What should I do after my first break up? How do I deal with it...

I’m so sorry sweetie. I’ve been there. It hurts a lot, I know. The best thing to do is move on. I know that’s the hardest thing to do, but it’s really the best thing. People who have been around this site long enough know that I’ve been through a similar thing, and it sucked a lot. I’m still not on speaking terms the jerk, and it’s been, gosh, more than two years since we broke up now.

Anyway, yes, it’s time to move on. Do fun things with your friends, don’t spend too much time alone at your house, cry when you feel like crying, and let him go. It sounds like you’re too good for him anyway.

Sounds to me like you should be relieved that it’s over. I would be.
For me, I would consider it below me to feel negative emotions on account of such a person, but that’s just me. You do whatever you please, but I suggest that you do move on. Go to his house and take back whatever shit you need to get from him, and then continue on with your life as if he never existed.

He is a typical Jerk…you deserve better. Move on they are plenty of nice guys out there.

Sounds like a deadbeat. A quality guy will pick you up and take you out. I have been in your situation before, where I would end up paying or driving, I was 19 as well actually. You are going to meet many more guys, that trust me, are going to be WAY better than this guy. I’m sorry to say, but I don’t think he was that into you. Take the time you need to heal, but forget about him and move on. And get that guitar back!!

What exactly are you missing about this guy? The idea of having a boyfriend? Surely not being taken advantage of and walked all over? Concentrate on doing nice things for yourself. You deserve better.

@PandoraBoxx great answer

Like these people have been saying, you deserve much much better.

I hope it’s not too late to add this part but I also believe he has his side of the story, there is never one right person and one wrong person in a relationship, I admit I had done wrong things as well and sometimes I should not have acted so immature sometimes, I just wish later on he will at least show some sought of compassion and apologies….but maybe he won’t happen. I guess time will tell where this goes…. but sometimes I look back and there are times where I should of broken up with him…but i always thought things might get better. he also said he needed to find him self because he felt like he was falling apart to.

@bean at least you seem to have learned the life lesson that if things dont get better quickly, they usually dont get better in the long run. (at least in relationships) All seasons but few people change.

@bean, that may be true, but a guy that has his girlfriend pay for everything, and ask her to buy him stuff is flat-out using her. He has no dog in this hunt. If the genders were reversed, and you were the guy dating a girl that took advantage of you, she would be described as a gold-digger. Of course he’s saying he didn’t want to break up with you—you’re an ATM machine for him, and if you’re sleeping with him, you’re throwing in sex to boot. Who in their right mind would want to give up a sweet arrangement like that?

It is not supposed to be that way. Relationships are 50/50. That means things are usually 70/30 but you take turns getting the 30% end of things. It’s give and take, not one person doing all the giving, and the other doing all the taking.

Step back and reflect on whether or not you have a clear understanding of what a healthy, successful relationship looks like, not only for yourself, but for others. It may be helpful to go to counseling to work on understanding what that’s supposed to be like, and how you can create that for yourself. This obviously not working for you on a number of levels; your pain comes across in the details of your question. This is your first relationship, and at 19, it won’t be your last. You want to make sure that you don’t fall into a pattern of continuing to choose the same kind of guy over and over again.

@PandoraBoxx applause!! @bean He was using you. Do whatever you can not to fall into another pattern like this again. Like I said, a quality guy will offer to pay and will take you out. Consider this douchebag to be a learning experience. Don’t expect much out of him now. What has he given you before?

He was just using you from the very beginning. Be glad that you are rid of him. There are much better men out there who won’t sponge off of you like that and will treat you like a lady as you deserve to be.

You’re well rid of this asshole, and your second post is very thoughtful but it sounds like you’re giving him too much credit. It is true that relationships don’t just have one bad person. He was probably a P.O.S. to begin with, but he couldn’t have taken advantage of you like that if you had refused to buy him all that stuff or dumped him. One thing you should take away from this experience is to think long and hard about why you would let someone do this to you, and what made you stay with him for so long. If you’re feeling lonely or insecure, it can be easy to try to fill that gap by getting a boyfriend. You might have wondered during the relationship why he never got in touch that often but would be around if you’re going to pay for something. It was obviously very selfish of him to do that, but you were also buying his attention. Why did you feel the need to do that, and what can you do to keep it from happening again?

I’m really sorry that this happened to you. The best of us still end up with the worst jerks sometimes and stay with them for the dumbest reasons. It’s important for you to stand on your own two feet and realize that it’s so much better to be single than to end up in that kind of situation. There are plenty of guys out there who are respectful and generous, but you can’t depend on just your boyfriend’s goodness to make sure the relationship works out. You have to be firm in your own convictions.

I’m also totally inexperienced and learning from all this really helps me, during my relationship when we had bad arguments and when he started to act arrogant I would push him away from me aggressively. Once we made plans to see a movie and I was little unwell after work so I was waiting for him to come because I thought it would go away and then we could spend the night together. He was at his friends house and he said he would be coming soon because his friends mum made dinner and he didn’t want to be rude….but he already promised to come earlier so i was annoyed by that, he aslo asked if his friend could come too I agreed because I really didn’t mind. 5 minutes before the movie was starting he calls me and says they are both at the movie place, and i’m walking distance away. I was annoyed he didn’t tell me sooner and when i got there I had a bad temperature and was very sick. he acted arrogant again and I walked out and sat at the tram stop. I never get upset with people easily so I think thats why I was so stupid to not break up, sometimes I just can’t say no, I hate confrontation but with him, I was never myself either but I reckon the way i react is bad as well. While at the tram stop I gave him a call and he came out…still arrogant and ignoring me, i was feeling really sick at this time, I got so upset with him I sought of punch slapped him. After we both calmed down we took a taxi back to his (which i paid for and his place was the closest) and I slept at his crying from being so unwell.
I know being violent is absolutely wrong and I didn’t hit him too hard because i was weak. but things like this happened to us. Was it completely wrong of me to act out the way I did?

@Haleth Superb advice! +GA

It still sounds like he’s a total ass, and you would really benefit from counseling. From what you’ve written, it sounds like you have a hard time communicating with him, and end up taking out your frustrations physically. Hitting is not a good idea.

You need to learn how to say exactly what’s on your mind, and stand by it. Find your voice. Guys cannot read minds. Communication should not be the choice between giving in or confrontation.

yeah, defiantly not good, even when I said I was really unwell and I said to him you really hurt me, you made a promise to see me early all that he just told me it wasn’t his fault :(
even he said we will go to a counseling session to talk about our relationship, but instead broke up. He said to me once a counselor said to him he should break up with me to teach me to be more mature…i was surprised and I said to him that won’t teach me anything…it will just hurt me and why would you risk our relationship like that.
After that I let the topic go, all i wanted from him was to show me once how caring he could be because then I would of felt happy to leave him alone until he wanted to see me again, we both also had some overdue space needed, I just think i should not have chased after him trying to feel wanted

Should I even keep him as a friend? Will he regret later?

@bean Put him behind you, he was never worth it. Just a bum looking for someone to mooch off of.

holy cow…
why don’t you just go out and have some fun???
You will find a nice guy in no time :D

Whew….I was plumb tuckered out just reading your synopsis of the relationship. Glad you’re out of this one…dang. You should be, too.