If one of your best buddies, became friends with someone who had hurt you, bad mouthed you, would you continue to be friends with that person?

Yes.
I have no right to decide who my friends are friends with.
They make their own decisions.
Plus, it doesn’t mean that I need to hang around them when the other person I dislike is around.

A good friend would not do such a thing. GOOD friends are loyal. Mine are at least.

I’d be cool with it, aslong as I didn’t have to meet up with them.

@Vunessuh, it wouldn’t bother you at all? Knowing your buddy is hanging out with someone who hurt you, and knew this before hand, and then befriended them anyways.

@Flo Nightengale, that was my first thoughts, but I thought, maybe I’m wrong. So, before I gave my answer, I wanted other peoples opinions/views, maybe they could help me understand something I couldn’t, or was missing.

@smashbox—No. That is very high school to me. Plus, I have no idea what you mean by hurt. That can mean a number of things.
It would be immature of me to tell my friends not to hang around someone because I don’t like them.
But depending on what you mean by hurt, it’s kind of hard to answer the question.

My best friend is still friends with my ex.

Not damping on the friendship.

Not a close-close friend but my boyfriend had a friend that doesn’t like me, at all. I was once his friend too. He doesn’t like me because I told him some things about his girlfriend. (and I wasn’t lying) So that guy was trying to break us up by telling him lies about me. Now he’s not his friend either. I don’t really care if he is his friend or not, just as long as he leaves us alone.

@Vunessuh, from my understanding, the person was friends with them, and then they had a disagreement, then the friend, went around to others, bad mouthing them, and lying about them. Which I know this for a fact, because I was one of the people the person gossiped about.

So, because they bad mouthed you and several others, you’re wondering if all of your friends in that inner circle should stop their friendships with that one person?

If someone bad mouths a person they have a problem. I cannot imagine being friends with someone that talked about my friend. I would walk away from someone bad mouthing my friend. I’m probably not making sense. Does anyone understand what I am saying?

I understand what you’re saying.
But at the same time, if it’s just gossip, your friends have the right to make their own decisions without you holding anything against them.

—@Flo Nightengale, I understand, that was my thoughts exactly. I couldn’t understand, why the friend, would befriend someone who had hurt their friend. Whether the gossip was true or not, I couldn’t understand why someone would want to be friends with someone like that. I mean, people like that, wouldn’t it just be, a matter of time before they did it to you?
Then I was thinking, why does this person, who used to be friends with the one they hurt, want to be friends, with their friend—

I don’t know, I just wanted others thoughts.

@Vunessuh, no they didn’t bad mouth me. They did come to me, bad mouthing the other person. That is what I meant, I know for a fact, that they did gossip about the other person.

It’s only a big deal if you make it a big deal.
And I don’t know how old you are, I don’t really have room to talk because I’m only in my 20’s, but gossip is nothing compared to how someone can really hurt you.
If a ‘former’ friend broke into your home and beat up and hospitalized your mother and your other friend continued their friendship with that person, then alright, that’s a different story.
But something as petty as gossip, really isn’t worth getting worked up over and it certainly isn’t worth losing more friendships because you don’t approve of someone hanging around someone else.

Okay, lets get this straight. We have you. We have FairWeather. We have BigMouth.
You and BigMouth were friends, but had a falling out. BigMouth trashed you and FairWeather to anyone that would listen. Now FairWeather and BigMouth are friends, but FairWeather doesn’t know that BigMouth was talking behind his/her back just a few months ago? Is that right?

How close are you to high school graduation? None of these people or the drama will matter after that.

Here it is…
Tomhurt asked me, if I thought it was wrong for Tuliphead, to be friends with Gizmogadget, becasue Gizmogadget, had betrayed Tomhurt, and gossiped and lied about them. I know for a fact, that Gizmogadget, had bad mouthed Tomhurt/gossiped, (don’t know if it was lies.) So now Tuliphead is befriending Gizmogadget. Should Tuliphead who is friends with Tomhurt, also be friends with Gizmogadget.

