Should Teenagers be allowed to entertain the opposite sex in their bedrooms ?

I think it really depends on the teenager.

If it’s the only room available in the house for them to hangout without parents constantly there, then sure. As long as you check in on them periodically.

Yes!
Just because they are in a room by themselves, it doesn’t mean they are having sex.

Fewer bodily fluids staining on the couch.

I say “yes”.... I don’t think it invites problems unless there’s no supervision.

Eh? I always did.

So probably not.

Yes! I did. Nothing happened that shouldn’t have happened.

Yes, of course. Happened all the time with my friends and I. And honestly, how many teens want to have sex in their house when their parents could come in at any time?

Furthermore, that’s not fair to kids who simply have more friends of the opposite sex. Doesn’t mean that all they want to do is do it. Also, what if your kid is gay?

Either way, it’s pretty lame to not allow that. @cyndihugs pretty much nailed this one. There’s a fine line between paranoid and realistic.

Sure. Do you expect them to explore their sexuality with an open door?

If you think forbidding them from being in their bedroom alone is going to prevent them from having sex, you’re insane. All it’s going to do is convince them they need to be more sneaky and deceptive towards you.

Now that I am no longer a teenager I say absolutely not.

Im with @DominicX , @MrItty & @cyndihugs on this one.

As long as the door remains open.

Sure as long as they have the door open and/or make noise associated with anything but sex. And the parent is around and subject to drop in.

Actually, If I heard my post-age-of-consent (that is 14 in Germany) offspring making noises associated with sexual conduct while in company of their equally legally aged friend of either gender, I would run up, confirm that they are actually “doing it” (to avoid embarassing myself for nothing), barge in and….

Throw a condom on the bed. Can not tolerate a pregnant teen.
Then I would leave.

Yep, I think it’s ok. It would depend on the teenager as mentioned above. It’s not necessarily inviting a problem. There are countless teens who spend private time with the opposite sex and even make out and they’re perfectly normal, healthy kids. In fact one could argue that with the right education, guidance, and confidence, they could benefit from alone time with their puppy lovesters. I’m not saying kids should have sex. I’m not saying you should put them in a room with some Barry White.

If it was my kid, I’d tell them that all feet have to remain on the floor and the door must remain open. I don’t care if they make out, but I’d prefer they didn’t have sex in my house. I wouldn’t stalk them and walk by the room every minute, but I’d like to be able to check in periodically.

@ubersiren Out of curiosity, where would you prefer they have sex?

To be honest you shouldn’t worry about them having sex or doing any other sexual acts with you in the house. Its when you are not there you should worry Teenagers will find away to have sex with no adults around. When I first started having sex I did it in the dugout of the baseball field, cars, in the park, and various other places. The only place I didn’t do it is in my room with my parents there. I’m sorry if this is about your child it probably didn’t make you feel any better. Oops!

My son is not a teenager, but I would hope to be able to trust him like that. Plus, I don’t care if he fools around with a girlfriend, I just don’t want to hear the headboard banging.

@MrItty : Out of earshot.

@ubersiren okay, fair enough. So then the problem isn’t really “in his room”, it’s “in his room when you’re home”. Is that accurate?

yes, no problem with it at all. i used to have girls in my room all the time as a teenager. with a closed door, take it from me… closed doors are crap at being luck charms.

not half as good at getting you girls as the back of the school was.

If the door remains open and I am home, sure.

Most teenagers probably won’t try anything at home. If they really want to sneak out and have sex, there probably isn’t much you can do to stop them. For what it’s worth, if you’re home and their door is open, they probably won’t do anything in their room.

Your child should know your position on him/her having sex. Others are right – the more restrictive you are, the more likely they are to do it elsewhere and possibly be caught without a condom. Rape is also less likely when a parent is in the house – girl goes along with it then changes her mind and guy forces her.

I say yes. There’s no reasons to keep them out of the room or have them in there with the door open. Believe it or not, they’ll have sex or do anything close to it whether you’re aware of it or not. There’s no real way of preventing anything from happening.

Depends on the teenager, i mean what if your teen is gay? Then the opposite gender isn’t the one you have to worry about.

Oooh @XOXMSperfect Good point! Lurve.

Dominic said essentially the same thing upthread regarding a gay teen.

But, to answer the question, I think it’s fine with an open door at all times regardless of which gender.

If they’re just friends, they don’t need THAT much privacy. No legit need for a closed door. Open is fine.

