Is it abnormal to be sixteen and "never been kissed"?

It’s perfectly normal.

I see no wrong with it. Stand your ground and stick with your morals and values. People will value you if you do.

Hang in there, kiddo! And don’t cave to peer pressure. You have something they WISH they still had. And remember, someone out there might be saving himself for you, too!

and if you’re 21 and have not lost your virginity, there’s nothing wrong with that either

Oh, perfectly normal, not at all unusual. People much older than 16 have never been kissed. I have no proof in terms of studies to offer you, but I can tell you that anecdotally, the people who waited seem to be happier than the people who didn’t wait.

It wasn’t until I was 15 I got my first kiss. A much later did I lose my virginity. Be proud. Sex doesn’t make you cool. It can make you itchy on occasion, but not cool.

I take issue with your assertion that “most girls” have lost their virginity by 16. I don’t believe that.

Totally normal! I had my first kiss at seventeen but that was because this guy was extraordinarily forward. Otherwise it wouldn’t have happened until much later.

Once of my friends just had her first kiss (age 21) and there’s really nothing wrong with her! She’s just not confident to pursue anyone and it took until we met a guy from New Zealand while in Portugal who finally gave it to her.

I agree that it’s better to wait for someone special!

Don’t forget that lots and lots of kids claim to have been kissed or to have lost their virginity when they really haven’t. It’s about the most common lie in your age group.

No.

I am a bit concerned though at the idea of most 16-year-olds at any school not being virgins.

I mean “most girls” in MY school and it is true. it may not be true for other places but it’s very true here. one of my friends stopped talking to me because I was a virgin, and I couldn’t relate. it’s part of being accepted HERE. which I will not fall to, I have a purity ring and a promise to uphold.

Also, part of the reason I did lots of sexual stuff (and the reason I almost lost my virginity) the summer after junior year of high school was just to brag about it senior year, and so other girls would know what a badasssss I was.

In today’s American culture. According to the new Dora The Explorer and the leader of our children’s education (Hannah Montana). It is abnormal to be 10 and to not have been kissed. I personally disagree with this, but facts are facts.

@kayyyyleigh Unless you watched > 50% of the girls at your school engage in intercourse, you have no idea that “it’s true”. You know only what they tell you.

My first kiss wasn’t until after I’d graduated high school. I didn’t do much dating until I got to college. I am now happily married with two kids.

No worries.

Then stick with your purity ring and that promise.
The world would be a lot less shitty if there were more people like you.
Keep it up, kiddo.
♥

@MrItty Most teens have definitely lost their virginity. It was the same here. And not just going by what they said – it was their behavior in general.

Anyway, it’s not abnormal. Stay true to yourself and you’ll never regret it. :)

It certainly wasn’t true here in terms of virginity-losing. First off, people didn’t talk about it much, and I only heard about a few cases, most of them happening during senior and junior year. I remember one girl, super popular, every guy liked her, she didn’t lose her virginity until college.

Anyway, it’s certainly not abnormal. I was not kissed until 17, a few weeks from being 18. Rushing it and trying kiss for the sake of kissing isn’t going to be as special as waiting for it to happen with the right person. I know that sounds hideously cliched and corny, but it’s true.

@kayyyyleigh If girls don’t talk to you because you’re a virgin, they’re probably jealous because they wish they still were.

well than I’m guilty for believing in people. it’s a small town and things definatly get around. things happen and thanks to the partys (yes they exist, yes I have seen), where girls ARE drunk and DO engage in sexual activities. my idea of most girls, is different than yours and you do not know the environment in which I am in and the people who I am referring to.

Aight, I gotta share this funny story. Slightly off the question, but we’ve said a lot about believe others when they say they’ve had sex.

When I was in the sixth grade, one kid was going around saying that he could prove to others that he had had sex already. He show the other guys his penis and said that it doesn’t look that way (circumcised) before you have sex, but that the “cap” comes off when you’re inside her!!

I walked up on this conversation AFTER he had the show and tell part, but when he said what he did, I barely kept my eyes from bugging out and thinkin’ “Well, I must have had sex a LONG time ago, ‘cause I don’t even remember it!”

@rangerr : thanks so much:) haha. that made my day:)

@DrasticDreamer you realize, of course, that your assertion is 100% contradicted by your opinion, right?

If you honestly believe that “most” teens have had sex, then it would in fact, by definition, be “abnormal” to have not had sex.

So which is it?

@kayyyyleigh the sooner you learn that People Lie, the better off you’ll be.

@MrItty I know people lie. it’s part of life. I’m just trying to prove a point.
I also did a survey for my psychology class, anonomously 50 people from each grade answered if they have had sexual intercourse. which this did prove my thesis correct.

