What do you think about someone who stays in a relationship because they feel sorry for the other person?

they’re living on an illusion of grandeur and are probably just as depended as the wife on this relationship

@Justnice You seem more upset than they do. I agree with @Simone_De_Beauvoir

Sometimes relationships move from couple to family. It sounds like stability for their daughter is of foremost importance.

@Flo Nightengale
we’re really good friends and I hate to see people making stupid decisions. It bugs the crap out of me.
PS I love your username

I think they’re not doing that person any favors.

Not much. When it involves children then I think it’s unfair and destructive because just how warm and secure can a child feel living with two adults who are faking it? What will that child learn about healthy relationships, trust, commitment, romance, love, etc. there? I sound cold to the couple but it’s my personal belief that once people make children then they need to step up and become teachers in addition to being parents and (or not) lovers. Whatever mistakes you’ve made or learned from, you owe it to your kids to help them beyond those things. Showing a child by example that you’re willing to trudge it out in an nonfulfilling or nonreciprocal relationship is going to backfire. Sooner or later the child is going to feel responsible for the parents’ unhappiness along with not knowing what happy couples function like. Total BS but people continue to do it.

You refer to ”this child”, don’t forget it is his child, there is a world of difference I suggest.
I would not be surprised if @Simone_De_Beauvoir is correct and that there is a measure of co-dependence involved.
I also have to agree with @syz, who said he is not doing her any favours, how ever I would like to enlarge that to say that he is not doing himself any favours either. It is always tricky when children are involved, it is never simple. It is much easier to be objective when looking from the outside in, as opposed to looking from the inside out.

I say “Thank God!” I’d would never have been in a relationship if it wasn’t for those kind of people.

I think that it was my marriage of more than 20 years. After a lot of agonizing about what it would do to the kids if I left, I finally came to the same conclusion that @hungryhungryhortence describes. I decided I wasn’t doing my kids any favors by staying with a guy I was unhappy with and felt sorry for. I didn’t want to model that kind of relationship. I figured that I needed to give myself and him the chance to find the right relationship.

He’s thinking more about his daughter than anything. He needs to decide whether to stay in a loveless marriage, or get out and go for custody…..warning.

I think this guy is wasting her time, and is depriving her of being someone that truly loves her. On the same token, he is wasting his own time and is depriving himself of being with someone that he truly loves.

The only thing keeping them together is convenience and pity, and to me that is nonsensical.

Honestly, it boggles my mind the things people do in relationships. I eventually just decided to quit trying to figure out why people stay in bad relationships. It boggles the mind!

I feel sorry for them.

However bad it looks on the outside, the two of them must be getting something out of it. I have seen similar relationships. I can’t understand them, but then I know people who think I am crazy for staying where I am. I view my life differently, obviously.

Judge not, that ye be not judged. – Matthew 7:1

If I should take a notion To jump into the ocean, It ain’t nobody’s business if I do. – Billie Holiday / Porter Grainger and Everett Robbins

If you were asking for help in your own relationship, I could answer, but I don’t engage in gossip about other people’s relationships.

Sounds like my cousin’s relationship. And honestly there isn’t too much you can do about it. They have to figure this out on their own.

Feeling sorry for a partner is not a good reason to stay in a relationship. Feeling sorry for a child is.

If I were him I would not feel sorry for the girlfriend if she already let another guy up on her behind his back in the past. Such behaviour in inforgiveable.

But… this “feeling sorry” happens in many relationships. Sometimes a person loves another but is not “in love” with them. Sometimes the person knows the relationship is not for them but they don’t want to seek out another partner before leaving because that in itself is cheating, and they also fear not finding another more suitable partner.

Sometimes it is better to stay with somebody you love and respect than to risk being on your own or not finding a relationship as satisfying. This happens all the time.

I think it’s just plain stupid!

When there are children involved, it puts issues like this on a whole other level…

I think you’re friend is justifying his reasons for remaining in his relationship because of his own insecurities maybe…or maybe that there just isn’t anything better on offer. I can totally understand the reasoning around trying to make a relationship work because there are children involved. Children are resilient and adjust to change but appropriate support to adjust is necessary.

I also believe that the implications of people remaining together for the sake of children can only result on having a negative impact on them in the long run. Children pick up on the unseen actions…body language etc…and wouldn’t it be so much better for them to see their parents with other partners who are displaying affection and love for each other.

However for anybody to move on from a relationship I truly believe they have to switch that switch off in their head…otherwise it hasn’t ended!!

@definitive: I agree and agree some more because I’m one of those kids whose parents tried this and know so many friends whose parents tried this.

wouldn’t it be so much better for them to see their parents with other partners who are displaying affection and love for each other.

However for anybody to move on from a relationship I truly believe they have to switch that switch off in their head…otherwise it hasn’t ended!

@hungryhungryhortence lol thank you for your response…sure helps having a glass of red to get the thought processes going :)