How would you react if your spouse or long-term SO told you they wanted gender reassignment?

This exact thing happened to my aunt. The man she married (her phrasing, not mine) decided he was really a woman, and is going through with it. Aunt is not a lesbian, and as such, is helping him out for a little while, and is set to leave as soon as possible.

I’m a little more open to such things than Aunt is. If my husband decided this, I can’t say I’d be totally undisappointed, since I really like sex the way it is with him, but I love the person, not just the penis. I’d stick around. I’ll never find a better match for me, and I think that’s a good enough reason to stay and evolve.

I would be supportive as well – I, myself, am gender non-conformant and though I do not have an issue with my physical body, I can understand if others do. If my partner wanted to live as a woman, it would be fine by me as I would still love her because I’m attracted to any and all gender expressions. This sex change isn’t likely for my husband because I know he is okay with his physicality as well and doesn’t think anything needs to be changed. What we both believe should change is the imposition of certain norms that are social on certain biological parts of ours. I am glad your partner has been supportive – not everyone would have been. It is not a must for a person because some people really can’t get into their partner once they’ve had a sex change but at the very least they should be supportive even if a break up is imminent – it is a hard thing in our society to change genders and/or sex.

@laureth I agre – his mind is so much more important to me, it will never matter what organs he has or how we have sex.

I’m afraid I would probably not be very supportive. I am attracted to both men and women, but I made a conscious choice to live the traditional family lifestyle.

I hope to grow to a place where I’d be more accepting of this, but as I am now if my SO decided to undergo gender reassignment, I’d have to break it off. I fully support gender reassignment, and I know that if someone I loved wanted to make the switch they would have thought about it long and hard, and I’d support them. But personally, I know that it would change the dynamic of the relationship in my mind, and I don’t think I’d be able to be there for them.

This is not how I’d like to feel, but I can’t really help it. Hopefully some day…

I fell in love with the person, and while it would come as a surprise to me, I would support her-him in any way I could.

@Supacase do you think a same-sex couple can’t live the ‘traditional family lifestyle’? you should meet some of my friends, they’d put any straight couple to shame in how ‘traditional’ they are – often times many same-sex couples overcompensate especially if they’re of the assimilationist camp.

Its refreshing and comforting to see so many positive answers so quickly. One thing my partner said was “You will still be you, and that’s what matters.” That was just the best possible reaction.

maybe I would get one too so we could save the relationship

I would hope that I could be supportive as ethically I strongly support GLBT causes although my orientation is strongly heterosexual. In my case it’s entirely hypothetical since I will never have another partner. A close friend is a somewhat “butch” lesbian (no disrespect intended, I just don’t know any other term).If she were to decide to go that route, I would strongly support her; but that is not the same thing as a partner or S/O. +GQ

I’d wish them a happy life without me

I’d tell her to go fuck herself~ No seriously I don’t believe it’s something I will ever experience & therefore find it pointless giving what would only be a redundant answer. However for anybody who has, good luck to them I wish them well in whatever they feel is right. Takes allsorts to make the world a wonderful & diverse place go for it!

Well, if it wasn’t crazy out of character (which it would be for my husband) then I guess I couldn’t be too shocked.
I personally would be disappointed. It would change our entire relationship, things would be difficult and honestly? I don’t know if I could handle all the stress and drama.
I’m definitely not against anyone that has gender reassignment surgery, I’d be supportive as a friend but as a wife it would be extremely difficult for me.
I think when it comes to things like this, you cannot judge a person for being disappointed or upset. Of course I would want my husband to be happy in his own skin, but it would affect me greatly so I would have my own feelings on the subject.
I would hope it wouldn’t tear us apart, but I don’t think we’d stay together romantically or sexually…as I am not sexually attracted to women. I would still want him involved in our children’s lives and would never deprive him of our sons. I would help them come to terms with it.

I’d break up with him. I’m bisexual, but I just don’t think the sexual attraction would be there for me and I think my feelings . I’d wish him the best, but I would move on. Maybe it would be different with a feminine man but I like my men masculine enough where the transition would be difficult.

I know that this differs widely from one individual to another, but the essence of a person is in their soul (mind, emotions and will) regardless of which particular body parts they do/don’t possess. So, I would be ok with whatever made my partner at peace with themselves.

The definition of gay or straight is totally a construct imposed by society. If my partner changed their sexuality it wouldn’t change me. I’m still the same person. The fact that society would then re-label
me based upon someone else’s changed gender expression is ridiculous.

Anyone having a problem with it, well, it’s their problem, not mine and I refuse to make it mine just because of what they think.

I realize that some folks have been so conditioned to society’s expectations that they would totally be unable to handle it. For whatever reason, I don’t feel that way and I feel fortunate. It’s difficult enough to find someone with whom you are compatible, someone who “gets” you. So I would hate to just toss it away.

I realize that someone’s desire for sex change has been preceded by much heartache, self-questioning and soul searching. I would support them in their decision. There will be few enough in the rest of life who will.

@Buttonstc This bit… “The definition of gay or straight is totally a construct imposed by society. If my partner changed their sexuality it wouldn’t change mine. The fact that society would then re-label Me based upon someone else’s changed gender expression is ridiculous.” ....is brilliant. Thank you.

Thanks. It never made any logical sense to me.

Unfortunately, this is one of the main reasons cited by spouses who choose not to stay. “But, I’m not gay, so I can’t stay married to him/her” that just never made any sense at all to me.

I also don’t get those with so little creativity that they can’t imagine coping with the loss of the missing penis. Would they also leave if the person were in an accident that rendered it inoperable for whatever reason. Ever heard of a skillful tongue or a dildo?

I guess I probably sound a bit harsh toward those who opt to leave, but the (logic?) behind their reasoning totally eludes me. But, maybe there wasn’t the same degree of love. Who knows?

I listened to a lengthy discussion of all these issues and more when Jenny Boylen appeared on Oprah. It was very fascinating and eye-opening.

I’d be shocked, but since I consider myself bisexual, I don’t see how it would be much of a problem. If the testosterone didn’t change her too much, I’d still be with her. I would miss her boobs, though.

Hey, then I could actually get married.

I’d be Very supportive. Otherwise, I’d be a hypocrite. I think love should transcend gender.

Because I love then I’d be supportive but there would be a change in our relationship. I’m a female and one more geared to males than other females for relationships.

I wonder if I would ever be that involved with someone unsure of their gender. I would help and support anyone who wanted this but as strongly heterosexual, i think we would stay friends but not lovers.

I would support the decision, and whatever will be will be.

Granted that would be odd, and I’d be surprised that he wouldn’t have told me this before, but I’d deal with it somehow, I guess.