clever specimen spring the trap and run off with your beer. I suggest a hardier snare, perhaps a covered pitfall. It should be at least 7 ft deep so the rascal can’t claw his way out before you arrive with your tranq gun.
@KatawaGrey I’ve got plenty of those… :D
@filmfann That got me the porn crowd! Oh, and the sports fan crowd which is almost as bad!
@deni I wish I could find some around here!
@fundevogel Good point…
I suggest man repellent. Whatever ones still show up might be worth keeping.
It’s a joke, people. Calm down.
Oh yay! @markyy has turned up!
@avvooooooo Long enough is when you’ve been having sex long enough to go beyond the norm & start getting kinky with it. ;-)
This question really doesn’t translate well into Dutch: box.
You don’t need a trap, sometimes men just need that extra push. If you’re tired of waiting for them and are building traps, maybe a better use of your time would be to make the first move yourself. Why do women always assume men have to ask them first =) Oh, wait I forgot this is a silly thread, put one of your famous grilled cheese sandwiches in there (@KatawaGrey is really onto something).
Ps. Great question, but I was expecting a question asking how tall us jellies are :p
@jbfletcherfan You know me so well! LOL!
@markyy How tall are ya? How long do I have left on the GC timer?
And LOL for box!
Oh. You want The Most Interesting Man in the World!
Well, here at the Men’s Emporium, we offer guaranteed effective man bait for most every kind of man there is.
However, what you probably want is one of our Man Safety classes. This is where we teach you to trap and safely handle any type of man you are interested in. In this class, you will learn that it is not so much bait that matters (after all, are not you the only bait that matters? Hmmmm?) but the way in which the bait is offered and the way in which the man is handled safely, so as not to get bitten, trampled on, hit by wild fists, and also so as to not trample the man’s spirit with iron bands. You’d be surprised at how many customers we have who think that’s what they want to do.
Anyway, we can help you out, however you decide to go about it, but be warned, our prices are not cheap. Especially if it’s The Most Interesting Man in the World you are after!
@avvooooooo I already mentioned that somewhere here on Fluther, you’re a lousy stalker.. 6ft8ish – 6ft9ish. A timer? 295 weeks before I come and get it myself.
Ps. What’s a good man repellent? I seem to have an infestation of working men showing serious builders crack (don’t worry, no images :p).
@markyy Woohoo! Just say something about marriage or commitment and see them run the other way. Especially if its 6’9” sasquach talkin’ about how purty someone is and would they like to play house. ;)
I’m just a lousy stalker because I’m too short to see in windows! And I can’t get my tree climbing on if I can’t reach the bottom branch!
@markyy Man repellent can take the form of pads, tampons, pregnancy tests… You get the idea. :D
@avvooooooo (Have I ever told you I love typing in your name manually and watch the preview to tell me to stop typing in more o’s?). And who are you calling a sasquach, shorty? But on a more serious note, save the marriage talk for the second date. And do make sure they have never seen Arrested Development http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Marry+me!.
@DrasticDreamer Something tells me you’ve been hanging out with the wrong men, or maybe boys is a better description :p
@everyone Oh, come on, guys! I’m trying to have fun stereotyping people for once. You’re not making it easy! :D
Urgh, way too many trouble for such a stupid joke..
Maybe you need to improve your aim by getting your snapper more aligned with your encephalon. Or vice versa.
Some one mentioned boobs. Yes, boobs would be a good thing to put in a man trap. And a butt. And a football, a basket ball, and baseball. And Beer. Beer is OK, Jack Daniels is not. You don’t want a man who drinks Jack Daniels as his preference. And no porn unless you don’t care if he’s into porn…
Also, yes, a remote BUT, if you really want a GOOD catch, put in a hammer, some nails a screw gun, a broom, screws, wash clothes, dish soap, pots and pans, diapers and a level. But put those things sort of in the corners, so he doesn’t see them till he’s been introduced to the boobs and butts. If he decides to stay after seeing the hammer and the nails and the diapers, you got yourself a guy!
@Val123 I wish I could give you a hundred GAs!
@avvooooooo I’ll help you out, 98 left to go.
@Val123 But what if he incorporates all of those items into the previous mentioned act involving the boobs and but?
@avoooowwwyy It’s the thought that counts!
@markyy Well, the boobs and butts, obviously will be the cause of the diapers! But well, dish soap is OK, I mean, whatever trips your trigger! (I should have put baby oil next the diapers, huh!) But you have a point. If he gets kinky with the pots and pans and the level not to MENTION the hammer, you could have a problem!
@Val123 Dishes, pots, pans, tools and all in a big box.. Sounds to me like Ikea, maybe I should go looking for a trap there tomorrow.
Put the things you like,
It is more important to decide what NOT to put in the box…..
If you detest drinkers, don’t put beer,
if you don’t want a smoker, don’t put tobacco,
if you don’t want a preacher, don’t put a Bible,
Better yet, stop looking, and you will find each other, when you least expect it.
