Why does an insult hurt us or make us feel angry, even if we know it's not true?

I tried googling your question several ways, but there are no easy answers – so I’m giving you a GQ.

I did, however, find this interesting tip – which (although I am neither Christian nor religious) tend to agree with pretty much:

From www.ehow.com

How to deal with an insult:

Step 1 Ignore the insult. Don’t confuse this with pretending that the insult didn’t hurt. But, if you ignore the insult, you render the offender powerless.

Step 2 Deal with the insult. Was the insult hurtful? Allow yourself a certain frame of time to be upset. I give myself 24 hours to heal, and then I resolve to move on.

Step 3 Empathize with the offender. Did you bake a cake for a dinner party and a guest spit it out on her plate? Do you need to tweak the recipe, or was the guest plain rude?

Step 4 Consult the Bible. What does the Bible say about dealing with insults? My daughter’s Precious Moments Children’s Bible phrases it very nicely: “When someone does something bad to you, do not do the same thing to him. When someone talks about you, do not talk about him. Instead, pray that God will come to him. You were called to do this so you might receive good things from God”-1 Peter 3:9

ZEN OUT

It’s always going to be hurtful to think that someone would go out of their way to hurt our feelings—for no reason other than just to be mean. There’s certainly nothing productive about that.

I care about what most there are exceptions people think of me and so, even if I know something isn’t true I worry that something I have said or done, or the way I have acted has painted me in a bad light.

Often insults are based on misinformation or rumors. People tend to believe what thet wish, not the truth. The internal anger comes from the knowledge that no matter how much logic or proof you respond with, it will not matter.

Although I come from a Christian upbringing, I reject most of its tenets. E.g. I will “turn the other cheek” but only after beating my attacker to a pulp.

I walk away from verbal insults, but plan vengeance. Detailed, organized plans. I seldom get the opportunity to carry out the revenge, as a key point is not getting caught. The planning itself has a calming influence on me. I often make a mental estimate of the IQ difference between myself and the “insulter”; if I estimate the difference to be at least 50 points, the retort itself will make the individual look such a fool in the presence of others that no further action is required. +GQ

The insult, regardless of whether it’s true or not, represents a lack of respect. That is what’s upsetting: that someone else fails to appreciate you enough to treat you fairly.

Because every human being views themselves and their personalities in certain way. We all like to think we are respectful, considerate, kind and genuine. So when someone says something that challenges the beliefs we hold of ourselves we don’t like it. Insults basically attack our very own “being” even our reason for existence to a certain extent.

Whether the insult is true or not, intentional or not, it’s human to feel hurt or angry, our feelings are hurt because we all want to be good people in the end and nothing like the insults imply.

Simple.

No one wants another person to treat them disrespectfully.

@LeopardGecko, Based upon your other question, I am sensing that this question is perhaps related to your relationship with your SO’s mother?

Some insults are made in the form of a negatory opinion, and it hurts to think that some people have such a low opinion of you.

@PandoraBoxx – Yeah it is in relation to her. She made a few very bizarre comments about me. I was wondering why I was offended as they reflected me in no way whatsoever, naturally I came to Fluther, ha ha.

Because they are born in anger. Anger begets anger.

@JustPlainBrab Excellent answer.

dont live by emotion…thats why insults hurt true or not…life is like a grain of salt….everyone has many sides….but they all taste the same

Because it contradicts our sense of amour propre.

Because the truth hurts duh.

@JesusWasAJewbot But what is the truth? Truth is subjective, what means something to you could be mean something completely different to me. Someone may call you stupid but that doesn’t make it true.

@HumourMe Facts. Rumors dont really hurt when hearing them if you know them to not be true, but when people find something out about you that you might not want them to know yeah that hurts, fact, truth.

One aspect of ego is what we think of ourselves, but the other aspect is our public image. These are connected in a sort of feedback loop: our self-perception is projected to others and influences how they see us, and how others see us impacts our self-image over time. This feedback normally results in a self-image that isn’t too different from one’s public image; a loose equilibrium is established.

