How do I fix my social anxiety issues?

Maybe you need to raise your standards. Trust your gut, when I hang out with people that I don’t really want to I end up getting into trouble.

Is it just with others, and not your fiance or family? Do you have issues running daily errands, like grocery shopping?

I suffered severe social anxiety for years, and the only thing that helped was therapy.
Oh, and it does not mean you are not “fun,” it means you have an illness that you cannot help.

When you do go out, how do you feel afterward? Are you glad you did? Or do you feel like you’ve wasted your evening?

What makes these people your friends if you never see them? If you do see them, how do you spend your time other than going out?

One more question. Hard to put this delicately, but are any of the things you do with your fiance the kinds of things you could also do with friends? Maybe it’s the going “out” part that you don’t enjoy and not the socializing.

For someone to want your company is a great gift to you. But it doesn’t all have to be about clubs and drinking.

You have not said whether this is a new phenomenon or whether you have always felt this way.

If the latter, have you tried medication? Chronic anxiety can really be helped by SSRI drugs.

@casheroo I usually only experience this feeling with other people. Not with family or my fiancé. And yes, if I have to run arrands alone I often times can’t do it.
@Jeruba Afterwards I most times feel good. And I wonder why I ever doubted it to begin with. When my friends come over my house I’m totally fine. But when we make actual plans to go somewhere, and there is lots of time for anxiety to build up, that’s when I start feeling tense.
@Marina I have always felt this way. It was worse as a teenager but as I’ve gotten older I’ve tried to control it a little better.

@ItalianPrincess1217 In that case, I suggest that you consider seeing your physician and trying an anti-anxiety medication or see a therapist who can help you determine if that would be helpful to you. Life does not have to be so very painful.

Good luck!

Maybe you have a little bit of a social phobia. Before it really starts to interfere with your life maybe you should consider talking to a counselor who understands Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

@ItalianPrincess1217 Perhaps you are just an introvert?

I am an introvert and have no problem giving speeches or discussing a subject I am passionate about. I can handle parties with people I know. However I would rather roll naked in broken glass than go to a club, bar or the mall during a sale.

Here is a quote from the article above that clarifies a bit:

What is introversion? In its modern sense, the concept goes back to the 1920s and the psychologist Carl Jung. Today it is a mainstay of personality tests, including the widely used Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; introverts generally are not. Introverts are also not misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say “Hell is other people at breakfast.” Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring.

Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially “on,” we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn’t antisocial. It isn’t a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: “I’m okay, you’re okay—in small doses.”

@ItalianPrincess1217 @Marina‘s advice is spot on! If this is a mental disorder, then it can be treated. The sooner you get diagnosed and start treating it, the less pain you will have to endure.

Seek therapy. Preferably a specialist who won’t write off this legitimate disorder as simply being “shy” or will merely hand you some pills and leave you to your own devices. Social anxiety is not something that is easy to explain or treat for someone who isn’t familiar with it. Nor is it something that can be fixed easily or quickly, and in some ways, it will never completely go away. I’m personally against using prescribed or OTC medication for my anxiety, since the root of it is psychological. Thus psychotherapeutic treatment is the method I’ve used in the past and has been very helpful for me.

And don’t worry about being boring or anything of the sort (easier said than done, I know); the anxiety surrounding social situations often leads to avoidance or simply not talking/doing anything when around other people. I imagine people found me rather boring to be around, but the reality was I was scared of everyone. Once you get into therapy and can begin working through issues with your therapist, it’ll become easier to speak to people and worries of being boring, too quiet or any other social ills should go away as well.

This is exactly how my anxiety issues began. I knew I should try to get help but I kept putting it off and putting it off. It kept getting increasingly worse. Eventually, it basically took an intervention to get me out of the house and to the local mental health center. I’ve got all kinds of labels now (diagnoses include: agoraphobia, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, panic disorder, dysthymia, seasonal affective disorder, major depressive disorder)* and I’m on several medications which don’t totally solve the issues, but at least keep me from being completely homebound, and I also talk to a psychologist for therapy on a regular basis.

So my advice to you is to please speak to a medical professional about it before you spiral downward to a point where you’ll have to go through as much work as I have to in order to bounce back. It’s hard work and it’s not fun, so the sooner you get on it, the better.
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*Jesus Christ, I’ve never seen them all written down in one place like that before. I’m an effing mess… Bah.

@MacBean—holy crap, other than SAD, we have pretty much the same diagnoses, from when I was younger. Add PTSD and bipolar onto my list though lol. BTW, I don’t think I have HALF those disorders. Just doctors not putting it all together. The PTSD was the major culprit.

@MacBean No, You are an honest, courageous, caring person. Thank you for telling us that. A personal shared experience is much more meaningful than general opinions.

@ItalianPrincess1217, are you by any chance troubled by performance anxiety in things like hosting an event, giving a presentation, being on stage, and taking a test?

And is there anything about getting dressed up to meet some sort of expectation, acting a certain way in a public setting, and staying in control while drinking that troubles you in the same way?

Could it be you just do not have the extra money to go out?
And, do not want to spend what you do have.