How do you feel about the mother who "Tweeted" her son's death?

I’m not smart enough to throw barbs at a mother who just lost her child. I feel the greatest sympathy for her. I can’t imagine such a loss.

Well, obviously the death was confirmed so she didn’t lie about it just to get attention.
It does indeed bother me that during this tragedy the first thing that came to her mind was to tweet about it.
I’m definitely sorry for her loss, but something doesn’t seem right to me.

In the hours (or days?) following a major loss like that, the mother was probably in shock and may have done things that she would not have done otherwise.

You do strange things in grief, but I’m not sure about logging on to Twitter to post pictures of your very recently dead child. Having never been a parent, and never losing someone so close to me, I couldn’t possibly comment in more depth.

I do find the whole thing rather strange though.

People grieve in mysterious ways. I can’t judge someone’s coping mechanism. Especially the immense mind-numbing grief of losing a child.

I wonder why there was such an uproar. Does anyone have an opinion as to why this was so controversial? I felt nothing but sympathy toward her.

There isn’t enough information given here to determine that she could’ve prevented her son’s death by paying more attention to him. We don’t know what she was doing when he fell in the pool.

I personally see Twitter as nothing but the ultimate outlet for an attention whore, but there isn’t enough information provided here to determine that Twitter distracted her while her son was dying. That would be pretty awful if that were the case.

Doesn’t seem like something I need to criticize her about – maybe in that moment this was the only connection she had to reality, her usual routine, anything really…I’m sure her grief is real and will take some time to process

When plunged in a nightmare and desperate you take desperate measures. In her mind perhaps if the nation would just pray the sheer volume of positive energy and prayer and a miracle would happen. I can see the cry out. After the initial cry out one must make a conclusion as I am certain thousands wanted to know.

I feel for her. There is no greater tragedy for a parent than to lose their child.

I don’t know enough about the situation, but if my child had just fallen into the pool I would be by my child’s side and not on the internet. that’s just me

My heart goes out to her. I can’t see me posting anything at a time like that, but we all grieve and handle such situations differently.
If she was truly a uncaring mother, I think there are worse things she could have been doing at a time like this. Tweeting was at least reaching out to others about her grief.

Maybe she doesn’t have many friends in real life. I don’t see anything wrong with it. I chronicled all kinds of bullshit about my offline life on AB and will likely do so here on Fluther as well for anyone that is interested enough to read about it.

I find that sort of thing appalling. I cannot imagine taking the time to “tweet” about this rather than rushing to the ER.

I can understand coming online after all that could be done has already been done and asking for support from online friends.

I have no reason to judge her a fit or unfit mother because, obviously, I do not know her. I just am shocked by how the internet takes over people’s lives.. I have seen this many times in many instances.

It seems to me that we have a culture of Mommy bashing at the moment; if something bad happens to a kid it must be the mother (or father’s) fault. I’m connecting this with the parents who let their 9 year old take the subway (safely) home and the firestorm around that. Everyone is quick to judge other parents; I think it is media-fueled and also driven by magical thinking on the part of parents: “I wouldn’t do that so my kid will stay safe.”

I know people on Fluther who have used this site for support in times of crisis; I would certainly be very hesitant to judge a parent in this situation.

@janbb otoh, there are plenty of parents who should be judged more harshly than ever before – certain things are just no longer acceptable and should have never been

Who says she “took the time to ‘tweet’ rather than rushing to the ER”?

Going by the description given, and recognizing that a tech-savvy blogger probably has some sort of smart mobile phone, I can easily imagine that she could be at the ER and tweeting at the same time.

Look, if she can use her phone to call friends and family for support during the crisis – a normal thing to do – then why not blog about it to your extended community of friends and supporters as well?

Indeed, tweeting probably requires less time and distraction from the situation than starting up a calling tree.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Of course. My point is not to condone child abuse or neglect, far from it, but to decry the “rush to judgment” and the media frenzy around such stories.

@robmandu That was me and I am not tech savvy so would not know about that. I do not even have a cellular phone. I also did not grow up in the online age so things like that do not first enter into my mind. I understand what you are saying.

I also do not judge her a fit or unfit mother as I said. I do not know enough about her to make a judgment one way or another.

@janbb yeah, the media – it’s infuriating is what it is

If she believes in the “power of prayer” maybe she saw her Twitter as a quick way to ask thousands of people to pray for her son. I can see the grief-stricken reason in that.

