Have you ever confided something vulnerable to someone---and they turn around and use it in an argument against you? How did that make you feel?

I made that mistake on another site. Never again.

Oh yeah, makes you wanna NEVER trust anyone ever again, but just try and not trust THAT person anymore, eh?

It didn’t really happen to me…but my sister I guess showed feelings for our teacher…and he went to tell the councelor I guess just to protect himself…but Valeria had once confessed to the counselor that she had feelings for this other teacher…so that councelor used it to diagnose her with something about needing a father…which creeped me out because we have a dad, at that he’s really nice and kind…but she was hurt…and I dunno I was furious because she still had that crush on her teacher…

Yes, and found I could not, under any circumstances be friends with someone like that.

A couple of years ago I was there for a friend through her husband’s suicide attempt. We waited at the hospital together while his prognosis was still unclear. I drove her kids around and babysat while she stayed with him. She cried on my shoulder and together we planned her way out of the despair.

Fast forward six months. I was completely miserable after moving to a new town, my marriage was falling apart, and I had met a wonderful man who turned out to be my soul-mate. I called this friend to confide my pain, my confusion, my stress and my misery. I cried to her for an hour pouring my heart out while she spouted all kinds encouraging words, asked probing questions, pretended to be a shoulder. Within 24 hours she had sent me – and the guy I had met – a nasty letter telling us both what horrible people we are, that there is a special place in hell for us, and that she would never speak to me again. Mind you, there was no affair with this guy, just a beautiful man that I enjoyed spending time with while agonizing about every second we spent together.

It taught me a very important lesson about trust and like you, I felt like crap.

My ex-wife did that, so I started doing it to her, and then it was just extremely ugly.

Yes, it was an ex-boyfriend and I was shocked at the initial moment he said it, but pretty much that evening figured out the guy was not trustworthy in many ways. I ended our relationship 2 days later. It makes me extremely wary of telling my private things to anyone now.

@SuperMouse I hate that happened to you. What a strange reaction from your ex-friend.

I had someone once get me drunk, get into a discussion that involved a lot of highly hypothetical questions, and then attempt to use my hypothetical answers as accusations against me. It was done in a very cold and calculated manner. This was in college. He is now a lawyer and a republican politician.

I have had some guys I cared about do that to me. It hurt, but made me realize that I couldn’t trust them.

Of course this sometimes happens with my husband sometimes, because he knows everything, my vulnerabilties and flaws. But, when he does this I do not feel like he is using the information against me, even though it might sting a little. If it is a truth, it might make me realize that I am not thinking something through, or reacting from rote. What I mean is generally this type of thing happens when I am being obsessive about something, can’t let it go. A part of my personality I wish I could change. He kind of is pointing the reality of what I am doing, even though it is hurtful to me to be aware of it. I think this type of criticism from someone you love and trust can be a good thing, gives you self awareness.

I have a family member who used to get very upset that her husband would take childhood info about her, that she had confided, and use it against her later. She hated him for it. But, the things he said were true.

If someone takes something you have told them and uses it against you by telling others, which is a breach of confidence, then that is inexcusable. Also, if they have pretended to be a friend to pump information out of you, only to use it against you, that is also inexcusable to me.

It really would depend on the specific situation for me.

@Snarp don’t tell me, let me guess, Dude stayed stone cold sober during the discussion? What a pr!ck. Not you – him

@SuperMouse Well, I thought he was drinking too, but who knows.

My bi-polar son has recently began airing all our dirty laundry to my mother in law. Any confidence anyone in the family has ever had with him is being violated. He is doing it in the name of being open and honest. Funny thing is, he doesn’t want the family to know anything about his finances (He has a trust fund) or his mental illness treatment.
I told him that the price for not being ale to keep a confidence is that you will be distanced and no one will trust you.
We are all very careful to stay superficial with him now. It’s pretty sad.

@Judi I told him that the price for not being able to keep a confidence is that you will be distanced and no one will trust you. That is a fantastic line/lesson. That must be very difficult for you. Bi-polar is a challenge.

It’s happened more times than I can count. They used me, against me. Having the pattern repeated so many times helped me grow. It taught me to like myself more or if not like myself more, at least not be so hard on myself. The meanness of that kind of gutting taught me that for all my many flaws, I’m not as mean as the people who would use me as a weapon against me. Suddenly I didn’t feel so terrible, suddenly by comparison I felt like a much better person. I never stopped giving myself away, but the people who threw it back in my face became less important to me.

Yes,I lost trust in them and didn’t confide in them anymore.That’s it.

@SuperMouse What a bitch! If you ever send out a hit on her, I’ll ride shot gun!!! She needs her tits twisted!!!

@jbfletcherfan I so want you on my side of any disagreement! Tits twisted? Ouch.

