Men who decide even after a sexual relationship with you, they just want to stay friends?

well, i cant really say without hearing his side of the story too. but yea, i would be inclined to say forget about him and find someone who will actually respect you and appreciate you. a lot of us guys are quite lonely and insecure if we are honest about it, so you should have no difficulty finding someone who is genuine and that actually appreciates spending time with you.

You will never know what he’s really thinking/feeling. (He might not really know either.)

His behavior will never change.

If you are okay with being treated like this, continue. If not, don’t.

The most important thing to figure out is “What do I want here?” Once you really know, and you determine if this man is contributing to that or not, well, you’ll have your answer as to what to do.

i think some guys just want to get laid and not saying he doesn’t like you as a person, but he knows from past results with you that if he says the right things, it will get him into bed with you. if i were you i would limit my contact with him, and definitely don’t have sex with him. if he still is friendly as ever, then he likes you. i am suspecting he is just going for the sex (not saying he doesn’t like you, but he is content with the sex and just dangling you otherwise).

He doesn’t want more. He likes what you have had and that’s all. When you changed the rules he reacted.

He just wants to get into your pants.

He will never change and suddenly want a life with you.

He will never just want to be friends.

Why should he change when you give him what he wants every time?

If you truly do not want to have sex with him, then tell him not to call you, not to come over, or better yet move. Because sure as anything, one night he will be really needing to get laid, and your number will be handy.

He wants sex.

You give him sex.

Why would he need any further commitment? He has all he needs.

I am someone who runs at the first sign of seriousness. Not because all I want is sex, but because I am afraid. If I see someone and they give me what I want without having to chase it to hard… I’ll use that well until it is dry.

I am an ass… but I really am trying to get better. :(

Isn’t assuming that dudes are just trying to get sex as bad as assuming women are just trying to get money?

Look, I don’t think this guy is behaving admirably. But I bet he is feeling guilty, ambivalent, and confused rather than just horny.

All he wants is sex. No relationship. He thought sex was all you wanted too and when you told him your feelings he obviously wasn’t on the same page. If you still have feelings for him it’s not smart to let him back into your life. You’ll just end up getting hurt. He’s using you for sex. And he will continue to as long as you allow it.

I’m going with #2..

Really.. Time to move on and find someone that will make a commitment.

the chase is sometimes the most fun thing in a relationship….....

I would like to thank those of you who have contributed to my question with mature and practicale advice.
Love to you all xx

just playing games. if you like it that way, play too.

he’s not playing games. that’s ridiculous. he just likes you this way.

so you can like him all you want, just understand that this is what you get out of it.
if you can accept this, accept it. if that’s not what you’re looking for, leave it.

your relationship with him is what it is. if you want different features in a relationship you’ll have to look elsewhere or find a way to upgrade this one. if you can’t upgrade this one, then you’re back where you started: are you happy? if not, leave it.

I think I see a different option here. He may want a relationship with you – just a mostly platonic one. And you might just be the best damn friend he’s got. In which case every time he tells you that, deep down he knows just how great you are and wishes he cared about you the same way you care about him.

If that’s the case, the sex is just incidental and convenient. Everybody gets needy sometimes. I’m not saying that doesn’t make it hurtful, but maybe he feels as guilty about it as you do – but just can’t break the cycle because he really does love having you around.

My point being there are those people you’ll meet who you will forever be friends with and probably have continuous flings, but those flings are secondary to your friendship.

People like to say ‘never’ a lot
don’t know why
there is no way for sure what may happen
but I can tell you what did happen – he knew because of you revealing your emotions that if he wanted to, he could sleep with you and he did…why? because he could and he used you…that’s not cool

Cow. Milk. Free. Why?

I think if you want to remain friends with him, you should – just make it clear that sex is out of the question if he doesn’t want a romantic relationship with you. You have standards that you don’t have to back down from, especially if backing down from those standards confuses you or makes you feel badly.

If you feel that you’ll give into him when he wants sex, then I think it’s best to end the relationship in general. If he still tries to have sex with you, knowing how you feel about him, but disregards your feelings of confusion, he’s not a good friend either.

@robmandu: Do guys seriously think that way? Doesn’t that imply that the only reason men date women is because otherwise women withhold sex from them? WTF?

