To the younger jellies who are not yet married, how do you feel about marriage?

Good question, I really don’t know how I feel about it. I always assumed I would get married, but I know I’d want to be with him for at least eight years before tying the knot.

I’m also a strong advocate for gay marriage so I might follow the “I won’t get married until everyone can get married” cause, a la Brangelina:)

Finish your education. Find a good job. Save your money. You have plenty of time and it will be so worth it to wait till you have all your ducks in a row.

The freedom and pleasure you can/will have with Mr. Right will also be greater.

@ChazMaz I don’t think she is considering getting married now. If you read the details it says that she does NOT want to get married and she eventually wants to be in a long relationship.

I don’t know if I quite fall into this category, but I’m 27 and I’m not sure if I’ll ever get married. I dunno marriage just seems like it’s more of a tradition than it actually having any benefits. Not saying I’m opposed though and I don’t mean I don’t think I will because of there of. I just feel I’ll never find that person that would cause me to think, “she could be my wife.” I do find ones that I really connect with, but something always seems to throw the trait off the tracks. Although, I am tired of these short almost meaningless relationships, I do want something that matters. I don’t know I’m torn between the two. haha.

@sliceswiththings – Does not matter if she is getting married now or later.
It is the golden rule of advice in this matter.

@ChazMaz: Ah, so you were trying to offer relationship advice rather than answer the question. Thanks for clarifying.

my boyfriend and I talk about it all the time… we both can’t wait. We’d do it at the courthouse when he comes to visit but he’s adamant about having a ring.

I’m 21 and I have been in a happily committed relationship for nearly three years, but I’m not at all interested in the idea of marriage. Marriage won’t change anything – it won’t strengthen a bond, love won’t flourish just because the participants are wearing wedding bands.

I’m more interested in the idea of domestic partnership.

Marriage is not what it used to be, I’m 25 and I don’t consider myself a big fan of it, I’ve seen my group of friends gone to hell after the first marriage of one of our members, literally, my group is dead, I’ve seen friends in the horrible fields of divorce, cheatings, fighting over stuff (thank God no kids in the middle)...
I think marriage is as obsolete as witch hunting, there is no perfect partner, no mr. right, nothing, people marry when they feel its time to start a new phase in life with the person that happened to be there, lets take Al Pacino for example, never married, happy as a clown, it all depends on the person, for me, marriage will happen (if happens) whenever I feel that waking up by myself in the morning is no longer fun…

@KatawaGrey – I did answer the question.
As you did state in it:

“A further division in this category is that they either have no idea what they want to do in the long term, relationship-wise”

“I do not want to get married but I do want to settle down in a long term relationship eventually.”

And to do that best, woud be to…

Finish your education. Find a good job. Save your money. You have plenty of time and it will be so worth it to wait till you have all your ducks in a row.

The freedom and pleasure you can/will have with Mr. Right will also be greater.

:-)

@flameboi ”... I feel that waking up by myself in the morning is no longer fun…” I couldn’t agree more, but I do find it hard to go to sleep with company. odd.

I too am in the first group you described for the most part. I am in a relationship that I value very much and want to be in for a very long time. However, marriage to me is not the necessary next step. It’s not that I am dead against it and I am happy for other people who decide to get married but too me it’s not over important and it certainly doesn’t mean that I love my partner any less because marriage isn’t at the forefront of my mind.

I’m not sure if this makes a difference but I am pretty sure that I don’t want kids and so this takes the pressure off me a little bit. A lot of my friends who want kids do not want to do so outside of wedlock.

I’m 26 and I hope to get married at some point. Marriage is sort of a long way off for me right now, seeing as I’m not in anything remotely resembling a relationship.

I have, however, thought about the whole taking the guy’s name deal, and I’ve decided to keep my name, at least professionally. The way I see it, I’ve worked my whole life to get to the point I am at right now. If I ever do get married, I want my name to be attached to the professional work I will continue to do. Having said this, socially I’d go by his name, but mainly to avoid confusion. So when I meet my kid’s teachers, I’ll go by his last name, not mine.