Sorry @DominicX I missed that! Lurve to you too. Thanks @Buttonstc

Wow. I took this question far too literally. I wasn’t sure why anyone would object to their son or daughter singing and dancing for a guest of the opposite sex.

yes. if the worry is that they’re going to have sex, and you think that stopping them at that given time is stopping it permanently, well i believe 99% of the time that is not the case. if they want to have sex they will find a place to do it. personally i wouldn’t if i was at my house while my parents were home. its somewhat disrespectful and who would want to get caught, what a bad situation. so i stray away from that. usually i just want to have a guy in my room so we can talk or snug without parents staring at you and saying “god deni aren’t you crushing him? isn’t she crushing you tom?” my mom actually said this to one of my ex boyfriends while i was laying with my head on his chest once. it was funny.

everyone has a spot they can go with someone else. i hear the backseats of cars are still popular…

Sure why not, I do think the door should be open though so you can smell it if they are smoking the funny stuff in there!

With the door open and the understanding that there are certain degrees of entertainment that will not be tolerated.

My oldest daughter (19) is not allowed to have boys in her room, even with the door open.

My youngest daughter (14) is not allowed to have boys over at all, until she is old enough to date.

Aboslutely not.

Some might feel Im wrong but we dont allow it in our house. Theres more than enough privacy in the livingroom and the entertainment area if they just want to relax together. When it come to study together, their rooms are private enough without the door closed. They have never closed their doors when studying alone so if they now study with the opposite sex and want the door close I would not allow it.

@RubyReds, @LTaylor @AnnieB and whomever else says “No”

Can you please explain the logic behind your reasoning? What do you think you’re preventing by not letting them be in a room alone together with the door closed? What is the net effect of this policy, in your mind?

I have a 17 year old daughter and last night her boyfriend (whom I adore) was here and in her room. They watched a movie. I trust my daughter completely. We have a relationship that is very open. She talks to me, really talks to me and I know how she feels about having sex. She doesn’t want to have it, now and doesn’t until she is married. (I don’t know how long that will last) Her boyfriend is the same. He also talks to me. I don’t pretend to think it won’t ever happen, but I know it didn’t last night and it probally won’t for some time. I will know when she is feeling ready, as she talks with me.

My son, when he was younger, on the other hand, didn’t have the same type of relationship with me. I tried but he just didn’t. I would not permit him to do what my daughter did last night. I just didn’t know what was going on with him. I had an idea, but because we didn’t talk about things openly, I couldn’t offer him the same amount of trust.

It depends on the teenager. The level of trust you have and how comfortable you both are with their relations and how much you can communicate, IMO.

@MrItty : Well, just to reiterate, I’m not saying kids should have sex. I’d hope that my parenting will lead them to responsible decisions in life. However, if they’re going to do it, I hope they’re careful, first and foremost. Secondarily, I’m not sure I’d approve of them using my house at all. If I’m teaching them that sex is something that should wait and that there are more important things in life, then having sex in my house is just a giant slap in the face. But teens will be teens and it’s sometimes difficult to withstand against hormones, curiosity and peer pressure. I understand that, even if I don’t condone it. I’m going to try really hard to teach a balance of responsibility and freedom. I don’t want my kids to feel shame about sex, but I want them to be cautious at the same time.

Yeesh, sorry I got carried away a bit there.

@ubersiren no no, no need to be sorry. That’s very well explained, thank you.

I realize that being childless, I don’t have the same viewpoints as parents do on this. I’m just not getting it. In my mind, it should be similar to the safe sex argument. (“Don’t have sex. But if you do, against my wishes, please at least use a condom!”). I would just think parents would want their kids to not be sneaky and deceptive about such things, and if they’re going to fool around, to at least do it somewhere “safe” rather than the backseat of a car in a public parking lot….

Now, coming from the former teenager’s perspective, my parents didn’t let me close the door when my g/f was over either. And I never understood that. We didn’t have sex, but when we wanted to fool around, we sure as hell weren’t going to do it in my parents’ house while they were home. Are there really teenagers who would? That’s just… icky. We wanted the door closed for privacy, so as to not be bothered by my siblings, or hear the living room television, or whatever. Not so that we could fool around with each other. We did that when we were actually secluded, not just having the illusion of seclusion provided by a closed door.

Seems that you had good parenting. Yes, there are teens who have sex while their (neglectful) parents are home. i wasn’t one of those kids, but I remember stories from my teen years.

@ubersiren But, my point is, if the kids are going to have sex, they’re not going to do it simply because the parents let the door be closed. They’re going to have sex because they want to have sex. The only effect the door policy has is where and when. I’m not getting why parents think the where and when matter.

(and I take issue with your statement “you had good parenting” being a response to my statements. My parents and I never talked about sex. Not once. Ever. How do you think their parenting decisions influenced my decisions about sex?)

