If a man has very different sexual desires from his wife, I think that at least a part of that would be due to problems in the relationship.
I do think it is possible for a man to be a kind and loving husband and father, while schtupping other women, so long as it doesn’t take him away from her in any way, shape or form. I think it is extremely difficult, though, and unlikely to work for very long. And in the end, I think it will come back to marital problems. It’s not just a sex issue.
Of course, over on the casual sex question, people do feel there can be sex just for fun. I feel if casual sex is ok while you’re single, then it is ok when you are married, too. I’m not a big fan of casual sex, and I do think that it isn’t just sex that people want. It may feel that way. A person might be having his cock doing the thinking, but I think that what he wants, underneath what he thinks he wants, is love. Which again gets us back to fixing the marriage.
Which addresses the “stress reliever” argument, too. It’s not just a stress reliever. Good sex involves feelings of being wanted. Masturbation, even if it’s mutual, just doesn’t have that.
When my wife and I had a huge difference in sexual desire, our counselor suggested that she hold me while I was “relieving” the stress. It didn’t work for me. There was some emotional connection happening, but I needed her utter and complete attention. Being “held” didn’t do it. The only solution that worked was having our levels of desire become more equal. That’s a work in progress.
God! I wish marriages weren’t so hard! These people who meet when they are 17 and are happy with each other and perfectly matched until they die—just kill me. I am so not a natural married guy. Aaaaaaaggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!! I hate not fitting the standard model of relationships. Maybe if I had been gelded….. naw. That wouldn’t have worked, either (think eunuchs “guarding” the purity of the harem).