What are the consequences of making a mistake?

Who in the HELL created your inner tapes? You might feel worlds better if you confront them with this bullshit and place the blame – yes, there is DEFINITELY blame here – back on the person who actually deserves it.

This inner dialog you have going on is incomprehensible. I have no idea how you’ve made it this far without being an extremely bitter and angry person. Put that shit back on the person to whom it belongs, and get rid of it. This burden is not yours to carry. they have definitely earned the right to hear it.

To answer the question, I will always screw up. I’m human, so it’s a foregone conclusion. A healthy inner dialog might sound something like this:

“Oh, shit. I have really stepped in it. I feel bad that I hurt someone. I feel angry at myself for the error, and I am not willing to go through feeling this way again. I’m learning from this one!”

And then…..YOU LET IT GO.

This is what you aim for, sweetie. Get that toxic CRAP up and out of you. It’s eating you alive from the inside.

For me:

I tend to learn from them. And, I do my best not to repeat them. That doesn’t always happen, though. Sometimes, I fuck-up again.

What is about your level of fear about making a mistake?
This depends on the potential mistake. I have greater fear of verbally demeaning my partner when hurt or angry than going out and cheating on them out of hurt or anger. Do I fear myself or not trust myself in general? No, I am constantly trying to keep myself in check as I also try to do the most positive things for the people I care about.

How catastrophic is it if you fuck up?
When I’ve messed up then it’s been the end of things but more because of changes in me than anyone else’s ability to forgive or want to work things out. Once I have hurt enough then my brain shuts out the desire to go any further, it feels like driving and losing the gas pedal, total helplessnesses.

In your internal thinking, what is the archetypal consequence of making a mistake?
I will be unloveable and alone forever, only able to get a tease out of what others feel for a lifetime.

Where do you think your ideas about the consequence of mistakes came from?
My grandfather always told me my life would be difficult if I became too much like my grandmother. This was tough because she was like a dream in my eyes, I hadn’t the insight yet to see how emotionally volatile she was, how she affected those around her. Anytime my mom wants to sting me, she’ll say something like, “ooh… just like grama!” I cringe.

@hungryhungryhortence….oooh…..how I HATE those below the belt, jabbing comments! Good heavens! Do you suppose a lot of it isn’t that folks really intend to cut you that deeply, but rather, do not understand the depth of the comment? Not many people are able to understand the mechanics of even adequate communication, let alone thorough. What do you suppose the ratio is between those two groups? GA!

The consequences are you have to make it right.

We all make mistakes.

I’m sorry @daloon ; I couldn’t bring myself to read the above novel. Is it OK if I just answer the question without the detail?
I used to work in a hospital. I was always worried about making a mistake because peoples health and life were at stake. A mistake could be disastrous.
My next job was as an apartment manager. I was all tense and worried about every detail until one day I realized, “hey, there is nothing I can do here that can kill anyone!”
That free me up to be creative and try new things and caused me to excel in my profession rather quickly.

Well to me it always matters what mistake you made…

@phillis: ha, if only! In our family, passive agressive maneuvering is not only a tradition passed down through the generations but it’s also revered as a high art with legendary masters and regales of spectacular dressing downs/shredding downs. In most families I’d say the ratio between intentional slight and miscommunication is somewhere around 15/85, in my cabal it’s more like 80/20. it’s a good thing I keep far away from the worst ones :)

@phillis Good answer, as usual!
@daloon My heart hurts for you. I understand, having had periods when this was very nearly my view of life’s funny balance. I understood that no one is perfect and I was able to give others the permission to make mistakes. I had to learn to give myself permission to make mistakes. It is as simple as it is difficult. I still fight the tendency to beat myself up, but with time it is easier to tell myself, as I tell others, “You can only do what you can do! Your best will have to be enough.” I hope that you can find a way to get beyond this awful weight you carry.
Maybe it would be helpful to understand that when you mess up, it takes some of the heat off of the rest of us who are always making mistakes and scared of the consequences. If you can shrug it off and smile sheepishly, then so can we! If you see it as a disaster, then we must, too. For this reason I try to always do the shrug and sheepish. It defuses the tension, let’s others feel freer to forgive themselves.

@daloon – concentrate on the positive outcomes instead of stressing over the negatives. You didn’t accumulate over 30K lurve without helping us here in a very real way!

I used to run the soundboard at church and one of the running jokes was that no one ever notices you until you do something wrong.

We all want to avoid messing up so bad that when(not if) it happens, it really stands out, and we all have to reprogram ourselves to put more value on what’s good that happens.

@Jewel…Thank you! It really PISSES ME OFF to see a perfectly good person laid to waste, so to speak. People should be imprisoned for such travesties.

@stratman37, that is hilarious!! It’s so true, too! Nobody hears anything until you screw up. What a peculiar human trait, huh?

@hungryhungryhortence, So much for positive thinking! I know what you mean. My family takes immense pride in holding things in for YEARS. It has become an olympic event! The longer you hold things in, the closer you are to taking the gold. My family thinks that the stoic silence of squashed emotions combined with light chit-chat and pleasantries during the holidays is the IDEAL situation. It’s something to be admired!

