Would you, in this situation, say or do anything? (please see details)
My children by complication of custody are back in Australia, they are almost 14. My daughter is coming to live with me in the USA in a few weeks. My son is very popular and has lots of friends, has elected to stay there. I can see my children’s facebooks. I can see that my son is drinking! and smoking weed. He is hanging about with older boys (16–17) Their father, my ex, wants me to think he is a very strict parent, but it is easy to see from the posts on their fb accounts that he has no idea who their friends are, where they are, and what they are doing. My daughter is demanding to come here, and my ex does not want to be sued for custody. I do not want to lose my son’s trust, I haven’t mentioned anything I’ve seen. Should I leave it alone?
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10 Answers
What a teenager writes on Facebook may not be the whole truth, at all. OTOH what his father tells you, his ex, may not be the whole truth either. Sadly, this decision is a hard one to make. If you feel strongly about this, you should sue for custody. Your son may hate you, but he’s 14, that’s how it goes. You must stand by your instincts as a parent. If it were me and I thought my son was doing more than his normal share of teenage experimenting, I would fight but not use Facebook as my evidence. I would also have a good long talk with my son and ex. I can’t exactly picture myself in this situation, in general, but this is the best I can come up with.
Why not ask your daughter if she’s observed any of this behavior?
I have quietly suggested to my brother that he check out his daughter’s Facebook, not so he could gain custody, but so he can try to figure out ways to get her to stop. Fortunately, he was able to prevent a suicide attempt from being successful by clues he picked up there.
If your ex is at all interested in raising your son well, perhaps he needs to be made aware of your son’s Facebook account, especially if your daughter confirms that he is indeed doing these things.
Check with your daughter, and an independent source if you can. Strict is a relative term, what you think is strict and what he thinks is strict may be two totally different things.
Also remember kids lie, he may be posting falsehoods on the site.
I am surprised you can view the FB page. Most kids have them private. Why not have an unknown “friend” send you ex the link to the page. I think @Darwin had a good idea. The posting should be brought to the caretakers attention.
If the kids know that you can creep their pages, I would think that the betrayal of trust would be uglier and more damaging than the fact that a teenager might have fired up a joint.
Your son’s behavior may not be the result of your ex’s parenting skills. Often kids from strict households, who are left to their own devices too much engage in that sort of behavior as frequently as from too lax parenting. The difference is engaged parenting, which is neither strict nor lax.
I’m in my last six months as a teenager and if there’s one thing I would push on concerned parents around the world it is to be lenient, patient and gently supportive. Teenagers front, exaggerate and act cool on the outside. Take time and maintain an easy communication. No pressure! The dude’s 14. Best of luck
If I were you i’d fight for my son while I can because in a few years he’s gonna be an adult according to the law and he’ll be able to do whatever he wants [ not like he’s not doing it now but he’s gonna be responsable for his own actions then ]
He needs a parent fitted to lead him till then [ and the father figure doesn’t seem to care about such things ]
Good luck with your son.
[ I’ll pray for you and for him ]
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