Did I handle my family issue inappropriately?

I think the only appropriate action to take is to call Child Protective Services on her. If you know that she is taking her son with her when she sees her “clients,” you can reasonably believe that the child is being abused. And no, you are under absolutely no obligation to include this woman in your Christmas cards, much less invite her to your wedding.

I can see it being viewed as immature, but after all of that stuff you said, I’d probably do the same thing. I personally get to the point with some drama-loving people that I decide they’re just not worth my time. Not to mention, I have cut some of the more dysfunctional family members out of my life entirely, so I really have no qualms about that if I feel it’s warranted.

So, along these lines, I soooooo would not invite her to my wedding. It’s my wedding, why the hell would I invite someone I really dislike, who is not a good person, and who could potentially ruin my big day? Forget that..

I agree with @holden.. I’d be even more upset if I found out something happened to the child.
And @MissAnthrope just said what I was going to about the wedding..
I need to type faster.

Removed by me.

@MissAnthrope seconded. It’s your wedding, damnit. No one else’s. Well, except your husband, of course.
@ChazMaz that was inappropriate.

@holden She recently had CPS called on her (not for bringing him along while seeing “clients” but because she also abuses him). I heard that they closed the case because they couldn’t find any evidence of abuse. Can I make another report? Would it matter to them that Sara and my cousin are constantly having physical fights in front of the baby? Within the last week they have beat each other up 3 times while the baby was watching and once at 3 am, waking the baby up from his sleep.

Poor kid. :(

I would, if not just for the possibility that the child might be taken out of the situation. The more reports that pile up are just more damning evidence.

@ChazMaz No. Not my legs ;)

Violence in the household, even violence that is not directed at the child, is reason enough to call CPS. I encourage you to make another report. Also, my name is Sara. Is it too late to change pseudonyms?

@all The only issue I potentially see happening from her not being invited to the wedding is that it may upset my cousin. If that’s the case he won’t come. And if he doesn’t come, his mother won’t show.—Etc, etc…—It could have a chain reaction. It might blow up in my face.

@ItalianPrincess1217 hold your ground. Again, it’s your fucking wedding. Is your entire family going to hold it against you if you don’t invite your cousin’s violent, abusive, prostitute girlfriend?

@holden Oops! Ok we’ll call her Wendy!

You can’t own what they may or may not do. Stick to your guns and don’t invite her. And yes, call CPS. That child needs someone on their side.

Yes, I think the bigger issue at hand is getting the boy out of that household and as far away from Wendy as possible.

@holden @gemiwing I agree with getting the child out of the situation. But the father (my cousin) is a fit parent when Sara, Oops. I mean Wendy isn’t in the picture. And my family is on his side. They think he should leave her and have full custody of the child. So if I get them in trouble with CPS, they’ll take him from both parents and I will, in return, be hated by my cousin and entire family. It’s a very sticky situation.

This girl needs help—and fast. Taking the child away might be worse (he’s three and attached to her) than getting her and her “boyfriend” into a situation where they see what they are doing to each other and their child. Maybe CPS can help. This question goes way beyond seasonal cards and wedding invitations. Their baby is at risk for many reasons.

@ItalianPrincess1217 report anonymously, then. What is your cousin doing about this?

@skfinkel It does go way beyond names being left off invitations. Absolutely. Now you see my reasoning behind that decision. I can’t bring myself to include someone who is so abusive and psycho!
@holden Good idea. I never thought of that. My cousin does nothing to improve the situation. He is afraid to take action. He assumes the mother is usually awarded custody and thinks he’ll lose the battle.

@ItalianPrincess1217 go make the call, and let us know how it went.

I think if you want to invite your cousin then you have to invite the girlfriend too. You could make the invitation Cousin + guest. The same way you might if you were not aware of his girlfriends name or if he had an SO. Sara will feel slighted, but she also might be less likely to come as she will feel unwanted. I would more likely just be civil to her in family situations and if your cousin thinks of her as an SO then she is. If you are worried about her childs safety, which is a separate issue, you can call child services.

