Should adult children live at home With mommy and daddy ? If they do, should they pay any rent ?

They should pay rent, or be kicked out.

Baring unique circumstances (recently fired, mental instability, etc), pay rent or get kicked out.

I think rent is a bit extreme, but they sure as hell better help out around the house.
The economy is shit, not everyone is able to live off on their own

I think they should offer to pay rent. Then Mom & Pop can decide. I think they should be helping out around the house regardless.

It depends upon the circumstances. Rarely can we understand a family from the outside in. If my children were having clear difficulties I would take them in with no strings attached, but they are not the sort who wouldn’t contribute without having to be asked.

Are they working full time or going to school?

If they’re working full time, then yes, they should be paying rent and should not be creating for others. Living at home is adventageous to paying off student loans, and getting a financial foothold. It’s gracious when parents are willing to feed, house, and pay for your utilities, and should not be taken advantage of.

If you didn’t raise your children to be self-sufficient as children, you cannot expect them to intuitively know that this is the way adult life works. Perhaps you need to map out expectations for each, and what the expectations are for both sides.

Will you miss them if they go?

Generally I would say not pay rent, but must have a plan to move out. If they are being total wastes, not getting their act together, then I would tell them they have 60 days until they will have to start paying to try to motivate them.

If it truly becomes a long term living situation, but on good terms, then if I can afford all of the bills, and it gives my child the ability to save some cash it would not bother me that he is not paying rent, but I would expect them to be paying for everything else for themselves.

What’s with all the upper case letters in this question?

I have lived on my own a couple of times, and am now living with my parents temporarily. I don’t pay rent, but do help out…they understand my situation. In some cultures, adult children live with their parents until they’re married. I don’t see it as a big deal.

If the child is 18, graduated high school and going to a local college, they should work a part time job and give their parents at least $10 dollars a week. its the principle, not the money. its to teach the child a lesson, concerning money and that all things in life are not free.. they also had their assigned chores in the house. they did their own laundry and was responsible for the upkeep of their room. we did this with our children and it worked like a charm. even though they are 18, they still live in your house and with certain rules to abide by.

@Freedom_Issues My husband is from one of those cultures, I think it can be counterproductive to becoming independent.

They should absolutely have to contribute in some way. But sometimes a set amount for rent isn’t something they are able to do. Some are in college and working to afford school. Some have recently lost their jobs. Every situation is different. So if paying rent isn’t possible, I would hope they help out a lot around the house.

Ideally, they should have their own apartments. But in this economy, it can be hard to find a job that pays a living wage, or any job at all. So I think it is acceptable for adult children to live with their parents in cases of economic hardship. I don’t agree with making the kids pay rent, because then they might not be able to save up enough money to move out, but they should definitely help out at home.

Most importantly, the boomerang arrangement should be temporary. I don’t think it’s healthy for adult children to live with parents for a long period of time, because then they won’t learn how to manage a household. At some point, a person must learn how to set his/her own schedule and household rules, and that isn’t possible when one is living under Mom and Dad’s rules. So while adult children live with Mom and Dad, they should be saving as much money as possible, looking for a good job, and establishing a flexbile timeline for moving out. That timeline can be adjusted according to individual circumstances. I don’t think that a person can always say “I will move out in one year”, because things can happen, but they should strive to meet that goal. I don’t think it’s healthy for someone to live with Mom and Dad indefinitely. Over the long term, that will cripple the person’s independence.

I wanted to add if they are in school, then they are exempt.

Lonelydragon, read my answer. this is exactly what i stated. they should pay some form of rent as a principle of learning what to expect in the outside world. its hard to place a timeline on moving out, especially if the college is going to take 6 years or more. i agree with everything you said. john

I don’t think that’s necessary, but they shouldn’t just use their parents for free shit. If they are able, they should help out monetarily. If not, they should help out by cleaning up after themselves to lighten the load.

A parent’s job is to teach their children to survive on their own. If the adult child is working, they should be paying rent. If they are capable of working, they need to get off their butts, get a job and pay rent. It should be temporary in any case. I have a brother in law who is in his thirties that has never lived on his own. When he has tried to move out, my MIL lays this big ol’ guilt trip on him, but he is an adult and chooses to stay. Its quite sad really.

