I think it would be helpful if we knew kinds of traits you would find attractive in a guy. Or maybe explain some of the ways you’ve been burned in the past, and how that helps form your ideas about what a good guy is for you.
We hear so often—from both men and women—that it is much harder to find someone after 40. You’ve been out of the “game” so-to-speak, and no longer feel confident about its rules or how you match up.
As others have said, doing things that are important to you is a good way to meet people with similar interests. Do you have any hobbies? It seems like animals are important to you. Can you work in a shelter? Can you train dogs? Can you “speak” to them? I don’t know. I’m just brainstorming. But you can start by pursuing your true interests. People who share those interests—maybe even male one—will be there.
You can build on contacts, too. Your girlfriends are important in this process—or women you meet. If you build friendships, then those women may start thinking about men who might be good with you. Everyone’s a matchmaker, you know. It’s just that most are really bad at it! ;-)
But you’ve started out well. Letting people know that you’re looking gives them the idea. They keep that idea in the back of their minds, and then, if they meet someone they think is suitable, they can put you two together. This is true in real life and the virtual world. Networks count for a lot. Don’t be too shy to use them.
Oh. I think women are concerned about attracting the “crazies.” Worried about attracting stalkers. I’m not really sure there are a lot of stalkers, but I do think it is wise to be careful. Get to know someone’s ideas and beliefs and what they like to talk about and all that other stuff before you even decide to maybe start “dating.” I think it helps you feel confident about your choices. People can get burned, and then they start to feel like they don’t know what they’re doing. If you go slow, you can be much more confident in your assessment of a person, and you are less likely to get burned.
You don’t have to be a good judge of all characters. All you need to know is how to figure out who you want to trust, and if they are trustworthy. To be trustworthy, their stories must hold together. It takes time to suss out who is making up a lot of shit. If a guy isn’t willing to go slow, then he’s not who you want to develop a more serious relationship with.
