Do you think that girls/women in America are pressured by society into living up to some impossible ideal, where as men aren't?

Men might not imitate models and singers and much as girls do, but men certainly do feel pressured to be “macho” and “manly” and what not. As an effeminate gay guy, I know how strongly that applies to many people, including myself. Not that I have given into pressure much recently, but I have in the past. Avoidance of appearing “girly” is strong among boys and even men don’t want to appear weak or “feminine”. Hence the whole notion of “boys don’t cry”. I think that this is getting less and less prominent as the years go on, however, which is a good thing as far as I’m concerned.

It’s simply a fact that the notion of physical “beauty” is more strongly associated with women. Men don’t want to look trashy or ugly, but the pressure on men is more to be strong and manly, whereas the pressure on women is more to appear beautiful. I’m not sure why, exactly, I think it’s a combination of society’s pressure and what women have always done. I don’t think a woman’s desire to be very beautiful is something new to the 20th century just because of TV. It goes back much longer than that. The difference is that in the 1800s, girls didn’t have pictures of Photoshopped “perfect” women to look at and desire to be. Education is the key to ensuring people don’t get caught up in that destructive rainbow chase.

That said, I think everyone is essentially pressured to living up to an impossible ideal, but it might just not have to do with looks. Maybe it has to do more with money and success (however you may define that). Maybe chasing impossible ideals (that may come from friends, family, media, religion, or even yourself) is part of the reason why a person who doesn’t see a therapist is considered an anomaly is this day and age.

You thinks it’s just the girls?
Take a fkn look at what toddles are supposed to live up to. The stuff they “need”, the movies they “must” have seen…
A lot of Muslims HATE America for manipulating their babies like this—for forcing Hollywood and what not down their throats.

@stupidgirl What the hell are you talking about lol?

@Val123 You have identified a long standing and horribly unfair aspect of our society. Society shapes girls and women to have a sense of self-worth based on how well they conform to unrealistic and unattainable standards of beauty.

Even the __perfect__ fashion models and beauty queens do not look like they are made to appear, even with all the self-abusive diets and exercise programs they may force theyselves through.

It is not at all surprising that women are more prone to depression and self-destructive behaviour such as extreme and yo-yo dieting.

Every woman should be taught that these artificial standards are forms of exploitation of women. Learn to love yourselves for who you are, for your skills and how you treat others.

If men you meet expect you to live up to these phony stereotypes of beauty, walk away, nay run away from these dolts.

~Tell them it is because they are not handsome like Brad Pitt and their penises are 8 inches too short and way too thin to satisfy a real woman!

@Blackberry watch The Arrivals, talk to some Muslims and read their news.

I know little of American society, but here in Australia I don’t think that is the case. There is a fair amount of pressure on large women to lose weight, although the pressure on men is increasing too. A lot of this pressure is from the Government, as obesity costs the state huge sums of money every year in preventable diseases. Men and women both feel social pressures, but to different ends. Being different is not a problem, people are often admired for their quirks.

The female is objectified and until recently, men were never commonly viewed as such. Women have standards they must abide by. You know, the stereotypical virgin, mother and whore. We are bombarded with images of these archetypes at every turn: how to look, feel, sound, what to wear, what to shave, what to purchase (what it really comes down to), etc.

Men are starting to feel this, well some men. The masculine is now becoming objectified. This change seems to correlate with an increase in consumer goods marketed towards men, but whatever. I think the media is increasing the pressure for men to fit into certain stereotypes. However, until there is a fundamental shift in our ideas about gender and sex, and power does not solely rest in the hands of males, men will never be under the same amount of compulsion to adhere to impossible ideals.

I had a long answer, and then I responded to Stupidgirl, but then it showed my original answer twice, so I edited one and it erased my long answer lol.

But basically. I just said everyone is pressured by society about something, more men commit suicide maybe because we’re pressured to keep our emotions in. Women themselves let the pressure get to them, so its really their own fault. And let’s not forget, similar to the peacock or turkey with the best feathers, trying to look our best is probably just an instinctual thing to attract mates.

Men are pressured to be aggressive, competitive, stoic, physical, etc. It is just as dehumanizing. And fat men suffer the same types of abuse that fat women do, and garner even less sympathy, in my opinion.

Go @Dr_Lawrence GA

Girls get all dolled up from day one with cute dresses and ribbons in their hair. Lots of attention from moms, aunts and sisters to help them look pretty so by the time they are dating they are miniature beauty experts. Moms don’t dare put anything nice on their boys and have borderline nervous breakdowns just trying to get a muddied up 9 year old to even take a bath. By the time a guy is going on his first date he has only seen one pair of dress pants his mom “tried” to get him to wear for cousin Bob’s wedding. I know what I present is a set of extreme examples but it is all about comfort zones prescribed by parental presets.

Maybe….but think about this: What would they all look like if there were absolutely no benchmarks, no examples or no “pressure” whatsoever?

i think women are held to higher standards in a sense – makeup ads and clothing ads and all of that are generally intended to make women feel incompetent and in need of those products to enhance themselves – but not all women give into it. i think it’s the choice of the person to give into adverting and reality television.
i think men have expectations too, but different ones. for example the expectation that they are generally unemotional, ‘tough’, etc. i think men are expected to go for mental/emotional/behavioral makeovers, whereas women are encouraged to go for physical makeovers.

