Does it bother you to hear parents threaten their young children with the police?

That sounds about as stupid as “I’m gonna beat your ass!” ... People kill me.

My grandmother thought this was a wonderful technique once and told my toddler the police will come and get him if he doesn’t behave – coincidentally the doorbell rang at that time (I was upstairs, unaware) and he flipped a shit – went completely hysterical, got so scared…I ran downstairs to find my mother (who was the one that rang the doorbell) consoling him and my grandmother at a loss…I informed them both that this isn’t an appropriate thing to say and they’ve never repeated it…in general, I don’t tell my kids that the police are there to help…I say something to the effect of ‘these are the people that are supposed to keep order and arrest criminals but things like order and criminals are subjective matters and the police aren’t saints’...

Haha….my mum used to tell my brother that if he didn’t behave then she would inform the police of his behaviour and let them deal with him. One day he’d been particularly badly behaved (although I can’t remember how) and my mum was true to her word. She got a friend who happened to be a policeman to come and have a chat with my brother (obviously my brother wasn’t aware that the copper was a friend though). Well, the look on my brothers face when the policeman knocked on the door and asked to speak to him was brilliant! In actual fact, he was very nice to Luke and just talked to him about how his behaviour was upsetting mum and how there are much better ways of expressing yourself than being an obnoxious little shit. He didn’t threaten Luke in anyway and Luke seemed to really like him. I can’t remember if it did the trick or not but Luke was about 8 years old at the time. He’s 20 years old now and he still remembers his visit from “his policeman friend”.

It bothers me to hear parents threaten kids. Period. Like at WalMart for instance…standing in line and some kid is having the typical freak out at the checkout. Don’t stand there and threaten them with anything. DO SOMETHING!! Be a parent.

@Leanne1986 That is fantastic. Something like that is a lesson learned. How lucky your mum was to have a friend like that.

@SirGoofy That’s what I’m talking about. Be a parent and teach and not just hand out empty threats.

The only time I would mention the police is if my child had actually done something that might cause police intervention, such as breaking windows or something. To use it as an overall threat, hail no!

@baileysmom12 Needless to say, said policeman was also a dad himself.

Funny this Question should come up…

Just the other night a friend of mine went to dinner and struck up a conversation with the couple at the next table. We got to talking about today’s youth…

The woman said that her mother threatened her with the GARBAGEMEN!! as in “If you don’t behave, the garbagemen will come throw you in the back of the truck and crush you”! She said word got out about that, and whenever the GM rolled up, kids would scatter like roaches!! Pretty funny if you ask me.

But I DO agree that threatening kids with the PoPo (or GM for that matter) is wrong. they should just follow through on “you’ll be grounded, no cell phone/TV, etc.” instead of making empty threats.

It makes me wish that parents understood what the effect of what they say is on their children. And I wish that all parents had some kind of parent guidance and classes. The people you are describing have children who are out of control, and the only way the parents can try and control them is another outside authority, since they have no authority left themselves. So, the parents are using fear and threats to try to control their kids. And what do the children learn? how to frighten and threaten others. What the parents needed to do, and if the children are still young enough, might still be able to do, is make some clear rules and stick to them, with clear consequences—not empty threats. The consequences can be things like (depending on the family) for older children: reduced computer time, reduced TV time, reduced phone time, and for younger children: helping to let the children see what the desired behavior is. The children will push against the limits, but with younger children it isn’t that hard to hold the line. And the big secret is that children really want to make their parents happy—they just don’t know how, since the parents are not often clear with what they want.

you should never call the police for anything. much less on your own family. even an empty threat to do so is just low.

That’s just a cop out! Pardon the pun!!! If parents have done their job with their kids, they won’t have to make silly threats like that! Kids will respect them and know they mean business!

@poisonedantidote What? Who do you call when someone’s breaking into your home?? And I’d call the cops on my kids…have called the cops when needed! Which, thank God, was only once.

When my son was about 6 he was playing with some older boys in the neighborhood. The older boys got the bright idea to break some windows in an empty house. Chris just watched, didn’t participate. I learned of it when the mom of one of the kids brought Chris home, told me what happened, said the cops were coming, and promised not to tell them where to find Chris. I shook my head “No,” and in front of my son I told her to tell the cops to come visit with us when they were done over there. She thought I was crazy. The cops came, and had a nice long talk with my son, stressing that you need to be careful who you hang out with, and if they start to do bad things, you need to leave.