Also, people Twitter from their cell-phones. It’s not like she’d necessiarily have to log on to her computer and take time. She could have sent it from the ambulance or hospital in literally 15 seconds.

I don’t judge the way people grieve.

I don’t think people are judging the way she was grieving, I think people were trying to infer that she could’ve prevented her son’s death, but was too distracted by Twitter.

Again, there is not enough information to determine that. Either way, when someone falls in a pool, someone is not watching when they should’ve been and it always could’ve been prevented. That’s why it’s such a tragic thing to have to deal with.

My first reaction was that of many ie: who the hell tweets something like that so soon after such a major tragedy. I could almost understand if it was a teenager tweeting about an elderly relative (grandparent or uncle etc) who had passed away due to a long illness or just old age but this was a mother tweeting about her child who had just died tragically. I find that strange.

However, having read what other people have put here I feel I should be less judgemental as, like many of you have already said, people grieve in different ways and shock can make us all do things that others don’t understand.

It will be interesting to see if, once she has had more time to grieve and deal with the tragedy in her mind whether she explains what made her feel the need to tweet at that time. Maybe she was reaching out to a whole load of people she doesn’t know because she didn’t know how else to deal with it at that moment.

I think it’s a sad commentary about how disconnected we are from living life rather than talking about it.

I know that the last thing I would be doing at a time like that would be posting a tweet.

Accidents happen but I know when my kids were that small I couldn’t participate in anything, up to an including a decent adult conversation, that took my attention off them for any length of time for fear of the “preventable accident”.

I think people took a little information and piled on their harsh, judgmental criticisms along with their pop-psychology mother blaming and ran with it.

The poor woman just lost her child. We have no right to judge her. We weren’t there.

Whatever. I learned long ago that sometimes, no matter the number of attempts to change the rules or their intentions, and through no fault of anyone other than Fate,...a kitten simply must die cold and alone. Embrace the suck, people, and move on.

I think a lot of us are missing a very crucial detail.
It’s not like her son had cancer and died and then she decided to grieve on Twitter and seek support.
This was a preventable accident.
The fact that she took her attention off of him long enough for him to venture out to the pool, fall in and drown is what bothers me. AND THEN, she decides to update TWICE during this tragedy?
THAT is the difference and that is what doesn’t settle well with me.
Her son drowning could have been and possibly was some of her fault. He’s two years old for Christ’s sake. They need someone’s eyes glued on them at all times.
Merriment put it very well.

@Vunessuh Sure, it is possible that the mom wasn’t paying attention because of social networking. But there is no evidence of that.
Her son might have somehow gotten outside while she stopped to pee, or was unloading the dishwasher, or tending to one of her 3 other children for a while.
The fact that this woman tweeted in a way some others find unusual about her son’s death does not mean the death was preventable if only mom wasn’t twittering.

This is a mother who lost her child. Can you imagine? Can you even imagine how helpless and alone that might feel? Maybe she just wanted to reach out to anyone. God forbid any of you are ever in her place and are judged for how you reacted and were blamed based on your activities afterwards.

@Likeradar I never claimed she was twittering while her son drowned.
Bottom line, it was preventable and she tweets right after she finds him, and then once again after he’s confirmed dead.
That bothers me.

I respectfully disagree that this was fate and nothing could have been done about it.

The plain fact of the matter is that this death was entirely preventable. I think the Tweeting angle is a handy ” hook” for the press to put focus on it, but It takes the focus off of the real issue and I refuse to judge someone for how they grieve.

But it’s blatantly obvious that regardless of whether she was online or not, WHATEVER she was doing, she was not properly supervising her 2yr. old child in the proximity of an unfenced pool.

You just cannot take you eyes off a child that age for ANY reason. Perhaps if enough people make a stink about it, it may prevent a similar death for another carelessly inclined parent.

That’s the only benefit I can see in criticizing her harshly.

I’m sure that the guilt is overwhelming for her all on its’ own. And that is as it should be.

This was totally preventable and her negligence cost the child his life.

You just cannot allow a child this young out of your sight for two seconds. If you need to go to the bathroom, the child comes in with you. I and tons of parents have done precisely that because you cannot do less. This is the job requirement when they are that age. It just is. There is no way around it. The stakes are too high. It is literally a matter of life and death.

