Teen bikini fashion blunder, how would you had solved it?

Did the girls seem to feel self-conscious in the bathing suits, and has the socialization at the swim party affected their relationship with the other girls in the group since then? I would stay out of it—kids seem to police this sort of stuff themselves, and tastes change from year to year.

I would have talked to the larger group of girls and explained that you can’t control what someone else does. If the boys want to talk to the two girls (regardless of reason) they have to accept that. If the boy they liked was really into them, then he would have talked to them instead.

It would also be a learning experience for the boys. If one of them did like one of the girls (from the large group) and she talks to him about it later he will learn about what his actions say about his feelings.

Those are not my children. If you didn’t like the way they were dressed make a dress code next time. Punishing them for what their parents bought and thought was ok is totally ridiculous.

you say nothing this time and next time you remember to add please full coverage bikini or full coverage one piece on invite. I feel as for the girls who got upset, this is a good learning experience and a chance of growth towards adult hood.

I have a problem with having a dress code for a pool party although I can understand the discomfort this situation caused. I don’t think I’d say anything at the time; maybe in the future, you could slip the word to the parents that since there will be children of all ages, you would prefer the kids to wear more modest bathing suits. Some parents do seem to feel it’s o.k. for their daughters to dress in a very sexualized way at a young age and I’m not sure how much you can do about it except for discussing it with your own kids.

I wouldn’t necessarily have a dress code, but rather, if a problem such as this one arises, talk to the parent(s). I think most parents have the sense to not put their young ones in Fredricks of Hollywood swimwear. Tell them that you think their dress was inappropriate for a children’s party. And 16 is still children. Whether or not you think the two girls were comfortable isn’t really the issue; it’s about making all your guests equally as comfortable and welcome.

I’m curious about where this was held (since I’m not assuming that all questions are from the mainland USA), because here in the mainland USA 13 and 16-year-olds in “teeny bkinis” and thongs is just… really pushing the envelope. I think that mother is out of her mind for allowing her girls to dress that way in public; the girls are going to get a lot of unwanted attention (maybe even more than the attention they seem to crave); they have already (obviously) pissed off their female companions (or potential companions), and the boys that they attract this way (at this age, particularly) are truly only after one thing, and can pretty much gauge its attainability from that family.

Other than informing the mother of some of this privately and very tactfully and quietly (if she seems dense enough to require such information), I wouldn’t do a damn thing differently next time. If the girls are sluts then they’ll behave and dress that way; if the boys are pigs then they’ll act that way, and if the other girls are smart, then I’m sure that they’ll figure out some way to handle their boys (if they decide that they even want to at this point) ... and the two misfits. (Maybe even by copying them, which helps to keep all of us older guys alert and alive.)

I sort of feel sorry for those young girls, though. They don’t seem to be getting very good parenting IMHO.

@CyanoticWasp It doesn’t sound like the girls were actively seeking attention. According to the OP, they didn’t flirt with the guys. Maybe their mother dresses the same way, so they just think it’s normal for girls to wear skimpy bikinis.

OP, the solution depends on your relationship to the party. If you were the hostess, then, yes, you do have the right to set a dress code. Otherwise, you can suggest a dress code to the hostess, but that’s about all you can do, since the girls in question were not your kids.

The girls parents should be asked to cover up or leave.

“If you didn’t like the way they were dressed make a dress code next time.”
True but they should still respect the home they are going to.
Too bad if the parents cant seem to see the sexuality that their children are projecting.

Wow.

If you don’t like this woman, and her children, then why did you invite them to your party in the first place? So you could bitch about them later?

Wow – no simple answer to this, every child’s body changes at different times & ways and body acceptance is such a major trial for any teen – the 13yo that goes back to school with dd’s gets teased horrendously and the 18yo with a’s does as well. Getting a child to be comfortable in their own skin is getting almost impossible anymore do they listen to victorias secret and walk around in spike heels & feathers or glam magazines that depict anyone with more than 1% body fat as useless & unwanted.
The parents are the one to decide what is correct for a child, can only hope they make good choices
Sorry for rambling on but this struck a nerve

@eponymoushipster: I didn’t see anything about the OP not liking the woman or her kids…

@MacBean to me at least, the tone of the OP seems to indicate s/he doesn’t like the woman.

