Is it normal for parents to isolate a teen?

Sounds like they’re overprotective. But hey, only one way to fix that; break some rules, lose some trust, gain it back and voila looser restrictions.

It’s normal. It happened to me too. My mother did that to me, because she wanted to protect my “best interest.” I hated it, and during that time, I felt that I hated her too ( but I could never hate her).
It will get better, you may think that she is being unfair, but she is scared that she will lose you.

your parents are jerks. use the the back window and haul ass out of there when the next party rolls around.

@shego define “lose you”. See she won’t even let me go on the computer but when she does, she says, “OK but only an hour.” Im in winterbreak right now and all I’ve done is (daily routine pretty much) wake up, eat, chores, babysit sister (she pays my aunt to come over to take care of her but either way I’m stuck babysitting), and when she gets home I do nothing but sit around.

A lot of parents do this. “Normal” does not equal “good.” The only non-confrontational thing to do is to wait it out.

Sit down and tell her that you want to be able to go out and do some stuff. If she refuses, ask her for a legitimate reason why not, and explain to her that you do all of the chores that she asks, and that she is being unreasonable.

It can be a bit challenging to stand up to a parent, but it can also be quite liberating, and will teach your parents to back off a bit and let you live a little.

ONE MORE YEAR!!!! Start figuring out now how you can move out and be the master of your own destiny.

@Judi about that, I’ve had that talk with them over and over with them and they said, “You may be 18 but you are still our daughter and you won’t be moving out until you finish school.” (as in college). They said the same thing to me about working.

Are you in the US? If so, there’s not a damn thing they can do about it once you’re 18. Now, that may mean you will not have their support, financial and/or emotional. But they can’t stop you from moving out at 18.

@mayratapia_ , Then you either have to figure out how you will move out and work and make your own living, or how you will pay for college on your own. I guess you have to decide how important it is to you. Everything has a price. If you want parent funded college then the price will be following their rules.
If you want to be the master of your own destiny then the price will be having to work hard, live like a poor student and go to a community college part time. You really ARE the master of your own destiny, and you do have choices, it is just a matter of weather or not you are willing to pay the price.

k, if you do choose to break some rules.. as per @Breefield just make sure you don’t get upset when they come down on you. laugh it off a little. say sorry and stick to the “i love you mom” bit. :)

@augustlan, my sisters ex daughter in law has her son convinced that he can’t legally move out until he graduates college. But he’s only 9.

It’s common enough for parents to do this when you’re still a teenager, but if they want you to live like this all through college that’s really over the top. You should find out what they mean when they talk about you living with them during college. Maybe they mean that you’ll just be able to stay home and save money. If you spend your college years living there and they still don’t let you go anywhere and only let you use the internet for an hour, that’s trouble. Your parents can’t stop you from applying to colleges out of the area, especially once you turn 18. You can also pay for some of your college with grants and loans. You will probably need a cosigner on a student loan- do you have any relatives who might be willing to help you?

they’re over reactive….just lik mine…mine’s wont let me do literally ANYTHING..it’s just their nature i guess

@medlang AGREED..works for me :)

Unless you have a history of serious misbehaviour that explains why you are essentially under house arrest, your parents are virtually guaranteeing that when you reach 18, they will lose you. At 18 you will likely want to escape their grasp as soon as they can no longer lock you up.
Rather than ensuring that you will trust their wisdom and experience, they are ensuring that you will always consider them manipulative, overly controlling and unfair.
What a tragedy that their mistrust will undermine what could otherwise be a lifelong relationship of sharing.
Have they offered you support for college in exchange for giving up your adolescence and young adulthood to being a house servant and prisoner to their whims? If so, do you see this as a fair exchange?
So they plan to keep you house-bound until you graduate college with no opportunity to work or socialize with friends or heaven for bid date?
Do they expect that when you graduate you will be prepared to live in the world outside your home.
Perhaps they will choose your husband when you graduate and have you live with them where they can keep you safe?

I would love to hear their side of this bizarre story!

When you are self supporting, your parents won’t have any way to stop you from going where ever you want. You will be able to make all your own choices, and be in charge of your own life. Look up emancipation on the internet.

Until then, I suggest you sign up for some volunteer work and get out of the house on your own.

@Dr Lawrence I’ve never in my life been to an actual party, my first boyfriend was in 9th grade and my last was in 10th grade. I see no trust issues so I don’t think it could be that.

This sounds like exactly what my parents are doing to me. My
mom let me go to the
movies today but not before insisting that she go with me. She checked the movie times to make sure I didn’t go anywhere after. I went to the mall with a male friend and got yelled at. I had to tell her he was gay. I’m also 17 and my biggest desire is to move out. Just out of curiousity, are you of Asian descent?

@naivete OMG exactly what my mom would do. And actually I’m Mexican(: my parents are old school? Maybe too old school?

I’d also like to point out that I have an eleven year old sister who I have to take everywhere. She does more than I did at her age, thanks to me.

I find the oldest child takes
most of the crap the parents have to offer. Afterall, we are their experiments. My parents expect me to be a good little girl and stay with them until I get married. That’s not going to happen.