So even people who profess not to care about how they’re seen by others often demonstrate that they do care by reacting to insults and compliments (some people, of course, cultivate a self-image of being a rebel or outcast, and so actually seek a negative public image; internet trolls thrive on insults). It’s hard to maintain a positive self-image under a steady hail of insults. A confident person may be willing to let some minor insult slide, particularly if he can write it off as the uninformed opinion of a fool, but it seems far more common to feel that every slight deserves a riposte

Simple quantum mechanics

There is usually an insecurity involved.

Alternatively, it can be fear of defamation. Which can be a serious issue for a social species such as ours.

Humans are social creatures. In ancestral environments, a person’s survival depended on his/her membership in a group, so humans adapted by developing a sensitivity to social cues (i.e. feedback from others) that would help us to preserve our status within a group. If someone maligns us, that may well result in damage to our reputation and potential expulsion from the group.

Once again, @Harp hits the ball over the fence! :)

Untrue insults, said in the presence of others, remind me of push polls.

A push poll is a suggestion that someone wants you to believe, in the guise of a poll. It sounds something like, “Did you know that Obama is Muslim?” or “Did you know that McCain has a black child out of wedlock?” Neither is true, but people often believe them because they’re presented in such a way as to suggest they’re factual.

In the same way, you insult me by saying, “Laureth cheats on her husband, isn’t that crappy?!”. And people would think it’s true, but it’s not. That would make me angry and hurt for people to think that, though, which is why your insult could cut to the bone.

This question reminds me of a story about a highly respected Zen master named Hakuin who lived in the 1700s.

A girl in the village near Hakuin’s temple became pregnant. To protect her lover from the wrath of her family, she accused Hakuin of fathering the child. The furious family confronted Hakuin and railed against him for betraying the trust of the community. His only response was to say “Is that so?”

When the baby was born, the family brought it to Hakuin, saying that the boy was his responsibility. Again, Hakuin just said, “Is that so?”. He raised the boy as his own for some years.

At some point, the mother’s remorse led her to confess her lie to her family. The contrite family went to Hakuin to rtrieve the child and apologized profusely for ruining Hakuin’s reputation. Hakuin just said “Is that so?”.

@lonelydragon also hits the ball all over the fence.

Have an aunt that loves to take shots at me! My philosphy is the old saying, “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never harm me!”

That is her problem, not mine!

For me, it signifies a level of disrespect and shows that someone hasn’t taken, or doesn’t want to the time to get to know me for the shallowest of reasons.

Brian1946 takes one swing with an oversize tennis racket and strikes out! :-p

I think it’s the offender’s intent to harm you, or that they don’t like you which is upsetting, rather than the content they used to express themselves with.

Loss of face/status in front of others, or perhaps you care about the opinion of the person insulting you. In any case, it gives anyone a psychic jolt to be slammed, even if they don’t show it on the outside. I know when someone says something to me that is wrong, I tend to obsess about it for maybe hours, or even days. It’s weird, because it really doesn’t matter at all, yet I hate having that person out there thinking something that is just plain wrong.

I was riding my bike down the street the wrong way for about thirty feet as I crossed from one street to it’s continuation, which wasn’t directly across this one way street. A smart-ass bicyclist said, “Wrong way, old man! You shouldn’t be riding that way.”

It was just pure rudeness, but the part that gets me the most is the “old man” part. It was dark out. My light was shining at him. How the hell could he tell? Sigh.

We feel hurt when we give that person the power to do so.
We must recognize that people who do or say unjustified hurtful things can not hurt us if we deny them the power to do so.
If we deny them any credibility, then their words are just so much noise.
It is a discipline you must acquire and learn by practicing controlling you thought and beliefs.

@HumourMe Thanks! :) Happy New Year to you!

We get angry because people say bad things about us all out of jealousy. My advise is laugh in their moron face. Tell them exactly what you think of them and move on.
I am over forty. I know exactly who I am . What I am about. I enjoy making friends. I will never pretend to anyone but me. If you don’t like me get out of my face . I am for real and I do not apologize for being myself.