@Axemusica
Exactly!!! that happens too lol

@Les
Why do women change their last name after they marry??? My mom never did for instance and if I ever marry, I’ll never make such a silly request to my wife, it’s like taking her individuality from my point of view…

welll @KatawaGrey since you’ve asked—I do want to get married (and will probably get divorced then remarried) eventually. Do I see it happening with the current bf? Definately not. Do I see it happening in the next 5 years? We’ll see.

I’m turning 23 in 7 days. Yikes! I haven’t had any serious relationships that have lasted for longer than a couple months. I do want to get married one day but I recognize that I have a long, long way to go until then so for now I’m focusing on school and getting a job. I have to go to a couple weddings next year (one of which I’m in the bridal party) and sometimes I do get a little jealous. It seems like everyone is growing up all around me and doing “big things” and finding amazing people that want to share their lives with them. I can’t even find a freakin’ date! But part of me keeps saying that they are too young and may regret it when they are older so I don’t feel so bad for being left out. I feel like there’s a lot about marriage and serious relationships that I know nothing about.

The name thing is also a good question. I’m definitely keeping my name. As @Les said, I have accomplishments under my current name, so I don’t want to change it. Course there’s the issue of kids…why should they automatically get their dad’s name? I think hyphenating is long and confusing, but if you do the creative name hybrid thing it confuses the genealogy. Maybe my husband will take my name:)

@flameboi – I think it is just purely traditional. I don’t see a problem with it; most men I know would never force their wife to take his last name, but many do because it is a tradition.

I want to like marriage, I’m not opposed to marriage because I think it’s a silly tradition, but because it scares me. I am in a committed relationship, but the thought of marrying him terrifies me, and yet also excites me. Almost all of my older relatives have been divorced at some point, from my parents to my uncles and aunts to my now deceased grandparents. So I’m very apprehensive about marriage.

Meh, I’m not into all this independent woman stuff. I want to get married, I want to take his last name, and I want to be a mom. To me, I’d be proud to wear his last name, simply because I think being with him has made me a different person… a better person… and I’m interested in sort of re-molding myself. I don’t know how to explain it, I know it sounds wonky. It’s more than just a tradition to me… I’m proud to say, “yeah, he’s my husband” by having his last name.

@flameboi I like having the same name as my husband, because I feel I am more a unit with him than the family I was raised in at this point. Assuming we are talking about the USA here, if you have children, your children will have a different name than you if you don’t change it. In other countries the mothers maiden name is the second last name of the child.

But, I see the argument for women keeping their own name. Especially if you consider the history of a woman now belonging to the husband, and his family and family name being dominant. But, I don’t think of it that way.

I think the best solution would be coming up with a new last name for the new couple.

By the way, I was talking with my mom last night about turning 23 and she looked at me and said “I was 23 when I married your father. Thank you for not getting married, you are too young.” My parents are divorced.

@poofandmook: Why can’t independent women get married, take their husband’s names and be moms? I know lots of independent women who have done just that.

I want to get married. It’s been a dream of mine my whole life. But, it doesn’t have anything to do with happiness. There are lots of people living in great relationships without being married. I just want the church and all, really.

@KatawaGrey: Right, I was referring more to comments like @Les. I don’t think taking his last name is about losing your identity the way a lot of women see the practice. I think it’s just adding another, very important layer.

I guess basically what I’m saying is, I will never understand the fear and apprehension that comes with marriage and its traditions.

@poofandmook and I have similar thoughts on this.

@poofandmook: Okay, thanks for the clarification. :)

As for the name thing, I don’t want to change my name because I love my last name. It’s my mother’s name and my grandfather’s name. It has so much history behind it that I couldn’t take my husband’s name if I was to get married. I figure that my kids can have hyphenated names and then they can work it out when they grow up. Ha, even I shall be a cruel parent.

@Les Oh!!! I see, it goes against my weird beliefs but the “tradition” argument is 100% valid
@JLeslie Yes, down here you mom’s last name becomes your second last name (:s) and some women (actually, most women) add the preposition “de” “of” in english, droping their last name and taking the husbads last name, implying ownership from my point of view for example, you marry Mario Lopez, then out of the sudden you becom in Leslie De Lopez to me, that’s just criminal

I young woman who worked for me was engaged and they were considering taking her name, because his was not that great, was actually his step-fathers, and had been changed twice since his step-fathers family had come to America. Her last name was a great last name, everyone agreed. Not sure what they wound up doing in the end, because she left her job before they married. Still, they, the engaged couple, wanted to have the same last name, whatever they decided to do.