@nikipedia, nah I don’t think it’s just a guy thing. I think it’s a maturity thing and it can cut both ways. Sex happens to be a very common example.

@nikipedia That sure is the reason for some men. And some women won’t have sex with a man unless they’re in a relationship with them.. imagine that

@robmandu: Sure, but regardless of gender, I’d like to believe that the people I date are dating me because they like me, not because it’s the golden ticket to my vagina. I’d even go so far as to say I hope they’d date me even if I wasn’t willing to have sex with them. (I hear this still happens once in a while!)

So where is this cow milk free thing really coming from? Isn’t it sort of insulting to both men (horny dbags with no real feelings) and women (frigid bitches who need to manipulate men to get what they want)?

Very insulting :(

the way i see it, relationships never end and they come with different features. some relationships have money management features. some have excellent communication features. some have sex features. some have a “never talk to me again” clause. others have a free hookup per year coupon. some have an exclusivity clause.

it’s just a matter of what features you care about having with a person. you can pick and choose. so what if he just wants in your pants. that’s not a bad thing. it’s just a feature he likes. if you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it. but if you do like it, then you will.

do what you want and don’t do everything else.

some people just like to try to demonize others for no reason.

really, @nikipedia, sex isn’t an evil. you’ve been had.

@nikipedia, sure, I get that. My comment was that this guy figures he’s getting his milk for free and doesn’t perceive a need to buy the cow (not intended as a derogatory term).

And then in response to your query, that he’s simply immature for acting that way. Believe me, @nikipedia, there are certainly some guys out there who only want the golden ticket to your vagina.

Similarly, there are certainly some women out there who will only hand out their golden ticket if assured of many valuable gifts in return.

Either way, such behavior is ultimately not beneficial in the long run to anyone. It takes some of us longer to figure that out than others.

@ellemac
I’d like to commend you for “sticking to your guns” with this one!

@ninjacolin: No no no no! Don’t get me wrong. I love sex. I wish I was having it right now. I just would prefer not to date someone who thinks my value == my vagina.

@robmandu: That makes a lot of sense. I guess I continue to find that people’s behavior and motivations are pretty complicated and we do them a disservice with an oversimplified explanation like “he’s a jerk” or “he just wants sex.” Anyway. I think we’re on the same page here.

“such behavior is ultimately not beneficial in the long run to anyone. It takes some of us longer to figure that out than others.”

some people never will come to this opinion. for these people, your principal is simply untrue.

@ninjacolin, agreed. But then those of us who are of that opinion would do well to avoid those who are not.

I think this is why our grand parents had the relationship first and then the sex.

It is always #2

Because of sex.

Actually men want to be your friend just for the possibility of sex anyway.

I’m a little fuzzy about what the rest of the details of this relationship looks like. Is the pattern of this relationship about going out on dates once or twice a week, and the rest of the time he hangs out with the guys and he doesn’t include you in vacation plans, get-togethers with his friends, etc., or is this about you all spend most of your free time together, go on vacation together, spend the holidays together, he brings you soup when you’re sick, picks you up when your car’s in the shop, etc.?

If it’s the former, then he probably won’t be interested in committing as long as his friends are unmarried. If it’s the later, then he probably is afraid of commitment. Either way, he’s comfortable with the relationship the way it is because it works for him and meets his needs for socialization and sexually. The commitment on his par is to be a good, reliable date, and he’s holding that end up well. His needs are met.

It sounds like yours are not. Are you happy with the relationship, but other people are telling you that you be expecting more from it? Sometimes this issue springs up around the holidays, when relatives and friends start the “so, when are you two getting married?” grilling. It’s bad to get married just because everyone you know is, or people expect you to because you’ve been dating for awhile. But if he is honestly not interested in a committed relationship, and you are, the only way that’s going to happen is with someone else.

@ChazMaz
Actually men want to be your friend just for the possibility of sex anyway.
Which of course is the worst mistake a man can make. Nice guy, friends zone bad.
Bad boy who gets sex..good. Let her be friends with her gay friend :)

@ChazMaz So you think no one dates for companionship anymore? Just for the possibility of sex?

“dates for companionship ”
Yes

Friendship
No

@ChazMaz Not that there is anything wrong with sex.

:-)