What table manners should you actually follow?

Put others at ease and be a charming companion.

Also, do you think people are aware that they chew food with their mouth open and make disgusting sounds? I can’t imagine they’d consiously do it.

What’s the 4:20 rule? I’ve never heard of that.

P.S. It felt ridiculous to learn to cut with my right hand and use a fork with my left, but the classiness factor makes it worthwhile :)

You should never make any sound if possible.
Do not eat fast.
Take bites small enough to chew.
Do not ever touch your food unless it is meant to be picked up to be eaten.

I have a friend who was never taught table manners. She learned when she came to stay with us when her parents divorced. She never realized how horrible it was to see herself eating till a few years after she stayed with us and went back to a family reunion. It really grossed her out!

The only ones I bother following are I never talk with my mouth full or chew with my mouth open, those are just basic things I’ve never done, and I try to be as quiet as possible when eating. And I sit up straight as well. I don’t care about elbows on the table or anything like that. That’s just pointless OCD. As for napkin in the lap, that’s just not what I do. I like to eat with it on the table.

The ones I would follow most carefully would be the ones that prevent yourself from grossing out other people or making them uncomfortable.

Don’t really have any horror stories, except for that one time my friend put his elbows on the table. I almost fainted I was so offended and shocked. Just kidding. I don’t notice small “infractions” and if there was anything big, I would tell you, but I can’t think of anything. I’ve known friends to spill glasses on the table while we went out to eat…that would be embarrassing…

To signal to the hostess that you have finished your meal you put your utensils where the 4 would be if you plate was a clock.

Another vote for chew with your boca shut. Yuk, those sounds ruin my appetite!

Also, passing gas is never cool at the table. It’s not even mildly funny like a dutch oven or heated car fart, it’s just gross.

I always put my silverware at 4:20 when finished, and if I’m not finished, just pausing, I place it as an “X.” But I don’t notice anyone else doing this really though. Other than that, chew with your mouth closed. PLEASE.

Make as little sound as possible, mouth closed, take small bites, excuse yourself when necessary (burping etc.), don’t eat to fast. Really a lot of those I was taught to help my digestion and they just go with having good manners.
And I have PLENTY of horror stories, too many to type.

@IBERnineD is your O key still be weird? =D

Hahaha, I just looked at my watch and figured out the 4:20 thing. Man, I’m thick.

i rarely use utensils…......i dont belong in this thread

@SheWasAll_ yes haha fixed it though!

Is there some sort of accepted ettiquette for telling someone when they have bad table manners? (ie chomping, slurping, burping etc)?

Do not answer the phone/text while at the table unless it is an emergency, if you must answer the phone excuse yourself from the table.

Did you know that chewing more and eating slower helps your digestive system?
I think it’s crazy when I look over at someone and they’re literally om nom noming their food. So unattractive.

@deni I count fingers as utensils. You’re good.

@gggritso FINALLY SOMEONE. thank you. :’) <3

@deni & @gggritso have you ever tried not eating with your hands at an Indian restaurant? they look at you weird!

Well.. Hmm.. How would you guys go about telling someone they eat like a piglet? Like what if they’re just totally not being mindful to others around them and they’re just pigging out. I mean it’s gross, but how would you tell them?

@Dr_C Ethiopian is that way too! Precisely why I like those two types of food so much :D

I was taught not to do or say anything that would make someone else uncomfortable. Sooo nice to eat in my bed!!

See this is what happens when you’re forced to go out into the “real world” and “interact” with “people”. No one can see you pig out on a chat room… the Domino’s guy doesn’t care if you belch… ~

@timetodance Uh, if it was one of my friends I’ll give them a glare that would make a man’s spirit crumble and let them know that they’re an affront to the human race. Then smile and give them some time to figure out if I’m joking or not.

Tip: I almost never am. They’d know that.

I eat with a spork at home BTW. Hope that doesn’t break any etiquitte rules.

It’s titanium. So it’s ok. Right?

@gggritso puff puff pass another 4:20 rule that we should all follow.