I have developed a golden rule.

I never confide with anyone, if I am concerned that it might come back to bite me.
Otherwise, I am prepared if it does.

It is foolish to believe that secrets are meant to be kept.
Because once you let them out of the hat, they usually are not.

My ex-wife use to do that to me. I HATED it! Now it turns out that she’s told her new husband all those things, and not only him, but her two brothers and their wives as well. Sigh. Thank God, I’ve never done anything illegal and told her about it!

@ChazMaz I think that is an excellent golden rule. i want to use it also.

@ChazMaz My mother used to say if you don’t want anyone to know, don’t tell anybody.

Your mother was/is a wise woman.

@JLeslie – Sho’ nuff, now!

Yes, I don’t tell my parents things that are too close to my heart anymore

@chyna Any time, T. :-)

Yes, I’ve had that happen a couple times. When you confide something to someone you trust, and they use it against you, it feels like they just punched you in the stomach. When someone has done that to me, I have a very difficult time trusting them after that. Even after things cool down, I’ll tell them that they have lost my trust and that I won’t be confiding anything to them anytime soon if ever again.

I make sure I only confide to people who confide in me. They know I have an excellent memory and will use it against them if it ever got nasty.
I however did once betray my mothers confidence when I was a child. My aunt asked me was staying with us and I let it slip that my mom didn’t want here living with us because she was nosy (and she was). She then betrayed what I said in confidence to her and I covered up by saying she was making things up trying to cause trouble. The result was my dad asked her to leave because my mom believed me. I felt horrible about the whole thing but I was afraid of getting in trouble and I was angry at my aunt for telling after she said she wouldn’t. I loved my aunt and I just thought if I told her why my mom was irritated she would stop being nosy and there would be peace. She didn’t get angry with me. She understood all I wanted was peace in my home and her actions wasn’t helping. Never forgot another lesson. Get ammunition first.

Yes. Betrayed.

Yes, I’m married.

In a way, I owe those kinds of folks a debt of gratitude (yea, it has happened before, and it made me feel lower than whale shit). I learned how to circumvent it from ever happening again!

I never say anything about anyone that I wouldn’t say to them directly.

If someone is evil enough to run tell somebody the negative feelings I had about the thing(s) they do, the only thing I apologize for is that they dealt with a person who would rather hurt them and feel good about themselves, than be a decent friend. I don’t need to apologize for the things I say, because it is ever a lie. I don’t make up shit about people.

About ten years or so ago, I made my life an open book. While this doesn’t work for everybody, I found a freedom in it that is immeasurable. If no one has anything on you, they can’t hurt you with ANYTHING. They’ll be forced to LIE in order to make something up. When that happens, they will be recognized as the ass they are. I didn’t have to do a thing.

The last gift they gave me was helping hone my character judging skills. There is nothing that can beat that when dealing with sneaky people.

Yep; I have had my confidence betrayed by someone…. and now… I do not choose to associate with them anymore…

@HighShaman That stinks! Being able to keep a secret & being a loyal confidant is my best feature, I think. I tell nothing.

I’m very careful about disclosing information to people if I have any concerns about the information coming back to bite me on the behind. I have very few secrets and I trust the people who know them to keep the information to themselves. My life is pretty much an open book and I don’t fear that anyone could harm me by disclosing things they know about me.

@jbfletcherfan That is good to know…. in case I need to confide in someone again .

@HighShaman Come on down. Read my profile. I’m SUCH a believer in this that it takes up most of my post. That’s why I know secrets from Askville to here. No brag…just fact.

@jbfletcherfan read your profile .. impressed with your concern for humans and animals alike .. very commendable in this day and age .

@HighShaman Thank you. You have quite an impressive profile yourself. I LOVE all the crime stuff.

Yes just this past christmas, my best friend in the whole world, got drunk and screamed at me. In front of her boy friend that I never met, and my husband, That I was wallowing in my pity party (very tragic event) and all I wanted was attention! She said I needed to just get over it.

I worked very hard at making this christmas a good one for everyone and not allowing my memories haunt me. I did however cry twice with her in private. No one knew anything about what I was going through except her.. For some reason I am still unsure of, she became angry with me and just started blabbing everything and saying I was wallowing in my pain. Her boyfriend had no real idea about what happened yet, as it was not a topic I was ready to discuss. Nor did I want to spoil Christmas. I was and am hurt beyond belief.

I will never trust again.

What a freaking JERK. But never trusting anyone again is the wrong message, bk. I would hate seeing you missing out on so many fulfilling events with others who DON’T mean you harm. That’s no way to live, darlin’. Just don’t ever trust HER again. She does not deserve your attention. I’m sorry that it hurt you so badly.