How young do/did you start talking to your daughters about what your expectations are if they became pregnant as a teen?

I don’t have daughters but I feel I can still answer as the message will be same as to my sons – if you have sex, it can result in pregnancy – with pregnancy come important decisions to make – if you feel you can not deal with making those decisions, don’t have sex…abortion is an option, I would say, one that isn’t easy always to take…adoption is another difficult option…so is raising the child…therefore I would stress the seriousness of consequences of sex but maintain that I would be there for my kids and their possible female partners and help them make those decisions and support them.

My parents never talked about teen pregnancy until I was about 18. Then it was more of a “I really hope you’re not…”. They probably wouldn’t let me give it up unless I decided to have an abortion, and would help raise the child if I decided to keep him/her. I don’t think religion has much to do with their decision except my mom always believes in the “everything happens for a reason” idea, and that “God has a reason for everything”.

I’m from a long line of uber-religious zealots, and it was assumed that we all knew nothing about sex, had no interest in such, and did not know the meaning of the word nor the function of our own anatomy.

Did I mention my pastor’s daughter fell pregnant out of wedlock at 18?

@Seek_Kolinahr isn’t that part of the deal though? I mean irony abounds

@Simone_De_Beauvoir So you don’t have a preconceived notion of what you would want your son and girlfriend to do?

@JLeslie I hope that they won’t have to deal with pregnancy before they want to be parents – aside from that I would base my decision on a lot of factors – factors I am not yet aware of (how could I be?) – I don’t want them to do what I’d do because that’s just transference…I would have a discussion and be completely open to any suggestions – obviously this is something to also discuss with the parents of my sons’ potential female partner…

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I like your train of thought.

@all I have to say that the fear of getting an abortion helped me not get pregnant.

@JLeslie well I don’t want abortion to be something to fear, by any means – just that it’s nothing to play around with

@Simone_De_Beauvoir My mom didn’t make abortion sound scary, I made all medical procedures scary in my own mind.

@JLeslie ah well whatever helped, eh?

I had my first child before I was married, so the conversation came naturally and was part of our family culture. We are Christian, so it was a given that abortion wasn’t an option. (That doesn’t mean that we would judge anyone else for making a different choice, that is just OUR family value and we respect the rights of other families to have different values.)
My oldest daughter did find herself pregnant shortly after graduating college. She chose to get married and I adore my son in law. She knew that weather she got married or stayed single I would still love her and her child.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I am pretty sure I would do the same as my mom if I had children. But, like I said, I really like your answer. You sound like a great mom.

@JLeslie thank you, I am a work in progress…like every parent…but I take my parenting and my kids’ psychological well being seriously

I think I did not state well in my original question that if I did have a baby, I know my parents would not have ostracized me, they would have loved their grandchild.

I don’t remember the exact age that my mom started talking about this with me but it definitely was not 18, which would be impossible as I am 14 at the moment. However it was not early either, like 6 or 9. It was more around 12 or even 11, I think. Anyways what she told me is that she would still love and support me in any decision that I would make with my unborn child. However abortion probably would not be included as we both do not believe in that.

Although the possibilty of this hypothetical situation happening to me is almost slim to none. For I have very strong views, my own entirely, that teen girls should not get pregnant when they are in their teens. This is largely because of where I live and what I believe personally. My town has some of the highest, if not the highest, teenage birthrates in the U.S. Because of this I know a lot of pregnant teenage girls and frankly none of them should have kids. Their attitudes and what I see around me makes me want to never have kids. Let alone a husband.

However if I was pregnant I know without a doubt that my parents would still love me and take care of me. If I chose to give up my baby for adoption then they would be fully supportive in that action and vice versa. My parents are very open and loving.
Hope that answers your question :)

@Ailia how did you come to think that you do not believe in abortion? and do you think your decision was affected by your mom’s opinion? (please don’t assume these are antagonistic questions)

My daughter and I never had this discussion as a serious possibility but we tossed it about hypothetically a couple of times when she was about 14–15 years old. If she had become pregnant as a teenager, I know she would have had the child and kept it. We are Christian but I think that her decision would have been based more on the fact that she herself was born to teenage parents (16) and it worked out like a best case scenario.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Well I actually used to believe that abortion was morally right up until last year when I had a big realization. I realized, after I was confronted by my friends about this and I thought about this for a while, that I actually did not believe in taking another person’s life.

I also realized that it didn’t matter what size the person is, it is still murder. What caused this radical change in views? I think it was because of my brother. He is a pacifist, like myself, and he really persuaded and showed me that abortion is not pro-choice it is pro-death. He told me that abortion is just the easy way out and that we shouldn’t kill our babies just because we don’t want them or because they’re an inconvenience. It definitely was an eye-opener.

Because of what he said to me, my views on abortion completely changed. So in essence my mom’s opinions really did not have much to do with my overall decision.

@Ailia fair enough, thank you.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Since you seem to accept abortion, what led you to believe that? Was it because of family or something else?

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I remember vaguely being in high school (my parents didn’t really discuss abortion with me until years later…and then I found out my mom had about 15 and I was going to be one but her gyno went on vacation so they kept me) hearing about the pro-choice movement and it made sense to me that no one should tell anyone else whether or not they should have an abortion – I read up on it and decided that if I were to get pregnant at that age (around 16) I would definitely have an abortion…it never came up…my first child was planned and within my first marriage…my second child was not planned and in between marriages (when my husband and I were not married)...I was also pregnant a third time between those two pregnancies and since I was in a poly relationship then (I had two partners) I didn’t know who the father was (and it didn’t matter) but it wasn’t the right time to have that baby but I still kept it..I had a miscarriage and lost that child….anyway I learned that abortion was not for me at all those times, in that I felt lucky to be pregnant as so many can’t be and that no matter the circumstances I felt confident in myself and my parenting and that I would be able to provide for my children…still, if I was to get pregnant and unable to provide for the child, I would probably abort but I can’t say for sure…I understand that for others abortion may be difficult to do or not at all difficult and accept all scenarios without judgment…I have helped many a friend get an abortion…and have supported many a friend through pregnancies when they felt they couldn’t do it…

I was never spoken of what I should do do should I became pregnant as a teen, other than “here’s how to try and avoid that happening”. It never came up that way.

It is possible and maybe more likely though that the play you saw was based on a child they knew who was adopted, instead of talking about their possible pregnancies.

Well, I don’t have any kids, so I’ll answer from the reverse perspective, and reverse gender:
My parents never said a single thing about it (about sex, pregnancy, love, babies). As with so many things, they expect me to learn all that I need from school.

As it turns out, I haven’t impregnated any girls.
and we’re a secular family.

My wife’s a nurse and my daughters are very intelligent, I was spared.