How much contact do you need in a new relationship?

Not a lot. I like to take things slow, also, I am the type who needs my “own space” and can’t tolerate a clingy person. That comes off as either being insecure and/or possessive.

We end up being best friends which enables us to want to spend as much time together as possible. When things become strained, we communicate the need for time alone. We don’t set any rules to follow. I am currently not in a relationship, but this is how it’s been with my past relationships.

“in the beginning of a relationship, when I need the most reassurance. When someone misses an appointment and doesn’t send any acknowledgment or reassurance, I read that as a sign that I’m not very important—something I am probably too easily ready to admit.” I couldn’t agree more.

I try to not make any communication, because I’ve been told in the past from Ex’s, but if I really like someone the anxiety goes nuts and the mind races. It sucks though, because when I’m not really that “into” someone I’m the one not paying any attention and lose brownie points because of it.

So at this stage in my life, I just do what ever the f*ck I want. I’ve been through just about any horrible relationship and I guess it could only get better? bahh whom I kidding, lol.

It can definitely be overdone. It would be almost creepy if my boyfriend texted me 4000 times a day. Once or twice is enough, because then I appreciate it more. I simply like someone who makes the same amount of effort to let me know that they like me or miss me or are thinking of me that I’m making.

I don’t agree with the stupid mentality that some men seem to have that if you like a girl, it’s best not to call her, or text her, or let her know you like her. What the fuck? If I liked a guy, I sure as hell wouldn’t want him to totally ignore me and act like I wasn’t there. When I’m the only one calling you or texting you, EVER, that quickly starts to feel like a one sided relationship that I want no part of.

Right now since my boyfriend lives several states away, all we can really do is talk on the phone and text. And right now, in this specific relationship, I don’t care if he doesn’t text me all day. I know dumb little things like pizza and bananas and MJ remind him of me throughout the day, and if I talk to him before we both go to bed and he tells me that, it makes my day. It’s cute. And likewise, he knows I’m thinking of him too. So in past relationships I might have liked more contact, but right now I’m happy enough that I don’t really care. I know his life doesn’t revolve around me and he’s busy. And the fact that I get to see him in 5 days makes me the happppiest person alive.

I’m trying to figure this out right now myself. I just met a great guy and we are trying to feel out the contact thing, We are doing things you described in your description but I don’t feel like we’re playing games. I feel like we are sort of slowly making room for each other in our respective lives with neither of us going overboard and making huge changes at once.

I just got out of a relationship that was very much on-off-on-off. We always seemed like we were on the verge of breaking up, and although during our good times, we’d contact each other constantly, during the bad times, he wouldn’t have time for me (busy + stressful job) and I’d freak out a little, or play “mind games” with him and purposely not email him, or at least try not to email him (for fear of being needy).

Eventually, I was honest about it, and told him that I felt like I was bothering him all the time, and he told me it was all right that I emailed him all day, so as long as I didn’t feel like he needed to reply to each and every email I wrote, which was perfectly fine. Occasionally, he also needed one or two days off just from his email and the outside world (we lived on separate continents) and so as long as he told me in advance and I knew what was going on, I was perfectly fine with that. We came to a nice compromise.

I think couples just have to be honest about the amount of contact they need from each other. And then there are the really creepy ones that need contact/reassurance 24/7. I don’t know how to deal with that.

New? Not much. I’d be fine with limited contact. The longer the relationship, the more contact I desire.