@poofandmook – I know what you’re saying about not losing your identity if you take the man’s last name, and I don’t necessarily see it as an identity loss if I were to professionally take his last name. I guess for me, it is just personal preference. I love the idea of taking his last name, but in my work, I wouldn’t want it. It is hard to explain; it almost doesn’t make sense in my head, but it is what I think I will do.

It’s not something I really think about a lot, but I think I would want to do it if I meet the right person.

I feel quite neutral about marriage. Of course, I won’t have to worry about that for quite a few years.
Seems like these days, all too many marriages fall to shit. I think that’s because the generation that’s 20–30 now (myself included) chooses to leap before they look. You’ve got people marrying after dating for 2 months. Some times you may get lucky, sometimes that will be a perfect match. But you can’t tell me you honestly know someone’s ins and outs (metaphorically, NOT physically) in 2 months.

A lot of people getting rushed into marriage by pregnancies. I’m no expert but I think that puts a lot of stress on the couple right from the get-go.

I’ll marry when I feel ready. Like everything in life, it won’t be something I rush into. And it will probably have to be my girlfriend who proposes to me, not vice-versa, considering how long I take to do anything.

@Sarcasm I agree 100%.

@flameboi Yes, I don’t like the De. The problem with it in my mind is it indicates you are married. In the US (I don’t know where you are?) we created Ms. as in Ms. Smith so a woman does not give away her marital status by how she is addressed. As far as I know Spanish still only has Sra. and Srta. De also gives away marital status. But, my sister-in-law prefers the De because she feels like she gets to keep her maiden name with that format.

@JLeslie I feel like that too. I want to have the same name as my wife. That’s my family. Whose name doesn’t matter. There are many who make up a new name.

I think I’ll enjoy being married =) If I had the money and the job security, I’d get married very soon.

the whole changing name idea is widely accepted, for several reasons like this guy did
@JLeslie
I’m in Ecuador not as fun as it sounds

@flameboi Conzco mucha gente (or should that be muchas personas) de Ecuador, de Quito. Su appellidos son Paez, Unda, Parra, y Jimenez.

I hope to one day get married and have kids. I think I’d be more devastated at never having children than I would be if I never got married- as long as I was in a loving, fulfilling relationship I’d be happy. I’m 24 now, and as I get older, I find myself warming up toward marriage. At one point, I was somewhat against marriage for myself and thought it was kind of silly. I think my progression is pretty common.

@JLeslie
Yes, those last names are common around here :)

For background:

24y/o single Male.

I don’t see the point of marriage. I’m not in the least bit religious, nor am I bothered with tradition. I have absolutely no problem with the concept of committing to be with somebody for the rest of my life, I just don’t see how having a piece of paper makes that commitment any more real.

I’d like to get married one day, and sooner rather than later.
This is mainly because I’d want to be married before having children, and I’d like to have children before I get anywhere well into my 30’s. My parents married late, had me late, and now it just kills me to be at the start of my life and feeling like I don’t have much time left with them.
However, I’m in a deeply commited relationship right now, and we have no plans to get married anytime soon. (I don’t think). =P And I’m completely OK with that.
But if I were to start getting up there in my 20’s with and my SO wasn’t ready, I think there would start to be issues.

@WhatEvil: It doesn’t, but it provides legal protection/benefits for your partner that you wouldn’t have otherwise.

@noelasun: my boyfriend is only 20, I’m 26. When we got serious, and he started talking about wanting to marry me, I told him that I wanted to at least be pregnant by 29. It was at that point I found out that he wants kids as badly as I do… like… now. So luckily, that worked out for me. But I’m totally with you on that. A lot of people don’t understand my reasoning… but I like having young parents, and I don’t want to be an old woman to my kids in their 20s.