Elbows on the table is a big one. Any noises from drinking and chewing aer just a turn-off anyway.

Oh, and the three little forks are thimply a mutht have.~

The only rules I can think of in our house are:
Don’t use someone else’s silverware unless you ask first
Don’t take food off other people’s plate without asking
Don’t use your own silverware to take food out of the shared dishes
Don’t wipe your face with the tablecloth
If the kids throw food at you, don’t throw it back
If somebody spills something, don’t use your shirt to sop it up.
Don’t put food on the floor for the dog or let him eat off your plate – his food goes in his bowl only

Don’t take food off other people’s plate without asking.

Forgot about that one, that’s an important one. I have had people do that to me before and I’d rather people ask (I’m usually pretty generous). I don’t considering dining with friends to be very strict on rules. We’re texting half the time, usually just to the person across the table…

I only mind when people bend down and shovel food into their mouth (I mean, common, really?) and when people scrap the metal fork/spoon whatever against their teeth instead of using their lips. That gives me so many goose bumps!!

I’m not a fan of the “no elbows on the table sit up perfectly straight and ‘proper’ with napkin on lap etc etc” to me, that’s way too many unneeded rules!

I have two friends who will have, before I even get back to the table with my own plate to sit down, they’ll have mostly finished their meal. They both eat with their mouths open, and make such terrible noises. Thing is, how ever do you ask someone not to? I mean wouldn’t that be rude?

If I’m honest, I’m actually usually relieved that they are almost done eating so that I don’t have to sit at the table listening to it. Good grief, how shallow does that make me? I just really don’t like that noise. Also, one friend when she finishes her meal will stare at mine while I eat, so usually I end up not eating very much of my dinner whenever they visit. Thing is, I always serve very large portions to guests, and mine is always small, due to health problems.

Sometimes it does upset me, because when I have guests I spend such a long time cooking and making sure things are as nice as I can make them, and to have friends eat so fast that they can’t notice what the food tastes like, well it does upset me a bit. As I said, that makes me feel sad because i sound very shallow.

I agree with all of the rules the OP mentioned, except maybe finishing at the same time as others, and I would add holding your flatware properly, looks ridiculous when someone has a deathgrip fist around a utensil. I put my elbows on the table all of the time, atlhough I agree better not to; seems difficult for me to break that habit.

@bunnygrl I don’t mind when people start before me, especially if I cooked a meal and am having trouble getting everything out to the table and might be the last one sitting. What is most impportant to me is that they eat the food hot/warm, so it tastes good, that is why I cooked for them. Generally when I cook I don’t eat a very big meal, because I have been tasting as I have been cooking and am usually less hungry then the guests so I don’t feel worried about the timing, plus I tend to be the last one finished anyway because I eat slowly.

Which brings me to another point…@all does it bother you if someone eats slowly? I found it interesting that the OP mentioned finishing at the same time as others. I tend to be the last one done. I do sometimes eat less then I want to if the person I am eating with eats especially fast, but it is annoying for me.

If a napkin is at your place setting, it is proper to place it on your lap when you sit down. It stays there until you leave the table.
Get up for the bathroom, stays on your chair. After meal, back at your place setting.

Chew with your mouth closed goes without saying.
Elbows off the table.
Don’t waive your fork around as you talk.
Napkin on the lap.
If you have a roll, tear each bite, and butter each bite. Don’t slather butter over the whole thing.

@PandoraBoxx – I HATE when someone talks and waves their fork around!

Don’t reach across someone. Ask for it to be passed.

Holding your fork in a vertical fist grip and sawing across with your knife makes you look like only half a step above caveman.

Do not slurp soup. I know it may sound a little overly fancy to some, but it really makes more sense to spoon away from you before bringing it to your mouth. This prevents dripping all over your shirt or the tablecloth. On a practical level it works.

However, I have a serious
quibble with the napkin on lap
deal. I have no idea why or when that started. Whenever I try that, it ends up falling off onto the floor at some point. Not exactly too sanitary. It’s much easier to fold it next to my plate where it started out. Does anyone know why the lap is supposed to be proper? Am I the only one with a slanted lap? Gravity is a bitch.

