How do I write a letter that is both contrite and yet also asks for something?

Be sincere. Tell him you are glad his child is doing better, sometimes life gets so busy that you overlook things that should be dealt with, ask him to forgive your lack of reply to his email, and ask him for the recommendation based on your work ethic and not on your memory to return an email.

Don’t apologize for anything. Keep it simple and direct. Ask how he is doing and tell him what you need.

G’day Mote,

Thank you for your question.

I would write a politely worded letter asking for a letter of recommendation. At the end, I would would add that you were pleased to hear that his child was doing better unless you have reason to believe that he was offended by your failure to reply. I suspect that he may have forgotten about it.

Regards

@mote Is there a special reason you need a letter? Most employers just check references over the phone – if at all.

@colliedog The reason I need a letter is that the kinds of jobs for which I am applying (academia) require letters from former bosses, current bosses and influential colleagues (typically at least 3, but sometimes 5). So, you really need to depend on people that you worked with, as far back as 10 years ago or sometimes even longer.

@mote I see. Different from my situation then. You might want to Google this then. But I’m not altogether sure about the apologetic approach as it seems to unnecessarily put you on the defensive and imply you did something wrong. Good luckl.

I would not refer to your failure to acknowledge the illness of the child. I would ask for the letter of reference. If your relationship dictates it, I would as @keithold said, mention that you had heard the child was doing better.

”If your relationship dictates it, I would as @keithold said, mention that you had heard the child was doing better”

@Marina Important nuance. Good point.