Do you think that it is necessary to suffer in order to grow?

I think it’s just circumstantial. In some cases, you can come to understand and learn from things without having to actually experience them yourself. But with others, such as overcoming a fear or phobia, you will have to step from your comfort zone to face it head on.
If you can see a way around it, it shouldn’t really be necessary to suffer, but that’s just not always a choice.

I don’t think you have to suffer to grow, but I think you will grow no matter what from suffering.

I don’t think that it’s necessary to suffer, but it’s necessary to make mistakes.

I am not sure that I would use the word suffer. I do think that in order to grow, you need new experience and you need perspective.

In the case of the former, it can often be uncomfortable, because it is not familiar (new experience). It can be painful (growth from making a mistake).

In the case of perspective, I think that can come over time (not uncomfortable), or it can come from introspection (which can be uncomfortable).

It seems to me that calling suffering a necessary ingredient is an oversimplification. I have learned much from positive romantic relationships, work relationships and friendships. It does not seem to be any less quality of wisdom than what I have gotten (also much) from making mistakes, trying new things, etc.

Have you not learned a lot from raising your son?

if you suffer… that’s agood sign you are alive and actually have a heart (I know a bunch of people who don’t)

I believe that it is not really a question of suffering, I think it’s really the learning. Some people just have to learn things the hard way (this applies especially in relationships), whereas some other things can just be learned by reading straight off a textbook. However, I do believe that some things just have to be learned “in the field”, like experiments or doing practical. Take pen spinning, for instance. At first, it seems almost impossible – but after you sacrifice a few painful hours, you can spin as well as anybody else. For those who don’t want to wade through all that I wrote, what I’m saying is that sacrifice is essential for progress (Oppurtunity costs, sacrificing your time for your significant other, etc.)

In Conclusion: It may hurt, but the rewards that you reap from the end are worth so much more.

great answer
also available in book form

Necessity has nothing to do with it. If you are alive, you will suffer. Is it possible to take steps that will put some of that suffering to good use? Yes. Can you do so every time? No. I don’t think I am a stronger or better person because I experienced the death of my father. I just miss my dad. But having gone through the acute pain of divorce has, I believe, made me a better companion to my fiance.

I think it’s fair to say that if you consistently refuse to leave your comfort zone and only act when certain of the outcome, never taking risks, then your growth potential is severely limited. You’ll never leave the realm of the known, the familiar. The only advancement you’ll make will be by treading the well-worn paths laid by others.

The biggest impediment to growth is unwillingness to challenge your self-image. Making that self-image vulnerable always involves an element of fear. Every time you challenge your own assumptions and opinions or expose yourself to the risk of failure or embarrassment or rejection, you’re putting your self-image on the line, and that’s where the fear comes from. But I’m convinced that growth ultimately requires a heavy pruning of the self-image. A ponderous load of ideas about who you are is a heavy anchor.

“Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.” You will always be hurt or made uncomfortable at times during your life, but the way you handle it determines whether you will suffer or not. For example, you can lose your job (pain), then wallow in pity (suffering), or you can get out on the street and find a new job, which is probably better suited to you (growth).

It really comes down to you can’t avoid it.

So you might as well learn from it. You learn, then you grow.

I know plenty of people who have not suffered significantly in their lives and are dreadfully naive because of it. A few of them have even admitted that they wish they have suffered more because they would then gain a “greater understanding of the world.”

I would not wish this existence on anyone, though.

“I know plenty of people who have not suffered significantly in their lives”

I see that as a covert form of suffering.

If by “Grow” you mean “change”.. then “suffering” isn’t a necessity. Consider someone who is born rich and becomes a great business man vs someone who was born poor and who becomes a great business man. The poor one might have suffered, but the rich one did just fine without suffering.

“Change is abrasive” is what i think.

If you want to switch from whatever you are to something else, you have to go through a period of discomfort and resistance. at the other end of that discomfort and resistance is a new comfortable version of yourself. In fact, you would have to experience discomfort and resistance in order to change back to the person that you were.

In his book The Road Less Traveled, Scott Peck gives an interesting view on this. He says that we grow to the extent that we can increase the breadth and depth of our capacity for pain. For example, he says that in becoming a parent you grow by taking on not only your own suffering but that of your children.

There are some kinds of suffering that are normal and expected parts of life—not getting what you want, being separated from your mother on the first day of school, being told there is no Santa Claus, dealing with bullies, childbirth,having one’s heart broken by a sweetheart, the death of a loved one—that seem to be be milestones in everyone’s growth. People support one another through these episodes; they give each other encouragement and good advice, and so, for the most part, people grow.

Then there are random shocks—sickness, unemployment, a particularly nasty divorce, getting drafted in the army and being forced to shoot someone, sustaining an injury that leaves you in chronic pain, chemotherapy. Sometimes you are able to get good support and advice and you pull through. Other times, however, you are saddled with people can’t seem to resist the opportunity to judge and otherwise kick you when you are down—i.e., by blaming your illness on your choice of lifestyle; blaming your unemployment on a list of your moral deficiencies; blaming your messy divorce on your poor judgment in having chosen your partner in the first place; blaming you for not taking “personal responsibility” in avoiding some risk; or blaming you for “wallowing” in your misery when you don’t immediately bounce back after they have given you their “good” advice.

It’s in these times that people feel it appropriate to solicit you to come to Jesus, or to tell you they told you so. Of course, it’s all done under the guise of being helpful. But whether one comes out of these crises any the wiser tends to depend largely on the wisdom and support one receives.