Tell you what. I’ll set up my man trap next to yours. Most guys see what’s in my trap and run headlong the other way out of fear and disgust. They won’t expect another trap right there, so you’ll have the elements of surprise and confusion on your side.
I read a voo doo story once where a woman baked a pie and put a drop of her menstrual blood in the filling and fed it to a man to enchant him.
@ubersiren Was it a cherry pie? Wink, wink :p
@avvooooooo Eeeeew blood, I’m out.. Crap I just failed the man-repellent test, didn’t I?
@markyy Didn’t say I was going to do it… I think the boobies are enchanting enough!
A “good man”? Hmm, that one’s going to be hard. I hear they like mud wrestling because they think a boob will pop out. Maybe you can put a mud wrestling ring in your trap?
WAIT! WAIT! Belay the mantrap I gave you! If you catch someone in it it’ll probably be my husband and THEN there’ll seven kinds of hell to pay because I’D wanna know WHAT he was doing falling into other women’s man traps!!
This is a very entertaining question with some very entertaining answers.
@laureth : LOL!
@Val123 If I catch one with a wedding ring that wanders in by mistake, I’ll set him free! :D
@avvooooooo Isn’t it customary in hunting to put the critically wounded out of their misery? Crap, just failed the second test..
Uhoh… Don’t know what andrew is taking to so long to craft… Anticipation and apprehension are building! ;D
@markyy Don’t make me get a step ladder so I can smack ya!
Oh, how I love this question.
See, your problem isn’t really trapping the man—it’s storing him afterward. Man-habitat is very tricky—you need to stock it with interesting things to do, something worthwhile for your man-catch to work on, and above all, a healthy amount of space (but not so much that he injures himself or wanders off).
Also, if your man-catch depends on you for food, then he’s too weak to survive anyway.
Sometimes, if you’re very, very lucky, after you’ve tended the man-habitat for a bit, you’ll realize that the strange bundle of twigs in the corner that you always thought was interesting is actually a woman-trap made by your man-catch, and that you’ve been living in a woman-habitat the whole time as well.
There. Have 8 GQs. See what award you get next.
@andrew GA! A woman-trap in a man-cave.. That’s what I call the laundry pile.. Rimshot..
Ps. Could someone please take over, I’m running out of bad jokes! And I have a feeling I’m going to have to write a thousand sorry notes to pissed of women, who hate me for this anti-emancipated comment.
The trick with a man animal is that it is always interested in adventure.. much like a dog who can’t seem to concentrate for too l SQUIRREL!! What you need to do is find a way to… BEER! ... as I was saying.. the man animal is very difficult to domesticate… it is quite common for them to make simple mistakes during their training.. such as leaving the toilet seat up.. or FOOTBALL!!
When the man starts to lose interest it might just be because he felt he has already explored everything in its cage.. thusly it is important to always hide part of his domain from him.. revealing only parts of it at a MONSTER TRUCK! The most important thing is to CAMPING! and definitely avoid those things that MOTORCYCLE!
The best advice I could give you is to say that THONG!
The best advice I could give you is to say that MINI SKIRT!
The best advice I could give you is to…. wait.. what are we talkin about again?
be yourself, don’t be uptight, don’t check his email or phone, don’t hassle him if he has a ‘secret’ porn stash..have a sense of humor about yourself…make your own money so that anything you want for yourself you can afford and you don’t put that pressure on him, learn how to give a great BJ and know how to make great spaghetti and brownies.
@JulieJewel She did say a “good” man. Not a selfish one with things to hide.
I’d put one clear hooker high heel should lure someone in there. ;P
The key is to make him think that it was his idea to get under that box.
Ahhhhhhh @jamielynn2328 has it… you need to create a man cave in that box. He’ll think the man cave fairy left it there just for him. Then, you can snare him once he’s all comfy and napping on the couch after eating a bag of chips.
Why do you want to catch one?
@rooeytoo Well, see, they’re all allergic to her. She’s hoping that if she can keep them in a confined space close to her, they’ll get cured so that they can…you know. Do things.
I always walk into a trap when it has hot prepared food. But I jump free when I hear “So how was your day” or “I want to talk with your”. Never found one without the other.
Maybe you can catch a bunch and use the parts to make the best one!
Oddly enough, there is this kid in one of my classes who is absolutely gorgeous but he looks like someone did make him out of all the parts that most women find attractive. I want to check if he has a belly button…
Hmmmm. An apartment in NYC, a house in San Francisco, a “cottage” in Dominica. Oh, and two tickets for the world jazz tour. And a pair of your tango shoes, one knocked over, ever so carefully so it rests against the other one. Yup. That oughtta catch one. ‘Course, it probly wouldn’t be the kind you like, but hey, it’s a man, in’it?
@daloon: Was that under the box that caught you? Also, I agree that there is something alluring about a woman’s pair of heels a little bit askew like that.
@Val123 They’re not allergic to me!
@avvooooooo Ah! I see. I think….? You’re allergic to them? that’s pretty much as bad!
@Val123 No, I’m allergic to… Nevermind!
Mac ‘n’ Cheese!!! I love me some o’ that. Yum.
