Should a 16 year old be allowed to have Porn DVDs ?
I know a 16 year old boy who was caught with a couple of “XXX” DVDs in his room .
His mother has grounded him and taken away video game console and Tv out of his room.
At age 16; do you think he should be allowed or forbidden to have access to Porn ? Explain.
If no, what sould be appropiate “punishment” ?
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I wouldn’t mind him/her having porn.
I think it is a whole lot of bollocks anyway. Him watching action movies were people are killed, maimed, sworn at, etc, that is fine, but films depicting a natural body function is outrageous? I do not subscribe to such silliness.
Kids need control, and face things according to their age…
By the time someone is 16 it’s past the time when a parent can allow or disallow anything. He will do exactly what he pleases. When I was 16, I was emancipated and was supporting myself.
I think he should be allowed. The parents can let them know they don’t approve, but he can do what he wants. It’s the same as my grandmother being shocked that my mother didn’t put parental controls on the PC that I bought, Christ it’s mine, so stay out of it!
There’s nothing wrong with having porn.
I was fourteen when my parents found out I was watching porn (thanks, AOL parental controls). They didn’t punish me, but we had a talk or whatever. The message amounted to something like “Be careful.”
Looking back though I think it would have been really weird (and not helpful) if they had punished me. It just doesn’t seem like an appropriate response to a teenager’s sexuality. It’s over-protective.
If the mother didn’t approve then she should have just taken the magazines or DVDs or whatever. But not his Xbox/PS3… thats just mean. I know that I wasn’t allowed to look at porn. It didn’t stop me at all. But if I hadn’t looked at it… then I would have had to rely on the knowledge I learned from schools sex education talks that happened like once or twice. I would have not had a clue and probably looked like a complete fool. So I personally think its a great form of sex education. But of course two girls one cup is hardly going to educate anyone.
So I think that yes a 16 year old should be allowed look at porn. But limited to less disturbing kinds.
Show your friend the internet. Free clips are all the rage these days. From what I hear, I wouldn’t know anything about that ;)
Better question is : Can you keep porn from a 16 year old boy?
At that age I’d get an erection if I brushed past a mannequin in the department store. :)
DVD’s with “XXX” on the cover sounds like your average bland mainstream porn. Nothing wrong with that.
If a kid of mine were watching rape porn or guro or other disturbing fetishist stuff, I’d be worried. But regular consensual sex, nothing wrong with that. It’s healthy behaviour for a guy his age.
Punishing a teenage boy for watching porn seems to me like punishing a cat for being furry. Unreasonable, unwarranted and nonsensical.
I heard you can watch free porn online….
I really wouldn’t mind. Either way, it’s his body, he can do whatever he pleases. If I were a parent, I don’t think it would affect me in any reason.
noooooo kids do needs rules,boundries and liimitations.no good could come from a 16year old having porn,none.
You can try to forbid it but they’ll just find ways around it. 16 year olds have raging hormones. If you take away their porn, they’ll get more. I would have no problem with my teen having porn in their room. As long as my house guests or younger children don’t discover it or know about it, I see no issue.
I bet when his father was a teenager, he must have had stacks of penthouses and playboys. I had porn, you had porn, we had porn, most, if not, all teenage boys has possessed porn at one point.
@spacemonkey
Well, they will know how genitalia look and what goes in what hole.
Absolutely not. If mom gives in on this, next he’ll think it’s okay to dance.
The only thing a man might explain to him is that there’s a distinct difference between fantasy and reality. And that there is huge element missing from it called real intimacy which makes the difference between it being a fun act or a really gratifying experience.
@XOIIO
Actually I don’t think it went down.
What the heck is an “erection”?
There’s no real way for the Mom to control the kids access to porn anyway. Even if she takes everything away, the kid is still going to find access to it.
It’s a really hard disco stick.
@Tink1113
Are you serious?
It’s the Japanese word for the process by which a democracy chooses a new president.
(If you get that joke, you deserve a pun award.)
@Fyrius Haha yes I was serious.