And then, there is the suffering one endures due to the cruelty and malevolence of others—child abuse, discrimination, betrayal, torture, prison, slavery, stigma or other social outcast status—sufferings that undermine a person’s autonomy and self-respect. These are extremely debilitating forms of suffering which only rarely challenge people in ways that make them better.

It’s almost impossible to get good advice on these matters, since most people haven’t experienced these things and so have no idea as to how debilitating they can be. In cases of child abuse, discrimination and stigma, they may even deny that it happens, or they are complicit with it in some ways. In some Protestant denominations, for example, beating one’s children and “breaking their wills” is considered a “biblical” model of parenting. Or folks maintain some other rationale as to why some people “deserve” to be dehumanized.

Sadly, people who have been treated cruelly, who have been humiliated, “broken” and dehumanized often rationalize their experience in ways that seem to justify their brutalization of others, or to advocate severe disciplinarian “zero-tolerance” policies toward others.

If I have to suffer anymore Mel Gibson is going to make a fucking movie about me

I think we need a little bit of everything in order for personal growth – rejection, accomplishment, making mistakes, learning from our mistakes, and maybe even a little suffering. Determination is the most important ingredient.

I don’t think we need to suffer in order to grow…part of development is to learn from experience and build up resilience which is all part of developing individuality.

I do believe that we need to face our ‘fears’ as such in order inform our choices, which includes making mistakes.

As we all know life is about the ups and downs and although people may not like to admit it we thrive off the roller coaster ride….and wouldn’t life be boring otherwise!

I really like what @sliceswiththings said.

@Zen_Again thanks

There’s a saying, “If you’re not the lead dog, the scenery never changes.” You do have to try new things in order to grow. The amount of risk taking can vary, however. I read somewhere that it takes 30 times of doing something to cultivate a new habit, and 10,000 effort hours to master a new skill.

You have to give yourself permission to fail at new ventures. You really don’t learn anything from things that come easy. On the other hand, if you make a mistake, and don’t correct it, you don’t learn anything from that either, except to fear effort.

Somebody has been feeding you a line.

Suffering is only necessary if you want to be an emo kid.

and who the fuck wants that?

“No pain no gain?”
I have noticed that it is, mostly, affluent people that tend to haul themselves up mountains and drag themselves down caverns. Does this suggest a need for difficulty? Oh, and they do seem to like to ‘sail’. Round the world, if poss..
Perhaps we do have an innate requirement for obstruction and resistance.

so.. @Blondesjon and @lloydbird you’re not advocating this “nonsense” of suffering = gain then?

@lynneblundell No, I’m not “advocating” suffering as a necessity for acquiring “gain”. Rather trying to point out a perspective on it. I suppose that ‘suffering’ or ‘hardship’ can be basically divided into two types – voluntary and involuntary.
For those aforementioned “affluent” types, who are untroubled by the rigours of material lack, there is a choice taken, all too often it seems, to voluntarily place themselves into challenging situations (rock or mountain climbing being good examples) that entail a high degree of ‘hardship’ and risk. This is not to say that all people who engage in such activities are affluent. This does suggest that there is some innate need for life to be challenging, at least to some degree.
I wonder if I am right to feel no sympathy whatsoever when such people perish as a result of their dangerous, voluntary choices.

As for involuntary ‘suffering/hardship’ – the kind that life throws at us, beyond our control for the most part, poverty, disease, conflict, social insecurity, violence, injury and so on; I don’t personally see any need for such hardships to be endured by people in order to gain any benefits. However, when faced with the consequences of such situations, I believe that it can be useful to try and look for any unintended benefits that might have arisen. To try and be positive. Philosophical. But not complacent. We all should do what we can to alleviate the suffering of others. In this way, our own involuntary suffering might come to be alleviated also.
For people in these kinds of circumstances, I have no end of sympathy

If anything, it’s more what we do with our suffering that enables us to grow. I’m sure everyone suffers at one point, and some more than most. Some will grow from it and some will not.

No, but it certainly accellerates the learning process if you’re able to look past the suffering and discern the underlying lesson.

No need to suffer really but there are some decisions you got to do that sometimes cause the suffering. When you embrace it, THAT is when you grow.

Life is hard, but people say ‘get over it’ ..... I don’t want to get older…. I was happier when I was 10…. now I’m 19 and going through my first break up…. but yet, people say “get over him, thing’s will get easier” and logically… I’m going to just be a tougher person after all the other crap that’s probably coming my way…. but I don’t want to be…. I don’t think it’s really growing…. the suffering doesn’t make you a smarter person, it can make you wiser in some situations, but it just toughens your heart…. the real growing comes from learning and understand what you didn’t know before…

I don’t think it’s necessary to suffer in order to grow, but I think it’s necessary to fail and make mistakes and learn from them. If one suffers because of his/her failures and mistakes, then it’s just part of the total learning package, but not an essential part of it.

IMO you cannot not suffer in the first place. And btw. how do you expect to grow by means of pleasant things? Sure you can grow from tasty, tasty chocolate cake (mmm… chocolate cake), but that’s the wrong kind of growing I would think. But getting back to my first observation: you exist, therefore you suffer (buddhists know what I mean here). What changes is the degree to which you suffer in any given moment. Profound suffering can do more harm than good, though a lot of people have been known to change “for the better” (whatever that means) after experiencing some sort of ordeal. Suffering in general gives you perspective, a backdrop to view the pleasant things on and be able to make a value judgement.