@WhatEvil civil marriage mostly is about the legal protections in the end, of course you can be committed without the piece of paper. But, over time being married, presenting yourselves as married in social situations, thinking about your SO as a spouse, does seem to cement the bond psychologically. Similar to how a sibling is not just another friend, but a family member. It is not necessary, but it does seem to work that way.

I think some young people might perceive adults who are “pro” marriage as a moral or religious thing, but many of us do not mean that at all.

I’m engaged so you can clearly guess my view on marriage. It’s not for everyone, but I found the right guy for me. We dated for over 4 years and just bought a house together. Now there’s nothing left to do but get married and eventually work on making a family :)

i really want to get married but my boyfriend is totally against the idea. He thinks whats the point! basically he thinks all women get married for is to take all the money off thier husbands when they divorce!

@pwincess99 then tell him you will sign a pre-nup. If he still doesn’t want to marry then it is more than money.

@poofandmook thanks =)
@JLeslie I totally agree
Marriage is more for me about establishing my new family unit. Legally, officially, the most solid way you can. I’d hate it if the person that was the most important person/partner in my life didn’t hold (or was questioned about) the rights to our life. I know you can go about drawing up power of attorneys, etc, but marriage in our society still seems to be the best and most certain way.

Okay, I’m 23, female and married (married at 22) I’m still answering lol

I have always dated men who wanted to get married at some point, not necessarily to me (which was fine), but I knew that in the long term, that it was an eventual “goal” of theirs. I see nothing wrong with knowing it’ll happen eventually, but enjoying being in a long term relationship without the marriage commitment.

Marriage does change things. The sheer fact that you can’t just leave (yes, there’s divorce, but that is costly and time consuming..so it’s much more difficult than breaking up when you’re just dating.)

A lot of my girlfriends are my age, they all talk about one day being married and having children, some are in relationships, some aren’t. None are in rush. but they do want it to happen.
I think a lot of people who say “I’m never getting married” are just not in that place in their life, so it’s not even on the radar. I think that’s a “never say never” situation.

I don’t think I will know how I feel about it until I find someone worth marrying.

@KatawaGrey Great question! I’m with you on the name thing. I see my last name as reflecting my family’s history- I can trace it all the way back to when my great-grandparents came to the U.S. through Ellis Island, but not past then. My last name is also very uncommon, and I’m proud of it.

I’m 22, and it does freak me out a little bit that some of my friends are starting to get married and engaged. We’re so young! I’m at a place in my life right now where I wouldn’t consider marriage any time in the next few years. I want to at least have a college degree and some kind of successful career first, so that I don’t depend on my spouse, and if things don’t work out I can land on my feet. I’ve seen a lot of people in my parents’ generation be really unhappy in their marriages, and that seems a lot worse than being single. I don’t rule out the possibility of marriage, but to me it is only one of many options. None of my goals are tied to marriage. If I wanted to own a house or have a child as a single person, it might take a bit of work, but I would be really proud to do it. Some of the things I want to do are things a spouse might object to. I’ve always wanted to take in an older foster child, and I really want to take care of my parents once they reach old age, rather than putting them in a nursing home. I’m also glad I have the option to settle down with a woman someday. DC just voted to legalize gay marriage!!! I’ve dated both men and woman, and I think it would be a lot easier for me to spend the rest of my life with a woman.

hmmmmm…....like @JONESGH said, I’m not sure how I feel until I find the right person :)

@Haleth the thing about the name thing (my maiden name is also rather rare and my paternal grandfather who provided me with the name suffered incredible hardship in his life including immigrating to America, so I too feel I want to honor his name and feel great pride at his sacrifices) but if you are a married woman your children get your husbands name anyway, unless he is willing to give it up, but most men probably would not.

Sounds like you have lots of wonderful ideas and plans. You might be surprised to find someone who actually would be happy to share those things with you. I think your observation is right an unhappy marriage is awful, much better to be happy and single. But a happy marriage can be really incredible.

I’m 20, and I’ve been planning my wedding since I was about 4 or 5 years old. All I need is the groom to set my plans into action.

