In a relationship, do you like to deal with problems right away or put it off?

When it comes to my husband and myself, I like to “clear the air” immediately and deal with any “problem” straight away! But if it’s with OTHER people outside our marriage, I can deal with it RIGHT AWAY or hold off until a more opportunistic time. But, since I’m a results-oriented person, I admit to “waiting” being difficult for me!

Straight away, I can’t stand the tension.

put it off, but not for a long time.. I usually let the matter settle down for a bit and then talk.

Usually right away since I tend to “stew” over things left unresolved. The only exception being, if I am REALLY mad, I don’t try and deal with anything until I cool off as I tend to be a bit unreasonable.

i dont have much patience..i have something in me, something on me mind, a question whatever it is..i have to straighten in out then n there until i get an honest satisfying response we’re going to be an all nighter baby..n the not going to bed angry applies!!

If it really upsets me to the point where I think I will say something I can’t take back, I usually like to cool off a little. Other times if it is just something in passing like “I don’t like when you say things like that” I will go ahead and say it. If they want to talk more later than we can. I’m mainly a stickler for say something to me if something is bothering you, because I can’t fix it or help it if I don’t know what’s wrong. If you need time to cool down, great but don’t take a week to let it fester.

I always try to deal with any problems right away,which can occasionally cause a problem if they don’t want to talk about it.I don’t give up easily,which then creates yet another problem.The best solution is to throw pies until your opponent gives up and admits just how wrong they are.

As soon as possible, which sometimes means waiting until I/we feel comfortable talking about it. For example, if I’m really angry about something, I will wait until I regain my rationale before jumping into a heated discussion. I also try not to get into debates right before going to a family dinner or something. So, asap, when we’re comfortable.

Right away. There’s no reason to put it off, if you ask me. If you put it off, there’s tension, or awkwardness, depending on the situation. It’s best to just resolve is as soon as you can.

Direct, straight line, no chaser

in our marriage I was always told (by my Grandmother) to “never let the sun set on an argument” so we never have, if something is bothering me then I tell hubby about it. Whether its about him or something at work or anything else and between us we sort it out, and even if we can’t he makes me feel better. Of course if its him who’s done something to bug me then I get to get it off my chest and more often that not he hasn’t meant whatever it is in the way I’ve picked it up. Either way, it gets resolved.

I’ve had things in the past I haven’t mentioned to people, because I’ve always thought maybe I’d be being rude. I had a friend who used to steal things from our house and I never told her off or even pulled her up for it, but that was because I always felt sorry for her. She lives quite a harsh life and even though I was always giving her things, clothes even money, i just couldn’t tell her I knew about what she did. It hurt me and still does if I’m honest and maybe I’d have felt better if I had told her off. Not sure.

Anyway, normally I would say not to stew over things it leads to stress and can make you ill. It’s just not always a good thing to have a row over things either, but I’ve learnt from experience that if you allow people to take liberties and get away with it they just tend to do it even more, thinking that you don’t mind. Most of life’s problems could probubly be avoided with better communication.
hugs all xx

I liked to deal with it right away, but am willing to wait a few hours or even a week if the other person isn’t ready, or if tempers are hot. I don’t think you have to solve things before you go to sleep, because we need to sleep to function and real life interferes sometimes with things we want or need to do. But more than week is a long time to me to at least start a discussion about something that is wrong in a relationship. I am assuming relationship is not only SO’s but also friends and other family members.

I always say it’s better to deal with the problem quickly and directly, but of course that’s easier said than done.

I always put that kind of stuff off, unless it’s a trivial issue. Then it probably wouldn’t be too difficult. Though, if it IS something serious, I always have a hard time bringing it up.

Deal with it today—by tomorrow it has grown.

Cool off at first, because I know I always do stupid things that I’ll regret, but definitely eventually talk about it before the end of the day.

Pretending to forget about it, or just letting time melt it away makes people hold grunges, and I hate that. It’s always better to talk about it, get it settled, and know that you can get over it.

My fiancé hates confrontation so even when I try to clear the air, he usually avoids the arguement for awhile. A lot of times I end up exploding and all my pent up energy just pours out. Not good.

