High school dating?

Sometimes it feels like it but you don’t have to marry the person.

Think of high school dating as relationship practice. How well do you relate to people of the opposite sex?

How will you marry someone if you don’t know how to function in a relationship?

Also, think of dating in high school as a way to do fun things and just be with someone.

Yes I do. Dating in High School can help you to get to know what you look for in guys and stuff. Eventually you will know exactly what you want for when you do get married. Then you can find the perfect person for you to get married to.

Of course! How else will you know what’s out there? Besides, how will you know what your intentions are toward a person until you get to know him / her by spending time together? You don’t always judge books by their covers, do you?

Absolutely!!! I think dating different people (and different types of people) is perhaps one of the best ways to prepare yourself for marriage.
Through dating different people you learn all sorts of new personalities and have new experiences. As @Marina said, how to relate to different people. You learn how to be and how to appreciate a good lover, if you chose to be sexually active. You learn what you want in a partner, and what you don’t, as well as how to be a good partner.

I only saw dating in high school as a social event. it was a whos who of the dating world there. it more or less was just something to pass the time away, while waiting for the final bell at the end of the twelth grade. very few people marry the girl they dated in high school. i’ll bet the per centage is very low.

Sorry, I’m much too old.

Nope. No point at all in my eyes. Yeah, you might gain experience – but you’ll also gain lots of betrayal and heartache.

Plenty of people get married to the person they were dating in high school.

Yeah of course! It’s definitely good to have dating and relationship experience before you get married. You don’t have to do anything sexual, if you’re worried about it, but can still enjoy the company of a companion.

I had some very important relationships in high school. I can’t imagine why you would think it’s too young to start.

It taught me what the course of my life would be socially. Asked for one date, was laughingly rejected, never tried again.

Yes, you can date the people you like. If you find someone special, so much the better for you. You never know the future, and you can’t tell who you will marry or when you will meet him. It could be any time.

High school is for learning how to learn. Dating in high school helps you develop social skills, especially with members of the gender to whom you are attracted. In addition, you will learn so much about yourself and how you are perceived by others. Just keep dating in perspective, as a healthy normal part of the experience of growing towards adulthood. Keep your priorities clear, so that you accomplish your primary goals.

Dating in highschool can be fun, but just know that your heart can be broken. I advise that you become a good friend of the individual thay you are interested-in before making a move. Highschool is definitely a time to learn about relationships and what to look for in a person. Good Luck!

Yes, I think there is. For one thing, you gain experience. People have all kinds of misconceptions about relationships, and it may be a good idea to see what it’s like in high school. See what works and what doesn’t work. Have some fun. I know two people who dated in high school and now they go to the same college and they’re close friends even though they don’t date anymore. But that friendship started after they dated. Another thing, some people do marry after dating someone in high school, it’s not unheard of. I would’ve started earlier, but being closeted all throughout high school made it harder for me. Luckily, I was dating someone by 2009 summer (while I was still 17) and I’m still dating him today. :)

I’m 32 and don’t plan on getting married to the woman I am dating. Should I change the locks? She has a key.

Great question!
I think it can be fun, and maybe kids can learn about relationships, but really, it is totally pointless. Kids take high school relationships way too seriously.

If I had to do it again, would not have dated while still in high school.

@JustAnother I totally agree

@JustAnother I would have dated more.

@johnpowell, in the typical wording of that metaphor, she has a lock and you have a key.

@CyanoticWasp :: I was talking about the lock to the front door of my house.

@johnpowell, I completely understand; your statement was perfectly clear. The metaphor just came to mind, and I couldn’t resist the tweak.

@JustAnother @Likeradar Im just finishing high school and I wish I had dated a lot more. I had the same question as you do @iamwomanhearmeroar and that kept me from dating for the longest time. Its just fun to do and not something to make a big deal out

@jctennis123 I just turned 41. In another quarter century, your opinion may change. Maybe not, hope not. But the Monday morning quarterback of my love life said I should have intentionally grounded instead of thrown that interception, right before that linebacker flattened me. Hope it all works well for you, sincerely.

I think you should just do what feels right to you. Don’t feel any pressure to date, I think it is perfectly fine to not date in high school, and you will probably avoid some heartache. If you are attracted to someone and want to date them, then go ahead. It is different for everyone. No hard and fast rules on this topic in my opinion.

“Dating” is purely selfish: What they can do for me, or what can I get.

I am all for waiting till you are ready to mary before seeing someone.

I suggest only dating those who you would consider to be a future prospect for marriage.

