What are your pre-sex and post-sex rituals? NSFW?

Nasty perverted talk.

Cuddling.

Tie up sheep.
Knit sweater.

Answer #1:
Chase the dogs out of the room.
Let the dogs back in so they stop scratching at the door.
Answer #2
Check in.
Order room service.

Pre:
1. Clean up the room/bed/couch/car.
2. Pee.
3. Turn my phone off.

Post:
1. Smoke break, after I drop her off/she leaves.
2. Return my text messages.
3. Take a walk or go see a friend (or if it’s too late, Fluther!).

Walking to bed. No need to rush.

Sleeping in wet spot. No energy to rush.

Pre: Turn on the computer.

Post: Clean up.

Sometimes, it happens after a few drinks. She has this big ass chair and we both fit in there and we’ll be talking, then one of us makes the move. Sometimes, I “get her” (start kissing the back of her neck) while she’s cooking (or, she’ll do the same to me), and that then leads into sex. Sometimes, it starts out with a massage.

After, we hold each other, still sweaty (no showers) and fall asleep. We do get up to brush our teeth, though. If it was a good night, and it usually is, she wakes up with crazy bed head. Those natural curls are out of control.

Pre:

1.) If I didn’t just shower, I clean up. Just in case.
2.) Wait two hours for the baby to fall asleep.
3.) Kick the cats out of the room, and set up the doggy gate outside the door so they don’t scratch the door.
4.) Pull the restraints from under the bed, cuff her wrists and ankles.
5.) Get out the blindfold and blind her.

After:

1.) Get fucked by her.
2.) Take a shower, or if the baby is waking up, wipe up.
3.) By this point the baby is up, so rush to get dressed and get back to being a mommy.

Turn on some soft music to begin. End it with cuddling.

I’m not ignoring the question. It’s just too painful to think about right now. Maybe later.

Pre
Shower or clean up
No clothes allowed in bed
Laptop on bed playing movie or episode of House/Laptop on floor playing music
Body rub or cuddling/kissing

Post
Water
Cuddling/falling asleep
Cigarette
cuddling/kissing/giggling…

PRE: Well c’mon then.

POST: You done?

Pre: Forplay Forplay Forplay – surprised I haven’t seen this here that much

Post: Cuddling

Pre
Eat something, maybe cook a meal together.
Listen to some music or watch a movie.
Have a nice glass of wine together or maybe share a bottle. Not trying to get each other drunk, I just love wine. People say sex is one of the few things that involves all five senses… well, so does wine. (Feel and sound aren’t obvious ones, but there are many sounds associated with wine, like the clink of glasses or popping the cork. And wine has a weight or texture when you drink it, called a mouthfeel.)

After
No after, just fall asleep.

@LeotCol “I’m not talking about warming her up or turning each other on.” ... thats probably why. ;)

@stemnyjones Woops…I’m sorry. My age shows from my answer, can tell I haven’t been doing this very long. If your wondering if I mean fluthering or sex. Both is the answer to that.

Pre: (my thoughts) Close my eyes and think of Britannia.

Post (three seconds later——-my thoughts) I left America for this??

:)

@DarlingRhadamanthus Queen Victoria’s quote!

Pre:
Ballroom dance around the house
Hair petting

Post:
Piss then a Snug-a-thon

Pre: Check that everything is clean, check the shave

Post: Snuggle

.

.

I once asked a girl “do you smoke after sex?”
She answered” I don’t know, I never looked.”

I don’t think I’ve really noticed any consistent pre-sex happenings.

But afterward I tend to yawn a lot for a while, then feel surprisingly energetic.

GQ
Pre: Make sure all kids are asleep, turn off TV, pee
Post: Clean up, shower, sleep
P.S: go again randomly in 10 minutes

Pre: Touching, kissing, undressing each other.
Post: More touching and kissing. Cuddling. Chit chat. Sleep.

I go to bed (he is already there) he reaches out to let me know he has woken up, we couple, we both turn over and go to sleep. After 35 years of marriage, we are very in tune with each other.

I suppose it’s only fair if I answer too.. XD

Pre: Nothing really specific or routine except making sure the dog is off the bed and the boys are asleep.

Post: If it’s good sex we simply go to sleep immediately after. If it’s average sex .. shower.. change sheets..

As @YARNLADY said.. after so many years of marriage we are finely tuned.

Pre:Bathing and hair rituals, massage (especially her feet), long oral teasing and play usually resulting in several orgasms…

After:Cuddling, massage, sroking her hair, singing French lullabyes, sleep in each others arms. Often repeat performance upon awakening.

This was not honeymoon stuff either. It went on for over a dozen years.

Cuddling and napping together! before and after!

@LeotCol

The reason you’re not seeing “foreplay” mentioned is because there’s no such thing:

It’s all sex ; )

Pre: go “wash up”, put on music, tear off clothes
Post: clean up, put clothes back on, turn off music, lay down

Post: Wash toys and each other in a hot bath. Discuss dinner reservations.

I used to play Paul McCartney’s “Six O’Clock in the Morning” on the piano very loud.

Pre: hope it happens for days

Post: celebrate it happened

@Violet ; did you forget to say sew clothes back together!

NSFW
Pre; All day long, cuddle, kiss in corners and hallways, fondle, slap butt, pull hair, eat, drink wine, shop, chase in park and tackle, kiss while pinning her on grass/ ground, drive home she’s sitting in middle rubbing my crotch, pull in garage and dash out of car tearing off each others clothes and not make it to the bedroom but to the mattress in the garage.

Post; Relax, open wine from boxes in garage, grab clean clothes from closet by washer, kiss more, grab bodies as we go upstairs, arrive in kitchen to make another snack, teen (she’s 16) daughter asks and was wondering what all the noise was in the garage and knows we were having _sex…