Of course, I don’t plan on getting married until I’m done with college, when I’ve been in a stable relationship for a good length of time and we’ve lived together (I couldn’t marry someone and make that kind of commitment to them until I’ve both lived with and had sex with them. Too much of my future left up to chance if I don’t test that kind of compatibility). I have always imagined myself married in my future, and that will definitely be the end goal of my dating experiences when I’m in a place to start paying attention to all that jazz, mostly when school is done.

I’m in my early 20’s and more than ready to get married. But I know a lot of people my age (and sometimes older) that are nowhere near ready. It all depends on your situation. If I were this age and hadn’t been dating my fiancé for too long, and we hadn’t been living together for 4 years already, and if he didn’t have a career, then I’d think twice about marriage. But the way things fell into place brought us to the point in our lives. I don’t see anything wrong with waiting until you’re ready though. Some people still won’t be ready at age 35. And that’s completely fine. Age rarely has anything to do with whether you’re ready or not. It has more to do with where you’re at in your life.

@Les You have no clue how complicated it will be having a different last name than your child. You can introduce yourself as such, but if it’s not your legal last name, then it does make certain things difficult. My son and I had different last names for a little while. I’d say going to the doctors was the most annoying thing.

I also have to say, my husband never requested me to change my last name. I have never heard of a guy seriously asking or expecting it. I did it because I wanted to. I kept my maiden name and just added my married name. So, I have two last names (no hyphen). I can still sign my maiden name for things (which my insurance is under, and certain credit cards) but I use my married name more often now.

The man can always change his name.

I am no longer young and I haven’t been single for a long while. However, I am one of the few people I know in my age group (35) who are married. It’s not just young people. Marriage is not the be all end all that it used to be.

My wife married at 21. She never wanted to marry, but we so wanted to be together forever that we did marry. Not legally, of course.

Also, consider that some people, young and old, still cannot marry. Some people still want access to the institution. The question of to marry or not to marry has a much deeper meaning from some people.

@sliceswiththings your kids’ last names can be anything you want…my first has his biological father’s last name…my second has my husband’s last name (though I didn’t take his when I got married) and my next one will have mine…as to the fourth, we’ll make something up…I like the idea of the kids not having the same last names…they’ll never be automatically clumped together…like there go the McDonalds kids…

@poofandmook being married and a mom doesn’t mean you’re not into ‘independent woman stuff’...I am married and a mom and a feminist and I don’t see any contradictions…you do what you want to do

@casheroo doctor’s offices can stuff it…so can school teachers…no one in my family has the same last name…in that one kid shares his with his dad…none of them have mine…my husband and I have different ones…my dad took my mom’s…no one has my dad’s…my mom doesn’t have her mom’s or dad’s…my aunt took her first husband’s name and kept it after the divorce…meh, it’s all good

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Oh, I understand that. But, the way she described it would be quite convoluted. And some places don’t accept you just calling yourself by a different last name. It’s completely silly, IMO. Name changes are so annoying though. Too much paper work. Sometimes I regret changing it, because of the hassle.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: Don’t kids legally have to take the last name of the father?

@poofandmook No. A parent can give a child any last name they choose. They can even make one up.

@poofandmook no, because many moms don’t even put down the name of the father…they don’t have to in NY if they don’t want to…when I gave birth to my second child, I wasn’t married to my husband…I had to fill out paperwork for him to get legal recognition as a father

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Same here. My sons father, and now husband, had to proclaim paternity and we had to send it off. The hospital luckily has all that paperwork, I had no clue it was so different for “single” mothers.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir & @casheroo: Huh… no kidding. Well, you learn something new every day!

@Simone_De_Beauvoir @casheroo But isn’t that because you weren’t married at the time? Or, can you pick any name as the last name regardless of marital status? Sorry if you already answered that and I did not understand clearly.

the older i get the more i want it. when i was a kid i thought i would never get married, but once i fell in love i knew that marriage is something i want. not for awhile anyway, or at least until i meet the absolute perfect person and my mind is just flooded with the thoughts of church bells & the wedding march. haha

@Simone_De_Beauvoir @casheroo: My mother is a single mother and when she had me, she put “anonymous sperm donor” down in the father name spot and the stupid hospital put “none named” instead. It used to make me really mad because that leaves things wide open as far as fathers go. Now I’m over 18 so it’s not so big a deal but grrr it got me wrangled.

