Is my best friend trying to give me advice? or being rude?

I think she was just trying to give you advice. I see how that hurt your feelings, but as your best friend I don’t think she was trying to be rude. Especially if she is a calm person, sounds like she is just an honest person, which you should be thankful for. That is hard to find in a friend. I do think she could have worded her statement a little better though. Maybe she should have said it like “people don’t like it when others get angry at them and don’t respond to well. That was one of your problems with him, is you get angry too much instead of just talking it out with him” That way it sounds like she isn’t just attacking you but telling you an observation and a better alternative.

What’s the difference. Offering advice, when it has not been asked for, is rude.

Only you can answer your own question. do you have an anger problem? your friend is giving an honest opinion of how she sees you. i would not take this as an insult, but rather a friend telling you that your personality may need an adjustment.

Ex-boyfriend is not going to give guitar back.

That is all the really matters.

I agree with @dutchbrossis. You should just stay out of the guitar situation, and let it solve itself. Your roommate lent it to him, and she is more than willing to pursue getting it back from him herself; you have nothing to add to that situation.

In the meantime, I would look at her honesty as a gift. She didn’t mean it unkindly, but as a way of explaining that perhaps you were not the best qualified person to dispense advice on how to manage a relationship with your ex-boyfriend.

Perhaps “angry” is not the correct word, maybe it’s something else. It sounds like whatever it is, she likes you, and it doesn’t affect her. Maybe the New Year and the end of a relationship is a good time for some introspection.

Stop overthinking her statement, consider whether you have an anger problem and what to do about it if you do, and send several large football-playing friends to the ex-boyfriend’s house when he is home to get the guitar back for your friend.

I feel like I’m having a Deja vu moment…has this question been asked before?

Nope…weird. Anywho, I agree with @Darwin don’t over analyze. I would question if maybe you are an angry person…if the answer is yes- go get some help…if not then don’t worry about it. She may have been in a bad space when she told you- like getting in a arguement with someone else then turned around and accidently took it out on you. As far as the guitar goes, you could file a police report and maybe you could get it back this way, but the outlook looks slim.

Sounds to me like she is willing to sacrifice her guitar for your friendship…or his.

I reckon…
she meant well, I gotta apologise for my response U_U

1— she was just giving you advice (imo)

2— you or your friend should call him up and tell him if the guitar is not returned in the next 30 minutes that you are gonna send someone to collect it in a ‘not so friendly’ manner.

thats just me though.

It sounds like she was giving honest advice based on how she saw things.

wow, i can’t believe any of you would think it was being rude.
“giving advice when it’s not asked for is rude” that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.

people don’t know what they’re doing wrong until someone shows them. it’s not rude to let someone know that they’re about to fall in a pit. it’s not wrong to tell someone the reason why they seem to have fallen into a pit.

Something to consider: no one ever tells me I have anger issues. ever. ever ever ever.

why do you think that is? it’s because it’s not one of my flaws. that is, i never give people REASON to believe that it’s a flaw of mine. do people tell me that I’m late often? yes. of course they do! because i really am always late! it sucks and i’ve taken a lot of steps to correct this and i’m going to continue to try to correct it.

when someone tells you something about yourself, pay attention, figure out how to make it so that the complaint is never heard again.

You’re friend is not be assertive enough. You should show up at his door unannounced, and demand the guitar back. Tell him you will call the police, or threaten to take him to civil court.

Your girlfriend is right when she said, ”...anger does not solve the problem”, but telling you ”“...thats why he broke up with you, you’re always angry” may or may not be true, but it’s an insensitive remark considering your concern about getting the guitar back.

OK…fine…she’s letting you know that she probably has a better approach toward having her guitar returned.

Step off.

It’s her guitar…let her deal with it.

i apologised for my response, and she said it was ok and that she could of expressed what she meant in a better way… it’s all good now! :D

thank you everyone for your advice!

I agree, “thats why he broke up with you, your always angry” is way out of line of your friend.

i don’t think it is. it’s something your friend felt was true. not that you are “always” angry every second of the day, but obviously she means that she has observed you being angry more than the average person and she seems to have observed that it affects your social life in some way.

she has apologized for saying it the way that she did, which is great because “tact” is important. but now that you know, you might want to take the opportunity to look into this. are you often angry and upset? ask some friends. find out if there’s any truth to it and see what you can do about it. why not?

I haven’t been angry ever since my ex broke up with me, it was just a horrible relationship that wasn’t meant to be… he didn’t treat me well, and it becomes a sensative topic…
I apologised to her for my response, in the end I know she means well… and no, all my friends don’t think i’m angry lol
she was just trying to give me some advice about some things…I understand that, and we talked it over, thats the most important thing.

the way she put it was not right, but she new that too, it was just a mistake, she meant well, that is what I realised in every ones advice, she is a friend. but she is my good friend and doesn’t mean to say something harsh or careless on purpose….im glad i asked because I needed to understand that, at the moment everythings just a bit sensative…. advice is great, nothing wrong with giving people advice, sometimes you just have to becareful about what you say to some one due to the/a situation, it’s not what the advice is it’s how you say it thats important, because best way of communicating will get through to some one, and help them understand everything a bit better :)

cool! sounds like it ended well. my first instinct is always to blame the self. not in a stressful way though, but i mean to see what I can improve first (which is kinda what you were doing by asking fluther) before trying to bring down the hate on others. :)

i hope she gets the guitar back.

@ninjacolin: That is a smart attitute…that, “what did I do to contribute to this” perspective. Yeah.

But, sometimes, when someone is pissing on you, it does the mind and body good to tell someone to go F themselves.

Glad that your friendship is back on track. Now to get those football players to go get the guitar back!