Of course.

@Val123 well, this is quite a complex issue for me really. if someone where breaking in to my home, the police would be the last of their worries.

but yea, i don’t really know how i can explain my position on this matter in a nice and tidy manner. the simplest thing i can probably say is i rather let the robbers brake in to my house and kill me before i call the cops. thats no exaggeration either, i really would not call them, for anything.

i don’t know, this is quite a complicated topic for me. basically, i don’t accept that they have any authority at all. i’m really trying to avoid going on a rant here, cause it would just be way too long. all i can really say is in my personal opinion, calling the police is just against my rules.

i’m no criminal or anything. its just a strange moral and philosophical thing for me. a kind of rule that goes without saying. you dont call the cops, you dont snitch on people to the teacher or boss etc…

i am very anti police really, i just hate the entire idea. if i refuse to cooperate with the police, all they have left to fall back on is violence. and just as you do not negotiate with terrorists, you should never accept someones authority simply based on the threat of violence if you do not do so.

ahh crap, im really not going to be able to avoid the rant here lol. oh well, i have started so ill finish.

i never chose to be born, and i never chose to be born in any particular place. as i never decided to be born here, i don’t see that i have promised to follow any rules or pledged to be any nations ally. so basically, i refuse to follow one set of rules over another set of rules simply because of where i happened to be born at random. specially when the only reason they can give me is ’‘or we will be violent’’.

but yea, i could talk for hours on this, so ill just cut it off now before i get off topic.

i guess what im getting at here is, the main reason you do not tell your kid you will call the cops on them, is because it will make them grow up thinking its ok to be a snitch and a grass, and maybe even deluded to the point where they actually respect these peoples so called authority. its just wrong. you might as well tell the kid to do what you tell him, because might is right, and if he does not you will give him a beating. its like saying its ok to brake peoples trust if it will get you what you want, its ok to snitch and sell people out for personal gain, even if they are close friends or family.

dunno, maybe im just crazy lol.

@poisonedantidote you said
“if i refuse to cooperate with the police, all they have left to fall back on is violence. and just as you do not negotiate with terrorists, you should never accept someones authority simply based on the threat of violence if you do not do so.”

I agree

@Simone_De_Beauvoir thanks for the support hehe, i know ill take some crap over that oppinion of mine so i appreciate it.

but yea, don’t get me wrong here. we do need law and order, i just hate the way things are at the moment. and maybe im just being too idealistic here and not facing the fact that there are a lot of people out there who do need to be locked away.

@poisonedantidote I live in Brooklyn, NY – we know what the cops are like, they are not our friends – I know they’re not meant to be but their power trips are beyond belief.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Spain here, and our cops are actually quite down right corrupt. so yea, i know what they can be like.

it really is quite a problem this. we do need order, i just wish we could all just get along without the need for some violent consequence for those who don’t play ball.

i actually have more respect for the authority of fluther moderators than i do police. the reason being i decided to join and im free to opt out at any moment. i guess thats something that gets to me. i cant really opt out of any rules. all i can do is go live some other place with a different set of laws and rules.

but yea, in the cops defense for a moment, i have seen what happens to them. i had a friend who became a cop. a very well meaning guy, he wanted to give back to society and generally improve the world. but after being spat at by crack heads, clawed at by maniacs and constantly attacked on a daily basis for years, he eventually became just another cop. power trips, thinks he has heard it all before, no longer willing to be logical and find solutions, simply going through the motions each day and just ’‘doing his job’’.

Depends on how it is said, but I can certainly imagine that being very disturbing.

Some kids need police intervention. And I don’t see a difference between saying the cops will come and saying Santa won’t bring you any gifts.

Threatening is not a wise parenting decision.

@tinyfaery GA. Threatening anything, with no follow up, is never a wise parenting decision.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir and @poisonedantidote I know. Some cops can sure be d-heads just because they have the uniforms! But…the cops here, where I live, not so bad. They hang out with the 6th graders on the last day of school on the playground, people know them by name, they know people by name so it’s not so bad here. There are one or two, however, that shouldn’t be it that position.

@tinyfaery I agree that threatening is not wise. I avoid using the police (or Santa) as a threat because those are things I’d never go through with. No matter what my kids do, we’re still having Christmas. I am not going to call the cops on my six year old for punching the four year old, or for acting up while bored at the store.