Not at all.

Hey, maybe, your first kiss will be with someone who’s really special. For me, it was with a boy who sucked my face like a slobbery hoover. And, I really wasn’t all that interested in him.

It is perfectly normal. And you should never let what you think other people have done make you feel badly or abnormal. I didn’t get my first kiss until I was 18, and it was just a simple little kiss. I didn’t have my first intense kiss until I was 21.
The bottom line is that everyone is different and there is no “normal” in my opinion.

No. But then I’m already twenty.

I felt the same way at 18. The majority of girls from my neighborhood had had many boyfriends, had sex, and some were pregnant. So it seemed like the “norm.” When I got to college, the majority of the girls (and guys) I hung out with were the exact opposite: hadn’t had sex, hadn’t had a boyfriend, etc. (and no, I’m not talking about a group of creepy people. They were all attractive social nerds).

It bothered me when I was younger because I thought I was missing out but at the same time, I don’t think any relationship I would have started in high school would have gone anywhere. Not the right type of boys for me. So, I’m really glad I waited till college. I’m still with my first love and don’t see it ending in the near future. (would say at all but the scientist in me feels like that’s cheating).

You said you have a purity ring? Does that mean you’re waiting till marriage?

I know a lot of people who do that. No worries. =D

Nothing wrong with being shy or selective but don’t be afraid to let yourself have a little smooch. It doesn’t mean your a bad girl and you don’t have to go further.

@MrItty Okay, it’s abnormal, but it’s not bad. Better?

@DrasticDreamer I still disagree with your assertion (and @kayyyyleigh‘s faith in her survey responses), but yes, that is at least consistent. :-)

@Iclamae the way I see it is a purity ring is a promise. MY personal promise is to wait, to not have meaningless sex with someone who I do not have intentions to be with long-term. if that means waiting until marrige that is what I’ll do:) but also, for me if that means finding someone really special, have great intentions of being together long-term maybe it won’t mean until marrige. life just happens and I’m making a promise to wait until I AM ready:)

@MrItty
the sooner you learn that People Lie, the better off you’ll be.
Try some cream and sugar in that bitter brew.

(FWIW, my first kiss was at 17, my virginity wasn’t lost until well into adulthood. The girls I dated lost their virginity at 18, 21, 16, N/A, and 15)

@SeventhSense yes, much better to naively believe everything that anyone tells you without bothering to critically evaluate their response.

@MrItty we just aren’t going to agree. we can agree to disagree. but are you in this situation? know these people? no. so I can be just as upset that you are making the assuption that “most girls” do not. believe as you wish and so will I:)
@SeventhSense hahahaha:)

@kayyyyleigh you’re absolutely correct. Neither of us have any factual basis for our assumptions. But mine isn’t causing me to worry if I’m “abnormal”.

@MrItty my question was actually about a kiss. I’m not worried about sex… I’ve made up my mind about that. if that makes me abnormal or naive, SO BE IT:)

@MrItty
bad people<—————— grey area———————————>pure as the driven snow

@kayyyyleigh It’s my sense that everyone here wants you to be happy, whatever you choose.

@kayyyyleigh GA

@SeventhSense yes, and?

Are you, for some odd reason, taking my statement “People Lie” to mean “Everything ever said by anyone is a lie”? The statement is equivalent to “People do not always tell the truth”, not to “People always lie”.

@MrItty
Easy….put down the weapon….

@kayyyyleigh That’s the best use of a purity ring I’ve ever heard. <3 I was just wondering.

Kissings overated, I hate it.

@pjanaway ::MUAH::

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO :(
lol

@Iclamae thanks so muchhh:) haha. I just don’t feel like I should be committed to “until marrige” it’s cliche and unrealistic in some aspects.

There is no normal.

@janbb What are you, an existentialist?

@pdworkin Just channeling some psychobabble a friend might have uttered.

I kissed a girl in 6th grade, and another in 7th grade. To be honest, if you don’t have something serious with that person, it’s nothing amazing. It’s not as “holy” as sex, but I wouldn’t worry about kissing someone too much. It’ll happen when the person is right.

I’ve never heard sex called holy before.
Lurve.

I’ve was fat an asthmatic for the Majority of my life so i decided to change that, and I was like 20 before I ever kissed a girl – now i’m a total make out whore, jk.

but no, its perfectly OK – it will progressively come your way when its time, and it will surprise the hell outta you when it does.

i promise not to laugh at you.