If one chafes at so strict a requirement, don’t have children. When they are this young they are totally dependent upon you.

Her inattention to the needs of her child was the primary problem regardless of whether she was online or offline. There is no getting around that simple truth.

I think it’s a shame that all of the focus is on Twitter. The exact same thing could have happened if she was reading a book or watching TV rather than her child.

I was on fluther while I watched my mom die. I fluthered when my mom died. Reaching out to my fluther family was soothing and it helped me through the crisis. Maybe it was the same for this woman.

I’m not judging. How horrible.

@Likeradar To the edit of your answer: No, I have never lost a child. I’m sure she is in unbearable pain. I don’t know all of the details and I am not trying to pass harsh judgement on her at all. I’m sure she was a great mother like so many of her personal friends stated.
This is however a topic that someone has opened for discussion and I will state my opinion. I feel like she neglected her child….even if it was only for a few seconds. What she was doing at the time really doesn’t matter.
But then to Twitter right after she finds him and keep people ‘updated’ like it’s a Goddamn football game isn’t right to me.

@Vunessuh What about the comfort that @tinyfaery says she got from her Fluther family when her mom died?

That is a completely different situation. Completely.
Comparing her situation to this is irrelevant.
Please read my post above about the ‘crucial detail.’

I think there’s a difference between knowing someone is going to pass away, and being on Twitter uploading photos while your young child drowns.

This has been pretty big on the parenting forums I’m on. I saw her posts. It’s pretty ridiculous to me.
I’m also involved in a case of a mother I know online who we believe just killed her two month old (we have called the sheriff and CPS, which had been done before for her older child, and nothing was done) and this lady is all over the internet posting (and we know her children are real, as many people have met them)

If it were me, I’d be locked away in a hospital, sedated on many drugs.

@casheroo You’re first sentence – exactly what I was trying to express. You put it into words better than me. There is a vast difference. I agree.

I can’t imagine having the presence of mind to do anything but hold my child. But I can’t judge what this woman was thinking while this tragedy was unfolding. I hope her only thought was to get a prayer chain started and not to update her followers on the next phase of her life.

@tinyfaery _ I’m assuming that while your mother was dying you weren’t in charge of seeing to her continuing life. If your reaching out had hastened or caused the death of your mother you would be every bit as guilty of neglect as this woman is.

Far from rushing to judgment on child death cases like this I see too much excuse making for the parents involved. I think most of this is based on the absolute horror any of us have at the thought of losing a child. The horror of that loss does not exempt a parent from responsibility. And a reminder of that may just save some other child.

So while I feel for her loss I can separate that from also feeling she should be held accountable. And in this case, being held accountable is taking place in public where she brought the issue.

It could have hastened her death. Maybe when I was out of the room her vitals went down. Maybe as I was quiet while I was fluthering she slipped more out of consciousness.

None of us know what happened. What if she had been praying or reading the Bible when the kid died? Or maybe she was paying bills after the kid died. Am I accountable. Would it be as horrible because the distraction wasn’t Twitter.

We have no right to judge. The death is not her fault.

Actually, you can’t make the claim that the child’s death wasn’t her fault.
Like you said, we have no right to judge because we don’t have all of the details.
So, I suppose I can’t make the claim that it was her fault.
But I think I make a valid point about how strange it is to update on Twitter during this situation.
Keywords: update, during.
This wasn’t like your situation tiny (and by the way I’m very sorry for your loss) – this is something completely different.
I’m not saying that seeking support on the internet is wrong or strange. Hell, I’ve had friends on here help me through a lot and vice versa.
But I’m curious as to how people, especially this woman, are actually surprised that it caused such a stir.

From the article in the question “She tweeted those followers at 5:22 p.m. Monday, with a breezy update about the fog rolling in and spooking the chickens as she worked in her chicken coop. Sixteen minutes later, a 911 call was placed from her home saying that Bryson was lying at the bottom of the pool. At 6:12 p.m. she tweeted again: “Please pray like never before, my 2 yr old fell in the pool.” And five hours later, she wrote that she was “remembering my million dollar baby,” posting photos of the little boy. (Some of these tweets and photos have since been removed.)”

She wasn’t Tweeting when her son was drowning or why he was in the pool. It was after 911 was called and while he was in the hopital and after his death. How is that during the incident? She didn’t drown him herself, did she? Then how is it her fault?

