Should I meet my online friend? (details)

Well invariably someone is going to get hurt in this situation and I don’t think it should you be. Is he really worth it?

You don’t have to give anyone that kind of power over you. You can choose not to feel trapped; if you have led him on in some (or any) way, apologize. If not, tell the truth again. He likes only the fantasy he has of you. Say “I’m sorry, but no.”

@Ailia ; well, true, but he doesn’t deserve it either..

@gailcalled ; I feel like I have, but he says I haven’t do I’m at a complete loss. And it’s not the power… I guess I don’t want anyone to get hurt.

uhoh. JP is writing, so I must be in trouble. D:

jk

if you don’t want to meet him, do not

@troubleinharlem Well if he is saying that you don’t have to meet him then what is the problem? If you really feel compelled to make this guy not feel bad then why don’t you talk to him on a web-cam? Would that work?

@Ailia ; I have! On my end, though. Not his.

Frankly my advice is that if this hurts him, it’s his problem not yours. He sounds manipulative to me. The more he protests, the less I trust him. Stick to your guns, and refuse to meet him. These Internet deals can get pretty damned skeevey. OK, maybe he’s just fine, but do you want to take that chance?

Well… Unless you plan on sleeping with him he will be hurt. Hurt him before he spends money on a ticket. Either way he is going to be hurt.

And honestly. It his problem for getting attached. Don’t feel bad. He set himself up.

@troubleinharlem So what your saying is that he has only seen you but you haven’t seen him?

Here are your choices:

Don’t meet him. Say again, “Sorry but no.”

Meet him. Feel manipulated and trapped.

@Ailia ; yeah…

@johnpowell ; yikes, no way.

@pdworkin ; done. =/ I feel horrible.

Dont meet Him!!! Unless he is a real Man like me, Car—HOUSE-JOB-INCOME-DRUG/DRAMA FREE-CLEAN——email you proof of his address—a copy of his Title—like i would do for My caddy—and YOu cant do A THING WITH HIS OR MY TITLE—ONLY VERIFY WHO I AM..IF IT ALL MATCHES AND SO DOES HIS I.D., THEN——ALL YOU LADIES LISTEN PLEASE!! and ONLY THEN—-TELL ALL YOUR PEOPLE WHERE AND WHO YOU ARE MEETING-AND EVEN BRING A FRIEND A FEW TIMES!!! NEVER MEET ANY ONE ONLINE——UNLESS YOU CAN [PURELY!!!] VERIFY WHO THEY ARE——MAN -WOMAN-OR BEAST!

update: I said “I really don’t feel comfortable with it, and just like the other times, I’ll have to say no. Not because I want to hurt you, because I’m not completely certain that I’d want to.”

good? D:

@mikeblack ; ... Uhm. Thanks. And I know all that, believe me.

@troubleinharlem That sounds about right. And if he persists, then disconnect. Make sure he has no way of contacting you, this guy sounds suspicious….

@Ailia ; he doesn’t have another way. and okay..

Well said, @gailcalled. @Simone_De_Beauvoir, that’s about it.

There are fine Guys in Your Life..Every Lady has Man all around. You just have to look. I f You are NOT LOOKING, then….sever all connections any way—if You are not wanting a Relationship

Judge him by the way he responds to your feelings. If he cares about you he will back off. If he’s selfish he will continue to whine.

Not because I want to hurt you, because I’m not completely certain that I’d want to.”

There’s the problem. You waffled by saying “I am not completely certain.” That is ambiguous, gives him wiggle room and different from just saying, “Sorry but no.”

This is my last repeat. Good luck.

@mikeblack Why are you shouting?

Dear Dude:

I am not interested in you romantically or in meeting you for a date. We can still be friends, but only friends. I wish you luck in finding that special someone.

Best,
Troubleinharlem

Look, if you’re not interested and he is, unfortunately, that’s his lookout. Surely there have been fellows you were interested in who didn’t return your interest. Was that their problem? Of course not. They went on with their lives, didn’t they? Well, that’s how it is. And this is a good thing. At least he didn’t waste your time waffling. You were able to (eventually) let go and move on to greener pastures.

I know from my own experience that because I’d feel like crap when some guy I was interested in didn’t like me that way, I would feel bad when some guy I didn’t like would get upset that I wasn’t interested, and I’d be all, well… well, and it just made cutting them off even more painful for them at the end, and I’d feel worse after realizing that I had led them on.

I have learned that people can’t take it personally when someone isn’t interested in them. They can’t. After a while, I figured out that it’s a waste of energy to try to make someone like you when they aren’t interested. From what you’re saying, the guy is being manipulative right now because he hasn’t learned that lesson yet, and because he’s been able to use your reticence thus far to press his wants onto you. You don’t have to let that happen if you really aren’t interested.

For your part, don’t keep the guy on tenterhooks. Cut it cleanly by being honest with no weasel words or equivocating. Tell him straight out that you are not interested. It is entirely possible to be kind yet straightforward at the same time. Don’t worry about how he’s going to deal with it. If he can’t, then he needs to grow up.

So you haven’t seen him? This could end up pretty badly. I say stop communication alltogether, delete your account.

think about it- you’ve been talking to someone for a year and a half and never met in person? and now he wants to meet you? wierd stay away

@aprilsimnel : thanks. (: that really helped.

Hella no ! He might be your brother.