I’m guessing from your wording that you disapprove. But I disagree with you. I’m of the mindset that in this economy you do what you have to do to survive. If that means returning to your parents home(very undesirable for most children) then NOT paying rent may get them back on their feet and out of the home faster. I have a friend who’s 28 who returned home, not because she wanted to but because her mother is a homemaker and her father is unemployed. She’s the one supporting her parents. So in short the circumstances determine exactly what the child and parents responsibilities should be.

I realize that my position will be a “minority” response…

However; I believe that everyone who is over 18 years of age and especially over the age of 21 should pay their own way…

Now; IF you live at home , then pay a nominal $50 a week towards the bills. $200 a month is a damm good value for rent, utilities, and food ; especially how some of these young folks put it away .

I also believe that they MUST help around the home or their butt is Out The door in 30 days .. no if’s ands or buts about it .

Ya’ know; by allowing the youn ger people to live at home with NO rent or responsabilities . it only enables them to be bums and moochers… also not really knowing and learning how to be responsible and productive adults in our society .

They have to realize that these economic times are hard on the Parents , also… so why should a parent (s) on Unemployment, Disability, etc be paying for an adult child… they’ve done their job and raised them… you have to leave the nest sometime .

What is going to happen , If/When Mom and / or Dad DIE ? They won’t know how to manage or be respoinsible and will look for another family member to mooch off of ; OR like MANY girls do, she’ll find some guy with a half decent job to latch on to ..so he can support her .

It all happens every day ! Just my thoughts…

@john65pennington Great minds think alike, I guess. :) I didn’t mean that the person needed to have firm, set-in-stone timeline (like you said, something might come up), but creating a flexible one would help the person to learn planning and self-management skills.

@HighShaman Does the Mother in Law even wondere or care what will happen to him when she dies… or goes into a nursing home ?

He needs to learn how to be on his own… what a shame she can’t see how much she is hurting him .

They should live a home for free. If mommy and daddy don’t like it, they should not have had children.

It’s actually extremely common in other parts of the world. I was just reading that in Spain, the average age people move out of the parents’ house is 27, and it’s usually because they’re moving in with a significant other.

I think if my children are college students, they can live at home for free…but I would expect them to have a part time job to pay for anything they want to buy for themselves. I won’t support them fully, but will give free room and board.
If they are not in college, then I think rent is necessary.

I live in my parents house, with my husband and son. We pay rent. My brother also lives here, and has never moved out (I’ve had two apartments with my husband, but we planned on moving back in to save money and then my husband got laid off…so it became a necessity) and my brother also pays rent. I’m in college, and my husband works full time.

Oh, and I will say…both my sisters in law live at home, neither pays rent, or help around the house. I do chores at my parents house, all the dishes, all my own cleaning. My sil’s definitely take advantage and seem to think they deserve to live there for free and crap it up. The house is a disaster (one sil has a child). One just graduated, and the other is back home to go to grad school…but never offer a dime to my mother in law. It’s painful to watch, because I know my MIL struggles sometimes.

If adult children live with their parents because they cannot afford to live on their own, they have a moral obligation to do everything to cover any and all additional costs their parents incur because of them and they `must HELP with the routine upkeep of the residence. That means not only cleaning their own room, and the restroom they use, but they must help with the cooking and clean-up of meals. They must respect their parents privacy and treat them with respect at all times. They must give of their time to assist their parents with tasks they cannot easily do for themselves.

To be honest, I always felt this was a really strange question. It’s extremely common in other parts of the world (and it many other cultures) for children to live with their parents as adults and for extended family to live together. I honestly think it’s really sad that most people consider adult children still living with their family to be worthless members of society or mooching off of their parents. Both of my parents lived at home until they were married (to each other) in their mid twenties. Neither of them paid rent and both ended up to be functioning members of society who have held down jobs and been homeowners.

After college, I lived with my mother/stepfather for 2 years. I was working two jobs and saving up money to move to either New York or Los Angeles. My mother never asked for a dime and was happy to have me there. It’s extremely likely I will be moving back home within the next two months, and my mother will still be happy to have me home and still won’t ask me for money. When I was living at home, there wasn’t much my mother wanted me to help out with- as long as I cleaned up after myself, she was fine. I’d imagine things will remain the same when I move back. I’m sure if I was sitting at home watching tv and playing video game all day with no plan, my mother might feel differently. As it stands, I didn’t do that and don’t plan on it doing it if I ended up moving back home. I enjoy living with my family and they enjoy me living there.