Oh no. Men are under far greater pressure than women to live up to impossible ideal. That’s why they say behind every great man stands a woman.

OK. One at a time:

@DominicX I wish I could give you 1000 GA’s!

@Dr_Lawrence GA! Eight inches too short? Me thinks that’s a negative number! LOL! You are spot on with your observation! I mean, about the “run away part.”...

@Blackberry (thank you)....(me too!)

@FireMadeFlesh And…does your society feel like that is a bad thing??

@tinyfaery Yes. Thanks becaucse it goes WAY back beyond the current eon…..

On that note, I shall end!

Except, @Blackberry…..I don’t know that more men than women commit suicide…is that true?

http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewpage&page_id=050fea9f-b064-4092-b1135c3a70de1fda

More men actually commit suicide, but more women attempt it.

@Val123 I doubt it.

Many people have answered this question in terms of weight issues, implying that pressure on large people is undue and unfair. I am simply wording it differently. I think pressure to lose weight, or more specifically to attain a healthy weight, is a great thing. In my line of work, I get very frustrated with overweight/obese people receiving x-rays for knees, spine and hips in particular. Many of them seem unaware of their weight issues, when it is obvious that this is the cause of their joint problems.

@SirGoofy They’d just look like themselves.
@FireMadeFlesh That is a good point about the weight issues. I’m glad you brought it up, because it made something occur to me. OK, fat people DO feel the pressure to lose weight, both men and women. That issue is directed at bother genders equally, but women tend to respond more to the pressure than men do. How many times has a guy said, “Do these pants make me look fat?” And they’ll parade around outside with no shirt on. They look gross, but they don’t seem to care. They seem to totally not really care if they’re fat. It’s the WOMEN who get anorexic and depressed about it, not the men/boys.

@Val123 In my experience that’s not true at all. I was extremely self-conscious about being fat, I could never find nice clothes, I hated to be seen with my shirt off, and stayed away from beaches and public pools, and I found that people were not the least bit shy about saying cruel things to my face.

@pdworkin I’m sorry they did that…how awful.
Of course, I can’t refer to ALL men,but…there are so many that seem to honestly not realize how very unattractive it is….I think many men confuse the weight with strength. Like they’re some buff line backer or something. I know my ex husband thought like that.

Perhaps those topless men are so attractive in other ways that they feel it more than makes up for any “unattractiveness” people may perceive in their physiques. Or, they just don’t care about other folks’ opinions either way.

@laureth I dunno. I know one of those kinds of guys personally, (one of my husband’s friends) and…I’m pretty sure there isn’t much else that’s attractive to a female, like in his personality or anything. In his case, yeah, I think he just doesn’t care. And that goes to my point….many men just don’t care, where as most women DO care, and I can’t figure out why that is…..

I think it might go back to how a woman is supposed to be dependent on a man. (I’m speaking in very broad generalities here, YMMV.) In many societies, and in this one in living memory, men were the providers who could take care of the family. Women were not – they had to attract a man to care for them, socially and financially. My grandparents’ generation still thinks that way: the man makes a living, and the woman makes a house for the man.

That may not be true for my generation, but it’s been around so long that it’s pretty well steeped in. That’s why I was pleased for a while to see shows like “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” wherein men were given tips and help to be more attractive to the women in their lives, turnabout being fair play and all.

@laureth Really good point.

@Val123
Do you respond to every answer just to try to drive up your lurve?

@Val123 Would you be willing to contemplate the possibility that they care very much, but have been socialized not to express their feelings? Especially the frightening, humiliating ones.

@Kelly_Obrien No. I could care less about the points
@pdworkin I don’t know….but there are ways to follow up on the pressure they may be feeling, if they are feeling it, without expressing any emotion. Like…dressing a certain way, as the women do, but without asking what other people thought of how they looked in something. It just seems like woman go to far greater lengths to look attractive, according to whatever society deems attractive at that time, to the point they’re almost hurting themselves! High heels, corsets (in an earlier time) whereas that doesn’t happen to mean. Except for neck ties, which are uncomfortable. But not as uncomfortable as a corset.

Men risk their lives without wanting to, just because they are afraid of the disapprobation of other men. Can you imagine dying because you were afraid that someone might call you a “pussy”? It happens to men all the time.

@pdworkin There is that….the thing about putting yourself in danger just to prove how macho you are…

@Val123 @pdworkin
I am curious when was the last time either of you put your lives on the line, whether to pro e a point or just for the pure joy of surviving…

I like to race motorcycles, and there is a point at which, if you go any faster you might die, and if you go any slower you are not there yet, and I find it a pleasure to be on that particular knife’s edge.

@pdworkin My husband flat tracked professionally. He was at dying speeds pretty much through his whole 20’s and 30’s. ANYWAY! There is a show on PBS right now that was advertised last night, which was the catalyst for this question! So, gotta go…. (Wow…did you know that violence, viscous girl on girl fights, has gone up 60% over the last 20 years? How very sad…..)