Have you ever asked a question hoping for some good advice yet most answerers made you feel even worse?

Yeah, I’ve gotten that. I would not ask questions about anything that might potentially be a sensitive area due to some responses I’ve seen. Which definitely makes Fluther less useful.

Yes, what made me feel worse is it was very good advise but it wasn’t necessarily what I wanted to hear.

There’s a big difference between getting jokey/unhelpful answers and getting answers that you don’t like. If people offer you their advice and you don’t agree or don’t take it, you shouldn’t blame those that have offered it in good faith.

Definitely, although it’s been situations where deep down I know the answer myself but you want reassurance that this isn’t the case.

I tend to not ask the sorts of personal questions that would cause me to feel this way. I reserve such questions for my real life and close friends.

I am not willing to put myself that far on the line.

If I ask a question for advice, I am willing to handle advice I might not like and only ask questions in which I can handle this.

Personally, even though the responses hurt they were still useful. I’ve found that when asking about personal issues, it’s best to put into the question what you really want. Are you looking for a solution or an ear to lean on? Most people, when they know what the asker really wants, will adjust their responses accordingly.

Yes and the criticizers shall remain nameless, but I do think that when someone is at wits end there’s no need to bring them down even more.

Yes, this has happened to me and that’s why I learned not to ask personal questions. I also agree with @Starson.

If one takes any advice that he or she doesn’t like as criticism, this is, indeed the wrong forum.

I think there’s a large difference between giving advice and being judgmental. There are times when good advice is unpleasant, but I have also seen people being unnecessarily judgmental on Fluther. There is no need to extrapolate from someone’s question to make a character judgment about that person and attack them based on it. And that does happen here.

@gailcalled for the most part I agree, but there is a difference between giving good advice that someone just doesn’t want to hear and blatantly gloating on how irresponsible, or ignorant the person is for being in such a situation for advice. The person that asked the question knows that there’s is going to be some debate about it, but shouldn’t have to put up with bashing their intelligence, confidence, age or whatever.

I guess it boils down to context. If the great advice you didn’t want to hear is presented politely, then it might hurt, but you get the picture. If the advice is arrogant and rude, it’s just uncalled for.

Yes, but that’s ok, because the sincere attempts to answer/help greatly outweigh the others (at least most of the time). If too many answers aren’t helpful (like commenting on the question rather than answering what was asked), I’ll stop following my own question and just pop over a while later to see if there are new posts.

I have felt worse but only because it was the truth and I didn’t want to face it. It was a good thing. It made me pause and really think. Sometimes people need to hear the truth and it can sting. If you are not ready to hear all prespectives of your question then you shouldn’t post it. I have read some pretty straight forward answers on fluther but I have not read anything yet that has been said just to hurt the person, it was meant to help.

The comments that are meant to be funny on a very serious question I am pretty tired of, I can see where those can hurt more than a truthful straight forward and heartfelt answer. It makes the person asking the questions seem like their problem is something to mock.

Oh yes. Reminds me of my first week here on Fluther.

Yes. There are quite a few caustic, sarcastic, negative, and active people here on fluther. I can’t count on everyone’s response.. but the ones I can’t count on… probly not in my fluther… =D

@Snarp The only reason I even considered the response that I posted was because I went to stormy’s profile, looked at her questions posted, and then at the types of responses that she has received. It was my personal perception that almost all of the posts seemed to be a legitimate attempt to be helpful. Therefore it seems to me as if stormy just doesn’t like the answers that she’s been getting.

Well, now that the question in question has been removed from her profile, this answer doesn’t make much sense.

@syz: I too saw only reasonable reactions. And if someone is really at his or her emotional wit’s end, we are not the right people to be giving out advice.

I just answered this question.

I think it’s important to keep some perspective on the fact that this is an open Internet discussion forum with people from all walks of life and all ages participating in the discussion. So you roll with punches and take whatever you can get from it and ignore the rest. A lot of selective filtering is required.

I have had it done to me, but I think I may have done it as well. I always welcome criticism and other opinions, and I would hope others would as well.

yes, and I’ve also been on the other end of being accused of not taking someone’s question seriously (when I was)... I have found (very early on) that one really needs a very open heart and a not very defensive one here on Fluther…everyone is cuddly really apart from a few..and they’ve just not realised it yet

Having said that I’ve known people not respect sensitive questions, but those are most times balanced out by the ones that do… I’m a sensitive soul if you ever want to sound off or ask advice…I don’t profess to know everything but I know a lot about some things and care about all things xxx

Sometimes I’ve gotten answers that made me feel that way, but it’s usually because I’m just trying to see things my own way and wanted reassurance that I was right. I think most people on Fluther make a good-faith effort to be really help each other with questions like these. Sometimes that means pointing out to someone that they have their head up their ass, but most of the time we only have kind words for everyone.

Yes. When I first joined Fluther, I was in the midst of a shitty break-up. I now know that I wasn’t in my right mind. I asked a few doozies and received a few responses from the highly respected and oh, so, wise @gailcalled. She was blunt, and what she said made a lot of sense (really, just what I needed). At that time, though, it was tough hearing it and I didn’t like it all that much.

It’s a public forum you are using, to get advice from a bunch of strangers. What did you think was going to happen?

Adults pay psychologists to privately answer their questions . . . or they take up drinking.

No, but in very few cases I offered some answers to questions which led to very harsh accusations. I felt worse compared to before I answered the question.