@rockstargrrrlie It sounds like you always had a plan though. Which is what I brought up initially. You were not at your parents house because you couldn’t live on your own, but because it was logical to save money for the move you wanted to do, your parents home helped enable you to acheive your goals. My parents would be fine with that also. They would not ask for a dime either. But, if I laid around the house all day for months on end as an adult, it would be mooching in my mind, and theirs too; and they would judge me if I were working, but spending everything on clothes and fun, instead of working towards being independent.

I mentioned my husband was from a culture where “children” typically live with their parents until they marry. His sister married the wrong guy to finally get free of her parents, and his brother was screwed, because he was gay. He once told me that he had always thought he would marry, thank goodness he didn’t. When he finally moved out in his mid 30’s to live with his boyfriend, he did not see his parents for years (they did not know he was gay). My husband was the most independent of all of the children and he is negatively referred to as being the one ruined by living in America during part of high school. He is the most successful and financially independent of all of them. All of the children when they finally moved out had to deal with incredible stress delivered by their parents. My husband left for college at 18, and then got married at 25 and believe me caught some teasing that he would never get through school or be able to live on his own, and was threatened to get nothing more from his parents if he got married (he wasn’t getting much by then anyway financially, but I had never heard of such a thing, I could not understand why he would be getting anything anyway). His sister was whisked away on a spur of the moment trip to try to change her mind about getting married at the age of 25. She was told her husband would never be able to give her what her family could. All of the children where made to feel like they were kicking their parents in the gut emotionally if they left the home.

I realize that some of this is family stuff, and not cultural, but that sort of cultural expectation helps feed it.

His mom once said to me, “I don’t understand why American’s want to kick their children out of the house.” It came up because I was saying that I hope her grandson goes away to college. Her assumption is completely wrong. It is not that Americans want to kick their children out of the house, it is that we who have gone away to school generally think it was one of the best times of our lives! It is for the children. We also understand the good feeling you get from making it on your own. And, true, even in cultures where children live at home until married they can go on to be successful independent people, it is much harder for women to actually be independent in those cultures. They go from their parents home to their husbands.

I think a happy medium is best. Being able to come home when you need to, and having the tools and the permission to be independent.

@JLeslie- I did have a plan, and I do think that any adult children who live at home need have some sort of plan. However, if my life’s ambitions allowed me to remain living in Philadelphia- I’d likely still be living with my parents while working. There was no one in the vicinity I wanted to be living with and I was single (at the time). Aside from needing to relocate for work, there was little reason for me to move out. It seems silly to go searching for a Craigslist roommate that might go terribly if you don’t have to.

I know plenty of people who still live with their parents, whose goals do not require them to move across the country (as mine did). In fact, most of them live and work in the Philadelphia vicinity (where I grew up) but are still single/do not have anyone in mind they want to live with. The vast majority of them are able to live on their own and hold down steady jobs. It’s just a matter of preference for them. This is all anecdotal, but I can think of 10 people off the top of my head who still living with their parents (aging from 20–25 years old) and only one of them can’t hold down a job and is what I’d consider a mooch. I don’t think it’s mutually exclusive that just because you live with your parents means you can’t pay bills or you spend all of your money on fun, or that you don’t know how to be independent. I can’t imagine that most parents would allow a child to live with them in they were just mooching- mine certainly wouldn’t, and neither would most of the parents of the children listed above.

My mother also says the same thing, although she says she doesn’t understand why parents want to kick their kids out of the house. However, my sister and I were told growing up that college was a necessity and not a question- we both had to go to college, and my parents encouraged both of us to go away for school (which we did). She just believes that it helps to know, if needed, you have a place to always call home.

@rockstargrrrlie That is completely different than mooching. I don’t think people look down on that, even in America. It just can be odd when you start dating and want time alone together.

@JLeslie I agree. I think I’m just particularly sensitive to the question because I’ve been there, and have heard negative comments.

@rockstargrrrlie I can understand. It is the same way I am sensitive when people from cultures like yours say things like, “I don’t get why American’s want to kick their kids out of the house.” Implying American parents can’t wait to get rid of their children, love their children’s company less, and don’t want the burden of their children. It is a misunderstanding on both sides. And, both in the extreme, are negative.