I didn’t know it was the same thing as a boner. D’oh!
Also known as a rhythm stick amongst a certain 1980’s new wave band.
@Fyrius
Decided at the barrot box.
If the kid’s too dumb to effectively hide it from his mother, he deserves whatever punishment the mother assigns. The mother is more that welcome to decide “I don’t want that in my house”. That’s a perfectly valid opinion. But if she thinks punishing him is going to somehow prevent him from seeing porn, she’s delusional.
Absolutely not, nobody should have porn dvds.
It’s all free on the internet, there’s no reason to go out and buy any dvds.
Unless you’ve downloaded something you really like and decided to burn your own dvd of it.
I am a terrible parent, so I probably shouldn’t give advice here.
I think soft porn would be okay, so they know what goes where and why.
I think XXX porn can give a 16 yr old the wrong ideas about sex.
When I was 16, I read a few Playboys. When I was dating my first girlfriend, I tried to fist her. I was under the impression she would like it. NOT!
obviously if they arent old enough to buy it for themselves then no they shouldnt have it, nor would i as that teenagers parent buy it for them. there is an age restriction for a reason.
I wouldn’t even bring it up to my child if I found porn. As long as it’s nothing illegal (like kiddie porn) then I’ll just pretend I never saw it. It’s none of my business what he does sexually in private like that.
I agree with Dezimae, there is a reason there is a law, regarding age restriction. If I found my son with porno magazines, I wouldn’t punish him, because he really didn’t do anything wrong. I wouldn’t leave the magazines behind with him though. He’ll have plenty of time to look at porno, when he is of age to do so. I would forbid my 16 year old, (if I had one,) to read, look at it, until he was of lawful age.
@smashbox In your eyes, what exactly is the reason for age restriction?
@smashbox are you under the impression that taking his magazines/videos would somehow prevent him for seeing porn for another 2 years?
@sarcasm…maturity/mentality
@mritty, no I am quite sure, he will be finding it somewhere else to look at it, it just won’t be in my home.
@smashbox What makes you feel the need to be so controlling, if I may ask? What problem does it solve?
—@pdworkin, because I am his parent, and it is my rules is why.—
By age 16, most boys in North America have seen and seek out porn.
I would talk to him (my son) and advise him to be careful about those with whom he shares it. Some of his friends may have parents who would make a bug fuss over it.
I would make sure he knows that much of what is depicted in porn bares little resemblance to real life.
Most men are not endowed with monsterously large organs and most men can’t sustain intercourse for more than a few minutes (seconds) at a time and need to wait 20 or so minutes before they are capable of continuing.
Most of the real women he will meet won’t appreciate being treated as recreational equipment designed to satisfy the man’s desires.
Women desire and need foreplay and it’s not just for the woman’s benefit!
Most women require much more varied and tender stimulation to be sexually satisfied.
It takes time and practice with a sexual partner to learn how to be a good lover. It’s far more than the mechanical act portrayed in porn.
Most women don’t want their partners to cum all over the outside of their bodies.
Most women don’t pant wildly and scream out rhythmic obscenities to signify their orgasms.
Porn is used main by men for self pleasure.
And finally there are exceptions to almost every thing I told you.
So be discrete. Don’t leave messy evidence of your activities for others to clean up.
Don’t forget that there are many other enjoyable things to do and human friendships are more satisfying than sex for one.
@smashbox please reconcile these two statements of yours, because I’m not getting how they don’t contradict:
“I would forbid my 16 year old, (if I had one,) to read, look at it, until he was of lawful age.”
“I am quite sure, he will be finding it somewhere else to look at it, it just won’t be in my home.”
I’m a parent, too, with 4 kids, and I would imagine that actions like the one you propose would damage our carefully constructed mutual trust. If I were your kid, I would just begin to lie to you and keep things from you. I’m not sure what that would accomplish.
@mritty, why??? it isvery self explanatory, I am his parent, he will have what I want him to look at, and if it is not appropriate, then he won’t.