@Mrltty—This is my daughters biggest complaint about her father (we are divorced) She says her father will let them go to the movies alone, go to his (bf) house alone, but when in her dad’s home, they cannot be alone. She said ” Why would he think we are just going to have sex in my room? WHY would we when he is HOME! (If we were going to have sex) We could have it anywhere else when he lets us go out alone!—

@cyndihugs Exactly. Maybe they are just going to watch a movie or play a video game. I believe that if parents are too mistrustful and suspicious of their kids, then that will only drive the kids to do the very thing that the parents don’t want them to do. Give them a little bit of freedom. Growing up, I was allowed to entertain the opposite sex in my room as long as I left the door open. I think that if parents are going to insist on a no sex rule, then asking the kids to leave the door open would be a good compromise.

@butterflykisses Very good points. And there are plenty of other kids like your daughter. In fact, a guy posted here the other day about how his girlfriend wouldn’t have sex in the house because she didn’t want to sneak around the parents.

@butterflykisses I agree with your daughter. What is your (and her father’s) response?

@MrItty : I agree, it wouldn’t stop the behavior if it was under way. However, I think it’s further reinforcement that you are making an effort to be a good parent. You can give them privacy without closing the bedroom door. Maybe leave it cracked? You don’t have to walk by and “check up” on them, but just so they know you could if you wanted to can let them know that someone cares for and respects them. I don’t know. I guess I won’t know for sure how I feel about it until the time comes for these matters. :/

@Mtitty Sadly her response has been not seeing her father. She use to go over there every other weekend until she became a teen. He just won’t communicate with her and blankets her with “ALL teenagers will do this or that” He thinks MY parenting is lax and I let her get away with everything. He has made it so hard for her that seeing him has become a boxing ring match. He over parents with a different type of parenting..I call it the “blanket type” because he thinks my “type” is just “no good”

We divorced because we could not see eye to eye when it came to rasing my son.

@butterflykisses : See, that’s too much. Teens need privacy and intimacy as much as adults.

@ubersiren Well intentioned, no doubt. But if you could clarify, “further reinforcement that you are making an effort to be a good parent”, to whom, exactly? Are you saying the door policy reinforces your efforts to be a good parent to your teenager? Or to yourself? If the former…. if the kid resents the policy, and resents you for creating and enforcing it, then do you really think they’re going to be impartial and objective enough to recognize it as you caring for them, and being a good parent? I personally think it’s more likely to reinforce the idea that you don’t trust them. <shrug>

For my part, I know that my mother’s insistence that the door remained open didn’t make me more aware of her caring for me. It made me think she was clueless. It made me think she didn’t realize that my g/f and I could have sex pretty much whenever we wanted, if we had wanted to. It made me think she was naïve enough to think a closed door was preventing us from having sex. Basically, the only thing it “reinforced” was the stereotypical teenager opinion “adults are sooooo stupid!”

@lonelydragon my daughter isn’t having sex..lol. Not in my home or anywhere.

@Mritty I agree…I allow the door to be closed. I have a very rewarding relationship with my daughter. She tries harder in school, listens much better than my son ever did except when it comes to the kitty litter and is all around a great role modle. I trust her completely and I trust in the job I am doing as a parent. She actually said to me..“Mom you are never going to have to worry about me coming back and saying I did this or that when I grow up and making you cry, like (My son) did I promise.”

Having trust in teen, and yourself as a parent is important.. having your child trust you back is even more important. A lesson I learned the hard way.

@MrItty : I meant for the child. Kids resent lots of things that they’re later appreciative for. I heard once a theory that kids love to hear the word “no.” It makes them feel safe and loved, even when they’re not getting what they want at that moment. This includes letting them be themselves with all the intimacy and privacy that comes with it, but helping remind them of their responsibilities. But, I think there’s a healthy happy medium to be realized here. And again, it would depend on the child and the relationship with him/her.

@ubersiren I agree that there are a lot of things I resented about my parents that I now look up to them for, and appreciate beyond my ability to describe. Their door policy simply isn’t one of them. :-)

Also, there are many parents who don’t talk about sex specifically with their children, but still manage to teach responsibility and good decision making. Ex: my parents, my husband’s parents. My parents would’ve talked to me if I came to them, but they certainly didn’t volunteer. In fact, when it came time to talk about menstruation, my mother got a video from the library, put it in the VCR for me, and left the room. My husband’s parents wouldn’t be caught dead talking about sex. Unfortunatly, I think this method scares the child into not wanting sex (which is not the approach I will thrive for). If the kid is scared or confused, then he/she is probably more apt to feel shame about sex. The kids already know something about it, and the fact that their parents won’t talk about it says to them that it’s taboo or wrong.

@ubersiren I mostly agree. I would argue, however, the possibility that parents not talking to them about it says not that it’s taboo or wrong, but that it’s “adult”, and that they therefore don’t consider the kids mature enough for an adult conversation. That prompts rebelliousness (“I am too old enough, damnit, I don’t care what they think!”).

