How can I help someone understand that medication/therapy would make a difference?

I don’t mean to be an old woman nagging at kids, but I do remember. All teenagers have some angst , its part of growing up. I found poetry I wrote in Grade 12. I didn’t realize I was that unhappy!! Because, of course, it changed daily. Do you think yours or his is beyond that? Are there guidance counsellers you can talk to?

Unfortunately, a lot of people still hold on to some of the misunderstanding that they’re “crazy”. Sometimes they’re also afraid of change, even though it can be a change for the good. Are there parents involved? What do they think? Try to find some adult, somewhere whether it’s school, church, work, wherever that will talk to your friend.

@faye ; I’m clinically depressed. It’s proven. And so is he.

All you can really do is to encourage him to give therapy a try. It’s up to him to take that step.

I know it’s frustrating, but we all learn eventually that we cannot control someone else. The only one we control is ourselves. I’m not trying to be harsh, but that’s just reality.

Even tho you feel you know what’s best for him and genuinely care, it’s his choice.

If he only went to a therapist to appease you, it’s unlikely to be as much help. There has to be some motivation on his part. Any competent therapist will tell you the same.

Just keep being supportive and letting him know you care.

@Buttonstc is right, the answer is the same as if you asked “How can I help him stop drinking?”

Answer: You can’t if he doesn’t want to. You can love him, be honest with him about what you observe, decline to make it easier for him to avoid getting help, and aid him in getting help if and when he’s ready.

People are stubborn and most will move only at their own speeds or if something happens to scare the crap out of them. It might take a deep crash for your friend to admit to himself he needs some ease in dealing with himself. Distractions only work up until a point.

Has he been diagnosed as clinically depressed? By a professional?

The simple fact is that therapy and medication do not always help. Especially if a person thinks they don’t need them. And even more so if what they’re going through is normal, but people around them don’t see it that way and are pressing them to go to therapy when they’re ok.

Very very good question – and positive and creative discussion will (hopefully) entail as a result of it; sadly, though, methinks the (oldest proverb in English, in fact) “You can lead a horse to water…” is , again, sadly applicable here… GQ!

All you can do is be supportive, but gather information for when or if he is ever ready to try something.

@NewZen ; true! But you can make him thirsty. (:

I guess I’m a little dim on this making someone thirsty process. I realize it’s being used as a metaphor, but metaphors need a real-life corellary.

So, in reality, short of forcing someone to eat salty items at gunpoint, how exactly could you MAKE someone ELSE thirsty. Doesn’t compute for me.

@Buttonstc ; well, you could add salt to the horse’s diet. that’d make him thirsty. I didn’t get the computing bit.

I think he keeps putting it off because he’s afraid of change. Like what lfino (i think that’s their name) said above, people are afraid of change whether it’s good or bad. Having an older brother just out of rehab, and going to family therapy, and AA meetings with him, and other groups, i learned a few things that have even helped me, made me have another perspective of my problems. I hope i can explain this well enough to make sense. People are comfortable with things they already know or have been through before. People are more comfortable with what they recognize, for example if you have gone through something , anything, good or bad, you are comfortable going through it again because you already know how do with with it and what to expect. We are all afraid to try new things because obviously we have never gone through them before. Growing up, we tend to remember the things that caused us a lot of pain, more than those that even overjoyed us. Pain is a very strong and leaves a mark on all of us. Even though pain is hard and horrible, we know what it’s like to have it, and even though it’s bad for us, it makes us feel comfortable because we have had it before, and know how to deal with it (each of us of course, in our different ways) hence, we kind of enjoy it in a very messed up way because we are comfortable with that feeling. I guess to kind of explain it, maybe its like nostalgia in a way. Like i said, it is hard to explain yet i hope you understood some.
Another thing that may help is we have to look at our parents because the vales they have are instilled in us, good and bad ones. For example our group leader described her mother as freedom, sensitive, and honest. From there he the opposites, so from freedom came lonelyness. For sensitive he said you always put yourself in a vulnerable position which is always easy to get hurt. Then for honesty came more hurt because the truth hurts sometimes.
Your friend needs to do some searching and really try to understand who he is and how he got that way. If you don’t like something about your parent, for example, your father was a workaholic and was never home, you try to change that for your kids, and try to be more at home with them. The interesting thing is that there was someone at the group with this situation, and he actually thought he was home enough time with his family, but when his son spoke up, he actually said he felt like his father was never home too. So even though he thought he was (because he didn’t want to be like his father) his kids had the same feeling about him, even though he thought he tried harder. To sum it all up i learned that even though you try to change and say “i dont want to be like my father, i dont want to turn out that way” there is nothing you can do about it. You can try hard to change and maybe for you, you think you are, but for others it might feel like you haven’t. You can’t have what wasn’t given to you. You will never know what it’s like be a certain way if your parents didn’t have it. Behavior and traits are passed down. Then sometimes the way we are, the way we behave, we expect from others. If you are someone who is always there for someone and can never say no, it’s really bad for you because you put others in front of yourself when you should always come first. Even without realizing, we act this way because we wish that in return someone will always be there for us, or they will never say no to us.
As of your friend, there is nothing you can do to help him if he doesn’t help himself. He needs to figure this out on his own.
Sorry about the essay, i guess i just got really inspired and into it! hope it helps

@troubleinharlem Again, is it your opinion that he’s depressed or a diagnosis? Is it your opinion that he needs therapy or is it a suggestion by others?

@avvooooooo ; it’s from a doctor.

@troubleinharlem The thing to remember, or to learn, is that therapy and medication do not work for everyone. They don’t always make a difference and if they do, its not always positive. If someone is dead set against therapy working for them, it won’t work. Pushing people to get therapy that they don’t want or don’t think they need often pisses people, causes them to end relationships, and/or causes them to be more depressed. Until they are ready to accept help, pushing many times hurts more than helps. Support, without offering opinions, might be helpful.