Do you have the ability to recognize negative, self fulfilling prophecies within yourself?
Asked by
Val123 (
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December 16th, 2009
For example, if you were raised at a time when racism was the norm, say, prior to the 60’s, but since then attitudes have changed, and tensions have lessened, but the concept that everyone is racist stays with you. Because of this, you view other people’s actions, even innocent ones, through that lens….thus possibly turning a non-racial incident into a racial incident, which confirms what you already “know,” which is everyone is racist.
A great example of this, of course, is the high profile black guy who was arrested when he was trying to break into his own home. The arrest was perfectly logical and reasonable, but he turned it into a racial incident. According to him the fact that they ended up treating him poorly had nothing to do with the fact that he was acting like a belligerent AH from the git-go, but he was treated poorly because he was black.
Another example,I used to date a black guy who was born and raised in Selma, Al throughout the 50’s and 60’s. When we were dating, in the 90’s, he saw every negative incident as being racially motivated. If he got the wrong change, or they messed up his food order at the drive thru, it was because he was black….
This can be applied in so many different areas. If you’re convinced you’re stupid, you see all the actions of others as confirming that. If you think everyone hates you, you will bring that to pass as well.
Do you have any self-fulfilling “expectations” in your nature?
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12 Answers
One of my favorite quotes speaks to this: “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re probably right.” The mind is a powerful thing. If you don’t like your situation, change your mind.
From a messed up mistake of a marriage, now I think that every woman is out for something or trying to trap me in some way or trying to manipulate me lol. It’s not very extreme, I just keep my guard up in the back of my head. I could meet the most awesome, sweetest woman, and I’d still be like “She’s faking it, she’s trying to get me to drop my guard…”.
Oh yes, Val123. I’m in the midst of this right now and fighting everything inside me to not screw up. I have two ways I can go and blocking the negativity is rough. It’s what I’m used to doing and for me, change is difficult.
Yes,I do!Have I always made the best choice??hell,no! lol!
Since I know everything. Yes, always.
Excellent question! There was a time in my life that I was much like the guy you dated. Except I was white and a woman..lol. I felt like every man out there was a user and it took me a long time to see that it was not like that, the problem was me. I projected the “vibes” I internalized, personalized every thing and at the time was very unaware of it. I hurt a lot of people and I was so wrapped up in myself that I couldn’t even see it. I do now. I have tried to make ammends with a few.
There are times still that I catch myself when faced with certain things, doing the same thing. It can be a very hard habit to break. Taking everything so personal and then projecting it with a knee jerk reaction. It is also a fine line to walk as there are times that I am not sure if I am actually seeing things for what they are or if I am just taking everything personal.
I have grown a lot since those dark years and am still growing. Today I have great relationships. I try very hard not to think so much about how something is effecting me, but how it effects others and use them as a guidline when it calls for it. when I cannot solve it I usually ask for help from my best friend, husband or now..places like this. I try to do this before I take anything too personally and go back to old habits ending up with a bigger problem on my hands.
I see the positive side of life now..and realize men can be really wonderful, and have found one that I am having the time of my life with. Not everyone is out to get me and I can only control myself and my thoughts, no one elses.
What a great question.
Yes and I’ve been trying like hell to outmaneuver myself why I can catch on early enough. An example is me not speaking up about something where I feel I’ve been slighted or wronged or neglected and letting that build into a bitterness to where I no longer desire or respect my partner and then walk away from the whole relationship. I’m finding out if I speak up about what I need and/or want then people are more often than not willing to try to for me.
@hungryhungryhortence – Interesting. I do that too, up to a point. I assume that I’m not worth that person’s respect or concern, which makes me not want to stand up for myself, which makes me feel worse about myself because I just “proved” that I’m not worth their effort to make things right because they didn’t figure out that I was upset, even though I didn’t tell them. Except via some dirty looks behind their back. It’s not a pretty spiral. But most times, when I do say something, it turns out that I’ve misinterpreted something or that the person didn’t mean to hurt me.
I sometimes think that people will (and do) place more weight – too much weight – on my opinion just because I’m a middle-aged white guy.
I remember getting stopped for speeding in a park – I was late to a game for one of my kids. I became belligerent because the “constable” was taking too long with me – giving me a lecture rather than writing me a ticket. He was totally right to stop me, and I was totally wrong to go off on him. I was horrified the way I’d acted as soon as I’d cooled off. But in the meantime, he decided NOT to write me a ticket, and let me go. I thought it probably had something to do with how I looked.
I do see racism in myself. And this is odd – I see men and women differently. I pretty much judge men for my experience of them. But women I prejudge – Asian women I expect to be smart, black women I expect to be not so smart. The Asian part I can explain – the first Asian girls I knew were members of a scholastic high school group I was part of – both bright. I can only guess my lesser opinion of black women came from TV. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but there it is.
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@lohsure Dude, your segregationist propaganda is not welcome here. :-(
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