Denial on the part of the addict is an essential part of the package. Denial is what enables them to continue in such self destructive behavior.
I have gone through this with two family members and have found that there are only two things which can cut through the denial.
The first is the cumulative effects of all the consequences of their addiction. These can be medical, legal, and personal as they continually alienate those close to them. That’s basically what others have mentioned as “hitting bottom”
Unfortunately some reach the ultimate bottom (death) before they ever seek help and die in their disease and, worse yet, take others with them by driving impaired.
The only other thing that helps cut through the denial is a well-organized intervention. This is where family and close friends gather together for the express purpose of confronting this together. All of you have told him separately at various times but there is a different impact if it’s done in a united way.
Just recently, we had another thread about this which you might want to read. Just put the word intervention into the search.
I don’t know how well you know his family or even if you do. But if this is not a possibility, you need to extricate yourself. Let him know in no uncertain terms why you are doing this and then stick to it. No more emotional support for drunken late night calls etc.
This is just another one of the consequences of his addiction. You will certainly not be the only one who refuses to enable him any longer. Perhaps putting it in writing would be best. He will most likely keep it and perhaps even re-read it numerous times. You never know what may propel change, but don’t get your hopes too high.
You seemed rather surprised that he refused to listen to you, but those of us who have been through this are quite familiar with the amazing amount of denial that is there. The bottom line is that you can’t change him. The only person you can change is yourself.
The only thing you can do is try to create some consequences for him and make it clear that you will no longer participate in his denial of the problem.
Beyond that, it’s up to him.
Btw. If you would be interested in seeing how interventions are done and what is involved, there is a documentary type program on A&E network which will start the new season sometime in January. You can go to the website for more info and resources.
They present a pretty accurate picture of what dealing with addicts is like.
I choose to use the term addict rather than alcoholic mainly because it is too limiting a term There are so many people nowadays who are cross-addicted to booze, pills, or whatever they can get their hands on. The disease process is exactly the same regardless of the substance so for me I just say addict and it covers the whole spectrum.