@eponymoushipster: Ah. Okay. I read it like they were those people down the street who aren’t your best friends or anything but who you don’t dislike enough to snub when you invite the rest of the street over for a BBQ or something.

I was wondering what country this took place in also as @CyanoticWasp questioned as well. Or, what country the family in question is from since you have raised not only they they think an ipanema bikini is appropriate, but also she tends to run late. But, I would not want to assume anything.

I would have let it slide, and let them stay without comment. It is possible the parent realized her children were “underdressed” once seeing the other children, but once there was not going to remove her children from the party. She may have already made a mental note for next time.

If you do not feel you can tell her person to person next time there is a party to please not wear thong style suits, then I guess you can just put “no thong style suits please” in the next invitation.

I, personally, think I would not do anything actually. That neighbor would just be the one that shows up with her kids almost naked, probably would get some stares at first and then everything would go back to normal. But, I lived in FL for years, and in the warmer climates we are not as affected by these things I think. Again, I am not sure where you live.

“I lived in FL for years, and in the warmer climates we are not as affected by these things”
I have lived in Florida for 22 years. Speak for yourself.

On the beach, cant do anything, not my problem.
In my home. Is another story.

A child dressed like a “grown up” is not acceptable anywhere.

@ChazMaz Actually, I think you are right. I was not considering the ages enough.

I still stick by what I said as a solution.

@JLeslie – :-)

If they are invited again, tell the Mom that there were several complaints (allow her to assume complaints were from other adults, also) about the explicitly sexual nature of her daughter’s suits last year, and flat out ask the her to make sure the kids are decently attired, preferably with wraps and things to wear when they aren’t actually swimming. If she doesn’t like it, she won’t come, and no big loss since she’s not a close friend. At the very least she’ll get an important message that, contrary to her thoughts, no one thinks she’s a cool Mom for encouraging her daughters to dress like prostitutes.

GA Val.

Keep a basket with sarongs nearby in such events. Politely talk to the mother.

I don’t think you should have done anything.

It seems like the only problem was that the more modestly dressed girls weren’t getting much attention from the boys. The girls showing skin got attention- welcome to the world of teenagers. If the other girls had such a problem with that, well, life is hard.

It’s not your job to tell a parent how her child should dress. If you think having this family at the party caused a problem, don’t invite them next time.

“I don’t think you should have done anything.”
The 16yr old in a black thong singlet.
I would have been checking that out. Not the way I want to be feeling at a gathering of its type.

“It’s not your job to tell a parent how her child should dress”
In MY home it does. Or they can move on.

@ChazMaz
“The 16yr old in a black thong singlet.
I would have been checking that out. Not the way I want to be feeling at a gathering of its type.”
And that’s totally normal, but when you go to a pool party with teenagers you have to expect underage girls to be showing skin. IMHO It’s the viewer’s job to change where their eyes go, not to tell an adult how their child should be dressed.

For the record, I wouldn’t let my own (future, hypothetical) children out of the house dressed like the OP describes these girls. However, at my home or not, it only reflects poorly on the childrens’ parent, not on the host. I stand by what I said about keeping your mouth closed and just not inviting them next time.

I respect your honesty. :-)

@ChazMaz :)

@eponymoushipster Where in there did I say I did not like them? I never said that. Please reread the question

I still think the lady needs a little peer pressure to get her act together….

@janbb That IS the $50,000 question. These days there are parent many young ones and that is not an attack, just fact who are more “progressive” then parents of yesteryear and don’t see it as bad but the route to a better tan. But no matter the age of the mother, as I have seen over the years, they are as ferocious and a mamma grizzly when it seems someone is attacking their kids or saying their kid(s) are doing anything wrong. A harmless sugestion can become a Pearl Harbor attack to them when you never intended.

@Hypocrisy_Central My thing is, what happened to the parents of yesteryear who said things like, “You’re not leaving the house in that!” It’s part of our job to guide our children in appropriate behaviors, including dress, and that lady fell down flat in that area. In fact, she may have encouraged it. How much did those tiny pieces of material cost, and who paid for them? I know some parents who actually encourage the slutty dress in their teens, just so they can impress people with how cool and hip they are as parents. I get the impression that that’s what the deal is here.