@YARNLADY I always volunteer to get out of the house. It adds to my resume and character and is actually really enjoyable. I’ve met the most fascinating
people.

My dad did that to me till I was 13. It was then I started “running away from home”.

My take is that they are over-protective. It’s a little syndrome I like to call “Heart of gold, brain of shit”.

They mean well, they really do, and I don’t want you to resent them for what they are trying to do. They are probably good people, but I think that they are trying a little too hard to give you as good a life as they can for as long as they can.

However, they are probably unintentionally doing you a great disservice and setting you up for a rude shock once you hit the really-real world. Just let them know that you know that the real world isn’t a big, long Leave it to Beaver re-run, and that you are not 3 years old any more.

Also let them know that they have to cut the cord real soon now so you should be prepared to handle life as the adult you will soon be. If they love you then they will (grudgingly) acknowledge this and loosen up a little.

Yep, your parents are being overprotective, but come on, you’re a teen, why aren’t you out there breaking rules…..? You’ll never have the chance to again.

For some good tips on how to have a more productive conversation with your parents look at these excellent articles How to talk your parents into anything

I started running away from my restrictive and abusive parents when I was 13, and by the time I was 16 I was an emancipated minor, supporting myself, and making my own decisions. I don’t recommend that path particularly – in some ways it ruined my life, but the point is, you are an individual, you have inherent rights to make your own decisions, and it’s about time you started telling them how things are going to be.

It isn’t normal, but it isn’t uncommon. Although my parents weren’t quite as strict as yours, they weren’t happy about the idea of me going out shopping or with friends unless they were present or the activity was church-sponsored. My heart aches for you because if they do not give you some freedom, you will not know what to do you when you get out in the real world. When I finally got out into the real world, I suffered from anxiety as I was overwhelmed by having to learn all these new skills that I should’ve been practicing years ago.

Perhaps your parents are worried that your friends will influence you to do things that they disapprove of and make bad decisions. Even if that were the case, it would be better for that to happen while you’re under their roof where they could help you cope with bad decisions. As it is, they’re setting you up to go into the world with very limited decision-making skills. You can talk to them, as others have suggested, but I doubt they will change. So your goal should be to go to college out of state when you graduate. Start looking for scholarships now so that you won’t need to rely on them financially.

I am curious about one statement you made. You said that your aunt had to “baby-sit” your mom. Is your mother sick or disabled and in need of care? If so, it’s still unfair for her to keep you house-bound, but it would explain her behavior.

Must be a chick thats why youre getting it that way, as a guy and a teen you can go anywhere and do anything!

In less than a year they will lose the right to regulate your life. Some parents seem to think that tightly regulating a child will cause them to behave that way as an adult. Very often the exact opposie happens, total 180 degree shift at legal adulthood. In my case I had the opposite problems. I am a loner by nature (later diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome) and my parents repeatedly tried to force me to socialize. Granted, this is much harder for parents to enforce since they could force me to attend a function, but could not force me to participate or stop me from walking away as soon as their backs were turned. Just remember, less than a year to freedom!

To all the people claiming “my house my rules” is acceptable when taken to this extreme, please hear me.

My parents did the exact same thing. I was, literally, never allowed out of the house other than to attend school and church, or accompany my mother to the grocery store. Summer vacation was a dreaded experience. I hated days off from school. I literally had no idea that high school parties actually existed, as I never attended one. Since I couldn’t go to kids’ parties in elementary and junior high, they stopped asking long before high school started. By the time I was a teenager, I had no friends. None. Sure, I knew how to clean a house and cook a gourmet dinner, but I never had any fun. On top of all of that, even inside the house the rules were insanely restrictive: I couldn’t close my bedroom door at any time. If the whole family was watching a movie, I had to as well, regardless of whether I was interested. They even had a problem if I went to bed early, because they thought I was “trying to avoid spending time with the family” (as if I ever did anything else).

Now, I’m an adult, married and free for several years. I no longer have contact with my family (having filed a restraining order after a particularly physically abusive episode).

I still do not know how to communicate with my peers. I feel uncomfortable in all social situations. I cannot start a conversation with someone. I am on eggshells at all times with other people – lest they find something unacceptable with something I do or say, and shun me. I am a smart girl – always took advanced classes in school, always had good grades – but the sheer idea of filling out a college application puts me in a cold sweat.

There is nothing “protective” about this kind of “overprotectiveness”. All these parents are doing is robbing their children of the appropriate social contact that will drive their ability to network as adults. We are social animals – we need the contact of people outside our clan.

@Seek_Kolinahr I’m so sorry you had that experience. {hugs}

Tell them you wish to sit down and talk to them. Tell them you understand their need for boundries and safety but that they are doing you no favors. The time to coddle is long past gone and they must let you live and learn while under their roof. Otherwise you will only fear the world and never learn who to trust and may be taken advantage of. Their jobs as parents is now to sit back and see what you have learned while still in some range of safety. Good luck.

If you live in a Stephen King novel, it’s totally normal.

Otherwise, I would please urge you to talk to somebody about this, and someone who isn’t your mom. Sorry, I can’t help, hopefully someone here can, if nothing else.