To ask, or not to ask -- that is the question.

I say suck it up. The last thing you want to do is start comparing yourself to other friends and trying to figure it out. And you certainly can’t ask about it. Just try to forget about it.

You gotta let that one slide. It probably has nothing to do with you.

A gift is a gift, and you should never expect to receive one, just be thankful when you do.

How long have you known her? When you think about it, do you think she’s known the other people she did make the gift for longer than she’s known you? If she’s known you the same amount of time as she’s known the other people, there’s definitely a possibility that she’s just been really busy and didn’t have the time.

It also just occurred to me that she may have, for whatever reason, thought you might like what she did end up giving you better than the other gifts you mentioned. Do you think that’s a possibility?

For now, I say let it slide. However, feel free to drop some hints about how amazing you think the other gifts are, but not yet. Let some time go by, and then compliment her on the awesome job she did on the other gifts. Not in such a way that isn’t meaningful, obviously. Just be honest and let her know you really think they’re awesome. Maybe when your next birthday rolls around she’ll keep it in mind.

Let it go.
You admit that she has been busy at work. That may or may not have been the reason, but don’t feel slighted.
Maybe she is saving for something you really need, like underwear.
You know, for Global Warming.

I am a crafter. I used to craft things for people at work and such, especially on their birthdays. That said, crafting is a lot of work, and sometimes I was just not up for it. Especially if I didn’t know the person very well, or for very long. Not everyone appreciated it, and then I got kind of sick of being expected to put out. So I kind of stopped.

Like @DrasticDreamer said, maybe next year she will know you better.

And, happy birthday. :)

You didn’t mention the type of relationship you have with this woman. Perhaps she didn’t feel comfortable or think it appropriate to hand make a gift for a married man? I sometimes find myself in a similar predicament with men other than my partner.

You mentioned that she hasn’t been a friend for very long and that she is very busy. I agree with the person that said she might have gotten you what she did because she thought you would like that more. Add in the busy part- I would just let it slide.

@daloon, I have also agree with @DrasticDreamer and @laureth. I used to make wonderful cakes for people’s birthdays, and got very tired of doing so when it became expected, people started putting in requests, critiquing my efforts, and when work would still be absolutely nuts, with long hours, and I would have to go home and create this cake because it was expected.

Happy Birthday!!!

Did you give her a gift on her birthday?

I would also add, if a friend notices, that’s the person you say, “I have no idea why I didn’t get one, I was looking forward to it.”

Let it go. Get her something nice for an unbirthday if you want. Friendships never have equal balance pans at every moment. Perhaps this has nothing to do with you, but as others here have mentioned, something in her life or psyche.

I think maybe daloon has fallen asleep at the keyboard, or this is going to be a reallllllllly long response.

Friendships sometimes have weird protocols. We have friends that for 30 years, the wife throws the husband a birthday dinner on his birthday, and the husband throws the wife a birthday dinner on her birthday. Nothing elaborate, dinner at home, usually 12 guests. Every year I go to both parties and take tasteful gifts, because they are close friends.

They have never once given me a birthday present, because I’ve never had a birthday party.

@DrasticDreamer In the past, I told her how much I admired the gifts. I’m not sure if I remember this correctly, but I think she mentioned that she would be making one for me on my birthday.

But yeah. I agree with most of the answers. There’s nothing to be done. I guess I’m just venting. It just hurts.

@rooeytoo It’s not really an issue. She’s a lesbian (in a longstanding relationship).

Try to not let it hurt. Better for you and better for her and best for the friendship.

@daloon Yeah, try not to let it hurt. She may have been busy, or truly thought that you’d like what she gave you better. :) She thought of you though, so that’s what counts.

I would chalk it up to time constrained. Let it go.

I agree with the people here who say let it go. Sometimes, the answer isn’t worth the drama.

May be she does not like the colorful but.