I’m not sure they’d believe me about the cops anyway, because my cousin is a cop and the kids adore him. As if being a cop isn’t cool enough in their eyes, he also has a police dog and entertains the kids by showing off all the things the dog can do. Including the “bite sleeve” at one memorable family cookout when some of the guys had a few too many.

If I’m going to “threaten” my kids, it’s a threat I can pull off. No TV, no dessert, a timeout in their room, loss of favorite toys or activities. They know I mean it, and only rarely test me.

Once, I did use the idea of the police in a roundabout way to get my son to behave. He was about two and a half, and figured out how to unbuckle himself from his car seat. I’d be driving along, and he’d suddenly be bouncing around the minivan. I tried pulling over, being stern, taking away toys/activities…nothing. At his age, the discipline had to immediately follow the crime or it didn’t stick at all. Finally, after pulling over for the second time that day to buckle him back in, I said, “Do you know what will happen if you don’t stay in your car seat? A policeman might see you and will pull me over. I will get a ticket and have to pay a lot of money, and the policeman will be angry. You have to stay buckled up so Mommy doesn’t get into trouble!” For some reason, that did it, and he never escaped from the car seat again. Telling him he could get hurt if we were in an accident didn’t phase him.

@MissAusten That’s a very valid thing to say, very appropriate.

@tinyfaery I did, I suppose, threaten my daughter with something big – going to see Sesame Street on stage. She was very excited but acted terrible for about a week up to the show. I told her we weren’t going if she didn’t get it together and gave her every chance I could right up until a couple of hours before the show. She didn’t improve, so I gave the tickets to a friend. I don’t consider that a threat. I consider it a consequence for bad behavior. Sesame Street, like a visit from Santa, was a treat, not a necessity, and I don’t reward bad behavior.

I would never threaten the police on her. I do, in general, consider the police to be helpful. Almost every encounter I have had has been professional even if it wasn’t particularly pleasant for me. There were a couple of power-tripping assholes, but they were the exception.

“don’t taze me, mom!”

@Supacase I think that following through with a “threat” like that was the best thing you could do for your daughter even though I’m sure she didn’t appreciate it at the time. So often I hear parents screaming empty threats at their kids and all this does is give the children power over the parents because they know that, regardless of what the parent says, they can get away with murder.

@filmfann TAZE!!! How horrible. Why spend all that money when a shock collar is so much cheaper.

Defensive much? I didn’t say that letting kids know what the consequences are for not following directions is a threat. That’s how one parents.

And no way would I advocate calling the cops on a 6 year old. However, my wife teaches 12 year olds that NEED police intervention. Police intervention definitley needs to be warranted.

@tinyfaery I don’t think this issue is about situations where police intervention could actually be needed. It’s about threatening a 5 year old with the police if they don’t quit hitting their brother or clean their rooms or whatever.

i hate it when parents use police presence to help their causes with young children. children should be told early on that a cop is here to help and he is not the bad guy. the enforcement begins with the parent—not the cop who just happens to be there.

Police? Pssshhh… Krampus would have a much more effective impact.

People are idiots. As a Corpsman, I frequently had to take care of dependent children while out of the country. I had more than one parent threaten their child with me, saying if they didn’t behave, I’d “give them a shot.” I made it emphatically clear then and there each time that I was not to be viewed in such a way and made sure to tell the child exactly what I thought of this in front of the parent. Honestly. What is the matter with people? Why would anyone want to make a child fear a person who is there to help them?

Yes, it bothers me.

I worked for a short time doing insurance billing in a psychiatric hospital in Texas. There were LITTLE kids there, I mean 8 or 9, and they were so sweet, so I always wondered why they were there. Well, the billing office was right next to admissions, and one day I found out just why they are there; a mother was sitting in the admissions office with a little girl who was crying and begging her mom not to leave her there, and her mom said, and I quote, “I told you I would bring you here if you kept acting bad.”

Seriously? You brought your kid to a mental hospital full of maniacs because she didn’t do her homework or threw a tantrum in the grocery store? Do you realize that they will be scarred for life now?

It’s absolutely revolting.

@tinyfaery I hope you weren’t referring to me as being defensive because that is not how I was feeling when I wrote it. I apologize if it came across that way.

@stemnyjones Man….

It’s a sign of helplessness and bad parenting.