@smashbox
It’s a fine line. You want to protect them and instill healthy values but at the same time there is nothing more titillating then the forbidden fruit. Just don’t drive him underground.
@MrItty
Hardly contradictory. He says he won’t allow it in his house but he can’t control what he does outside of the home, He recognizes that his son has autonomy.
@smashbox Your second statement acknowledges that he will have it, whether you say so or not.
@SeventhSense That’s not at all what it says.
@pdworkin, well you aren’t my kid, so no need to concern yourself about that. How I raise my children, is none of your business or anyone else’s. My children are not your business or anyone else’s here. You raise yours, the way you want, and I’ll raise mine the way I want.
@SeventhSense if that was what it said, I’d completely understand that philosophy and viewpoint. But it’s not.
mritty soooooooo, he’ll have it, even if I say no. I can’t police his every whereabouts. Just because he wants it, doesn’t mean I am going to give it to him.
I wouldn’t presume to instruct you. I was asking you to instruct me.
@smashbox so what is the point of removing what you find, if you acknowledge he’s just going to go get more? That’s what I’m not understanding.
I believe that adolescent boys and girls are naturally curious and strangely titillated by porn. I agree with @Dr_Lawrence with most everything he said. My son and I had a conversation about Porn when I bought him a laptop for his schoolwork. First, there aren’t that many girls that will put out like the girls depicted. Second, knowing males are visual learners a certain amount of training can be derived that later girlfriends may appreciate. Third, Porn cheapens lovemaking, making it a hydraulic pistonlike event. It is a deeply emotional and sacred event for girls and should be approached with respect and sensitivity. He seems to understand. I have a hidden administrator account on his laptop and he doesn’t surf porn.
@MrItty
Not in his house. It’s that simple. Again, not that he agrees with it, if his son gets it elsewhere, but he realizes his son has free will.. He sets a standard for his values in the home and he demands obedience and hopes this will translate internally to become his son’s values.
@SeventhSense I’d appreciate it if you’d not put words in @smashbox‘s mouth. As I said, I understand the philosophy you’re attributing to him. But I disagree with your assertion of what his philosophy is.
mritty, I don’t care if you understand. I am no here to help you understand, no more than I understand your parenting. I will not condone, having pornography in my home. Same thing as drugs, alcohol, those aren’t appropriate for his age either. I guess you people think, I should let him have that too. It’s not going to happen, no matter, how many of you disagree with me.
@smashbox sigh. if you don’t want to explain your opinions, why bother offering them? Your argument has now devolved to “Because I said so”. Which, in my opinion, is the root cause of every teenager not respecting their parents’ wishes.
mritty, seventhsense didn’t put words in my mouth, I said, NOT IN MY HOME.
@smashbox “NOT IN MY HOME” is a perfectly valid and understandable opinion. Thank you. I still don’t grok how that reconciles with your previous “until he’s of legal age”, but that’s another matter.
So, people who would take it away…is it just because it’s illegal?? What other reasons for making a big deal and taking it away?
@mritty, why bother, because a question was asked, and I gave one, that is why. It was never an argument, but I see, you would like for it to be one. Your opinion, is exactly what it is, everyone has one, and it doesn’t mean your right. From your condescending remarks, you don’t seem like a mature adult that wants a conversation anyways. Just arguments. Move on, because your not getting one from me.
@smashbox I have never sought an argument. I have sought an explanation. I’m sorry you can’t see the difference between the two.
@smashbox is saying what he would do. Unless we have changed to a society where the village or tribe raises the children, I think parents should be allowed to do what they are comfortable doing.
@filmfann No one was saying a parent can’t do whatever the hell he/she wants. I was trying to understand the reason behind it. There’s a rather large difference.
Me too, but if it struck a nerve I guess we should back off.
I wouldn’t condone my kid viewing porn before age 18 in our home because I believe porn gives young people all kinds of false ideas about what sex is and pleasure is. I also know it’s unlikely my kid would make to age 18 without viewing porn somewhere but I want them to know it’s not accepted as being a positive thing in our house, they must choose to go against my rules and my wishes for what I think is healthiest for them.