…and I am old fashioned

@valdasta Do you see “getting” knowledge about yourself as selfish?

@valdasta

Well, since I can’t marry my boyfriend legally…

@valdasta, I’m also old-fashioned about most things, and I think advice like that is counter-productive. “Dating” is part of a process of self-discovery, and finding out who one might consider to be a future prospect for marriage… or another long-term relationship.

@valdasta You said dating is purely selfish. I guess that depends on how you define dating? I have never heard that before, can you expand on your answer?

Dear Flutherites,
Sorry for my prolonged absence.
@Likeradar ?
@CyanoticWasp Let me be a bit more specific. A fifteen year old is not “ready” to marry, and immature. Therefore, their motives for seeing or dating people is generally temporal at best. If they become intimate, it is not “productive” (excuse the ironic pun), but destructive. It will increase the risk of STD’s, teen pregnancy, abortion, emotional hurt… Now, if you are talking about adults who are naturally thinking about “settling down”, I don’t have a problem with dating, that is, if you are going out to see if you are compatible…not just to hook-up.
@JLeslie What I mean by selfish is: If the motive for dating is only sexual, no thought of a lasting commitment, physical attraction, monetary attraction…
For example: If I asked a girl out on a date because I found her attractive, but I had no desire to marry or commit myself. That is selfish. Moreover, if I did things to please her to take our relationship another step further and have sex with her, but still no desire to commit myself to her. That is selfish.

When I was single, here is how I viewed women. “She is someone’s future husband”. I will treat her how I want other men to treat my future wife.” When I met my wife, my motives for seeing her were not purely selfish. She made me happy, but I also desired to offer her: security, commitment, true love (a Fluther discussion in of itself)...

@valdasta Many people in this thread mentioned gaining knowledge about oneself as a benefit of dating. You said that dating is “purely selfish” and that it’s about “what can I get.”
So, I asked you if you see gaining knowledge of yourself as selfish.

@valdasta when I first read the question I did not assume dating meant having sex I guess it is in some ways obvious that eventually sex will be a natural possibility if the hypothetical high schoolers are dating for a while; but then if they are dating for a while I guess there is a relationship there, not just selfishness. I think the problem might be that you are a man?? I realize you had respect for the women you dated, but I think you are worried that young men are going to just use young ladies?? Maybe I am way off base there?

I remember an episode of Oprah where these two teens wanted to start having sex and their parents were not happy about it. The guest shrink on Oprah asked the kids how long they thught they would be together, they both kind of answered a long time. Then the shrink asked again, be specific, the guy said, “I don’t know…we are only in high school, maybe a year?” The girlfriend had a look on her face of surprise and dissapointment. She said she was going to rethink having sex with him.

I think there are many people who have relationships in high school and no one is being selfish, they geniunely have a good time being together, whether they are having sex or not is not really the point. It only matters if you think being a virgin is important and I don’t. I do not think it is a good idea to be promiscuous, I worry too about STD’s and pregnancies, and people getting emotionally hurt, but I am not happy with the idea that a woman’s virginity is so important that a woman is seen as impure or some other word that is used to control or diminish a woman’s worth.

Also, you said asking a girl out without knowing if you want to marry her. How do you know unless you get to know her? Do you mean a man would ask a girl out when he is not interested in her? I don’t get that?

@valdasta, I guess we need to define terms. I still think of “dating” at the high school level as, “a burger and a movie”, “the sock hop and the malt shop” sort of thing. I realize that times have changed (and nobody does a sock hop any more… even I never went to a “malt shop”), but I don’t and won’t equate dating = ‘getting intimate’.

So I still think that for young-ish teens to “date” and form temporal attachments, that’s not a bad thing. They should learn to handle infatuation, puppy love and short term relationships—and then let them go without ill effect when they have run their course.

I apologize for not responding to any of these sooner, also I just want to say a couple things:D first off a lot of people have said that high school dating rarely ends in mairrage but I have 4 older brothers 2 of which are married to there highschool sweat hearts soo if i feel like God is leading me towards a specific person I will no doubt go for it but I still kind of think if nothing long term is going to result then why waste my time. Right now I’m not looking to date, I’m enjoying my life perfectly fine the way it is. Though if the the perfect opportuny/sittuation arrises then that’s that. I guess what I’m saying is I’m not ganna through my self out there but if it comes to me then sure. Haha thanks for all your responses!

@iamwomanhearmeroar Good point. I have three friends happily married for over 15 years each who met their boyfriend in high school and then dated all through college.