That’s true, too. I think little good can come from ignoring the conversation altogether. All I was saying is that it is possible to skip the conversation and still pass on your wisdom, making your children responsible and wise.

In todays society there is no way to avoid a child hearing about sex at a very young age. WIth the internet and media avenues. I think it would be irresponsiable to not be the first to talk to your child about sex. While it may be an adult thing, children also aspire to be just like adults and are much more mature or think they are at a much earlier age. It doesn’t always stem from being rebellious behavior, it can stem from just wanting to be more “mature” than they really are. Pre teens are having sex these days, as early as 11 and 12.

@ragingloli I think it would be a lot funnier if you had a massive box of condoms, like one of the “family sized” packs to throw at them.

@MrItty Those are the rules in my house. If you don’t like them, move in with your father!

@AnnieB wow. Is there an anti-great answer link?

@MrItty I don’t allow my oldest daughter to have boys in her room, whether they are having sex or not. It sets a bad example for her younger sister. IMO. And, there is nothing they can do in her room, they cant do in the livingroom. If she wants privacy, she can get her own place!

My youngest daughter has been in trouble recently. I don’t like the people she hangs out with. Especially the boys. They are VERY disrespectful, and I don’t want them here.

Is that a good enough answer?

@AnnieB not at all in fact. I mean, hey, your house your rules and all that. More power to you. The simple fact is, your daughter does want privacy, and she and her boyfriend will find it, with or without your assistance. Telling her she’s not entitled to any in her own home is accomplishing nothing but making her realize you don’t trust her, and convincing her of the need to not tell you anything about what she’s doing.

@MrItty I want a lot of things too. When I can afford them, I’ll get them. When my daughter can afford privacy (with a member of the opposite sex), she’ll get it. She is allowed privacy alone, or with her girlfriends. I do NOT feel obligated to provide privacy for her and her boyfriend. Both of my daughters are aware of their responsibility to protect themselves from babies and diseases.

When you have a daughter, who wants to entertain a boy in her room, you are entitled to let her….That is YOUR right…THIS is mine. :D

@AnnieB I really don’t care how you raise your daughter. I’m just trying to understand your reasoning. From what I gather, you don’t seem to have any other than “my house my rules”.

Growing up, I had an amazing relationship with my mother. We talked about most everything. Although she did not give me ‘the talk’ (instead bought a video which she never had the nerve to show me and I ended up watching out of curiousity), once I was 17 and really dating, she did effectively slip in her opinions and values through general conversation. This eased the awkwardness of a straight forward ‘talk.’ Despite everything, I did fool around with my boyfriend while my parents were home. My door was to remain open, but my bedroom was a bonus room a few steps up from the third floor while my parents were on the first floor. The month between graduation and moving out, my boyfriend stayed with me at my parents. We were not allowed to sleep together in my bedroom, but we were allowed to sleep together in the downstairs living room. We would have had less sex in the bedroom just a few feet away from my parents than two floors down from them…

My daughter when she gets to be that age no.I’m a guy,I know what we do,and I know what I’ve done.so hell no she wont be allowed to bring a guy to her room by themselves!

I wonder what teen agers would say or think if their parents entertained guests in their bedroom in order to get away from the prying eyes of the children???

I was not allowed to have my door closed with a boy in my room until I was in my late teens. I don’t see any reason for the door to be closed, unless it is just girls who are friends (and not lesbian), or guys who are friends (and not gay). The reason I bring up homosexuality, is because you said opposite sex.

@TominLasVegas same question I’ve asked everyone else who said “no”. Do you think preventing the guy from being in your daughter’s room will prevent the guy and your daughter from doing whatever it is you’re worried about?

@MrItty Your understanding is not my concern. My children understand my reasoning, and respect my rules. The rules are the same at their father’s house.

This hasn’t always been the rule. Things happen, rules change….that’s all.

@AnnieB silly me, I thought we were here to discuss beliefs and opinions. My bad.

@MrItty I came in to answer HighShaman’s question, which I did. You asked me to explain my logic, which I did. My reasoning wasn’t to your liking….nothing I can do about that. Sorry.

@AnnieB we can agree to disagree that you explained your logic. You gave your reasons (sets a bad example, don’t like the boys your daughter hangs out with). When I questioned those, you replied with nothing more than “my house my rules”, “I don’t feel an obligation to provide privacy” and “when you have a daughter, you can set your own rules”.

I don’t personally consider any of those an explanation of the logic behind your reasoning. If you do, that’s fine.

@MrItty You must have missed the one where I told you my daughter has been in trouble recently….I didn’t feel the need to go into detail on that.

But, yes….agree to disagree.