@Likeradar No the girls and the parents were not intentiallu agitating anyone, and had they been dressed more covered as the other girls I bet nothing would have come of it. Would the girls more covered had gotten more attention IF the those girls had been more covered? Who knows? They may not have been any more popular but the swimwear is an easy target. Though maybe the girl’s parents should have looked down the road to how other parents might have look at it but she didn’t, and not foreseeing it, not dress code was in the invites. The girls actually are not slutty might not have got an invite if they were, They did not care to be pawed all over from what I would gather. Yeah, their attire was a catalyst maybe, but they did not flaunt it.

I almost wonder if it was even the girls idea to dress like that…..I really think the issue of the other girls not getting attention because of that is irrelevant. I personally wouldn’t want my daughter to want to hook up with some kid who would just drop everything to get to the sexy thang in the room.

@CyanoticWasp your phrasing and your sideswipes at the lady make it come off as though you don’t care for her very much.

@eponymoushipster Well, she said she didn’t know her all that well, but well enough to invite her to the party. I’m sure that since then the incident has caused her to have ambivalent feelings towards this person that she didn’t have before She has now formed somewhat of a negative opinion of this person that she didn’t have before she invited her to the party.

@eponymoushipster I never claimed to know her at all, and I don’t. I’m reacting to what the OP stated, and the way it was stated. She seems like a too-permissive mother to allow kids that young to dress that way.

My judgment about her judgment is summed up in the last sentence of my first post: ”I sort of feel sorry for those young girls, though. They don’t seem to be getting very good parenting IMHO.”

Oh, and PLUS there were adult men there….I can not imagine throwing my 16 year old, much less my 13 year old, into a situation where they’re parading around in front of adult males, mostly naked!......I mean, I just can’t believe the woman, to be honest!

@Val123 I said that the way I said it as to qualify I don’t know them well enough to know their style or taste in fashion and swimwear. If that were known it could have been foreseen what they might wear and headed off at the past. They were not strangers but not well and close friends either. Yes, men, as well as toddlers, babies and teens there; the whole gamut. Even with that, I am not hating on her. She is a young progrssive mother and I suspect the culture for lack of a better word they are accustom to swimwear like that is quite the norm especially when you are sun worshipers chasing the perfect tan.

@Hypocrisy_Central Did we ever find out from you if hey are American? Sorry if I missed that. You do mention culture. I am not sur eif you are referring to her age or that she is from another country.

@JLeslie If they are not Yankees they have been here long enough not to have an accent.

@Hypocrisy_Central lol. If both of the adults have no accent, then I would say you are probably right that they have been here long enough to know the customs even if they were not born here.

@Hypocrisy_Central…I know…? I know you didn’t know them well, and had no way of knowing they’d do something like that. And I know you don’t “hate” her. But I imagine your thoughts about her have changed somewhat since the incident. I know mine sure have, and I never even met the lady! I just can’t believe she’d do that to her girls…If she has a 16 year old, she can’t be all that young!

I don’t get why people are thinking so badly about this woman? I agree her children should be a little more covered up, shows some bad judgment maybe, but maybe she is just one of those moms who doesn’t quarrel with her kids over clothing and chooses other battles.

@JLeslie I raised three kids, and I choose my battles carefully. That is one I would have fought to the death. I would NOT have allowed them to go if they didn’t cover up. If they went behind my back and went to a friend’s pool party looking like that, we, so be it. At least they know that Mom does NOT condone it, which is the message she sent by letting them parade around in aggressively sexual clothing in front of boys and grown men. And again, I ask, I’m betting the suits were expensive. I wonder who paid for them.

@Val123 I guess anyone under 38 to me is still young since I am so old LOL LOL I could somewhat feel for the misguidedness of someone like that because the media in all forms show so much flesh and dress is so minimum especially celebs on the pages of magazines, the stages of award shows, and music videos that it might seem normal to her. I really don’t know if “bikinigate” puts her in the crapper totally for me or not yet. ;-)

@Val123 I think the mom probably gave the kids the money to buy the suits, I am not saying she didn’t. It seems you obviously take teens dressing provacatively very seriously, and might even be fairly judgemental about it. Your preragotive. It would take more than this instance for me to write her off, similar to what @Hypocrisy_Central said. I was allowed to wear heels and more grown up clothing before many of my friends. I was the one who didn’t drink, didn’t smoke, didn’t toke, and was not permiscuous, plus my curfew was much later than my friends. Many of the moms thought I was a bad influence, and maybe they judged my mother?

