Am I wrong for feeling slighted?

You have lots of theories, but no hard core facts.

Don’t jump to conclusions without the facts.

“So he decided to tell me that they’re moving out and moving in with kelly, because they found a apartment that they would be able to live on seperate floors”
Who is “he?” Sorry, your post isn’t very clear.

Mosty they don’t want a kid around

I don’t blame you for feeling upset. However I think the conversation needs to be a face to face with all four of you and not over texting, emails or voicemails. A face to face lets you guage their responses and facial expressions better. There may be a misunderstanding or maybe it is your daughter.

If it is your daughter then she is your number one priority above how they feel. It’s up to you to decide if they are the type of people you want to surround yourself with. Some people may like children but don’t understand the situation of living with them until they are in it.

Were all parties aware of the living situation prior? Is there a lease with all parties names on it? There are a few things you can do so you don’t end up completely high and dry if they aren’t giving you a full 30 days notice.

@doxie_chick is right. I think some face-to-face conversation is called for.

There’s a lot of things that responsible adults should not be doing around a 4 year old, and that’s probably the reason. It’s not you, it’s not your daughter. It’s the fact that your friends don’t want to either censure their behavior around your daughter, or be douche bags by doing things around a 4 year old that they shouldn’t be doing around a 4 year old.

Talk right out loud for the truth

he is my roommate Brian. I agree face to face conversation is called of. they’ve been great friends since i was in high school. but they (all 3 of them) insist it is not because of my daughter. But in my experience 3 vs. 1, 1 always looses. We’ve lived together for over a year and censorship is not a issue. I am a responsible father and never ask them to babysit, or do anything when it comes to my duties as a dad

I found your story a bit confusing and difficult to follow, but I do have to agree with others that you might not be looking at the situation very clearly right now. Unless you know your daughter has been irritating them, I wouldn’t look for a reason there. Often people just will not give their real reasons for things.

Is it possible that your mood feels too down or dependent or needy to them right now? Is it possible they feel crowded? Is it possible that the other friend offers them something they’ve been asking you for but haven’t been able to get? Is there something you should have been listening to? I’m just making guesses. It does seem like there is more to the story than you’re reported, maybe more than you’ve understood, and I would not be too quick to fasten on an explanation.

What is it that you want to have happen out of this? Get them back? Ditch them? Understand? Something else?

Brian and Kelly are my best friends for years. Brian’s girlfriend came into the picture a month after we moved in together and moved in shortly after. Brian and his girlfriend say they want their own space, but if that’s the case why move in with Kelly, when they can get their own place.

It seems a little harsh and premature to leap to the conclusion that your best friends for 10 years are screwing you over. Is that the kind of people you think they are? Something else is going on here.

Ive told them time and time again, if they have a problem with something tell me and I will do whatever I can to make it better. Their did give me notice that their not leaving until feb. 1, But to be honest I feel so let down that, spending the holidays with them would be a complete farce

she’s a sweetie, not a annoying girl at all, shes slightly obsessed with their dog, but that was something we spoke about before I allowed them to bring the dog into the house

Maybe it’s the fact that they broke the news to you while you were already feeling down that offends you so much.

It’s not a problem. Your child is your child. Childless people don’t always want to live with children. Your child is only awesome to you and your blood relatives. Other people may not feel that way, but it’s nothing to do with you or your daughter. It’s the fact that they’re not at that stage of life where extended contact with any kids are part of their plan.

i agree holden, and being drunk didn’t help it at all

I see your point Pandora, but like I said shes only here 12 days a month, they hardly see her.

Sometimes people need space in order to stay friends. It’s too bad that they didn’t give you some sort of notice that they were thinking about looking for their own space.

12 days a month is a lot of time; it’s more than ⅓ of the month.

its actually less then ½ the month

sorry thought you said ½

I love my 5 year old niece dearly, but I would have a hard time having her here for ⅓ of a month. My household and lifestyle is geared to adults now. And she’s adorable and really good most of the time. The rest of the time, she’s a normal 5 year old. And I can only take it for 10 minutes at a time.

ADD: I’ve done the parent thing. I love kids, and was super mom when mine were that age. I’m looking forward to being a grandmother at some point.

I just re-read your question and saw the part where they would be in a place which allows them to be on separate floors.

Is that not the situation where they are with you?

If so, it may be as simple as that. Sometimes people get to a point where they want their own space as much as possible while still benefitting from the economic advantages of a shared living arrangement.