According to this just under 50% of high schoolers have lost their virginity http://www.kff.org/youthhivstds/upload/U-S-Teen-Sexual-Activity-Fact-Sheet.pdf probably varies by community, some high schools might be much higher, and according to the graph the number has gone down so probably when I was in high school well over 50% had lost their virginity before graduation. Also something like 1 in 4 girls get pregnant before the age of 20 and I think the stat is similar for sexually transmitted disease, so taking it slow can only be a good thing. Not being kissed by 16 is nothing to be ashamed of, completely normal. The most important thing is to do only what you feel ready to do, don’t let anyone else persuade you into anything.

I don’t understand why you were all so annoyed with @DrasticDreamer what she said makes sense. It can be statistically normal to lose your virginity and at the same time normal to not. The definition of statistically normal and normal behavior are two different things.

that’s the difference between normal and normative.

@pdworkin Thanks :)

The average age of girls losing there virginity is now 11 years old. which i find a bit to young – because odds are it isn’t 11 year old boys doing it to them. i didnt think about girls when i was 11, i was thinking about playing in the sand and blowing up GI Joes with firecrackers.

Losing your virginity or being kissed isn’t going to make you happy for the rest of your life. Honestly its not a big deal.

Unless you’re this guy

Normal and I give you a HIGH FIVE!

@ChazMaz thanks much:)

Your welcome. :-)

Do not EVER let our over sexed society sway you from making a decision that is best for you.

It always starts with a kiss.

I didnt kiss someone until I was 21.

Now I wish I would of waited longer, because I kind of went overboard with a lot of people after that happend.

That makes sense in my head, and I am too tired to articulate it further. I hope it makes sense to you. :)

There’s nothing at all wrong with that. I’m 19, never kissed a girl. Stick to your values. I really admire that in a girl.

It is perfectly normal to not have been kissed by age 16. It is also perfectly normal to be a virgin still, no matter what others are doing or saying they are doing. It’s your life and your body, and you need to do what is best for you and your future plans.

And trust me, going to college is much easier if you are not already a mother.

@Xilas citation, please, for your claim that 11 years old is in any way an “average age” for loss of virginity. I don’t believe that for a fraction of a second.

@MrItty

I actually laughed when I read that. Since there are numerous people who lose their virginity at 15–18, there have to be some who lose it at 5–8 to balance it out. Which is ridiculous. A study done here http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/64274 says that in the US, the average age for virginity loss is 16–17.

@justn
Now that’s seriously an issue.

Much of this can seriously become a major avoidance of intimacy issue. Behind many high minded moral decisions is a fear of being hurt. Yes, insulating oneself from the world sounds safe and pure but it is neither more pure nor more safe because you repress natural feelings and connection with others that is part of the human experience.

Regardless of the bitter and jaded responses that have been posted, there is nothing like a true kiss with someone you care about. It’s amazing and sex with someone you care about as well is amazing. If you’re safe and you care about someone it’s wonderful. Sure, sooner or later you’ll get your heart broken. That’s part of the smorgasbord of life.

Dig in when you’re ready but don’t save something that’s meant to be enjoyed. It doesn’t make you more pure but it does allow you to stay a child for longer. And if that’s what you need by all means do so. But don’t be deluded to think you’re bad if you do or good if you don’t.

@SeventhSense I agree with most of what you said, aside from “Now that’s seriously an issue”. For all we know, he’s not developing intimacy issues – he probably just has high expectations about the person he wants to get intimate with, and there’s definitely nothing wrong with that.

However, I completely agree about the ideas of “good” and “bad”. They don’t exist in this context. All it boils down to is being true to yourself.

@MrItty its in my social deviance text book – 8th edition By: Erich Goode

I’m not asking you to believe it – Remember its an “Average”

@DD
But for Crissakes it’s just a kiss. I was playing spin the botlle at 6 and when I found out what a French kiss was I felt like Galileo.
ON LINE 1: THE 1950’s “You kids are being too prudish”

@SeventhSense Ah, yes… But it’s just a kiss – to you. ;)

@SeventhSense several GAs there. When you are right, you’re right.

@DD
Lest we forget Casablanca. You must remember this
@pdworkin
tip of the hat

Here’s the thing. If you have not had a first kiss from a childs game of spin the bottle, then I would say don’t just go out and kiss someone. Seems if you have not been kissed that means you have not had a crush or boyfriend/girlfriend yet to be kissed by. When you find someone you are attracted to the rest will naturally follow.

Um…I’m twenty and in the same boat as you, so don’t feel behind the times. It’s not about the kissing it’s about finding the right person to do the kissing with.

