Why do my relationships only last a month?

How old are you now? Just to put things in perspective, because that’s a lot of relationships.

@Jeruba I’m 27. Sometimes I’ll date guys frequently..sometimes I’ll go a long while without dating at all. Can you see why I’m baffled?

Some questions:
1. did you have a good male role model growing up?
2. where are you meeting these guys?
3. do you have a criteria you use before dating a guy, do they have to meet some standard?
4. why do you end these relationships?

It seems like any of the above could be contributing factors depending on how you answer the question.

It is very hard to generalise across a wide range of relationships. Each probably had their own causes, and it would be difficult to draw out a common theme. Do you cease to have feelings for these guys when you break up, or is it still hard every time? Do you approach the relationship expecting it to work, or do you resolve to follow it where it leads to see if it will work?

There must be something in each relationship that doesn’t feel right, the reason it ends. Take all of it in and take a month and make a list and think about What is Important to you- then look for that quality in your next Guy.

@RedPowerLady 1. sort of..my dad was a bit distant and strict, but adored me. 2. I’ve met guys from high school, at music fesivals, bars, at the library, on the internet.. 3. I do have standards..basic ones, like have a job, not be abusive, um..well it’s different for every guy, I’m more understanding of some more than others..I guess I feel out the circumstances 4. I usually end them if the guy says he’s going to call me for a date, and he doesn’t, at least twice. Or, the guy will end it with me, just saying he’s not ready for a relationship. I usually don’t pursue the guy, so he’ll just stop calling me. I will say that many of the guys act REALLY into me, then suddenly lose interest. So..yeah.

@FireMadeFlesh It’s usually guys I feel a connection with, and I guess I do expect it to work. At least for awhile. Could the problem be I’m thinking there’s something wrong with me?

@Freedom_Issues – you have a nice smile! the guys must be Stupid not being straight with you!!

Geez @phil196662 ! You make me blush.

Just a long shot here, but . . . do you spend any of your time on dates talking about past relationships?

@Jeruba Maaaaybe lately..only if the guy does the same.

Here’s a thought before I go make dinner… When you get a date- Choose a different place and activity to do with the guy, Don’t talk about any previous date subjects and even get a new top or something just for that date. then it sets it apart and gives it a New feeling!

remember to do your Hair different too!

@Freedom_Issues what is your goal when going into the relationship?

sorry i suppose i am too full of questions rather than answers

@phil196662 What’s wrong with my hair?? ;p And yes, I will try your other suggestions!

@Freedom_Issues You are in a very different position to myself, but the way I approach relationships is quite cautious. I never looked for a girlfriend, I just waited until the right girl came along. It sounds like you have been in many different relationships, and maybe you are settling for second best when you should really be waiting for the guy who will blow your mind. Don’t enter a relationship if you don’t think it will lead somewhere, or if you think you may be dating him because you need to be in a relationship. Once the right guy arrives on the scene, go for gold. What a tragedy it would be if you met him while you were busy with a second rate relationship!

@FireMadeFlesh Bravo! Lately the guys I’ve been dating have been blowing my mind…and they are usally the ones who end things with me prematurely. Thanks though.

@Freedom_Issues I think if I’m going to be of any help, we’re going to need to do some problem solving off channel. Your privacy is important to me and I don’t feel I can ethically be very helpful exploring potential underlying issues in a public forum. You are free to share anything we discuss with anyone else or everyone here. If you want my help trying to problem solve, message me and we’ll figure out how best to proceed. I have no hidden agenda here. As anyone familiar with my conduct on Fluther.

I love my daughter. she is now married to her 5th husband. what happened to #1 thru 4? at first, i thought she just had bad luck, but i got to thinking…all of these guys could not be that bad. so, i had a loooooooong talk with my daughter. the longer the talk, the sooner i began to realize that maybe the four divorces were her fault, not the guys. after our talk, we came to the conclusion that my daughter had some serious faults. we discussed these faults and what to do about them. my daughter made her corrections and she is now with husband #5 and its been two years!.could this be the problem here? sit down and evaluate what went wrong with the other men you have dated. like, who was at fault for the breakup after 30 days. why did this happend? was it my fault? there is a reason this is happening to you and only you can discover and correct the problem.

Looking at your profile you are used to concentrating on intense things such as your art, chess and golf take intense concentration I think you think a lot…and figure out things quickly and know what you want in life and in the moment.

That is very tough to transfer what you know what you want in life into relationships when you are comparing all this into what you perceive with the guys you are dating. A month is really not a lot of time to get to know someone and appreciate all the things they appreciate. I think 2 things…you have not yet that guy for you and you are not letting them in to know all these amazing things you have going on in your head.

@Freedom_Issues Have you tried girlzzzzzzz?

ME TOO. Course I don’t have any wisdom, but I’m trying out something now. I tend to get sick of guys within the first two or three weeks. So I started dating this guy two weeks before winter break (we’re both students). So after two weeks, we’re now going to be apart for a month. We’ll be dating for six weeks when we get back, without having seen each other for most of it. Figure, I won’t be bored of him, and we’ll miss each other. That first few weeks makes or breaks the relationship.

@Freedom_Issues ; Nothing wrong with your hair- thought of Twisties or braids to Define each date so it has a seperate Memory for you like “He was Cute and he liked my hair braded with the beads in the ends!”...

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. It kinds of feels to me that you are taking the spaghetti wall approach; sling some on there and see what sticks. I think you need to really sit down and think what type of guy will make you happy and much more important, comfortable. Write the traits down if you have to, to make them more real. Then focus mainly on those who come closest to the list. Don’t need to lock yourself down to the list but you have to now what guy makes you smile and feel comfortable to chat with about anything.

Your picture reminds me of my step-daughter, who has the same problem.
The reason she has this problem is because she is LOUD. When she talks, it is at a level most people scream. Guys put up with it for a bit, because she is quite friendly and beautiful, but always split. Alcohol makes it worse.

@filmfann I was thinking something similar, an unknown habit?

@filmfann, how fortunate your stepdaughter is that it is a habit she can learn to change. Perhaps she could even take lessons with a speech coach (and have her hearing checked). So many of us have limitations and deficiencies that can’t be overcome by a simple act of will. If something like that is going on with @Freedom_Issues, it would be a kindness for someone to point it out.

@Jeruba My wife is deaf, and my SD probably got used to talking loudly around her. My SD has no hearing issues.
She is very focused on appearances, yet won’t listen to any criticism about her voice. Believe me, I have tried.

Maybe you just practice recycling

@Freedom_Issues : I have seen enough of these conversations about your love life to start wondering…. “why do you want a relationship at all?” Sounds like an exercise in frustration to me—as if you think you should have one, and are trying to solve that “problem”, without really knowing why you would bother at all. Just curious.

I dont know if anybody could answer this question. Relationships are very rough. Sometimes too rough. I have had hard times in this field as well.

@HasntBeen I want to be in a relationship for the same reasons anyone else wants to be. For companionship. I don’t exactly have a problem, I find relationships very rewarding, and am ready for one. I asked this question 2 months ago, when I had a temporary breakup with a guy who I am still seeing. And while I am fine being single, and I don’t jump from relationship to relationship, it did frustrate me because a pattern seemed to form, hence me asking all the questions. I find great advice about my love life on Answerbag and Fluther, and since I haven’t been in the healthiest relationships in the past, advice for me is very welcome and sought after.

NSFW You have to offer yourself to someone as his slave and have no limits. It’s hard to find a slave without limits, so he’ll probably keep you.