What causes a person to politely disagree with everything someone says to them?

I’m sorry, I don’t think that anybody DOES politely disagree with what is said to them.

Arrogance.

Not enough tact to ignore the disagreement, but enough tact not to scream it in your face.

There’s a theory that says that men talk by asserting the opposite. As a group, they gradually wend their way toward a common understanding by a process of asserting the opposite and then together they find illustrations to support one side or the other and explanations that explain the apparent contradictions. At any time, they may assert a new opposite.

Women on the other hand tend to tell stories. They follow up with, “Something like that happened to me.” And they slowly painfully work their way toward a common understanding.

So sometimes cross gender talk can seem adversarial to women and pointlessly circuitous to men. It’s different; not better and worse.

And hey, yes, it’s true, some guys are just f’ing pigheads.

Sounds like they have been spending too much time on Fluther.

And to answer your question…

Insecurity.

@ChazMaz Might be insecurity, but they might also be conceited and believe that they are much more intelligent than everyone else.

@SirGoofy – Sounds good to me!

I see onceition as a form of insecurity.

@ChazMaz True. Could also be an indication that the person is completely ignorant about whatever the subject or topic is and rather than risk being drawn into a discussion, they simply disagree to nip it in the bud.

Arrogance, a high and mighty attitude, and a refusal to be wrong (even when you prove them wrong, rather than apologizing they either continue to grasp at straws, start to insult you, or disappear from the conversation completely)

Maybe they have a Masters Degree. In Science!

What I don’t like is when they say “Actually, blah blah blah”.

I hate the “Actually” part.

Well I know someone who does that. I call it recreational arguing. Some people just love to be contrary. I guess if they find someone to play that game, they’re happy. I just refuse to deal with that.

@ABJustPlainBarb – I am totally with you on that one.

Unless I am the recreational arguer. :-)

They feel as though they have to be right; they’re stubborn and a have a bit of an ego.

Maybe this is the Aspergers talking… but I think I may talk like this. Argumentative I mean. I don’t mean to be. It’s my way of saying “Here’s my interpretation of the situation”, not “You’re a moron and I’m right”.

Perhaps it’s more about the motive behind it? Might they just have poor social skills?

I can give many answers to this question but lets go with the top fthree. 1) They do not like you and disagree to show their dislike. 2) They like to argue/debate. Disagreeing is the bait. 3) Self esteem issues and need attention. Most people will not walk away if their right, Lengthening the conversation feeds their need for attention.

Because they are with an idiot.

@gemiwing I agree with what you said . I’m basically the same way or so I’ve been told .

I mean NO disrespect , nor do I mean to be offensive ; in MOST cases… BUT; I’ve always been an argumentive person.

@Naked_Homer I apologize ; BUT I do use the word “Actually” quite a bit . Just my style .

I think it’s a big ego. They think they know everything so they have to show that they know by telling you something or adding in a comment when you say something. I know (well, I don’t know, but I’ve had discussions with a girl like this) and it’s incredibly annoying. In my opinion, it doesn’t make her look intelligent, it makes her look like an asshole.

Some people are up for a “battle”! Some do it because they have to be right. Arguments are a form of recreational therapy for them. I know 2 people that are just as I have discribed. Good Question!!!

@thriftymaid LOL That is what I was thinking too.

I agree with Poopy . You know @6rant6 , I have found the opposite in my experience to be the case. My immediate co-workers and others that I am forced to interact with seem to have great conversations without trying to be adversarial, <small>(except that damn Packers fan, what a chaud)</small>. I know alot of men <em>and</em> women who can be f*#&ing pigheads too, not just guys. The tendency to get into an argument just to get someone riled up knows know bounds of gender, heh. I think I might pick fights with my wife sometimes just to piss her off, but when she starts fights, I can tell when she does it on purpose, and when she can’t help herself with me. /shrugs

My brother had a girlfriend who always had to be right with whatever viewpoint was the opposite of the one you brought up. She thought she was the smartest woman alive, best looking, etc, and I do think that she had a lot of insecurity issues. Gosh golly I hated her. One time, I was buying tylenol cold/allergy meds at a place she worked as a cashier while going to school, and she said “I didnt know they made this” and I replied “Yea, it is helpful because sometimes I get headaches from my allergies/reactions.” Then she replied “Hmm, I don’t see how that’s possible.” Egads, what a winner she was.

Wait a second, I just noticed something. You said in the original question that they were disagreeing politely so I don’t think, based on that, they are trying to be mean, rude or superior.

@gemiwing , oh yea, I wish I saw that, lol.

