How would you introduce your kids if this happened?

No. Why would I want to dredge that up and make the person horribly uncomfortable about something they could not possibly have known?

I think I would go along with quadruplets. But, probably hard to know if I have not been in that situation. Most people do not mention still births as a count of how many children they have, unless it is a specific conversation where it seems logical to bring up such things.

I think @Snarp is right to an extent, but to family and friends i think i would correct them if they referred to them as quadruplets

It depends on who it is – if I feel comfortable with them, I’d say they’re quintuplets, one passed away..if it’s some random person, I wouldn’t bring it up

@JLeslie not necessarily a stillbirth. What about if the child passed as an infant?

Yeh i agree with @Simone_De_Beauvoir

@Snarp I was just wondering what different people thought. It makes me think of my grandma, who is catholic. She had a stillbirth but she refers to the lost child by name and as my uncle.

@gememers I wonder how old your grandmother is? I expect my grandparents’ generation, Catholic or not, would be less likely to do that. Too many stillbirths and infant deaths then to think of each one as an individual.

I think you are right that if they’ve survived a while as an infant I might correct someone who was close at the time and knew about them, but not a stranger.

@gememers I think I agree with what @Simone_De_Beauvoir. My father had two siblings, twins, that died shortly after birth, but if you asked his parents how many children they have they would say two (he does have a younger sister), not 4. I think there is no right answer really. It is up to the parent.

Some people, especially religious people, count every “soul.” Even miscarriages and abortions seem to count as children waiting in heaven to be reunited with their mothers.

@Snarp She’s in her 60’s

@gememers I may be wrong, but I think that the generation before her would have seen it differently. Then again, to some extent on that level it is deeply personal.

@Snarp Statistically, there were many more stillbirths and miscarriages. To the families that lost children, they are completely individuals.

I agree with @Simone_De_Beauvoir as well

@Likeradar I think full-term stillbirths probably always feel like individuals, but not miscarriages, it depends on the person.

No of course not. It’s private personal information. By revealing it to too many people I would feel that I was trivializing the death of my child.

I would say that you introduce them as what they actually are: triplets, but you may discuss or describe yourself as having ‘had quintuplets’.

Another way to look at it is that if there was only one surviving twin child you wouldn’t introduce him as ‘the-twins-except-for-the-dead-one’.

@Factotum You realize you just killed off a second child in your answer, right? Or the fourth one was disowned?

@Factotum actually, they don’t become quadruplets or triplets

My sister lost her first baby at 6 weeks of age due to a heart defect. If anyone asked my mom how many grandchildren she had she would always include him. This annoyed my dad, who only counted the living ones. I think I would get on @Simone_De_Beauvoir‘s bandwagon, & not bother to correct strangers.

I think snarp is right: you’d be making the person awfully uncomfortable for no real reason.

It’s hard to know what I’d feel under these circumstances but I think I’d rather them be called “quadruplets.” I mean, they aren’t quintuplets anymore.

People are usually not grateful to be corrected constantly, no matter what the subject.

If I had given birth to five single children and one had died, the answer to “How many children do you have?” would be four. The answer to “How many times have you given birth?” would be five. I would assume that family knew the story and would not need endless reminders. There’d be no need to discuss the matter with strangers unless I were really keen on underscoring how terribly special I was.

I am wondering what the effect on the four surviving multiples would be to be constantly reminded that one of them was lost, as if they were obliged to remain in a continuous state of mourning for one they had never known. I would think it might frighten them and make them feel vulnerable. If it is necessary to refer to them in the aggregate instead of as four children, I think I would consider their feelings first.

I feel that no one can really, truly honestly answer this question unless something like that happened to them.

My first reaction is to say ‘no’, but I personally know a woman who has lost a child, and she still says she has “three children, but one’s in heaven”.

I’ve also seen parents on TV who have lost a child doing the same thing.

I have a brother who died when I was young. I will usually just say I have two brothers. If the new person is someone I want to get to know better, I may say I have two brother now and one who died. Generally, however, I feel that is a little heavy and not necessary information to hand out indiscriminately.

@Snarp You’re right, I killed a hypothetical child in less than a sentence!

I would just let them say quadruplets. If you get to know them better, then you can tell them the truth. By correcting them without really knowing them, it will just continually dredge up sad feelings for you and make them uncomfortable as well.