@hungryhungryhortence In this hypothetical world, what would you do if your kid was caught with (or caught viewing!) adult videos?
Make them stare at Sarcasm’s mangina for punishment
@Sarcasm: I’d tell them exactly what about the sex depicted in porn I don’t think is healthy or positive, I wouldn’t avoid talking about it but I want to maintain what is and what isn’t acceptable in our home. My child will be my child until legal age or emancipation, they will not be my “buddy”, we will not be drinking together, getting high together or exchanging sexual regales.
@3h
You mean like parenting. LOL
I’m sure it was basically well known that I looked at some porn by my mother but nevertheless it wasn’t something that we shared. I think it’s important for a kid to feel that there’s a safe, neutral place called home that’s distinctly different than the world at large where they can just be insulated. Regardless of whether it’s completely true or absolutely innocent of hypocrisy. The parents of kids I knew whose parents were too lax, permissive or buddy with their kids had a somewhat odd relationship. Not to mention the poor girls whose mothers competed with them.
@SeventhSense: What you have written is what I was thinking. There are things I knew about my parents and they probably knew about me but we didn’t call it out. I remember so many permissive families where the kids just slipped into all kinds of wrong even if they started out with good intentions, I’d not want to chance that with my kid. Giving my kid a talk about sex and sexual pleasure seems different and separate than saying, okay since you’ve viewed these things then go ahead and keep doing it.
Supervision is the key! When I was 15 my dad would rent porn to watch and he got surprised early (when I was 12) when I wanted the real kinky stuff but then realized I was into it with a BFF. Lots of video games are even more violent and should be supervised and locked up when the parents are not home.
We have a 16 yo Daughter that even goes with us to a Bondage Club in San Francisco- She knows the Ropes and has had the Advanced Birds/Bee’s talk.
Bondage club? What goes on at a bondage club?
@phil196662
That’s sooooooo Cute. You guys are really bonding….but battery clamps will definitely connect you but are a poor substitute for a good crazy glue? I mean you do love them? ~_~
I like to think we had Bondaged Well. Imagine knowing where your teen is because he/she might be on stage tied to a chair screaming with pleasure from being tickled!
I feel like a lot of the people saying that pornography de-sanctifies (etc.) sex or sexuality haven’t actually seen much pornography. Or am I just the only one that feels differently? I don’t at all understand how viewing porn ruins any aspect(s) of real sex.
Of course it’s not realistic, but neither is the notion that intercourse is something “sacred.” That’s subjective anyway.
Note to self. Not everyone comprehends sarcasm.
Note to self. Take shower.
Very few people comprehend me.
Maybe people with a seventh sense do. Maybe sarcasm is the seventh sense. People with only 5 have troubles.
Yes it’s all about play and having a sense of humor.
@pdworkin i’m well aware of the currnet date,thanks for checkin
@ragingloli it’s just a joke.on the show “the dog whisperer” one of his phrases is “rules,boundries and limitations” i myself had porn at that age and and i turned out fine, well almost anyway.
My son was around 16 when it was discovered he was watching porn in his room.
Not that Playboy crap.
Big bucks tag teaming some little white girl. Really nasty, Hard core, heavy duty shit.
His TV and VCR became part of the following garage sale.
TV had to be watched in the living room.
Until he was responsible enough to buy his own.
all i had at that age was a sears catlog womens underwear section.
Being a parent is never easy no mater what age the kids are. I have 5 kids aging between 6 and 16. My 16y/o watches porn in the privacy of his own room and I cam across it one day while cleaning. I sat him down and talked to him about it and he said he had been curious about it and wanted to see what it was all about. I don’t see any difference between him watching porn or looking through playboy and the only think i’ve asked of him was to keep it private, as in make sure his younger siblings don’t find it. which he does and it’s not like he stays locked in his room all day watching this stuff cause then i’d be worried lol
@elvenjade2 – I respect what you have to say.
But I find that approach totally crazy.