@gggritso, 4:20 is so the waiter/waitress can take your plate from you, over your left shoulder. Also is signals to the rest of the table that you’re ready to blaze up a dube!

@Buttonstc The napkin is meant to go on the lap in order to protect the lap from spilled food, and also to spare the sight of its stained folds from the view of others. One is supposed to unfold the napkin from its arrangement on or next to the plate and fold it corner-to-corner into a large triangle. Then flip the long end to lay towards your tummy and the point towards your feet. My grandma taught me that one, and it rarely falls off if I put it like that.

I thought the signal that you’re done was simply to flip your utensils upside down and line then up diagonally on your plate. I went for internet confirmation, but could only find this.

In my house, we’re supposed to take some butter and keep it on the plate while the whole thing gets passed around. No passing across the table, and passing to the right is preferred.

If everyone just chewed with their mouths closed, the world would be a better place.

Holy God, I cannot STAND for someone to chew with their mouth open.

Interesting. I have yet to ever spill food on my lap (which is normally under the table) and I’ve tried every which way to keep that dang napkin off the floor to no avail.

I guess I just have a slanted lap. Oh well.

I guess people are just going to have to deal with the “horror” of the (rarely) stained folds. ;)

I guess I must be an unusually neat eater or something as there are many meals where I haven’t needed to use the napkin at all and it just site there untouched. The only exception is eating Spaghetti or something with tomato sauce. And normally napkins are quite large enough for me to be able to fold up the tomato stains safely out of sight.

But I can’t be the only person with a slanted lap, can I? Where are the rest of you and what’s your solution to the napkin slide.

Of course there are some guys I’ve known who either tuck the napkin under their belt or (worse yet) under their chin.

:)

Never talk with your mouth open, and never chew with a mouthful of food.

@wildpotato

You mentioned the placement of the utensils to signal when finished.

The reason for the two different methods may be more related to European vs. American customs. I’m not absolutely certain, but have encountered both as being appropriate.

This would be analogous to the different methods for cutting and eating. European style keeps each utensil in their respective hand for both cutting and eating. Americans cut first, switch fork to other hand and then eat. Obviously less efficient.

Etiquette makes me gag
I eat, I don’t spit my food out and put it on other people – I think that’s that
all else is pretense

@Simone_De_Beauvoir See my answer above.

I’m a big fan of when at a classy dinner (ie wedding) and the men at the table stand when a woman either gets up from the table or sits down. I dunno, maybe I’ve been watching too much Mad Men, but I think chivalry and gentlemen never go out of style.
And, when taking butter out of the dish for your bread always cut off a chunk with the butter knife and place it on your plate. Then with your knife butter your bread as you break pieces off. Never butter your bread from the butter dish with the butter knife.
I also think passing food to your neighbor is much nicer than everyone going free for all.

Don’t chew with your mouth open.

Don’t talk with your mouth full.

Figure out what way to pass the food.

If you’re eating with more than a few people, elbows off the table.

Don’t reach over to get something, ask for someone to pass you the dish.

At least until everyone’s had a first go-round, don’t be greedy and scoop out half the dish when it gets to you (I’ve had more big family dinners with teenage boys who don’t realize or care that we all want some of the lasagna).

Put others at ease, be a charming companion and don’t chew with your mouth open.

@JLeslie honestly I have no problem with others starting to eat before I sit down at the table, as you say, it makes sense because food starts to cool when you’ve served it. My problem is just the speed with which both my friends eat their meals. Sometimes one of them actually makes choking noises because she is just absolutely forcing the food down and not finished swallowing yet (we know because she doesn’t close her mouth when she’s chewing) before pushing more into her mouth. I can’t help it but that really does awful things to me. That and the noise which is just dreadful. As I said though, its not the kind of thing that you mention to someone is it. I mean they are both in their late 40’s so if they don’t realise by now what it looks like…. well as I said, it just seems rude to mention it to them is all, so I haven’t. Also, even if anyone did say something I promise you that neither of them would change. I know because of the way I’ve seen them treat other people at times. They don’t seem to concern themselves with others feelings.
hugs xx

@bunnygrl that would bother me too. I don’t understand why people have to eat so fast?

