Having just learned I have a 22 yr old daughter and 2 grand children, how do I get to know them for the first time?

jusst be there, available on messenger anytime, and make arrangements to go see them right away. my son found me online when he was 12!

How cool to suddenly have grandkids without having to go thru the hassle of raising a kid.

:)

congrats. I am sure you’re gonna make a great father/grandfather.

Not every reunion of this type has a fairytale “happily ever after” result. Keep your expections realistic. Hopefully yours will have a happy result.

Since you haven’t given much details about the situation it’s difficult to give very specific advice.

But in a general sense, let her take the lead in terms of how much contact to have on a continuous basis. Don’t make assumptions.

You don’t want her to feel overwhelmed. Let her take the lead, but make it clear that you are willing to be available to her for however much future contact she desires

There is an overwhelming amount of emotion all around on both of your parts, but try to take it slowly.

I wish you all the best as you get reacquainted with your long lost daughter.

Perhaps you may also wish to do a little online searching to see if you can find any sites dedicated to these types of reconnections, usually involving adoption. Some of them may have Forum boards where you could get input from any other parents/adult children who have already gone through this. Perhaps you can benefit from the wisdom gained in their experiences.

whoa. congrats!
i just had a big chat with a 26 y/o friend who talked to her parents for the first time. (adoption) and it went really well. based on that discussion, i would say try to contain your excitement where possible for a bit until she gets comfy.. figure out what boundaries she wants and stick to them.. play it safe until you feel you’re allowed to have fun with it… things could go really well and good luck!

The only advice I can offer is to be there for all of them and to listen. I really just wanted to congratulate you and wish you the best of luck!!

I suggest a restaurant meeting for the first face to face. That way both parties can leave after eating, if they want to. If not, then back to your place for dessert or coffee.

Bring them a Wii!

welcome to fluther, @tdreichert – very interesting question and circumstance. I will follow this thread, but I have nothing to add right now. Just wanted to welcome you.

I would go on the Jerry Springer show.

Breathe!

OK, two more times!

And then do just as @Buttonstc suggests. There are places online that have this sort of reconciliation as a focus. Good luck to you, and congratulations!

Does anyone know of a specific site. I’m not having too much luck in my search. Maybe I’m not useing the right term/s.

I can’t post links from the iPhone but I just popped the phrase “adoption reunions” into Google and a quick perusal of the first several results looks promising.

Even if your particular situation does not involve her being adopted by someone else, shouldn’t be a problem. Adoption is the circumstance which most frequently precipitates the long separations leading to reunions, but it’s the reunion results which you are interested in learning about.

The reason for the separation may not be the same as for many of these folks, but that’s the past. What happens after the reunion is what’s germane to your situation. There will be many stories from which you may benefit.

And if you do happen to find a forum in which you may wish to participate I doubt that there is a group of “Adoption Reunion Police” waiting to kick out anyone whose situation may not specifically involve adoption :)

We re-established contact with my son’s birth father and birth grandparents this past summer. We started out with phone calls and eventually set up a face-to-face meeting. We probably would have also chatted online except none of them have computers. They do mostly have cell phones, so now we sometimes text back and forth. We have gone to see them several times. They are about two hours away and on the way to visit more family, so it is not hard to plan a visit, typically a short one of a couple of hours.

My suggestion is to chat a bit, either by phone or online, until you feel a bit more comfortable with who they are and then plan a meeting somewhere involving food, so you have a displacement activity to focus on. Also leave it somewhat open-ended so either side can have an acceptable excuse to leave if feelings become over-whelming.

In our case, the birth family and our family get along just fine because we all remember that he is part of both families, and because we are polite guests at all times. Also, although there are many differences between us we do have a common heritage in a way in that my mother was raised in a frugal Southern household, and they still are a frugal Southern household.

A friend of mine sought out his birth parents and discovered that while it was interesting to be in a room with people that looked like him, and while they were nice people, nothing really “clicked.” As he put it, “They were nice folks, but not family.”

Good luck, take it slow, and go with the flow.

some more great advice. Thanks darwin. I should probably say that I live in orlando, fl and she lives in lexington kentucky. I’m planning a trip to see her during Christmas. The Mother said it would be a great suprise and that it would “make“her Christmas. So that brings up another question; Should I surprize her? The mother knows her better than I.

I would tend to make contact with the daughter, so she knows you are out there and wanting to see her, but you might not have to tell her when you are actually going to show up. Sometimes mothers don’t know their children as well as they think.

I agree with Darwin about that especially since there are also young (presumably) children involved.

This gives her the time to introduce the idea of another Grandpa out there gradually ahead of time in whatever was she chooses.

…i should also add that I have talked to by daughter over the phone and we have talked through e-mail the last two days. Should I surprize her with a visit on christmas, or just tell her I’m going up? Thanks!

As long as you know for certain she would love to see you, you can surprise her at Christmas.

I know for certain that she want’s to see me.

Then go for it. Good luck! Hope it goes well!

I’ve decided not to surprise her. I thought it might be too stressful to her. We’ve been communicating throu email. She is as excited as I am about meeting each other. We are going to drive to Tennessee to see family after i get there. I’m going to have the best christmas EVER!

Good luck again! Hope it goes well!

I’m back. I had the time of my life! It went better than I ever could of imagioned. I’m a very luck man!! Thanks for all the advice, it really came in handy.

I would say, don’t get out of character. It’s most likely your daughter will tell her kids that grandpa or grandma is coming to visit (that she includes anything else is immaterial) the emphasis will be on ‘grandparent’ thus you should act grandparently.. How will you know how to do this? Believe me, when you see them and finally realize that they are a part of you and your a part of them, it will come naturally.. Just spread joy and savor the visitation, I’m sure it will not be your last visit once they see you..