@ItalianPrincess1217 Not good that you explode, or not good he is so passive? I kind of blame him in that scenerio. Is he Italian like you? Culturally Italians tend to want to talk things through, even if it is screaming at each other. I would guess his unwillingness to acknowledge difficulties in your relationship feels extremely hurtful. I think that yelling and screaming at passive people feels like verbal abuse to the passive quiet person, but silence for a very talkative person feels like abuse too. It is almost like they are withholding love when we cannot get someone to respond to us. I am projecting some of my own feelings onto you :). I am the loud one in the relationships.

It has to be dealt with immediately or I can’t move on – same with friends.

It depends.
Sometimes we need to collect our thoughts. I find writing out how I feel works better for me, because I’m bad with words and expressing myself right away.

@casheroo I have many letters written out to people that I have never sent, because I feel so much better after getting it off my chest.

@JLeslie I wish he was Italian! But no, he doesn’t have an ounce of Italian blood in him. I agree when you say it feels abusive when he sits in silence. I don’t usually just explode out of nowhere. It happens after I have repeatedly tried sitting down and having a serious talk but get ignored. That’s when I flip. I get loud (and probably obnoxious). I end up looking like the bad guy most times.

@ItalianPrincess1217 I completely understand. It seems this, what I call, withholding of affection is perfectly acceptable, or at least not talked about as a very bad behavior. There is such an emphasis in America on physical and verbal abuse, there is little talk of silence being a horrible things also. My husband’s family tends to be like this, kind of the silent treatment (thank goodness my husband is not a lot like his family) and it is extremely frustarting to me. I realized a year ago that as long as you never raise your voice and agree with them all of the time they think you are a fantastic person. As soon as you get a little animated you are on their shit list.

@JLeslie That’s exactly how his mother’s side is. It’s very frustrating! It’s almost as if they have no opinion on anything. They would rather keep their mouths closed then actually speak their mind. I can’t ever imagine living like that. His mother is the worst of all. She let’s the world walk all over here while she pretends nothing is wrong. I think her son picked up her bad habit.

@ItalianPrincess1217 I hate to day that after years of marriage I will now be conforming to theirr practices when around them. They have succeeded in shutting me down. You have not asked for my advice, but if at all possible I would try to communicate to your fiance how the behavior makes you feel. People like that seem unaware. Well, actually, I have had my sister-in-law call me in tears because her mom was giving her the silent treatment, but then she doles out the same crap. I guess it is like most things, it just continues in the family almost unconsciously.

I’m in the not letting the sun set on an argument camp. My SO, however, definitely prefers to let things cool off first. This used to cause major problems because he would just pretend like his phone wasn’t getting reception or leave me hanging over instant messaging (we’re long distance).

Things have gotten a lot better now. We’ve worked it out to where he lets me know if he feels like he needs space & I give it to him (I’m a lot more in favor of the idea if I’m asked). Usually if we’re in person and having a fight, we end up talking it over immediately. I think maybe it’s just easier than removing ourselves from the situation. I like it more because the air gets cleared (usually) and I don’t have to deal with that awful tension. ... And let’s face it: we have limited time together. Why waste it being mad at each other?

Put it off for at least a few hours, and try to solve it in the next couple of days (usually the following morning). Depends on the partner though, and I’ve often put off things too long.

I’m one that would prefer to discuss it right away and be completely up and open with the whole situation, unfortunately that’s almost always never how it goes. Conflicts left untreated/mended leave a wound to fester and become diseased. I’d rather close the wounds immediately and get on with it than to let it sit and brew/snowball silently into something worse.

Granted; there are times when both parties need that time to cool down and think honestly over their and their partner’s actions. ie; What did I do to upset him/her?, Was I being _____? etc

Right away, waiting can make the situation 10 time’s worse. Like a bandaid do quickly and get it over with. Some topics are more sensitive than others but I still handle it right away, but I put more thought as to how I go about it.

=( depends on the problem. i should deal with it right off. but i don’t because i always run from all of my problems…

I need to discuss it right away, or it plagues my often over-thinking mind. My s/o likes to get it over with too I imagine, he doesn’t like to discuss things too much unless it is actually significant (ie no dumb arguments). Cooling down has only worked when I had an issue with a friend, in which I was glad I didn’t talk about it right away.

deal with it ASAP! I am very forward though..

I like to discuss and settle ASAP, my husband doesn’t, it’s a problem!

I’ve been married a very long time and I have found that unless you are flexible enough to use both methods you are in for a rough road to hoe.