Why am I not attracted to him?

Most relationships and marriages end up being some of the best friendships of peoples lives. I say give it a shot, I mean, if he meets your qualifications then why not?

I agree with @Axemusica

@Axemusica Vote with you!

Follow your heart no matter what I or anyone else says! You painted a picture of the perfect guy for you but you asked here so you are going to get my opinion. Frankly you are still pretty young to be making long term commitment decisions. You have yours and his college years and many people you will meet to navigate through. You will grow and mature greatly through those years and then some in the years after.

I say focus on you and what you want out of life and the right guy will find you and you will know it when he appears as it should hit you like a lightning bolt!

Maybe you don’t want perfect. Not saying that’s a good thing necessarily, but there are lots of people who tend to get with people they can help or fix (myself included). If that rings a bell you might ask yourself why.

He sounds good on paper, but just because he meets all the qualifications doesn’t mean he is going to be the one to ring your bell.

@kevbo, that is a good point. Past relationships whether romantic or not have usually involved people that I needed to help. I don’t know why I do this, I have asked myself before.

@Axemusica, you make a good point, but I just don’t think a great friendship is good enough. Yes, it is an essential foundation to a relationship, but it’s just not enough.

The fact you say you dont feel anything for him (romantically), would make me stop and evaluate the entire relationship.
If you want this chap in your life as a friend then that’s the avenue you should be travelling with him. As for being romantically involved, you are obviously looking for something other than the qualities or in addition to the qualities he has? Whichever it is, you have an unenviable decision to make.
It’s only fair to him, (If you want to keep him as a friend) to be honest with him too. (IMHO)

BB

Actually, yeah, the other part of that (speaking from experience) is that if there’s nothing with the other person to fix, then you’re kind of forced to focus on fixing yourself (assuming you need fixing). Obviously, one is much easier to do than the other.

Wait, wait, wait. Mayber we’re all just a little too influenced by the movies and songs.. Someone said something about the “lightning bolt”. Let’s try to remember that that euphoric feeling is scientifically proven to be a chemical reaction and lasts about six months. When it goes away, your relationship is left with whatever ELSE you’ve built together. People have gotten married for the purpose of building a life together and have grwon more and more in love through the years. The relationship was built on genuine respect and affection with an understanding of what was being achieved. It seems to me that this type of marriage has a better chance of lasting and making it over the rough spots and hurdles a lot better than a tempestuous romance based on a physical attraction. The expectations are more mature and realistic with the first type I spoke of. That’s why we have so much divorce. We get married based on an illusion, then want to hurt each other for not being who we wanted on ALL levels, when we only screened for the most shallow and transient level. Good luck honey, I hope you give this a chance and think through ALL your options and talk them over honestly with him.

I would look at what inside you might be finding this relationship lacking.

Then I would be honest with the guy. Say “I like you very much as a friend right now, but I am not feeling a spark. If you want to keep dating to see what happens, I am willing to do that, but I just want you to know where you stand.”

That way you are honestly giving him an opportunity to move on if he wants more than you can offer.

Don’t use numbers, don’t take other people’s feelings… In short: no analyzing.
Trust your feelings. You’re the only one who feels them and they are the only thing that counts.

I think there are two things to note. 1. the OP admitted that she tends to run away from relationships and 2. just because someone looks good on paper does not mean they will be the ONE. The big problem here will be if he is much more serious about the relationship than @veronasgirl. He could wind up getting hurt. So, I still think give it a little time, but don’t stay in it just because other people are saying he is so wonderful, or that you arre to picky…whatever they are saying.

Most people I know who are in happy marriages talk about the relationship progressing like the most natural thing in the world. There are stories of not being interested at first, that one might have had to chase the other, but once the people start spending time together, dating, they generally quickly realize they are very happy with the other person.

Oh and no second guessing.

It all comes down to Chemistry.

Too many people stay with someone because they feel they should. My neighbor was dating this funny, smart, wealthy, just great all around optometrist but after a month or two she still didn’t feel any chemistry. I like @Marina‘s solution the best because you’re being upfront with him but if he wants you can still see if something could develop.

Have you two gotten around to having a first kiss yet? I’d wait until after a few kisses to check yourself if you’re going home with a smile on your face, looking forward to his calls, thinking about what it would be like to fall asleep in each other’s arms.

@hungryhungryhortence, we actually haven’t had our first kiss yet. This was part of the issue actually, he tried to kiss me and my mind went completely blank and I had to take a few steps back. I said I was sorry that I needed to move slowly, but I didn’t really want to kiss him, not for any logical reason either.

Forget him as a boyfriend and find someone you are really interested in… Life is too short.

@veronasgirl: Unless you’ve got serious trust and intimacy issues, moving away from the initial kiss is probably a sign the physical chemistry isn’t working for you which is too bad since he seems like a wonderful person in your esteem otherwise. I know from experience the first kiss is often awkward but there’s usually enough curiosity in order to go with it instead of move away.

@hungryhungryhortence, I do have some serious trust and intimacy issues. There are so many factors I am considering that may be influencing what I think I am feeling. I don’t want to give up on the relationship if there is an attraction that I just can’t see because my other issues are disguising it.

At least try to be friends. And even if the spark never happens, you still have a very close and dear friend. You can’t force love, remember, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.