Meanwhile, every single person in my famly has been divorced AT LEAST twice, except, ironically….me! I’ve never been divorced! Ha! Well, I’ll be damned :)

With all due respects…

…the tone of this query suggest this particular topic should not be taken lightly or addressed in a frivolous manner.

This thread should be closed.
The questioner should be encouraged to seek professional care.

Thankfully I’ve not been in the position, but I have had to process paperwork of improper planning on the part of a subordinate officer that cost the lives of men in my command. He was never the same after that. I had to re-assign him to a headquarters position. He resigned his commission shortly after I left my command.

I see all kinds of good effort being spent toward this author. Why cut off what potentially could HELP him, since we have no idea what might trigger recognition, or even a small revelation?

I do see your sincerity, SABOTEUR, and appreciate it very much.

@SABOTEUR This revelation could not have come without the assistance of a professional. Don’ you worry. Jus’ be happy.

So I fucked up again. I really didn’t want this to be an analysis of my experience. I was really curious as to what other people’s experience and thoughts are. Honest.

@daloon:

Nobody is perfect.
Everyone makes mistakes.

The fact that a mistake causes you so much trauma makes me feel unconfortable discussing this casually. This may very well be more a reflection of my mindset than yours. In any event, I would not want anything I’ve said to be responsible for causing you further distress.

That is one of the most graceful answers I’ve seen in a long, long time, SABOTEUR. Unbelievably caring and thoughtful. GA, my friend.

a mistake is a mistake, we are only human but there is a limit. the consequences are the judgment of your peers, its not what you know its who you know.

I think my own experience is that I am only distressed by my fuck ups if they affect others or they are really embarrasing ones.
I get lost all the time. This I have had to get used to. It affects no one else as it only happens if I have no one to direct me.This is a fuck up that has no bad effect on me. A bit like your question problem. Others know about it as I arrive late.It is public.I have had to learn to live with it.
If my fuck up made someeone else late,I would worry at it for days, That is the difference.
“To err is human” Dont know who said that but it helps me to remember that.
To be perfect is to make others feel inferior.LOL

Either fixing it or living with the consequences.

So I fucked up again. I really didn’t want this to be an analysis of my experience. I was really curious as to what other people’s experience and thoughts are. Honest.

Dude, you fucking slay me.

i’m looking forward to seeing what kind of responses these guys are giving you six months from now. give me 30 days and i will brighten your outlook. honest.

@ Moley..I heard a revision of that once that I loved! (Disclaimer: this is for humor ONLY. Not to be taken as a suggestion for how to live your life) It says: To err is human. To forgive is out of the question!
@Blondesjon I can’t WAIT to see your treatment plan! Dear LORD! HAHAHAHAH!!

Ok, there are two people inside me. I am happy every single day. I also am devastated when I make a mistake or people say I am wrong. I am so used to not being wrong, I never learned how to deal with people saying that to me.

My father gave me two slogans to live by “You don’t have to like everything that happens to you, but have to make the best of it” and

“There is a right way, and a wrong way”. Because of that, I am still trying to adjust to the fact that there are many right and wrong ways.

Edit: I hate when people use the word “fuck”, which a very delightful activity to mean something very wrong and disgusting. It one of the worst misuse of words in the swearing community.

My feelings on the consequences of making a mistake? Every mistake I make can be fixed. I get a little stressed about mistakes, but not overly stressed. Perhaps my accounting job has taught me that, perhaps it is my makeup. I own up to mistakes immediately and usually don’t worry about them for any length of time.

@YARNLADY . . . it is all just grunts and clicks dearheart. if it makes you feel any better, i have a really hard time with the word “sober”.

@Blondesjon you can try to use that as an excuse, but it doesn’t add up in the “real” world. People try to make up excuses for profanity, as in “it’s only a word” or “so what”, but in a society, some words are “taboo” and no amount of denial will change that.

@YARNLADY . . . interracial marriage used to be considered taboo. try again.

@YARNLADY It signifies emphasis. Kind of like putting type in boldface. It has nothing, as I’m sure you know, to do with its nominal meaning, whether as a matter of love, or a matter of rape.

Damn! I’m agreeing with @blondesjon? I’ve got to cut back on those Doritos!

@Blondesjon And that is the beauty of a “living” language, isn’t it? Those who flout the “taboo” of the present lead us into the future.

@YARNLADY . . . you ain’t a shittin’.

@Blondesjon Which doesn’t mean I have to appreciate it.

@YARNLADY . . . I don’t mean to keep this going but nobody has asked you to.

@Blondesjon understood

Depends on the mistake. The consequences can be huge. Like underestimating pandemic threats from viruses like the avian flu or swine flu.

It does depend on the mistake.A small mistake can be put right but a big mistake can be disastrous . If you make too big a mistake and can’t put it right you may end up wishing you had never been born.