Of course this is a great first kiss
well..it works for me

My first kiss with who became my first boyfriend was incredible. I had kissed one guy before (first kiss and first makeout sesh) but when it was actually someone I was into it was fantastic. I mean, it was fun with the first guy, but would have been even better if it was with with the second one.

Great googly moogly. Most girls should NOT have lost their virginity by your age. Ack!

I got my first real kiss when I was 16. He turned out to be the same guy that I did my first… everything with.

It’s excellent to not have to regret it.

Ps. Kissing isn’t the best thing in the world. In fact, there are some downright unpleasant kissers out there. Too many are overenthusiastic, or slimy, or literally stick their tongue down your throat (I am so not kidding here. LITERALLY means LITERALLY) or… well.. you get the picture.

It’s really not about the first kiss. It’s about the first person you’re comfortable kissing. There is value in waiting to find someone who is understanding and appreciative. If you’re not with someone who can laugh it off with you after some kind of ‘kissing disaster’ than you’re not with someone who is worth smooching.

PPS. Don’t try and imitate movie kisses.

PPPS. When it happens, just remember to enjoy it for what it is. It starts off awkward and gets a lot easier.

PPPPS. You should be proud that you’re not a slut. Don’t be ashamed by it. I waited until I was 18 before I had sex with anyone. It still stands as one of the best decisions that I’ve ever made and one that I can be proud of. It’s nice to be able to, when everyone is complaining about their horrible first times, be the one to say “yeah, I waited until I found a guy who was understanding, affectionate, safe and then waited until I was old enough that I could make a responsible decision about pregnancy if it came to it before I had sex with him. My first time was wonderful.” Everyone will be jealous.

@justn it’s really NOT a problem.

@MrItty why are you so determined to prove people wrong on this? just wondering…

@delirium thanks much:)

@kayyyyleigh I am not determined to “prove people wrong”. I am determined to make people question their baseless assumptions. Like @Xilas‘s textbook’s idiotic claim that an “average” age of losing virginity is 11 years old. Either @Xilas is misreading the book, the book contains a significant misprint, or whoever wrote the book doesn’t understand the meaning of the word “average”. In order for 11 years old to be an average, that means that an equal number of people X years above 11 and X years below age 11 have to have lost their virginity at that age. That is blatantly absurd, and anyone who reads that mis-fact should realize that and question the assumption.

@Mritty

You are blind to this world.

This includes sex trafficking, rape, prostitution – WHICH ARE ALL VERY MUCH ALIVE TODAY

i agree – always question data.

@Xilas

Yes, those are problems, but that doesn’t mean that 5–8 year olds are losing their virginity at such a high rate to set the average at 11. The average age of virginity loss in the U.S., 16–17, that I read in that study, came from asking people when they lost their virginity. How else would the data get here? I’m curious as to how old these worldwide girls were when they were asked. As with any study that has to be completely by asking people to answer it, the answers are going to be false in some cases, and it is going to be difficult to get an accurate representation of everyone. I know we all want to think the world is just absolutely horrible, but I can see where MrItty is coming from and there’s nothing wrong with questioning it.

Sorry, its not 11 – Actually its 13 and in some sub sets it is 11. This was a Rutgers university study. 75 percent of high schoolers confessed to being sexually active before 16. Check-out “planned parenthood”

@Xilas We are arguing about this on another thread. Was Sexually Active defined as the act which makes babies, or any sex act including oral sex? I think that is where the confusion might be here. Maybe?

I’m pretty sure the study was conducted about the actual “losing of virginity”

@Xilas Do you have the link?

I was 19 when I had my first kiss, good for you honey, wait till you meet the right person, I promise you its sooooooooo worth it :-)
love and hugs xx

@Xilas you are citing vague remembrances of ill-defined survey results about a questionable topic. Nothing you’ve said is authoritative in the least.

I am not “blind” to things happening in the world. You simply have a lack of understanding of mathematics.

@MrItty I do not wish to turn this into a flame war – you believe what you want. do not let me sway your opinion.

“Is it abnormal to be sixteen and “never been kissed”?” <——

@Xilas no chance of you swaying my opinions. No worries there.

Your posts were not pertaining to the question. You were asserting a loss of virginity. Being kissed has nothing to do with virginity. Why are you suddenly re-quoting and re-emphasizing the question now?

I will say no more – I don’t not want to be responsible for a thread hijacking.

farewell

@Xilas bit late for that, no?

I wouldn’t worry about it. I hadn’t kissed anyone until I was nearly 17, and I’m nearing 20 now and I’m still a virgin, which doesn’t really bother me. If you are comfortable with yourself, you shouldn’t let the opinions or actions of others bother you, but I’m sure you already know that.