Should I transfer schools to follow my boyfriend?

Absolutely not. Do not uproot yourself for a boy. People do long distance all the time. Just work and try and finish your degree as soon as possible and then move wherever. But do not transfer schools just to follow a boy.

If your only reason for transferring is to follow your bif, then no. What if you break up? Will you be stranded in another state without anyone to help you and without any reason to be there?

Meh. I say follow your heart. I moved across the country to be with the one I love.

@chelseababyy and it’s great that it worked out for you, but that’s not always the case.

I would say no. But maybe if you are really considering it, find out what your boyfriend feels about that prospect (maybe give him a hypothetical?). His reaction should help you decide if you should follow your heart or not.

that doesn’t seem like a smart move. anything could happen. if you really want to be with him, i say go for it. but if it were me, i wouldn’t do it. your call

To be frank, long distance relationships in a dynamic context like college mostly don’t last.

Why not go? Studying there would likely not be different. 4 years is a good investment of time. What does he say?

my boyfriend and i talk about marriage all the time, and he wants me to transfer out there with him. My first year of college we were a hour apart which isn’t far but we made it through that. I wouldn’t consider transfering however, he doesn’t plan on coming back to MN. So I’m just confused on what to do right now? Should i wait and risk another 3 years and have the relationship end or?

This is not a decision we can make for you. If you have faith in your relationship to last, and you’ve assessed the risks and potential losses of moving to Wyoming, give it a go. At least you will have an adventure. If you’re heart’s not in it, and you’re only considering it for the sake of your boyfriend, you might be better off hedging your bets with a long distance relationship.

I’ll make it for you. Go. It’s not a question of whether your boyfriend is going but whether you have a chance to do something new and interesting. and you do. You can get the hell out of town and you even get to have your boyfriend with you. bonus. It changes things up, keeps life interesting and adds a new dynamic to your life to have lived somewhere besides home.

He has no plans to ever move back?

Sounds like he has a plan in mind, and it doesn’t necessarily involve you.

Don’t go.

That’s the kind of stuff you pull when you’re too chicken shit to end a relationship.

Unfortunately I think asmo is right. After 4 years your SO would/should factor you into their plans.

And why does he want to go to Wyoming? It sucks there. I could understand moving to go to MIT. But WTF does a a school in Wyoming have that he can’t get someplace closer to home.

I am on team chicken shit break up.

Why is your boyfriend moving to a school in Wyoming in the first place, without considering the impact on your relationship? I can’t imagine that there’s a degree out there that isn’t offered at in-state tuition in MN that would justify the expense of moving and paying out-of-state tuition.

Transferring schools is a big decision, that can have long-reaching impacts. What happens if you boyfriend gets out there, and decides the program isn’t what he expected, and does transfer back, or decides to go elsewhere? How will you pay for out-of-state tuition without incurring more debt? Will the value of a degree from the WY school be more marketable than from your current school (I’m thinking not—MN has an excellent reputation in the rest of the country for the quality of their universities.)

This is too big of a decision to be made on an impulse.

I don’t think assumptions from people here about people they don’t know will help you at all. The only reasonable move is to have an open conversation about what you two want, and decide together.

After reading the question and before reading the details, my first thought was “why not let him move to where you are?”

But I now see that he has moved to where you are NOT.

What does THAT tell you?

Why should you be the one to disrupt your entire life and educational plan?

No.

But, he should follow you. ;-)

1. I love my boyfriend but I refuse to transfer to michigan schools for one huge reason – out-of-state tuition is KILLER. Thought of that? Have you examined your credits and what will transfer? What if transferring means another year of school because of loss of credits?

2. If you’re even beginning to talk about marriage then shouldn’t your decisions at least consider your SO?

3. If you break up, will you be a broke-ass college student wanting to go back home but stuck?

No

Sometimes you have to do something crazy. Who knows, even if your boyfriend and you do break-up, maybe you’ll love the place. Take chances.

^ exactly. maybe you’ll even find the love of your life. ;)

I think I’m with Chels on this. She made a big move for a guy and it’s working out. I have another friend who moved from Maine to Texas for a guy and it didn’t work out, but Texas had quickly become her home, and now she’s engaged to a great guy she never would have met if she didn’t take that chance and leave. And I moved 3,000 miles – not for a guy, just for myself – and it was so awful that I didn’t even last two months before I had to turn around and come back to New York. But it was a valuable learning experience, and I wouldn’t change my decision to go if I could.

So, if you want to go, check out your options in places closer to where he’ll be, see if there are good programs you might be interested in, make sure your credits will transfer, look into scholarships/loans/etc…

@MacBean Exactly. I mean when I first moved to Cali to be with Randy, I was there for him. But even if things wouldn’t have worked out the way they did, I probably still would have stayed. I loved it there, I made friends, it was great. So I agree. I wouldn’t change any of my decisions for the world. I moved across country, away from my family and friends, and what did I gain? The love of my life, such great experiences such as being able to travel, and happiness.

Maybe check out the school he’s at, or even schools around that area, see if there are any schools that will be good for what you’re looking for. Narrow it down, and make a decision.

If you want a really cool site to narrow them down, check out this link: http://collegesearch.collegeboard.com/search/index.jsp

Use the College Matchmaker.
You can pick anything from size, to location, to if there’s a sorority or other clubs.

@chelseababyy, it’s one thing to follow a boyfriend to California, it’s another to follow him to Wyoming. Do you think if your boyfriend wanted you to follow him to Arkansas or North Dakota instead of California, the choice would have been as appealing?

No!! I don’t understand why people do this. My cousin turned down Notre Dame because her boyfriend didn’t get in. Now they’re both going to TCU. Hello!

@PandoraBoxx: You obviously haven’t heard Chels talk about Randy very much. I think she probably would’ve gone to a third-world country with him. And if she did, I doubt I would’ve blamed her. He sounds like a keeper.

@MacBean You’re right. I moved to Cali for him. Then to Oregon and Cayman with him, and now Colorado.

@PandoraBoxx I flew to Cali FOR him, not to follow him. We lived in different states. I moved to Cali for him, then moved with him to Oregon for his job, then we went to Grand Cayman, now we’re in Colorado. It’s been almost two years and it’s still the best decision I’ve EVER made.

Chels, that’s just it. Did Randy ask you to come? Give you fair warning? Were you even remotely involved in the decisions or his process?

Cause it doesn’t seem like the OP has been.

@asmonet The decision for me to come out? It was mutual. However the process of him moving for his job. That’s a different story.
He didn’t know how it would work out. He had to travel constantly and thought it would be better if I went back home. However I disagreed constantly and trailed along where ever he went. We went five weeks without seeing each other when he first went to Cayman. It was hard.
He sometimes didn’t know he’d be leaving ‘til a day before, so it was hard. Sometimes I sat alone by myself for a few days, sometimes I went. I just wouldn’t give up.

To——@asmonet , did you ever think you and him werent meant to be together or that he was tying to shake you off his tail? I mean this question with no offense ive been and will be moving with my bf for past to years too, nd this time i cant help feeling hes maybe trying to shake me off his tail, esecially because we keep going bakc to the same place Cali, with no didfferent variables, we will still be broke with no jobs once we get there, lus i will be in college. Anyon have any Thoughts?