So what is the deal with the separate floors thing? That may be it even tho you persist on focusing on why they may not like your daughter.

i respect your opinions, and your all mostly right. even though they(my roommates) wont admit it is because of my daughter. but im just upset because I know this is going to put a huge damper on my friendships with them. Im the kind of guys that takes quality over quantity so there’s not many more people I can talk with about this, thanks guys

Buttonstc – yea but kelly has a one bedroom shes living in now, why not her give my roommates the apartment since they want their space and kelly, move in with me.

btw i didn’t mention this before, but all 3 of them just talked me into ending things with my daughters mother, due to her irresponsibility, last Sunday. Also helping me feel completely alone in this.

I almost want to tell them to move out dec 1. I know its due to my anger in this situation. But I have money, to get me by until I find another job and again the thought of spending the holidays with them now makes my stomach turn

So they’re able to live on separate floors… Have more privacy and more space. Sounds pretty simple to me. If they want more space, a one bedroom isn’t going to do it.

Not everything is about you.

Ok. Not everything is about you and/or your daughter. There is no reason to get rude with me for pointing out that you’re more than likely blowing something up into a huge deal when it isn’t. They can be telling you whole truth and nothing but when they say isn’t not about your daughter, which you say they have assured you of repeatedly.

You are making it about yourself when it is not by trying to make this into a big conspiracy with people lying to you and doing underhanded things when they’re not.

Hmmm…TrenchantWit, is there a possibility that if this is your place, you have control issues that makes it difficult to stay there? I know you’re upset by what’s happened, and that’s understandable. But you have control over how you react. It doesn’t sound like you want to keep your friends, or accept the perspective that they may not want to live with a child. Something in that reaction makes me think that perhaps there’s a possibility that, as much as they like you, you may be difficult to live with.

I wouldn’t be upset with the couple moving out; that’s understandable that a couple would want their own space. But it sounds like Kelly was moving out first, and the other two are tagging along. What’s going on with that relationship?

Im upset cause I lost my dream career, then then my idiot friend decides to tell me when we’re bombed at the bar and it didn’t go over well, I guess I feel alone because the people who I would talk to about my problems are the ones I have the problems with. But I guess they’ll all save money so I should be happy for them right.

You really need to take a little break from this and sleep on it.

Right now all you can see is your hurt feelings. You are like a dog with a bone in your insistence that it’s because of your daughter. You don’t even want to consider anything else and you’re getting a bit snippy with others here who are honestly trying to help you.

For your own good , do a little thinking about other possibilities and stop acting like a snapping turtle before you start alienating people here. That won’t help you in the long run.

Either go to bed and sleep on it or find a physical release for your pent up anger. Go for a run, beat up a pillow, or whatever.

you guys don’t know me, or my friends so its impossible for you to understand completely, I hardly ever get angry, and the easiest to live with. talking to strangers about this wasn’t the best idea. sorry to waste your time. good night

The people you should talk to about your problems is a counselor or therapist. Don’t put that burden on your friends.

Wait… Did you not get the job because of the failed drug test for smoking pot? And are now going off the handle about your roommates because alcohol is involved? Maybe there are bigger problems here that have more to do with people not wanting to live with you than your daughter.

The first thing you should do is get sober. Things make a lot more sense when you aren’t intoxicated.

Then, if a face-to-face, sober, calm and collected discussion doesn’t reveal the real reason they are moving out, you might want to go talk to a counselor about why it is bothering you so much that they are moving out.

And finally, have you ever considered that there really could be another reason besides your daughter? Maybe they do want the space they would get by having separate floors. Maybe there is something else about you that is bothering them, perhaps that you are down because you lost your dream career, or you drink, or snore, or leave dirty socks on the couch. Maybe they want to have a threesome and don’t want to do stuff in front of your daughter. Who knows?

In any case, beating yourself up over maybes is not very constructive and certainly doesn’t help you, your daughter, or anyone else. Get a good night’s sleep, get over the hangover, and then think logically about the situation.

@avooooooo

Nice pickup from a previous question.

i am sober, this happened last night

@Buttonstc Sometimes more of the story is right there in the previously asked questions. When I was so rudely responded to, I started wondering how this person got to their current level of lurve. And there was a good chunk of the other side of the story looking us in the face. Thanks for the acknowledgment.

i passed my drug test just fine, I went to training and I was up against another guy. my lurve is low because I don’t use fluther that much, way to assume

@TrenchantWit If you will read what I wrote, I was “wondering how this person got to their current level of lurve.” I said nothing about it being low, I was noticing it was too high for a new user. New users exhibit bad behavior, like name calling, because they don’t know the rules. Anyone who’s been around a while should know better than calling names that are rude and undeserved. I asked if your previous question had something to do with the current situation. I did not say that it did. I asked and got an answer. That’s what people do when they’re having a conversation, whether its about someone’s problem or the reason why someone wants to move out. When answers are given, its often just fine to believe what they say instead of thinking they’re lying to you. Maybe its something you’d like to try sometime.

ayyoooo i named called because you said “that not everything is about you” which to me is out of line and rude. I asked a question pertaining to my life. and was looking for help not criticism. Your the one that seems like the argumentative type to me. pal

@TrenchantWit The simple fact is, not everything is about you. Sometimes its about other people, their wants, their needs, their desire for privacy and more space. You stated several reasons why they would want to move out, but refuse to accept as valid, instead taking it as a personal insult. Sometimes its not about you. Stating that simple truth is not an insult.

