How do react when well meaning relatives pry into your affairs?

After many years of marriage, i finally discovered that letting my wife handle this type of situation is much better, than if i lose my cool. this is actually a smart move. it serves two purposes. i stay in good with my wife and she handles the problem. this is a win-win situation. approaching an in-law yourself, can cause destructive feelings that a person has to pay for now and in the future.

I would probably handle it in a humorous way, by saying something like “Now, Uncle. Surely you can’t think I’m that bad of a mother that I need to be reminded of these things!” I would then follow that up with my appreciation for his intentions and try to move on to other topics.

It depends how close I am with the relative. If it’s my mom, my feelings and internal reaction just pop out of my mouth before I can stop them or she can even finish (pssh, I know what she’s about to say! ;). If it’s someone a little more distant I’m more likely to just look at them like I feel uncomfortable, you know, the wide eyes, slight head tilt, maybe an open and close of the mouth. Then try to change the subject.

@john65pennington: psst: @SuperMouse isn’t talking about her in-laws.

Good question SuperMouse…I like to keep my nosy relatives confused…I wish I could give better advice to you…Best wishes.

well it all depends on how they put it to me i guess to how i would respond to there concerns or if i had went to them for advice first or not, to a point it is okay for a loved one to be concerned and want to be there for you, but for them to pry for information you have not given them or to how you should raise your children there is a very thin line and I would have probably told them to smoke a pole long and slow and not to forget to sit on it and twist

Ok; I tell the well meaning friends and releatives that I am an ADULT and very capeable of making my own decesions about MY life etc….

I do appreciate their concern; BUT that I’d prefer them to run their own life and to keep OUT of Mine .

They get hurt and offended ; BUT… they come around to see that I do what I think is best for me and mine…

Now; if that doesn’t work ; Then I just say ..“BUTT OUT !” and it does the trick.

Tell them straight up that you don’t need their advice, but doing it in a firm yet respectful voice. Sounds like bullshit but you got nothing to loose.

I believe that I would listen patiently, saying, “Yes, I aware of that,” to each thing they said, and then ask, “What do you should I should do?” For each thing they suggest, I would say, “Yes, we’re doing that. What else do you suggest?” Until they run out of ideas, and then say “I appreciate your concern. I am as good of a mother as I was before, and some of these things are just going to take time. Really, we’ll be fine, and I promise that if I need help, you’ll be the first person I call.”

It’s not really about your kids, but about how the juggling act is going for you.

I consider myself very lucky to have a family that cares enough to discuss any concerns they might have. I have one Uncle who is a Priest and everything he says comes in the form of Bible verses, but I love him, and wouldn’t trade his comments for anything. He doesn’t know I’m atheist, and I see no point in disappointing him.

The only real problem I have is my Father In Law who only asks questions so he can pontificate his very biased view. Everyone in the family just walks away when he starts in, and laughs behind his back.

@SuperMouse So, how did you handle it? And how did he handle you handling it? Now I’m getting dizzy.

I just tell them where to stick it. It might be easier for me cos none of my family is well meaning. Nosy but it’s to see how much trouble they can stir up.
Answerbagels???? LAWL That’s a new one!!!

I told him that I am aware of all the things he mentioned and that I am working hard with the boys so the transition will cause as little disruption as possible. I was inclined to tell him what I was doing for each of the things he pointed out but I didn’t figure I owed him that much detail

I really, really wanted to tell him to shove his opinions up his… I wanted to ask him what kind of parent he thinks I am that he would have to point these things out to me. However, I decided to respond respectfully. My mother would have been proud.

Well-handled, @SuperMouse. You probably could’ve gotten your “shove it” point across in an inoffensive way, though, if you really wanted to. Instead of an angry “What kind of parent do you think I am!?” you could’ve put on a sad face and been like, “You really don’t think I’m a good enough parent to have thought of that myself?” EL OH EL, GUILT TRIP.

@MacBean EL OH EL!?!?! I always put LAWL and thought it was clever enough but I think I like yours better ((is jealous for not having thought of it first))

You have to be assertive yet polite and listen to their concerns. Be greatful that they actually care enough to have them. However, We are all different people and we all have different ideas and ways of dealing with things. Sometimes no matter how you try and explain things. . . there will always be those who will never get it and that too is okay. Oh and by the way, with my father I will always be 15 and I am that times 3 now. I never understood that theroy until now. My oldest is 25 but she will always be 12 to me. : )