@PooperDood To get you all a women would have to do is put some Mac and Cheese in the trap??? Ladies? What DO you make of that?! LOL!
I dunno… Mac ‘n cheese might catch me too! But then… I’d have to fight over it. I don’t know that I’d want to share my mac ‘n cheese!
I make very good mac and cheese. Everyone has said so for years and years.
@pdworkin Obviously, it’s not Krafts. So, give it up. Details, Man!!
It’s no big secret. I use a mixture of cheeses, none of them anything like Kraft; I take the time to make a nice™ bechamel sauce with 4% milk (this is not a low-fat dish) and I use a largish, enamel baking dish so that it will be crispier. Also I use good pasta, with a nice shape, and I don’t overcook it before I add the sauce to it. On the top goes freshly grated Reggiano parmeggiana.
@pdworkin Dude. Break it down. What is a bechamel sauce.
You make a roux with good organic unsalted butter and unbleached flower, cook it until it begins to color, then whisk in the milk to make a sauce which you will stir into the pasta along with the shredded cheese. I also add a tiny bit of a good hot sauce (like Cholula).
Why not put yourself in the box??
@ItalianPrincess1217 Because if I was in the box, I wouldn’t be able to pull the string to jerk out the stick and catch the man! ;)
Good point! But hey, maybe if you were in the box, there’d be no need to trap him. He’d want to stay on his own free will :)
@avvooooooo if you get a guy in the box, i don’t the string is the thing he’ll want jerked…
Act like a lesbian. Get another woman in your trap and make out with her. Men can’t stay away. Good ones are even captured by the thought of two women making out. I should know. Jenn and I have no trouble attracting men…
@KatawaGrey I wish. No, the only thing even remotely close was the tango heels, only they weren’t heels (bare feet), and it wasn’t the tango (a different kind of dance altogether—you might call it a kind of contemporary folk dance—sort of a cross between Gabrielle Roth and Barefoot Boogie, only with live music). Hmmm. Like to see that in a man-trap!
@pdworkin Thanks. But….I don’t think you mentioned what type of cheese you grate into it, other than the Reggiano parmeggiana on top….
That depends what I find at the cheese store. Maybe a mild cheddar, a sharp cheddar, some Emmenthaler, fresh Mozzarella, Fontina. Mix and match. I like to use 4 or 5 different cheeses.
But I’ve found that cheeses like cheddar tend to lump and are a bit grainy. Any cure for that?
Not if you melt them into a bechamel sauce first.
@avvooooooo we did? hrm. you know what i like about whole foods? all the samples.
@eponymoushipster Yeah, well… just make use of that glory hole over there and see what happens.
@mattebrowne said, “Be yourself.” Man, don’t do THAT @arkadoooo! You’ll never catch a man!!!
@Val123 If she shouldn’t be herself, who should she be? Vanna White?
Damn! If only we were together in person, I could tell if these are straight lines or if the irony is dripping from every sneer. I’m good, either way.
@daloon She’s one of my favorite Fluthers! She’d be disappointed if I didn’t hang it on her! You’ll get to know me soon enough…I’d never say something like that seriously…
@Val123 Unless we interact on a daily basis, it is unlikely that I’ll ever feel like I know you. I don’t seem to be able to keep track of people in my mind any more. It’s kind of embarrassing, because every time I kind of start interacting with someone again, I can’t remember anything I learned the last time. Who am I kidding? Even if the contact stays fairly regular, I won’t remember. It kind of sucks for me. Not only do I look like an asshole, but it is very very frustrating to know I know something, but be unable to remember it. Sometimes I’ll research our past interactions, but that isn’t always easy. Ok, so that was a long winded way of saying, “please don’t feel insulted if I never get to know you.” It’s not because I don’t want to. It’s because I’m a bit disabled in that area.
@daloon No worries…but…I’ll be thinkin’ of you. Maybe if you put a tattoo of Val123 on the map on your butt, where Kansas is supposed to be, you won’t forget about me!
@Val123 Oh tack it on. It’s just a jpeg, anyway.
Someone just sent me this poem and I thought I would throw it in for you, hehehe
—He didn’t like the casserole
And he didn’t like my cake
He said my biscuits were too hard
Not like his mother used to make
I didn’t perk the coffee right
He didn’t like the stew
I didn’t mend his socks
The way his mother used to do
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue
Then I turned around and smacked the shit out of him…
Like his mother used to do!—
Well, you can be yourself and improvise a little. I guess some men might be impressed by women being able to recite all major baseball game results from 1980 till 1999. An ambitous women could memorize the numbers over a rainy weekend. It really depends. Some men might be impressed if you know stuff about dogs, while others would be truly impressed if you told them what happens to Schroedinger’s cat.
Muhahahaha… Man traps can be effective! :D
Quality cheese, fireworks and Adult Swim videos.
Sometimes you set a trap and what you catch is too much to handle. Too dangerous to keep. Too dangerous to let go. What do you do then?
@chyna LOL!
Wanna borrow my… nevermind!
@chyna Hmmmm. That happened to me once…..~
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Ok, it was in a dream, but still…...
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