To answer your question, yes, you are wrong for feeling slighted when there is no evidence that their wanting to move out has anything to do with you.

@TrenchantWit – If you deal with your roommates the way you are dealing with @avvooooooo then perhaps they are moving out because of that and don’t want to hurt your feelings because of your long-standing friendship.

There are sooooo many other possible reasons that in my opinion you are wrong for feeling slighted.

Friends are supposed to help and support one another, my question is it reasonable i feel slighted, which i do. i understand your answer. but again you really don’t know me or my friends. so that is that awwooooo is not the way i deal with people in my life. If you must know I was in tears when then told me they were moving out. im a caring individual i just don’t care for awwoooo right now

to me awwwoooo is just another handle for another person on here that i do not know. who insulted me. like I said, fluther was the wrong way to go about this, again sorry for wasting your time

“Friends are supposed to help and support one another”

To some degree, yes, but even your parents won’t let their love for you stand in the way of their own needs all the time.

Fluther could very well be a good way to handle this question, but you are not coping with anyone’s viewpoint but your own. You need to be a bit more open-minded about Fluther as well as your friends’ needs.

and for the record, I would never put my friends in a situation like this when i knew how down they were about something that was bad in their life.

@TrenchantWit One more time. Telling the truth is not an insult.

@avooooo and not liking your answer is my own prerogative.

@TrenchantWit Calling names, however, is not.

actually, it is, its called the first amendment

listen avvooooo i don’t want to argue with you over calling you a name, im rubber your glue. get over it. im upset, and quite frankly your not helping at all.

if they went ahead and got their own place, more power to them. its saddening to me that their leaving me in a bind and moving in with another friend, something I would not do to them

@TrenchantWit fluther has rules. You can find them here. Any site, forum, what have you has rules. The first amendment deals with government restrictions on free speech, not the breaking of posted rules of a site.

I think a part of your problem today is that you don’t care to hear what anyone else has to say, whether its here or in real life. You have made up your mind that they’re doing you wrong, nothing anyone says is going to change that because you don’t want to hear it.

seriously, you like to argue, that just may be you. cool I respect that, but i just don’t like you. good night

To be honest, I feel that Avvoooo is trying to be honest and her suggestions were meant be be helpful.

Sometimes it is good to take a step back and look at a situation more impartially. Often, we as humans are too close to a situation to really gain perspective as I suspect is the case here.

It could be possible that you are taking your friends actions too personally. I understand that you are dealing with a difficult place in your life but cutting your friends or expecting them to live their lives to suit you may be unfair.

Name calling or personal abuse is not constructive. You may be hurting, but it wont help to lash out. Just a thought.

[mod says] Personal attacks are not permitted and have been removed.

I think a part of your problem today is that you don’t care to hear what anyone else has to say, whether its here or in real life. You have made up your mind that they’re doing you wrong, nothing anyone says is going to change that because you don’t want to hear it.

I have to agree with @avvooooooo on this.

You say I almost want to tell them to move out dec 1. I know its due to my anger in this situation. But I have money, to get me by until I find another job…

And then you say… its saddening to me that their leaving me in a bind and moving in with another friend

If you really think about the situation, it’s more than possible that what’s really freaking you out is that in February, you’re going to be making rent all by yourself on a place that you’ve been splitting with three other people, you have child support to pay, and no job. That, @TrenchantWit, is a really valid reason to be upset.

Try not to get distracted by the idea that somehow your friends are “doing” something to you. The only thing that they are actually doing is living their own lives. They are still your friends, and they will still be there for you as friends unless you drive them away. But they are living their own lives first. They have responsibility to themselves first, like on the airplane when they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first, then help others.

It’s common when you’re overwhelmed with responsibilities and adversity to play the blame game. That doesn’t really help change your life circumstance, and often gets in the way of doing the things you need to do to improve the situation. There are lots of things that will need to change for you, and they won’t necessarily be bad for you, but they will probably be hard. Any way, it’s going to be hard.

Nothing is permanent. Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.