How would you feel if you never saw your dad on Xmas day ever again?

I would be OK with that because I have never seen him for any Xmas day lol. I’ve seen him 2 times, which were all in the span of two months.

I’ve spent the last 4 Xmas’s alone. nothing special about this upcoming one either.

That is sad, @Dibley :( i would be upset too. i think i’m too young to not still see my parents on christmas.

I won’t. He died last January. But I can’t remember ever seeing him on Christmas, so it doesn’t matter.

@ deny I didn’t see them last year and I was ok with that. This year though, my dad is alone, no family and no other children, I can’t tell you how much it is breaking my heart.

@Jewel I’m really sorry about that.

@Dibley, Thanks, but at my age it isn’t an issue anymore.
Can you spend some other day besides Christmas with your dad? As we age, the exact day means less and less, so any day during the season might be just as joyous to him. And shame on both men for putting you in such a position. Just remember that you are not powerless in this situation. You can insist on being a daughter and a wife and let them come to grips with your decision.

My Dad Died in 1991 and it hurts as much now as it did then. I miss him EVERY day.
But as long as he is in my memory and heart, he’s with me!

@Jewel I don’t drive and we don’t live in the same town, they had a fight sunday, or my dad did. He hit him several times and now my boyfriend said he never wants to see my dad again, and it’s killing me.

@scotsbloke I’m really sorry. It’s good that you have good memories.

Sounds like the problem isn’t so much that you won’t see him on Christmas Day, since apparently you’ll still see him any of the other 364 days in the year.

It’s more that you’re sad you cannot have your boyfriend and dad together at the same time. Especially on an important family holiday. And that really is too bad.

Someone needs to learn to compromise. Assuming you’re a grown and independent adult – but also without knowing any details about the various relationships – I’d think your dad would be the one who needs to step up and learn to get along.

@Dibley This is too new. Let it go and see what the new year brings. Call your Dad on Christmas day and tell him you love him. Let both of them know that you resent being put in the middle of their stupid fight. Then give it some time. This isn’t your fight and you will find a way to deal with it. Hugs!

@Jewel Thank you so much.

@robmandu I just want them to get on, I don’t my dad to not be a part of my life and I don’t want to lose who I’m with. I don’t want to hurt anyone.

@Dibley, yah, I guess my point was that, as an adult, it’s your life now. Your dad should recognize and respect that.

It’s not your actions keeping him away… but his own choice.

Knowing that doesn’t make it feel any better, but there’s only so much you can do.

—

Again, I have no idea what’s going on in this three-point relationship. I’m just assuming all things are equal. For example, if you’re boyfriend is a convicted felon and your dad a retired cop, I doubt you’ll see any improvement.

I am 24 and saw my dad on Christmas 2002. And that was the last time I ever saw him. Other than that year I have never seen him on any Christmas. The last time before Christmas 2002 was summer 2002 and the last time before that I was about 5. In short I am not going to see him this Christmas and I feel fine.

@robmandu I’ve been with my boyfriend 2 and a half years and we’ve only seen my dad a few times. My ex used to take me over every weekend, and I think that knocked my dad quite hard. We went over on Sunday and my dad had quite a bit to drink and just started hitting him. I know he is lonely right now. He has apologised but he didn’t mean it.

Yow! This is definitely beyond “they just don’t get along” kind of scenario.

Your dad is definitely gonna need some help. Professional help. Regardless, he’s completely responsible for his actions here and you are not hurting anyone.

I promised him I would leave my boyfriend and live with him. I never did it, I couldn’t. My dad was texting me asking why. I have told him to go to the doctors, but he’s way to proud. I have never seen him like that, and that upsets me because I know there is obviously something wrong @robmandu

@Dibley Who hit who?? If your dad hit him he brought it upon himself. If the bf hit your dad I would have broken up with him anyway.

I won’t be seeing him anymore.He recently died.If I were you,I would find a way to see him.Life is way too short .Good luck :)

@Dibley None of this is your fault. Or your responsibility. Your dad is trying to guilt you out and it is very hard for a daughter to deal with this.
Your choice of a mate is not something that he should interfere with in any way, unless your man is physically dangerous. Tell Dad that you love him, but you are not a little girl anymore, have made a family of your own and if he behaves he may be allowed to be part of it. He will want that if babies show up!

@King_of_Sexytown My dad hit my boyfriend. We were in the car, my dad in the back, he just reached over and started hitting me.

@lucillelucillelucille Sorry to hear that. Life is too short but I feel I am in the middle.

@Jewel You are so right! My mum has said the same, to me and to him. Right now he is acting like nothing has happened, I don’t think he realises what he has done.