@Ghost_in_the_system That might be a good compromise. I am sure no one wants to be a buzz kill at a function that is suppose to be happy. When you start dictating dress options it can spill out of control, what if one of the older boys or adults who has been greatly blessed by Mother Nature shows up in a Speedo? Or someone wearing some other thing that someone else don’t like. Then you end up being the fashion police than having fun. You try though not always successful to be as non-evasive as possible.

@Hypocrisy_Central Just be pleasant, only address it as a problem if it becomes one. Ladies can be very good at subtley addressing things; ” I have this sarong that would go great with that suit. See? that looks good!” Don’t make a big production, just a kind of aside.

@JLeslie I didn’t say I’d write her off. But you are correct. I take teens dressing provocatively very seriously. At 13 and 16 they really don’t have a clue as to the message they’re sending. Look at My Space! They’re clueless! There is a difference between a bathing suit, and something more suitable for a layout in PlayGirl.

@Val123 I think you meant to say Playboy, Playgirl is the one with the dudes so the women can look. I knew what you mean though grins

@Val123 I agree teens dressing provocatively is a problem, I think they don’t completely understand the message they are sending, especially when they are very young, below the age of 14 I would say. Most older teens know what sex is, and they want to be sexy. But, I would say that they don’t have good judgement about the line between sexy and trashy. Many adults don’t either. Look, I used to work for Calvin Klein underwear (you may have heard me say this before) and mom’s and their very young teens would come in and buy thong underwear for their children so they would not have a panty line. I just think they are idiots; so they probably will have a thong line instead of a panty line. My husband likes when women wear thongs, because it means to him they want to get f&%ked. Big panties give you no line, they should probably go that route. That upsets me and the girls have their clothes on! But, I don’t jump to disliking the mother.

@Val123 Why would a parent care about VPLs unless they were buying their kids really tight jeans or something and worried soneone would actually stare hard enough to notice VPLs which if the case, they should choose looser fitting clothes.

@Hypocrisy_Central Ooops!
@JLeslie Exactly To a man, a thong is a signal that the girl is ready to f$%*. I don’t know what the girls are thinking about though, when they wear it. Maybe they think they’re sexy? To me, there is a huge difference between being attractively sexy, and blatantly adverstising.
@Hypocrisy_Central Dude! I don’t even know the difference between Playgirl and Playboy! How am I going to know what a VPL is! What is a VPL?

@Val123, is it a bad sign that an old dude knows that (in this context) VPL = visible panty line?

@CyanoticWasp Thank you! I just gave @Hypocrisy_Central a GA. Agree totally. Also, I don’t think most girls even get the thongs for that reason. They get them so they can find a way to show the men that they’re wearing a thong…..like, they’ll bend over and their pants will ride down and their shirt will ride up, and everybody gets to see that they’re wearing a thong! Girls like that spend a lot of time bent over.

@Val123 I had no clue what VPL was either.

@Val123, well, you know there’s a term for that, too, right? That’s called a “whale tail”.

Please don’t ask me how I know these things.

I am so out of it. I don’t know any of this stuff.

@CyanoticWasp How do you know all of these things?? (MUhaahahahahhahha)...why “whales” tales?
@JLeslie Well, I guess we know now! Test tomorrow.

@Val123 if you google “whale tail” and look for “images” you will know exactly why the term is used, if not appropriate.

On a barely related note, check the scene in The Weather Man where the daughter of Nicholas Cage’s character describes why she considers the name “Camel Toe” (which she is called at school) to be a compliment.

@CyanoticWasp I on’t want to look!

@Val123 @CyanoticWasp @JLeslie Us ancient guys have to keep up somehow, I had to get up to speed with ROLF, BFF, BWW, NSA, BGF BTW, OMG etc, at lease I knew something that few else knows score one for the Gray beirds LOL, so I guess I should blow you mind maybe and pass on VBB & VBS (visible bra bulge & visible bra strap[s])