What can I do about my spouse's manager being unprofessional?

“I’m surprised you didn’t hit on me!” seems to be a rather common instinctual homophobic response.

There’s probably very little you can do. Your girlfriend should try to be re-assigned or seek out internal arbitration – she should work under such a disrespectful person. This, however, may be risky if she’s not generally out. In more enlightened cities, being out may not be a big deal, but I understand there are a lot of Utahs around too.

Barring that, probably the best thing to do is quit. Sexual harassment is sexual harassment, even if it’s straight woman on lesbian woman. She probably has grounds to sue, though IMHO she’s better off just letting the next person deal with this bitch.

Maybe the best thing you can do is help her transition to a better environment where she’ll be treated with more dignity.

She could call Human Resources and report sexual harassment.

You? Nothing. For you to intervene on her behalf would make her look incredibly unprofessional. Have your SO contact the Human resources officer for her company or a supervisor.

Do not call the boss. Absolutely not. Your girlfriend has to handle it herself. Don’t get angry, if the boss wants to fight, that’s her problem. Calmly come up with a strategy to make the situation better. As bolwerk wrote, getting away from the supervisor is probably best, whether within the company or somewhere else.

I have found helpful articles on Careerbuilder.com before, here are some relevant ones:

How to De-Fang a Toxic Boss
http://www.careerbuilder.com/Article/CB-1289-The-Workplace-How-to-De-Fang-a-Toxic-Boss/

When You Don’t Trust Your Boss
http://www.careerbuilder.com/Article/CB-1292-The-Workplace-When-You-Dont-Trust-Your-Boss/

5 Ways to Cope When Your Boss Behaves Badly
http://www.careerbuilder.com/Article/CB-1374-The-Workplace-5-Ways-to-Cope-When-Your-Boss-Behaves-Badly/

10 Ways to Manage Bad Bosses
http://www.careerbuilder.com/Article/CB-1419-The-Workplace-10-Ways-to-Manage-Bad-Bosses/

What to Do When You Don’t Click With a Co-worker: 7 Tips
http://www.careerbuilder.com/Article/CB-1439-The-Workplace-What-to-Do-When-You-Dont-Click-With-a-Co-worker-7-Tips/

@jaytkay Good links.

@bolwerk She’s out.. she’s comfortable with her sexuality, it’s just that she is the kind of person to “lie down and take it” when someone treats her like shit, and just laugh it off, instead of standing up for herself… and that just pisses me off more.

YOU have absolutely NO Rights in the matter…. and IF you butt in , you are likely to cause your girlfriend to LOSE her position / job .

The girlfriend HAS to be the one to get enough backbone to stand upfor herself…

Does the “manager” have a boss ? File a complaint with that booss or the Home Office…

Most towns have “Human Relations” Departments etc .. check them out for filing a complaint…

Bes t of luck ..

Honestly, guys, she is planning on quitting. In fact, she starts her new job on Tuesday (I believe.. it’s some time early next week), but her current job is not aware of it.

I almost want to wait until she officially quits then make the complaint, but I’m sure they wouldn’t even do anything about it at that point, which still is ridiculous because then other people will just have to put up with it.

@stemnyjones Your girlfriend can write to the BIG Boss and the Home Office and tell them that the reason she is quitting is because of this supervisor….

That will draw enough attention to the problem…

@stemnyjones: you’re probably better off not antagonizing the idiot manager. If something must be done, it would be better for your GF to go through the relevant corporate or legal channel to do it.

It sounds to me like this manager is just a homophobic, egomaniacal twit. Leaving without a word would probably really piss her off, and then throwing in the complaint to her superiors might really embarrass her in front of human resources. But you shouldn’t look back.

If she’s leaving, that’s an end of it. She would be wise not to burn her bridges; she may need a reference from her ex-boss, and she’s already coming up short if she’s leaving without two weeks’ notice. It might be best if you did not dynamite the bridge for her.

She should not tolerate this kind of treatment, but others are right, she has to learn to handle it and not leave it to you.

HR asap; the pattern suggests a hostile work environment and that she is being harassed and discriminated against based on a protected status (in this case her sexual orientation). She needs to do this irregardless of whether or not she is leaving that company. The manager is a liability to that company and may continue to exert pressure and harass others…this kind of behavior is not only misconduct but may be grounds for a lawsuit.

Under no circumstances should you or your girlfriend confront the manager. She
should contact HR and document everything that has happened to the best of her recollection. Her rights have been violated and that is worthy of a proper investigation and remediation. If the company does not pursue this it can be liable for damages and emotional distress caused by this harassment.

At first I thoght this was just an employment issue question. Now, I see it’s a lesbain issue question. Good luck.