@JLeslie <hugs> I’ve always thought, what enjoyment is there to be found in a nice meal if you don’t take the time to taste it. I do see it at work quite a lot too though. People hurrying their food I mean, but it’s mostly just kids in their late teens/early 20’s who start their shift with us in the evening after finishing a day at college. When you’re in the midst of a maybe 5 or 6 hour shift, and have already been working all day at college, and you know that your break is only 15 mins, you would have to hurry.

I don’t tend to eat at work. I just can’t rush eating, so I just usually have a cup of tea or a soft drink, and then eat when I get home.
hugs xx

@bunnygrl It really pisses me off that many jobs think 30 minutes is an acceptable lunch hour (this is different than coming from college to a job) but if you are working 8–10 scheduled hours you should have ample time to eat and really have a mental break in my opinion. For me meals help me clear my head and enjoy a moment of the day. Especially if it is a meal with others, it becomes more of a social event and should be treated as such. My husband eats so fast. He is not unpleasent to watch, thank goodness, but I guess he must chew less than I do, and take bigger bites, how else could he eat so fast? And, what I have noticed lately is once the food comes he stops talking. When I am with my girlfriends we talk, we eat, we laugh. The event is more drawn out and enjoyable.

@JLeslie I have noticed this too. Women do seem to socialise over meals far more than men do. I know what you mean about men eating quickly too. Hubby eats far faster than I do, but thank goodness he keeps his mouth closed, and doesn’t make those awful noises. He doesn’t tend to talk at the table very much either actually. I mean if we’re just sitting on the sofa in front of the tv or whatever we can chat for hours. Those times are my favourites, it reminds me we’re still friends as well as a couple :-) At mealtime though he’s not chatty. No idea why that is. Maybe its a man thing lol
hugs xx

@bunnygrl Exactly. Interesting that you have a similar situation. I always attributed it to the fact that my husbands family did not really talk much at the table when he was young, and my family is very chatty. But maybe it is just a gender thing.

@JLeslie Bro in law is visiting and he is the same. Chats away happily for ages on end, but put dinner in front of him and his brother (my hubby) and… silence. Very odd, lol.

It would seem to just be a man thing, since as you said, even during breaks at work, women chat away happily over our (too short) meal breaks :-)
hugglys xx

It’s food.
We need it.
DIG IN
thats what i do

I have been buttering my rolls incorrectly all my life. <Hangs head in shame>

The only ones I really care about are chewing with your mouth closed and being polite. I love to eat with my elbows on the table, but I don’t do it at a crowded table or in public. @Buttonstc I have issues with lap-napkin-slidage, too. I still put it there when I’m in public, but not at home.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir You say what I’m too afraid to say… :) It’s the same way I feel about “chivalry”.

@augustlan I like to have a napkin on my lap and another one, papaer preferbly to wipe my hands and mouth. I need lots of napkins, especially if I am eating with my hands.

Table manners are for everyone; they were created and have been revised over the years by most (Afghanistan and Iraq excluded) cultures for the purpose of making the dinner affair more pleasureable, right?

Thus, the most important one I can think of, the showstopper of table manners, the be all and most significant one – the “if you don’t know your ass from your elbow on the table” would be, imho, letting your friend know when they have some parsley stuck between her teeth.

Now the pronoun here is unimportant, however, this picture becomes far, far worse when it is of a woman with some forestry betwixt her molars. Notwithstanding, parsley, or anything else for that matter, stuck between your teeth will cause everyone at the table to feel unsettled; thus disrupting the dinner and defeating the ultimate purpose of a sit-down, pass it around gathering.

Hands down, letting your fellow dinner-mate know that they have something stuck between their teeth is the coup de grace of the dinner table manners and etiquette.

@Zen_Again so true, and everyone has gone to the bathroom and seen themselves like that and wondered, “How the hell long have I looked like this?”