Do you still cut his food, dress him and make his bed? I say while you are at it why not give him access to your checking account.
As long as he “tells you” he is just curious about it and wants to see what it is all about.
@ChazMaz That was an incoherent quip. It’s as if you made up your own text to @elvenjade2‘s post.
@pdworkin – I respect your insight. :-)
Makes sense to me.
Something’s are for us to learn. To do for ourselves. When the opportunity provides itself
It is one thing for the parent to give advice and example.
It is another when they bridge the gap for their own gain. In this case to subside their fear.
We decide what we do and do not want to do by the effort it takes for us to do it.
That is a powerful tool when it cones to survival. Take that away, and every time your child WANTS to do something or HAVE something.
They will either run to mommy and daddy or lean on someone else to get it.
In the case of a 16 year old allowed to watch porn. First it is illegal.
Consenting to it, you put yourself at possibly being caused of being a covert child molester. Since by consent you are assisting in the sexual stimulation of you child.
And, if the child has to MAKE THE EFFORT to watch porn. I.E. Going somewhere else. They might just discover it is not worth their time and effort.
She didn’t impose herself on him at all. She accidentally discovered what he was doing, acknowledged with him that there was some danger in it and that the younger kids needed to be treated with care, and then she trusted him to behave well, without violating his sexual privacy. As far as I can tell, that is textbook authoritative parenting, known for the very best of outcomes.
“I don’t see any difference between him watching porn or looking through playboy and the only think I’ve asked of him was to keep it private, as in make sure his younger siblings don’t find it.”
That is consent.
“he trusted him to behave well, without violating his sexual privacy.”
He is still a child. With permission to do adult things. Behaving well is not an issue.
He doesn’t need permission. Without permission he will lie and do it anyway. However, with calm parental assent it will not be “forbidden fruit” and he will soon grow bored with it. Making a huge issue of it is one sure way to turn it into a persistent problem.
“Without permission he will lie and do it anyway.”
Not in the house.
“he will soon grow bored with it.”
If that is what you believe.
“Making a huge issue of it is one sure way to turn it into a persistent problem.”
Not if you don’t make it an issue.
You set rules. They learn to follow them or they pay the consequences.
Simple life lesson.
@pdworkin – I will agree with you on that one. :-)
People do have their own tastes or preferences.
Hopefully, it will not prevent the healthcare bill debate from going on too much longer. :-)
@pdworkin
@ChazMaz
Do you really think a guy can get bored of porn, or decide it’s not worth the effort?
Getting bored of mainstream porn with bad actors, cheesy lines and paperthin plots, that I can imagine. But getting bored of all porn?
Is that what that means? I thought it was French for “Go fuck yourself.”
@Fyrius I think it is a crashing bore. I once had a girlfriend who loved it, and made me watch it, endlessly. The only reason it was at all tolerable was because it pleased her.
@pdworkin
That would be “va te faire enculer.”
Well, fair enough, so some guys can get bored of porn.
But I think it would be quite possible that your hypothetical son is not one of these.
“Is that what that means? I thought it was French for “Go fuck yourself.”
@pdworkin – That gets a GA!
@ChazMaz
That argues against you, too. I recall you said
“And, if the child has to MAKE THE EFFORT to watch porn. I.E. Going somewhere else. They might just discover it is not worth their time and effort.”
I say: ain’t gonna happen, bro.
Whatever my sons like in terms of their sexuality is really just none of my business.
@Fyrius – No it does not. It just curb’s it. ;-) I said “They might ”.
Besides, your insight is appreciated! :-)
@Tink1113
What the heck is an “erection”?
Mommy and Daddy will explain when you’re older. Until then just realize that there’s more to Barbie and Ken then is apparent.
oh and the Tooth Fairy doesn’t exist
If I allowed a 16 year-old boy to watch porn, I would let him watch soft porn. Soft porn’s okay, but even regular porn is not all that bad for a 16 year-old. I’d much rather have him watching porn than most of the stupid, bloody, violent, chop-sockety, and goofy movies that have proliferated since the 1970s.
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