@JLeslie Definitely doesn’t matter…when I gave my first child his biological father’s last name, neither of us had that last name and we were married…that was to be come our family name but by the time we got around to changing it, we divorced

I’m not really part of this discussion, being 66 and too far out of the marriage controversy, but I do think it’s funny (ironic) that some people want to be but can’t get married because close minded voters, and some people who can get married don’t want to because of misleading statistics.

@YARNLADY: Amen to that. A good portion of the divorces every year are due to people who got married when they were teenagers.

@JLeslie I know people who have infact “made up” a last name for the child because the parents weren’t married but they both wanted the child to have their names… strange (and frankly that becomes a big knot when anyone asks) but true.

I heard about a family in New Hampshire that let their three-year-old son Kyle choose his middle and last name. He became Kyle Bullfrog Banjo. They gave him naming privileges when his little sister was born a few years later. She is Indigo Sky Banjo.

The parents took the surname “Banjo” to match their kids.

@sliceswiththings: I can’t tell you how much that cheered me up. :)

@KatawaGrey I’m so glad!! A friend told me about it when I was feeling down once. Spread the story and cheer more people up!

No marriage.

Not that I’m a bachelor by any means or anything of the sort – marriage just isn’t an option, I wouldn’t allow it knowing I’m leaving for the Marine Corps. in a year or so.

Even if I did fall in love, I wouldn’t feel comfortable getting married knowing same-sex marriage is the way it is. If 26 states legalized it, I might consider. And if I were in love, of course.

I believe that when you are in love and you’re happy and you know that that is the person that you want to be with for the rest of your life it really doesn’t make a difference whether you get married or not. As long as the two people are committed to each other that’s the only thing that really matters. I’m getting married more than anything because it would make both my parents and his very happy. I don’t feel that I need the “tittle” in order to be content. But getting married to him is just one more way to show him and everybody else just how committed I am to our relationship.

What you’re all forgetting is that people who aren’t married don’t have rights in very important situations, like illness. I think marriage, if nothing else, is important legally, if you know there is going to be a lifelong commitment.

Which is the single biggest reason I am so furious about gay marriage being illegal. They’re denied important rights because some fucktard can’t open his mind.

I am 18, a university student and in a long term relationship (14 months so far). I am open to the idea of marriage, but I don’t see the need to make a decision or have a stance on the issue until it becomes a possibility. I certainly don’t want a flashy traditional wedding though, I would prefer it to be much smaller and low key.

@TitsMcGhee It can be a lot of fun to think about that stuff. I think it would be great to create an equivalent rite of passage for people who stay single. It sounds kind of extravagant to throw myself a huge party, like, “I was single! And… I still am!” but I would love to have the wedding and the honeymoon without having to go through the marriage part. Seriously, I do think there should be an event like this for single people to show that we’re embarking on a new phase of our lives.

I’m 18, and I’m really not thinking about marriage right now.

But that’s because I’m 18 for Chrissake. I’m still living with my parents. I’m not currently in a relationship, and certainly not in love (or perhaps I am, in a wistful way, to someone I will likely never see again. (perhaps that is why the simple idea of being in love feels so foreign and inaccessible to me at this time in my life, as if a stone has momentarily taken the place of my once warm and open heart.))

I kind of have other things to do before I can think about marriage.

I do like the idea of marriage… but I’d need to fall in love first. I can’t think about the institution of marriage without having a specific person in mind, for what does marriage entail? Sharing a home, a family, a life with another person. How can I imagine marrying someone I have yet to meet? I’d want, rather than decide whether I wish ever to marry, and then, upon deciding in the affirmative, find a woman to fill the position, as a supervisor searching for an employee to fill a vacant space, to instead make no pronouncement as to my intentions for a lifelong partnership until I know who that partner would be—to, upon meeting someone who I fall in love with, (if ever I should meet such a person), make my decision to marry at that time, and not a moment sooner.

