Do you think having a secret facebook account is safe?

Nothing is safe on the internet.
You don’t say how old this niece of yours is; may I inquire upon that?
If she’s above the age of 13 you have no business betraying her trust like that. Do her parents know about Facebook and it’s privacy policies? It’s sounding like you don’t even know yourself.

I had a similar question a while back. I will try to find the thread.

I have a few questions besides how old she is. Has she made you a “friend” can you see all of her pages?

Also, are her parents generally intune with her, or are they generally out to lunch?

In reply to @JLeslie and others – Ok, she is just about to turn 13 in a few months. Her parents care very much about her, but are unaware of everything she does in her room, door closed. Yes, she has made me a friend on her facebook, but I am only one of her 3 friends. She has her facebook on privacy, she doesn’t post anything on her wall, nor pictures or anything. Here’s the thing, I ask ed her why she does this, she says that it’s because she want to be “cool” like everyone else. I don’t think she knows if her parents would say yes or no, but to have it anyway despite their saying no would still let her have one. But, she is a very sweet girl, and she knows not to expose herself to the internet world.

Get her to add you as a friend, that way you can keep an eye on the people she has as friends and the pictures etc. That she has on her profile. If you find anything suspicious then tell her parents but I don’t see a reason to tell them
now. Just keep an eye one her.

forgot to add that she doesnt use her real name on her facebook, it’s a fake name.

I don’t really think having a Facebook account is all that big of a deal. Tons of people have Facebook and Facebook is a reputable company. If you’re that worried about her having an account on Facebook without her parents knowledge or consent, encourage her to let them know that she has one.

@mollypop51797 I would keep it a secret. She has trusted you, which can be an amazing gift for a young teen to have an adult who they trust when they feel they cannot confide in their parents. It may not mean much now, but as she gets older it will. Since you are a “friend” if you see her doing anything you are worried about, that might endanger her, you can address it as it comes up.

The real problem is her parents let her have a computer in her room, so they are and will be fairly oblivious to what she does on the computer most likely.

Do you think her parents would be against her having a facebook account?

Keep it a secret. There is a reason why she hides from her parents and it’s their own fault.

As soon as I got a FB account a couple of months ago, my dad knew since he has some sort of computer-spying software, even though he’d never actually seen me on it. He advised me to delete it, even though I didn’t use my full name, didn’t put any pictures of myself, and I had this account for a grand total of one week. (I’m also older than 13). I agree with the others that it’s great that she trusts you, and unless you see that she’s doing something unsafe, you shouldn’t breach that trust.

Here is my old thread. Not sure if it wil be helpful http://www.fluther.com/disc/59388/do-you-keep-secrets-for-your-nieces-and-nephews-from-their/

The fears of appearing on the internet are way overstated. It is very unlikely you will be stalked. The risk is almost negligible. It is more likely that you will be bullied by classmates.

However, you can teach internet safety—present all these situations and let her know what to do in them. She has a fake name and I’m sure she doesn’t have her real address or anything on it, so she is essentially anonymous. It’s not a big deal, unless she runs around exposing herself or something. Even then… well a lot of women make their living doing just that. Not at thirteen, I hope.

I only have a secret account on Facebook.

I do not need or want the attention.

As long as she isnt using it to meet people for sex or other dangerous activities.I do think her folks should know however.

As I see it, if a child has a Facebook account, a sensible adult who understands Facebook should be monitoring what they put on it.

The main question that adult should pay attention to is “if I had put this in the internet when I was 13 and it was still there, would I wish I hadn’t” – teens putting stuff up that they will regret a couple of years (or days) later is a much bigger risk than stalling or falling a victim of abuse. Of course, there’s no point in posting your exact addresses etc, but being completely paranoid about it isn’t probably necessary.

That said, I would not currently strongly trust Facebook’s privacy settings, but approach everything I put in there with the thought of “if everyone could see this, would I regret posting it” – and if I would, I won’t post.

Give her parents a crash course on the Internet. Not necessarily for this particular incident, but for the future.

Some places have either adult ed. courses or some other effort to help parents get a handle on this stuff.

Most will advise a computer in a more accessible place than a childs own room. They need to change that. If they aren’t concerned about Internet safety for a girl, they SHOULD be. it’s a lot better to be proactive rather than reactive.

Being savvy enough these things to enable them to keep their children safe is part of the job description of “parent” in this day and age. Ignorance or lack of knowledge is NOT an excuse. They need to get themselves up to speed one way or another. It’s not optional.

Hopefully you can get this across to them and find some resources for them in their community or some books or SOMETHING.

I agree with others that the account is not enough of a problem to betray her trust over.

But, down the road lie a host of potential problems awaiting if they don’t get themselves up to speed. Try your best to get them to see this.

There is nothing secret about a Facebook account. Its stupid and childish.

@Janka people do things they regret all the time. God makes us do it. Don’t fight him. He’ll fight back and make you do even more stupid thinks.

um… @StupidGirl what do you mean God makes us do it… “it” as in things we regret? He only guides us to doing the right things, but he’s the one who makes feel the regret.

Hm.

Well, I’m not really into “backseat parenting”, as it were.

I have a close-ish relationship with my 13 year old niece. She reminds me so much of me in junior high, it’s disgusting. And because of that, we have a really good relationship. She can talk to me about things that her mom has no interest in – her favourite Anime, her infatuation with Zachary Quinto (the young Spock in the new Star Trek movie), the clothes she wishes she could buy, why her hair is greasy on top and fried on the ends…

Right now all of our conversations are completely innocent, but I’m doing this in hopes that if a 13 year old can trust me with choosing an eyeliner shade, a 15 or 16 year old will be able to trust me with internet boyfriends and the creepy kid that hits on her at band practice. I’ll take the conversation to her mom when it’s something imminently dangerous. Until then, well, spies don’t show off their secret cameras until absolutely necessary, right?

@StupidGirl I do not believe in God. I do believe, however, that it is the job of adults to oversee kids a little and not let them do quite every short-sighted thing that pops into their heads. It’s not like they won’t get the chance in life to do enough stupid things even if some of them are prevented at a young age. ;)

@mollypop51797 when I was a kid they told me we learn from our mistakes…