How is that not during the incident?
There’s nothing wrong with seeking prayers for someone you love over the internet.
But I can tell you right now that if my son was in the hospital, hanging on for his life, I wouldn’t take my phone from my pocket, get online, find my Twitter account and update.
I’m pretty positive I would either be hysterical and/or holding/near my child and not worrying about my Twitter status.

That’s you. Must everyone do as you do? Geesh.

LOL. Uh no.
I thought we were expressing opinions here?
Too bad some people can’t help but take them personal.

@tinyfaery And were you responsible for tracking her vitals and treating her if they slipped Or were you instead there as emotional support for a dying person?

That mother had a perfectly healthy child who was entrusted to her care. It was her job to keep him safe. Does shit happen sometimes despite people’s best intentions and highest vigilance? Of course. Is it given that you can never let a 2 year old out of your sight and most certainly NEVER if you have an unfenced/unsecured pool in your yard? Absolutely.

None of us would have known what she was doing except she took it totally public in a step by step way. And yes, it would have been just as horrible regardless of the distraction.

If she had been praying or reading the bible or talking to jesus himself she would still be responsible for dropping her guard and allowing the child the opportunity to drown.

It is her fault. It was an easily predictable risk and she failed to safeguard against it. Are other people equally at fault who never have to pay the ultimate price for it through sheer dumb luck? Yes. And that still doesn’t change her responsibility.

My issue with her twittering is…I think any normal mother would be eaten up with guilt that their lack of vigilance allowed their child to be harmed, let alone killed.

And apparently instead of realizing that her online activity had kept her from being there for him she went right back online to track the sad, tragic ending of his life.

Makes me wonder if she learned anything and if she has other children.

She gave people the opening to judge her when she posted the blow by blow account of his death. If she didn’t want it up for public opinion she should have kept it private.

I feel this is an issue where no one is really right or wrong – that happens rarely, it is interesting

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Precisely why I asked the question. There is no right answer, but there is room for a lot of interesting thinking. I thank the people who have been participating.

Most older people are stupid when it comes to Twitter and Facebook. Most older people watch the news. The news likes to make a story. If they understand just how little time it takes to “tweet” a message from an iPhone (which I’m guessing she has since she’s an avid fan of the site) they wouldn’t be losing their bowels so quickly. In 50 minutes the Mother posted just 2 tweets?....I gather from the article you posted. The total time for somebody like me to do this from an iPhone would be less than 15 seconds. I don’t get how people are saying she “spent so much time and attention to twitter” when actually…..quick calculation…..she spent 0.05% of the entire time on twitter. (The calculation comes from me doing it, I’m sure she’s quicker than I).

I say it’s just something that the media wishes to bring about for the sole purpose of everybody “tripping balls”.

As for what kind of mother tweets during a crisis….well apparently this one does…so what?

@Buttonstc – Good answer. I completely agree with you.

@Gecko

Thank you.

But I’m one of those older people whom you called “stupid about Twitter.” :) I’m assuming you were referencing folks over the age of 30–40.

Let’s face it. It’s the media which is being stupid about Twitter. I managed to ignore the hype they were pushing and see the situation for what it really was and I’m sure that there were plenty of others my age who did likewise.

Susceptibility to media hype has no age correlation. The child’s death has no provable correlation with her being online.

From additional details coming out, it seems far more likely that the child fell in the pool while she was cleaning out the chicken coop. The Twittering came afterwards.

I know that there are some compassionate people who say it isn’t her fault, but unfortunately that’s not accurate.

Of course she did not intentionally kill the child. But her carelessness did. Plenty of time to clean out the chicken coop when hubby or someone else is available to watch the child.

If connecting with others by Twitter helps her to deal with her guilt and grief, I’m not willing to judge her harshly for that Lord knows she has enough grief to last a lifetime.

But I’m not willing to give her a pass on the death of the child. Hopefully this can serve to prevent others from the same carelessness.

There are far too many toddlers who drown every single year because their caregivers were not vigilant enough. It bears repeating again. You cannot let a child that age out of your sight for any reason EVER. if you are not prepared for that level of commitment, don’t have kids.

As harsh as that may sound, it is the truth. I wish that she and/or the sensationalist media would Tweet that a few hundred times.

Perhaps that may save a few kids from ending up dead in the pool.