I give myself the creeps when I think about this. I’m nearly through with my first 20 years in this life. Then will come the second score, at the conclusion of which I will be forty. If I’m ever going to have children, (Children. That is a strange but wonderful idea.) which I think I probably would if I ever were to marry, I’d probably have had them by then. And at the end of the next score, those hypothetical children would be old enough to have children of their own! I prefer not to think about it. Let the future unfold itself; I see no need to rush it.

Forgive me if I sound like I’m on drugs. I am.

I feel exactly the same way you do, as far as I can tell.

I’d be perfectly happy being “happily unmarried” to someone in a committed relationship.
I don’t think rings, some paperwork, and insurance benefits are necessary for love.

I think that being in a committed relationship that you’re happy with is more important than any legality. Then again, I probably will get married because you get really cool gifts when you do.

I’ve hit the point, at 25, that I want a relationship. I haven’t really been at that point before because I had so much else going on in my life, but its something I think I’m ready for… as soon as I find the person I’m meant to have it with. ;)

@avvooooooo I hope that you never find out what happens when you aren’t legally entitled to the spousal benefits and rights are denied to you because of a “piece of paper”.

@avvooooooo Those legalities come in handy quite often, they’re more important than you think.

@casheroo I agree. The only time the consequences of not having a ‘legal’ union come up is when it is too late.

@avvooooooo: One of things my professor in my sociology of family class was talking about was how a wedding is a great way for a couple to get a large amount of money as well as useful little things for starting a new life together.

@YARNLADY, @casheroo: Truthfully, i don’t know most of the legal benefits but one things that stands out for me is next of kin. This reason alone might just tip me over into marriage land. When my SO is hurt or dying, I want to be the one to make all the decisions regarding his/her health. I want to be the first one that the hospital calls if there is an accident. I want to be the one to decide whether or not to pull the plug if he/she is in a vegetative state.

This is also the only reason I truly advocate gay marriage. The way I see it, no one really needs to get married anymore but I think everyone has the right to be informed of/make important medical decisions for their SO.

@KatawaGrey It’s little things as well, but next of kin is definitely huge. So is the whole taxes thing, claiming someone and filing together. You benefit from being married, from being a family. That’s only one reason it’s not fair to exclude gay people from benefiting off the system just as hetero people can.

@casheroo: I didn’t mean that to be a nasty or anti gay comment. I simply didn’t know any of the other benefits when I formed that opinion. When I was younger, I figured the only reason gay people wanted to get married was for that reason, which seems like a pretty big reason. Like I said, it doesn’t seem as if anyone needs to get married anymore. I think the best solution for everyone would be if these benefits would be available to non-married people if they can prove that, say, they are domestic partners. I’m not saying gay people shouldn’t get married but I think, ultimately, that marriage is an outdated institution.

@KatawaGrey Oh, I wasn’t trying to imply you were anti-gay (for some reason, I thought we were on that gay marriage thread lol). I think marriage in the religious sense is an outdated institution, but it’s a legal contract so I don’t think it’s outdated at all in that aspect. You need a contract with someone to commit to them, which IMO is how it should be. And all I was saying was that anyone who wants to make that commitment should be allowed to.

@casheroo: Okay, that makes more sense. I guess what I meant to say is that marriage is outdated, but civil unions are a good idea and anyone really should be allowed to get one.

Anyway, since marriage is a religious institution, I don’t think I could technically “get married” because I am not religious. Odd, though, that a judge could perform a religious ceremony…

@KatawaGrey I got married in a chapel in Vegas. Nothing religious about it. Marriage nowadays is not religious, unless you make it that way. I have plenty of friends who have had judges do their weddings…because they have to sign the paper, it’s a legal document that you have to get and have signed by someone allowed to do so (heck, I forget the name) and I believe one or two witnesses…we had two (my brother and best friend) I’m totally not religious at all, and getting married was done because we love each other and wanted to join in a commitment that was legally binding.
I assume most gays could care less about getting married in a church, it’s about the legal benefits and being able to call someone your wife or husband and it being an actual legal term.
I do agree though, if anything…we should all have civil unions, and disregard anything that has to do with churches. But, they just oversee the wedding itself, it has nothing to do with the state.

I’m not sure if I’m making sense anymore.