@MrBr00ks I completely missed it too

You mean those people that are like….“I think it looks like it’s 10cm tall” , “No, it looks about 10.3cm”. I’m not sure what would cause somebody to be like that. I think they just feel a need to be right, probably to compensate for something else. Maybe he’s been proven wrong so many times factually that he needs to tell others they are wrong based on unprovable, trivial observations.

Well, unfortunately for me, I fight a tendency to do that all of the time. I think it is my aspergers that creates this awful tendency in me. I am not really arogant, a know-it-all or purposely rude. Believe it or not, I am sharing. I am taking part in conversation and contributing what I know, what I have heard or what my opinion is. I don’t mean any disrespect. This is the only way that I know how to do it. It dawned on me several years ago what I was doing and how it was being perceived, but all I can seem to do is simply not talk! So now I am perceived as stupid, uncommunicative or disinterested.
Sometimes there is simply no way to win.

Maybe the person has passive-aggressive tendencies, which is why s/he isn’t disagreeing with you in an aggressive manner. S/he may be one of those people that just has to be right all the time. Also, it could be something as simple as a personality conflict between the two of you. At least s/he isn’t being rude to you.

some people are just born contrary :(

I am very close to a person who does that to me every single day. Hate it. And this person isnt so polite about it. After awhile I just have to say something. I think its become just a bad habit now.

@gemiwing You said exactly what I was thinking. It’s my way of saying “Here’s my interpretation of the situation”, not “You’re a moron and I’m right”. People who take offense are just as likely thinking “How dare you belittle my opinion” when all you are doing is offering a different way of looking at it. I had one person who took offense at every comment I made if I didn’t start with “In my opinion” first.

If someone gives their interpretation or politely does it I would agree. If they do it to everything, perhaps not. When it is brought up in things that are a matter of judgment where the difference is not relevant to the conversation, or minuscule facts that have no overall bearing on the point or topic accept to proliferate the “knowledge resume” of the person or when it is used to repeatedly hijack the point or conversation. Those are some examples of where I think there is legitimate cause no matter how polite.

@YARNLADY – I think I once took offense from a post of yours but thanks to us being adults we pm’d and now I know you not only rock you roll as well!

i think i’m a little (lots) like this… but only on fluther. but i think the point of a site like this is to share ideas so the phrase: “actually this is what i think: the answer is B” is soooo expected that it’s okay to shorten it down to: “actually, the answer is B.” lolol.

anyway, in real life if people do that it’s probably because they have a fluther-like personality. (@6grant6, great post!) they just like to share and ultimately it’s for everyone’s benefit.. i mean, maybe someone can show why their opinion is silly once it’s shared. i know for me, i get bored whenever i have the last word.

@Jewel I know exactly what you mean. On Fluther I can share my opinion and it’s ok (even expected). In real life, I have to shut up and not say anything because I don’t know how to contribute. So people say I’m aloof and snobby. When in reality, I don’t want to seem like an asshole or a know-it-all.

@gemiwing Thanks for that. I was beginning to get a bigger complex with all of these completely negative views. I hate that I can’t understand the rules of conversation as they do. But it doesn’t make me contrary, arrogant, expressing a bad habit, passive-agressive, impolite, have a need to be right, adversarial, an f’ing pighead or puposely rude.
This question has made me aware of how little tolerance people have for differences. I find that odd on this site since many aspies end up on sites like these for several reasons. I think the most important of these would be the form of communication. Writing makes this very problem of politely disagreeing very difficult. It is easier to understand the rules of writing than it is the rules of conversation, which to me are completely arbitrary.
Aspies also tend to be very literal. If you say the percentage of people that snore is X%, and I know that it is closer to Y%, I will say so. Not to say that you are wrong. Only to point out that I have heard something different because this is how my brain says conversations should work: Give and take…an exchange of information.
Anyway, thanks. I still feel like I am in a room full of rabid shrews, but at least someone knows that I am in here!

@Jewel I totally agree with you.

Sometimes people defend their opinions with fundamentalist vigor because they feel as if the difference in opinion is actually an assault on their own opinion (when it totally isn’t!) At least, that’s how I see it.

@Jewel – I have learned that I need to take into consideration I am reading text. For some reason I read everything in an aggressive “your stupid” manner. Once I learned not to automatically do that I opened myself up to all sorts of great knowledge. That and I am a bit older and realize it isn’t the worst thing in the world to be wrong, apologize or learn something. I appreciate the fact that you at least make the attempt to be polite. There are enough on here who don’t.

@YARNLADY
@Naked_Homer
Thank you both. :o)

i would say they are being difficult or just being an arse! lol

@Jewel – Now worries!