Maybe she quit making them. Perhaps they were taking too long and she simply didn’t have the time? It will be interesting to see if the next friend of hers with a birthday gets one…

By now, I’m wondering what this wonderful birthday widget could possibly be!

@daloon – since you have eliminated the factor that I thought could be troublesome, then I am the weird one out (as usual). I would have to ask her why. Because it is going to stick in some part of my mind and my relationship with her would always have that little nagging resentment.

So if you ask, you will either get a logical reason and the little nagging resentment will disappear forever. Or else she will not give a satisfactory answer and it really won’t make that much difference to the relationship because you obviously already are having some little resentment that everyone else received the handmade and you didn’t.

I hate not knowing stuff.

Sorry, @daloon but @Snarp got it right.

I go along with @rooeytoo Since sexual tension is not a factor, why not just ask? You could even admit to feeling a little hurt. What is the harm in it? This is someone who you obviously care about and, again since sex does not rear its ugly little head, it would be nice to clear the air.

I hasten to add that it is okay to say you were hurt but you of course do not actually show it. What you say has to be delivered in an off the cuff casual way.

@LostinParadise, Gifts involving creative effort on the part of giver are really gifts of time and talent. That’s what you’re really being given, not the end product. I don’t think you can ask why someone did not give you something specific as a gift for your birthday. It would come across as rude and unappreciative of the effort that it takes to make something personal.

Even though the person usually gives her friends a certain gift doesn’t mean she’s required to give all of her friends the same gift. And Daloon recognizes that the giver has been extremely busy at work, under a lot of pressure, and it’s a relatively new friendship. All of these are really valid reasons not to be able to make a gift that seems to require an investment of time and creativity that make it a treasured gift.

just wondering, @daloon what is the gift that she makes for everyone?

and i agree with @rooeytoo too. just ask! and let us know how it goes if you do decide to ask.

I’m curious as to what the gift is. The mystery is killing me!

And if you really, really want to know why she didn’t make one for you, you could be sneaky about it and ask a friend (someone you completely trust to be secretive) to ask her for you. This tactic will probably work best if she doesn’t know you have a friend asking for you. It’s what I would do.

I doubt she has snubbed you.
Since it’s an object you greatly admire for her skill, tell her so. Tell her you’ve been ever so curious about how she would portray you ever since you started seeing the object of other people. It doesn’t have to be an inquiry in vein of the object being given as a gift, just that it fascinates you and you’ve always been impressed each time you’ve seen a new one made.

Or just leave the subject alone. And never triangulate (that means having a friend do your dirty work). If you are going nuts, ask her.

@PandoraBoxx , I still see no harm in asking. The woman has the option of giving any one of the reasons that you list. @daloon could say something like, “I admire the talent you have shown in making birthday gifts for your friends. To be honest, I am a little hurt that I was not included.” If he wanted to be really subtle, he could leave out the second sentence. She could let the comment slide and change topics or she could say something like, “I have not had much free time and I have only just gotten to know you.” That would diffuse the situation and strengthen the bonds of friendship.

@LostInParadise, I sure she already played through her mind the make it/don’t make it scenario, and for whatever reason, “don’t make it” won out. As far as the giver is concerned, there is no “situation” to diffuse. It only becomes a situation if the hurt feelings are brought to the attention of the giver.

If you ask, then the outcome is either she will feel bad that she didn’t make the gift, or she will be irritated that the gift she gave wasn’t appreciated. By asking, the choice is 1) My feelings are hurt, so I’m going to make you feel bad or 2) My feelings are hurt, so I’m going to risk coming across as an ingrate, or 3) My feelings are hurt, and she will make it without the usual enthusiasm she puts in it, only to appease my hurt feelings; I have “the thing” but without the magic that makes it special. There is no win for the asker in asking. The only way you can possibly ask is by the indirect route, of asking a friend, and having the friend ask the giver. Then the question becomes curiosity on the part of the third party, without any feelings of condemnation or ingratitude involved towards the giver.