@Dibley, he hit you, too???

@Dibley Yeah, this isn’t your fault. I think I agree with calling him on Christmas though. Tell him you love him. Twill help to speed up the healing and forgiving process.

@King_of_Sexytown I’m still speaking to him now, I have phoned him several times asking how he is. He asn’t even aplogised to me for what it has put me through.

@King_of_Sexytown Oh no, he didn’t hit me, sorry, typing error.

@Dibley I understood what you meant. Well maybe ask him to apologize?? Some people need to be prompted into it.

He apologised to him on the night, and then hit him again! He has text me asking if he should apologise to Paul, I said it won’t work and that maybe if he went to the doctors and got help then maybe in the future we could get somewhere. @King_of_Sexytown

@Dibley Maybe it is time to just back off and let him deal with his stuff. This isn’t your responsibility. You aren’t his mom or his wife. You have your own life to deal with and relationship to take care of. Let it go for now. You can’t fix him sweetie.

Christmas is a time to swallow the feuds and come together. I would remind them that.

Husband is one thing.

Boyfriend? Who does he think he is. He needs to grow up.

Family is always first.

@Dibley What Poopy and Jewel said is a combination of what I was going to say. Give them the Christmas holiday to get over it. If they don’t it sounds like he needs anger management or something.

As i have felt for the past three Christmas’s DEVESTATED as you see my Dad passed away three years seven months ago.
And at this time of year it hits home harder because he’s not here for me to celebrate with him.

Thanks everyone for your answers, most of you are right and I know I prehaps shouldn’t feel the way I do. I have to go now, I’ll be back! Thanks again.

@Dibley, good luck.

This is one of those situations where you cannot just trust your feelings. As a matter of fact, allowing emotions free range is what your dad is currently doing. He’s maybe carrying a grudge and lashing out. It’s harmful to everyone involved.

Be sympathetic, merciful, and forgiving. But first, rely on your intelligence and logic to see your way through this. Seek out friends for support. Don’t try to punish your dad… but neither should you allow him to manipulate your life either.

And count on your Fluther pals here to help out… even if you just want kind words.

Hit your boyfriend? I understand you feel badly that he will be alone and you want them to get along but hitting is abuse! Drinking too much is not an excuse, he could of caused an accident, you were in the car too. He needs anger management as well as AA. It is not your job to clean up his act. He is an adult and needs to take responsibilty for his actions.

You sound like I did when I made excuses for my exhusband. Your father needs help. I would tell him as much and make it clear he would not be seeing me again until he got it. I understand you feel bad for him, but calling him is safer IMO than visiting for now.

You have a man that has stood by you through this, even been hit by your father. I wouldn’t put him in this situation again. I would be putting my love into protecting him and doing what is right for everyone involved. I wouldn’t see him again until he gets help.

Maybe a christmas without you, will be the motivator he needs to get the help. You can still call him.

Good luck.

I’ve not seen my father since he died many years ago. Getting ready to visit his grave soon though. I’ll give him your regards.

Incessantly happy.

My dad passed away, so I have no choice but to spend the rest of my life without him. I miss him terribly and he is usually my first thought when I wake up each day.

@SirGoofy… that never really goes away, but with time, you begin to remember the good things, and forget most of the bad.

@robmandu My dad has stuff going on in his life with relationships. He was seeing a woman that is married, but her husband abuses her and threatens suicide if she leaves him. He was arrested and not allowed near her for a month so my dad moved in. She keeps saying how much she loves my dad then lets her husband back in. I think she is just playing him and is liking the attention of two men wanting her. I think my dad just saw Paul and saw him as the womans husband, I’m not making excuses for him, I guess I’m just trying to understand.

@butterflykisses He’s not not an alcoholic, he just had too much to drink this particular time. He does need help though, but for Depression I’d say.

@robmandu… even though it sounds as if your dad is making some rather poor choices, you still should not become involved. Keep in mind that, regardless of his behavior, he’s a grown human male and is responsible for his own actions. Just be there for him if he needs to talk, and keep telling him you love him. That’s about all you can do without getting yourself into hot water with him.

@robmandu I know, thanks.

Why is everyone addressing me?

@CaptainHarley, you’re talking to @Dibley.

@Dibley, you already replied to my last quip, so I guess you’re talking to @CaptainHarley.

Yikes! I stand corrected. It was Dibley I was trying to address. Sorry!

I’m new, I don’t know what I’m doing yet! Sorry.

@robmandu, it’s no problem guys. Just trying to help out, @robmandu.

I have NEVER EVER seen him cause he left before I was born!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!