Do what your conscience tells you. Who gives a fuck if someone else doesn’t like it? It seems like you are the only one concerned about your cousin and the kid. IMO, the rest of your family are the one’s with explaining to do.

Forgive me if you already answered and I missed it, but have you tried talking to your cousin about it? When girl isn’t around?

@rangerr It’s pointless to try talking to him. For some reason he is the only one allowed to talk badly about her. If anyone else does (and I have) he defends her. She has mental issues and has a way of making him feel sorry for her. I don’t understand it. But I’ve come to accept it.

I wouldn’t accept it. You’re looking out for your family. That’s what you’re supposed to do.

@rangerr You’re right.

@ItalianPrincess1217 – how does your fiancé feel about it all? Have you talked to him about it?

I like the idea of @JLeslie – RE: Cousin + Guest. I know it seems petty but it doesn’t sound like anyone is ostracising her petty or even downright BAD behaviour so I think you would be forgiven for these smaller gestures while making your point.

I feel for you, sounds messy xoxoxo. You shouldn’t have to be put in the position of feeling uncomfortable at your own wedding. :(

If they are physically abusive to one another, that’s reason enough, atleast in Ohio, to take the child to foster care. Calling CPS works in most cases, but you may need to be persistant.

Yes, immature, but at the same time, you are under no obligation to send a card or invite someone that you personally do not care for. I have left people off of lists for parties, holidays, bbq’s etc….Sometimes I feel bad, then when the event happens and that person is not there, I remember why I left them off.

I have one former friend that if she is invited to a neighbors home for an event, they will tell me, and I will not attend. I will not put myself in the situation where it could explode.

Your house – your rules. Your Christmas card list, your rules again. Stay firm with your feelings and convictions on how you feel. Do not let another compromise your judgement.

@Rachienz I have talked to him about it. He agrees that she is crazy. He actually came to me a week ago and informed me that whenever I’m not around she will openly flirt with him. I’m not worried in the slightest and I tried not to let it bother me. But that added to the fact that she’s a nutcase and abusive to her child just makes me hate her even more. So my fiancé doesn’t exactly want her at our wedding either. But he also tries to avoid drama at all costs so he’s unsure of what I should do about the situation.

As long as this woman has no consequences for her actions she will continue on the same path. Stir shit up girl. It might be the kick in the ass your entire family needs to deal with this crisis.

@tinyfaery LOL I agree. Lurve.

There are two crazy people in this scenario: the psychotic, child-abusing prostitute, and the child-abusing cousin who “loves” her. Don’t invite this woman to your wedding, and if your cousin has issues with that, tell him that you don’t have room in your life for his drama.

And do what you can to get that child out of that house.

Wait, is the prostitute girlfriend going to cause a scene at the wedding? If not why is it a big deal to let her come? It does not mean you approve of her lifestyle if she comes to your wedding.

@JLeslie She often causes a scene wherever she goes. She’s very unpredictable. So I’m trying to really be cautious and consider whether or not she can be trusted to be pleasant throughout the entire wedding.

@ItalianPrincess1217 Well, that is a different story. At my wedding a friend of mine brought a friend as her guest and during the cocktail hour she (the friend of my friend) drank too much and by the time we were in the reception area and the music started I was being told this drunk friend practically had her skirt over her head and was backing a friend of my husbands into a wall near the dance floor. LOL! I talked to my friend, and she put the girl in a cab and sent her back to their hotel. If something does go wrong, try to not let it ruin your night, everyone will understand it was not your fault, and people will rise to the occasion and take care of it for you. For some reason this did not bother me at all, I was more bothered that the food was not exactly as I expected.

@JLeslie You’re right. As much as I would love to see the look on her face after receiving an invitation without her name included, it would cause more drama than it’s worth. I appreciate everyone’s input a lot :) But after thinking it through and talking it over with my fiancé I’ve decided the best option is to include her on the invite. Although I might choose to put cousin plus one instead of her name. I still have a little evil left in me;) And like @JLeslie said, maybe it’ll make her mad enough that she won’t attend anyway. If she does and drama unfolds, I’m confident that my family will quickly escort her out the door and help keep it under control.