For goodness sakes, stop reading into what isn’t there. It isn’t about me!!!
It’s about a sniffling neighbor who asked me!!! I just wanted to hear others opinions, of what they thought was good advice. I already gave them my answer, I just wanted to see if others, had an opinion.

Tuliphead should be friends with Gizmogadget. When Gizmogadget knifes Tuliphead in the back, and she will, then Tomhurt can have the satisfaction of saying “Told you so.”

@PandoraBoxx, yep, my thoughts exactly.

Four things (among many) that time has proven to be true, are:

1. They always shoot the messenger.
2. No good deed goes unpunished.
3. What goes around, comes around.
4. Patience is it own reward.

It happens all the time and trust me, the buddy isn’t condoning the behavior of the person who hurt you but they may have a different idea of forgiveness, faith and the other party’s good intentions.

Yes, I would .

It is NOT my place to decide who anyone , including my friends can or cannot be friends with… as long as it does not intrude on our friendship….

I’d let my friend know about my experience. Since I value them as a friend and respect them, I would not try and control those with whom he associates. I probably would not hang out with my friend while he was in the company of the other party unless there had been some resolution between myself and the person who mistreated me.

Many years ago, some friends of mine were at a party with some people who hated me.
Somehow, my name came up, and they discussed me. Someone I knew told me about it.
My friends were very critical about me. I wasn’t agressive. I tended to be a follower. I allowed myself to care more about one person than a group.
My enemies countered that they had a lot of respect for me. They said I always did what I said I would do, though they didn’t like it. They said I was too fair with people. They said I was a boyscout, and not a gang member.
When I was told this, I didn’t care a whit what my friends had said (they can have their opinions), but I was pretty jazzed that my enemies respected me.

I would, because It isn’t my place to decide their friends for them. I would understand that we were not as good of friends as I previously thought, though. If we were really good buddies, they would be hesitant to be friends with someone intent to hurt me.

I think a good friend wouldn’t put you in a decision to choose. I had that situation once, only I was friends with both of them. If I was just the one wronged I would just make them aware of a possible side they don’t see in that person. It could just be the two of us don’t do well together but they have no problems with each other. I would only hope they won’t dump me because of maybe the other persons hatred for me. However if they did, than so be it. They were never really my friend.

Sure, they can be friends with anyone they want, but I would distance myself from Tuliphead – still friends but not “share everything friends.”

If Tuliphead would still be willing to be good friends with Gizmogadget knowing what Gizmogadget did to me then I would wonder about Tuliphead’s loyalty toward friends and her willingness to put herself in the same situation. (Why would she take the change of Gizmogadget turning on her – is popularity or whatever the draw is that important to her?_

We know Gizmogadget gossips and tries to make people not like me; I would wonder if Tuliphead could be swayed or if Gizmogadget was using Tuliphead as a way to get information on me.

People say it shouldn’t matter, people can be friends with who ever they want, etc, etc, which is all true. But, in real life there are friendship lines and loyalty issues involved. I for one would be very dis-inclined to become friends with anyone who had hurt someone I genuinely care about. I mean, would you become friends with, or remain friends with, someone who had seriously hurt your significant other? Or your brother? Or your mother or father?

Yes, I hope I would. I do not think friendship gives people the right to dictate who else others can be friends with. That said, it might not be easy for me to trust this person, especially if I suspected they were talking about me.

I wouldn’t tell the friend not to associate with the other person, because that’s their choice. But it would be my choice to distance myself from said friend and tone the friendship down to a more casual level.

It all sounds very petty and childish to me. Haven’t they got anything better to do? If everyone went about their own business they wouldn’t have time for such ridiculous nonsense. Ganging up on one person because they had a disagreement with another is childish. Maybe the person was right. Unless the group witnessed it, they cannot judge correctly. Sometimes loyalty to a group can be the wrong way to go, especially if the group is vindictive.